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Baiamonte's Casa #4 - Wrestleview.com

Baiamonte's Casa #4

Baiamonte's Casa #4
Wrestling & The White House
March 2, 2009
Reported By: Joe Baiamonte of WrestleView.com


Ciao! It's Monday and the doors to Casa Baiamonte have once again been opened to allow me to serve you up another hot dose of wrestling surrealism.
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Before I start can I just congratulate the mighty Manchester United for their penalty shoot out victory over Spurs in the Carling Cup Final yesterday. That's 2 trophies down, 3 to go for the season. Not too shabby eh?
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Anyway, the topic of choice in the Casa this week is ?which wrestlers past or present should be in the Whitehouse?? Because let's face it, Obama might be a whizz with the big speeches, but you can?t exactly see him punting Bin Laden and then RKO?ing one of his wives can you? I mean, the guy won the vote to become the most powerful person in the world, not to mention the first black President in American history, and how does he celebrate? He has some inauguration concert. Big friggin? deal. Where was the live sex celebration ala Edge and Lita? To be an effective leader, you HAVE to instill the belief into your country that when push comes to shove, your not averse to pounding a few skulls with a steel chair to get your own way. Obama's got the Rock like charisma, now all he needs is a beard and a Steve Austin style lust for ass kicking. If he needs anyone to take pointers off, he should take a look at big Vlad Putin. Not only does the guy kill tigers, he also has his own instructional karate DVD! Do you think anyone wants to fuck with a black belt tiger mauler? I?m terrified just thinking about it.
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So here's my shortlist of candidates that I think would help steer you Yanks in the right direction and hopefully spread their influence across the pond to our leader, because let's face it, we have an old Scottish bloke with one eye and a monotone voice in charge. Winston Churchill had more inspirational turds than Gordon Brown.
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Anyway, without further adieu, here's the shortlist;
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1)????? Vince Mcmahon ? Goes without saying really doesn?t it? Vinnie Mac is a born leader. Not only does he run a billion dollar company, but he has all the attributes of Presidents gone by. He has the womanizing skills of Clinton and the insane mindset of Dubya. He knows how to give a speech and has a physique that would make Vladimir Putin cry. I don?t think any other credentials are required? do you?
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2)????? JBL ? A true American in every sense of the word. Not only is Bradshaw a tough bastard, he's also business savvy, an asset that would no doubt come in handy at this moment in time in America. He's also a guy who isn?t afraid to get his hands dirty. If there's a problem with immigration, he?ll be on the borders ready to throw those pesky illegal aliens back into their own country. If he could find the time to do it when he was WWE Champ, I?m sure he could find the time as President.
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3)????? Ric Flair ? C?mon, just for the speeches alone this would be gold. Imagine Flair going off on a classic Naitch rant when addressing the nation on the war on terror? ?Osama, you want to mess with the Nature's Boy's country? Well Osama WOOOOOOOO things are takin place! Cos I been through ?em all Daddy, f rom the Che Guevara's to the dirty Saddam Husseins, and I?m still standing America, as YOUR United States President! Osama, you hide out in your cave and think your some kind of big shot, well WOOOOOOO let me tell you somethin?, real men don?t hide out in caves, they live in the biggest house in Washington D.C.!!!? You get the picture, it?d be hysterical and you just know Naitch would be involved in more scandals than slick Willy and Nixon combined. Although with his notorious spending habits, I?m not sure you?d want slick Ric as your Pres at this moment in time, although I?m sure he?d have loved getting his hands on that stimulus bill. Although I think the majority of that bill would have gone on JET AIRPLANES, LONG LIMOUSINES, FINE WOMEN?. Well, you get the idea by now.
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4)????? Chris Jericho ? Ok, I must stress that this is the new Chris Jericho, and not Y2J. He's recently displayed a penchant for beating up old people, well, nothing against John Mcain, but if in a debate Jericho called him a sycophant and kicked him over, he?d get my vote immediately. New Jericho would have probably sucker punched Sarah Palin for good measure. No offense Republicans, but even the most ardent Mcain campaigners would find it hard to disagree with what I just said. However, it's not just Jericho's love of beating his elderly opposition that gets him a place on the list. His ability to d rop a clever new word or phrase into almost every speech he does would be a sure fire opinion poll winner. Also, following that incident in Canada a few weeks back, it's plain to see that a guy who can take out 4 people on his own is the type of guy you?d want running your country. Smart and he takes no shit. Also, like Clinton, Jericho has a musical background as well. Only I dunno if his hair metal band is as cool as Billy's sax playing, but still, it's another presidential credential to add to the list. I am of course ignoring the fact that he was born in Canada and could therefore never be US President. Since when did things in the Casa have to make perfect sense?
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5)????? Sergeant Slaughter ? If ever there was a guy who needed to come full circle on the war on terror it's the Searge. I?m sure there's still some Americans who haven?t fully forgiven him for the Iraqi sympathizer gimmick in ?91, so what better way to finally win them back? Slaughter would be a leader in a classic old school military fashion. Leading his troops into battle on the front line, screaming ?C?MON MAGGOT? at anyone not pulling their weight, whilst single handedly camel clutching the war on terror into submission. Following this, his face would no doubt be deserving of an engravement on Mount Rushmore, although the chin might take some serious work.
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So while Jesse Ventura's plea to get a wrestler into the Whitehouse by 2008 didn?t come to fruition, I think you?ll agree that the above candidates could all conceivably be running things in the next 4-8 years time. That is unless Obama develops a mean streak that involves bitch slaps, beer drinking, sax playing, womanizing, facial hair and corruption. Then he?ll finally be perfect US President material.
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And so the Casa must close it's doors for yet another week. As you can tell I don?t follow American politics, or any politics for that matter, very closely. However you can?t deny that I know what makes a great leader. I hope you enjoyed your trip this week, and I hope you enjoyed it enough to come back next week where I?ll be dusting off the WWE: The Music LP's for a musical trip down memory lane as I investigate what makes a great wrestling entrance music? Advised listening for next week involves the theme tunes of pretty much any wrestler in the 1980's and especially any theme music where the wrestlers sing it themselves.
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If you agree or disagree with anything you?ve read in the Casa this week, feel free to d rop me a line at joebaia123@hotmail.com. Tell me which superstar you?d like to see in the Whitehouse, or just tell me how great you think the Casa is.
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Until next time bambinos, it's ciao?arrivederci f rom me. Take care.