Full WWE Velocity Results - 1/4/03

Reported by Keith Vinciguerra of WrestleView.com
Ľ On Saturday, January 4, 2003 at 11:35 PM EST

Full WWE Velocity Results - 1/4/03
Report by: Keith Vinciguerra of WrestleView.com

Itís time once again for everyoneís favorite B Show!! Iím not sure what to expect this week as a few Velocity regulars got a shot at the big time on Smackdown this week. So who does that leave for tonight? I suspect weíll see two or three squashes with maybe one evenly matched main event. Remember, results first and then my review of the show follows.


Jamie Noble and Nunzio with Nidia vs. Jeff Michaelis and Jim Lucas

Jamie starts off by beating on Lucas with punches and a kneelift followed by some vicious kicks in the corner. He tags in his cousin who enters with an elbow drop off the second rope. Nunzio continues to hurt Lucas with a side Russian leg sweep, a back suplex and the Sicilian Slice (legdrop off the second rope that drove a standing Lucas headfirst into the mat). Noble tags in and nails Lucas with a brutal gourdbuster (shades of Tully Blanchard!!) but misses a flying elbow drop, which allows Lucas to make the tag. Michaelis enters but is double teamed immediately and submits to the Trailer Hitch as Nunzio taunts him from outside the ring. After the match, Nunzio holds Michaelis so Nidia can split his uprights with a nasty kick to the beanbag.

Winners by submission: Jamie Noble and Nunzio

A-Train vs. Derek Selsvold

Albert immediately goes to work on the newcomer with some kicks, but he charges headfirst into Selsvoldís foot and then shrugs off a clothesline like it was nothing. He throws Selsvold to the outside and rams him into the steel post once and then throws him back in the ring. The unstoppable locomotive then drops the rookie with a few clotheslines and a back suplex. He shows some newly found agility by hitting a splash off the second rope. Albert finishes the match with a bicycle kick and his over-the-shoulder backbreaker for the pin.

Winner by pinfall: A-Train

Flashback to Smackdown

We are shown the wedding segments. I refuse to write any more about this right now.

Funaki vs. Charles Schipporeit

Funaki starts off hot with an armdrag and a dropkick, but Schipporeit kicks him in the corner a few times. Funaki runs into the corner and leaps off the second rope to hit a flying cross body. He claps a few times to get the fans going before he hits his sliding dropkick to the head. Schipporeit takes over with an overhead belly to belly suplex and then chokes Smackdownís #1 announcer in the ropes. Following a bodyslam, he climbs to the second rope and misses a flying legdrop by a mile. Funaki hits a running elbow in the corner and a bulldog, but Schipporeit drops him with a chinbreaker and then makes the mistake of charging headfirst into Funakiís boot. Tornado DDT off the ropes and Funaki picks up the win.

Winner by pinfall: Funaki

Flashback to Smackdown

The confrontation between Big Show and Brock Lesnar is shown. Then we see highlights from Brock vs. Matt Hardy.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Tajiri

The wrestlers start off with some grappling maneuvers and the fans appreciate it. They lock up in a test of strength and take turns tripping each other. Tajiri takes Chavo down to the mat with an armdrag and locks on a devastating armbar. Chavo breaks it up by slamming Tajiri into the corner and hitting a few uppercuts. He keeps the momentum going with a back suplex and a Cobra Twist (remember from last week what that is?). Tajiri is able to break the hold and kick Chavo a few times but gets thrown down in the corner and eats a Guerrero boot. He eventually grabs Chavoís foot and throws him to the mat and then hits a rolling sole butt (thatís what it was called in the 80ís arcade game Mat Mania). Chavo leaps off the second rope right into a kick to the face and then gets locked into the Tarantula. He pulls the ref in front of him to protect him from Tajiriís finishing kick. He boots Tajiri in the stomach and then attempts the Gory Special which gets countered into a sunset flip pin attempt. Chavo rolls through and puts his feet on the ropes for the cheap win.

Winner by pinfall: Chavo Guerrero


Before we get to the matches, I would like to say that Ernest Miller and Josh Mathews are doing a good job announcing Velocity. They still say goofy things sometimes, but they are way less annoying than the Tool Brothers, Cole and Loyd.

Noble and Nunzio with the Funk Nasty vs. Jobber #1 and Jobber #2

This match was a lot shorter than the cousinsí tag team match last week. Tonight, the new guys got in basically no offense and got destroyed. Nunzio is showing his skills more and more with some interesting offense and thatís always a good thing. Getting punted in the sack oí plenty by the Funk Nasty had to be rather degrading for Michaelis. Good to see her Tough Enough training paying off.

Ass-Train vs. Selsvold

Woo woo!! All aboard the Ass-Train!! How does the WWE expect anyone to take Albert seriously when they give him a stupid new moniker and one PPV match, and then ship him right back to the B Show? It was nice to see a few new moves from Albert tonight with a back suplex and that second rope splash. But the match was still a squash and rather boring.

Flashback to the wedding

This whole angle has received amazing amounts of negative feedback on the internet .... and rightly so. I canít think of anything to say that hasnít already been said in countless columns and reviews already. So hereís an idea. Letís find one person out there who likes this angle and that person can enlighten all of us as to the positive aspects of such an endeavor on the WWEís part. My e-mail address is right at the top of this page, so if you know someone who liked the wedding, have them write in. And I donít want to get any pictures of Alís magic rocket in my e-mail, especially since Dave Missert (the new Heat recapper) wonít stop talking about it.

Funaki vs. Charles Schipporeit

This was a decent match. Itís nice to see Funaki get some good offense in after he was forced to lay down for Albert last week. Charles Schipporeit got in a few moves so it wasnít a total squash.

Flashback to Brock and Big Show, and Brock vs. Matt Hardy

It was cool to see Matt Hardy get in a few moves during their match. He even landed his finisher for a long two count. The fans seem to be way into Brock right now so the WWE has done a good job with him. Then again, I think Paul Heyman could make almost anyone into a fan favorite by aligning himself against them. Heís that good .... when Smackdown is taped and they can edit out half of his promos.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Tajiri

Am I the only one that thinks Eddieís ďLatino HeatĒ theme song needs to be retired? Chavoís entrance music would work just fine for both of them. Anyway, this bout was a solid Velocity match. It was a little on the short side, as expected, but both guys got in a lot of offense and there were several momentum shifts. The cheap pin by Chavo didnít take away from the match, but I would have like to see my favorite move, the Brainbuster.

Overall, it was business as usual on Velocity. We got a few squashes and a solid main event. Iíve found that it makes a big difference in the quality of the matches when the new guy gets in at least a little offense. Noble and Nunzioís match last week was way better than their bout this week, only because their opponents got a chance to show their skills for awhile. This week, they totally dominated the match and therefore it wasnít as interesting.

That will do it for this week. As always, comments and complaints are welcome.