Impact Wrestling Review
December 2, 2016
By Gerald Bocook of Wrestleview.com
Wanted to try a new format for my review. Here are eight “Things I Learned From Impact Wrestling”.
Lesson 1: Don’t Make Open Challenges
I love a surprise Title Match. Shocking that it was the cowardly Aron Rex making the open challenge, though. Moose clobbering Rex in short order was not just surprising, it makes me wonder where they’re going to go with Rex and Godderz now. I sincerely doubt that Godderz will topple Moose as Impact Grand Champion, but will the feud between Jessie Godderz and Aron Rex continue, just without the Grand Championship to drive it? Or did their normal rules match end it? I liked that Aron Rex was over-emotional at the loss. Maybe next time he’s Champion, he won’t do something dumb like make an open challenge.
Lesson 2: Presentation is Everything
I’m still thrown off by the presentation of the DCC. Since they unmasked, why bother keeping the masks? The suits? The countdown clock? The digitized voice? It was especially weird having the digitized voice during the in-ring promo, because it seemed to be out-of-sync with James Storm’s movements in the ring. And the country music just does not fit the presentation, at all. If they dropped all the trappings and just came to the ring with that music it wouldn’t bother me at all, but the elements just don’t fit together into a cohesive whole.
Lesson 3: Friends Are Only Friends When They Don’t Have Things You Want.
The X-Division match went down just like you’d expect; it was a fun match, lots of cool spots, but I just couldn’t wait for either Braxton or Mandrews to turn. Mandrews did get screwed, and that sucks, but his “blah, blah, I’ve been doing this for two years! TWO YEARS!!” seemed just like crybabying. Does this mean Team X Gold is over? WHAT IS TEAM X GOLD EVEN?!?
Lesson 4: NPCs Have Problems, Too
I was glad that Allie finally slapped the crap out of Maria, because I’m bored to death of this Allie/Braxton/Laurel thing. Like, it’s already a flimsy pretense for a feud, but Laurel just isn’t selling this whole thing for me. Once she gets going, and gets a good storyline that’s not about a boy, maybe she’ll shine a bit more. I’m far more interested in seeing how things continue to unfold between Allie and Maria (far more than I am Allie and Laurel,) even if that means having to hear Maria scream some more. It’s sad that a non-wrestler like Allie has more feuds than anyone else on the roster.
Lesson 5: Deletion and Erasure Are Not the Same
Great Tag Team Championship match between the Hardys and the DCC. Kingston has a real upside, and I can’t wait to see what he can do as time goes on – I just hope he drops the assault vest look, because with the DCC logo on it, it just screams poor man’s Roman Reigns. The Hardys looked great, Bram looked really good, and this feud certainly isn’t over.
Lesson 6: Who Even Needs Friends When You Can Just Slit Your Drinking Buddie’s Throat?
Ethan Carter and Eddie Edwards with their promo. Carter almost had me here, but then he was kind enough to remind me that he’s such an awful face. He’s a complete ass. He just told his friend, his drinking buddy, that he’d be willing to kill him to win the Championship if that’s what it takes. And we’re supposed to cheer for him? What? His bit with Eli Drake in the back was sorta good, but EC3 really doesn’t sell his own jokes. I do expect these to continue, with Carter just antagonizing Eli Drake, though, and Drake just having to take it. Could be fun.
Also, Eddie Edwards is like, half-an-inch taller than Ethan Carter III. The way they promote the two of them, you’d think that EC3 was eight feet tall and Eddie Edwards was pocket-sized. Also-also, I still hate the fact that they call the World Heavyweight Championship the “World Championship”, just because one ‘a them flippy fellas is holding it.
Lesson 7: A Strap on the Wrist is Worth Two in the Bush
Mahabali Shera and Al Snow vs The Tribunal in a tag team strap match? Hell yeah, let’s do it, I’m all in. Snow, obviously, carried the promo load here, but hopefully he teaches some of that to Shera. Shera could be really strong in the future of TNA; he just needs to be more than a guy with a physique. This association with Al Snow could be the beginning of that. Still wondering where Tyrus is in all this, though.
Lesson 8: Championships Never Decay, but Precious Stone Does
First off, cage matches. I hate the “escape” victory condition. I get why they do it, but I was always under the impression that cage matches were done because a feud was so heated that the fight had to be contained somewhere. Letting someone run away from a fight to win is… it’s always puzzled me. So to hear them say that this match was pinfall- or submission-only, made me happy. MORE OF THAT, PLEASE.
We got a damn solid cage match main event between Jade and Rosemary. The Knockouts were one of the best things about TNA since the FSN and Spike days, and if they keep throwing matches like this out there, it can really return to the prominence it used to hold. While I think they could’ve done a lot better if it had more time, but I just can’t complain about what we got. Jade got to look like an absolute ass-kicker; big strings of painful-looking kicks, and that dive off the cage was nuts and I’m shocked Rosemary was actually able to stand from that. Rosemary got to start showcasing herself more; she sold being kicked around like a true champ. And Decay has some new life breathed into it (ha.) If Gail Kim returns to action, she has a feud set-up with Rosemary, Rosemary has Jade to chase the belt, everybody wins!
Impact was really fun on Thursday. Two hours of solid wrestling and guys yelling at each other, promising beatings and violent retribution, topped off with a great steel cage Championship match – one of three Championship matches for the night! Having that much Gold up-for-grabs always gets me into a show to begin with. Tonight’s show certainly kept me invested, and has my interested in what next week will bring. Thumbs up!