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Full WWE Velocity Results - 1/11/03

Reported by Keith Vinciguerra of WrestleView.com
» On Saturday, January 11, 2003 at 11:45 PM EST

Who’s left?! That’s the question of the week on Velocity. Smackdown featured an unprecedented eight (or was it nine?) matches, which must be a record for a two hour television show. Therefore, unless we have some wrestlers pulling double duty, Velocity’s choices for this week are rather slim. Will it be an hour of jobbers vs. almost jobbers? Keep reading and find out!! And stay tuned after the recap for my review, which features a one time special extra: top five reasons why Velocity is the WWE’s second best show.

VELOCITY RECAP

Bill DeMott vs. Mike Wellington

DeMott throws Wellington to the canvas immediately and bends his arm in painful directions. He continues to work on the arm by stomping on it, twisting it around the ropes, and then bending it some more. Wellington gets in exactly one punch before DeMott throws him into the corner and then hits his Doctor Bomb for the quick win.

Winner by pinfall: Bill DeMott

Flashback to Tough Enough 3

Now I see what everyone has been talking about for the past few days. Bob Holly beats up Matt pretty badly and then Bill DeMott has an emotional talk with him.

Funaki vs. Diamondback

The wrestlers exchange armdrags and quick rollups, and then Diamondback counters a monkey flip into a springboard armdrag. He charges after Funaki, but gets his head slammed into the turnbuckle and then Funaki leaps off the top rope with a high cross body. Smackdown’s #1 announcer resorts to brawling for a few minutes as he steps on the rookie’s face and throws some punches. He returns to his normal quicker style with a snap suplex followed by a sliding dropkick to the head. He slaps on a chinlock for awhile, but Diamondback fights back with some elbows and tries a springboard off the apron that Funaki counters with a brutal dropkick to the gut. Funaki tries a back suplex, but Diamondback lands on his feet and hits a nasty Ensuguri for a two count. Diamondback counters an Irish whip into the corner with a Flying Burrito and then nails a heel kick to the face for another two count. Irish whip by the newcomer is reversed, but he backflips off the second rope and then gets nailed by a Funaki bulldog for a near fall. Funaki sits down on the top rope and tries for a tornado DDT, but Diamondback lands on his feet and hits an amazing maneuver that I can only try to describe for you: he had hold of Funaki’s head and ran up the ropes like he was going to execute a tornado DDT, but he flipped straight over Funaki’s back while still holding on to his head and slammed the back of his head into the mat with all his momentum. Picture Sting’s Scorpion Death Drop if he did a backflip off the ropes while he was doing it. Diamondback got a great reaction from the crowd for that move and they gave him a nice round of applause for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Diamondback

Flashback to Smackdown

They show the Dawn Marie / Al Wilson honeymoon segments. Enough said ….

Chuck Palumbo vs. Keiji Sakoda

Palumbo slaps Sakoda around to make him angry and then drops him with a shoulder block. He tries a bodyslam, but Sakoda slips over his back and hits a few armdrags. Palumbo takes control again with some kicks that send Sakoda to the outside and then slams him back first into the ringpost. Back in the ring, Palumbo continues his assault with some shoulder thrusts to the back, a reverse suplex, and a belly-to-belly suplex for a two count. He hoists Sakoda onto his shoulders for a Lex Lugar type rack, but Sakoda breaks out and then gets dropped by a punch. Chuck misses two charges into the corner and Sakoda tries to take advantage with a selection of punches and elbows followed by a back body drop. He then climbs the ropes and leaps right into a super kick to the face. Palumbo makes the cover and gets the win.

Winner by pinfall: Chuck Palumbo

Flashback to Smackdown

We see A-Train bragging about how he is going to take out Brock Lesnar followed by their match. Afterwards, Heyman and Big Show leave the arena while Brock stands in the ring calling them out.

Nunzio vs. Crash

Before the match, Crash shakes the refs hand. He trips Nunzio and then the two exchange armdrags and armbars for awhile. Crash puts Nunzio on his shoulders and falls straight back (Electric Chair?). Irish whip by Nunzio but Crash raises up in a leg scissors attempt which Nunzio counters into the dreaded rope crotch. Nunzio maintains the momentum by working on Crash’s arm with various submission holds. The “crazy” Holly is able to break free and hits a DDT and then throws Nunzio off the ropes with a one handed power bomb (more like a mini chokeslam). The two grapple for awhile until Nunzio hits his springboard arm bar for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Nunzio

VELOCITY REVIEW

Where did Josh Mathews go? I was getting used to not hearing Toolbag Cole anymore. I hope Cole was only filling in for one week.

Bill DeMott vs. Mike Wellington

Basic squash here. All of Bill’s matches are the same. I wonder if it will ever lead to anything big for him. Hey, you never know. Albert was on Velocity for months until he got his chance on the big show (not the Big Show). Anyway, the only thing of note in this match was Ernest Miller calling Wellington a loser. I’ve never heard an announcer say that about a wrestler before, although when your entire offense in a match consists of one punch ....

Funaki vs. Diamondback

Wow!! This match was WAY above Velocity standards. The fans didn’t know what to think about Diamondback because of his odd ring attire (pajama bottoms and a ski mask?), but he totally won them over by the end of the match. Nobody expected him to win and that made it a great ending, especially with that cool finisher. Sign Diamondback to Smackdown!!

Flashback to Dawn Marie and Al Wilson’s honeymoon

Really, do I have to say anything? Once again, everything that needs to be said about this has already been written in numerous articles and on the message boards. I just wish the WWE would realize that nobody cares whether Al lives or dies. It’s simply too boring of an angle to even care about.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Keiji Sakoda

Nothing special here. Another squash match, but at least Sakoda got in a little more offense than Wellington did against DeMott.

Flashback to Brock vs. Ass-Train

Their match was actually fairly watchable. Albert got in some nice offense early on and then Brock put on a show with all of his power moves. Not great, but better than I expected.

Nunzio vs. Crash

Good main event. Nothing flashy or too exciting, but there was some solid technical grappling. It’s good to see Nunzio getting a chance to just wrestle instead of getting caught up with Jamie Noble and the Funk Nasty.

Overall, Velocity was solid tonight. We got two jobber matches, but they were mercifully short. The Smackdown flashbacks weren’t all that great either. The main event was as good as can be expected, but what made the show rise above its average means was Diamondback’s win over Funaki. It’s great to see a wrestler perform so well without weeks of stupid storylines getting in the way. It was a match between two guys just wanting to pick up a win and it came off great. Seriously, it was better than anything we’ve seen on Raw in months. And now, as promised, the top five reasons why Velocity is the WWE’s second best show:

5. No HHH (okay, that one was rather obvious), no Three Minute Warning, no Bischoff, no Steiner

4. Velocity is not Raven’s “personal playground”

3. We don’t have to listen to Toolbag Michale Cole’s inane announcing (except for tonight of course)

2. Velocity is never a pre-PPV hype party with only one match

1. We don’t have to hear Jerry Lawler having an orgasm every time a female wrestler is on camera or Scott Steiner poses