Reported by Keith Vinciguerra of WrestleView.com
» On Saturday, March 29, 2003 at 11:15 PM EST

The eve of WrestleMania is upon us, but before every PPV there must be Velocity. Expect a flashback packed episode tonight as the WWE hype machine builds to a feverish pitch less than 24 hours away from the big show. In other words, I’ll consider it fortunate if we get more than two matches on Velocity tonight. And as always, I don’t do PPV predictions because I find them terribly boring and pointless for a scripted event.

VELOCITY RECAP

Jamie Noble w/ Nidia vs. Funaki
The two cruiserweights start off with some grappling, headlocks and armbars. Funaki takes control with a hip toss, drop toe hold, and sliding kick to the head, but Noble executes a neckbreaker and a short arm clothesline to steal the momentum. Back suplex by Noble gets a two count and then he applies a side headlock. Smackdown’s #1 announcer fights back with an ensuguri and a charge into the corner, but Noble catches him with a quick powerslam. Funaki trips up Noble then hits a slingshot into the turnbuckle and a bulldog for a two count. After a failed bridge pin attempt by Noble (with Nidia holding on for leverage), Funaki hits a vicious spinning DDT off the top rope for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Funaki

WrestleMania Hype
The feud between Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar is shown, starting with Brock’s win at the Royal Rumble. They also show Lesnar battling Team Angle and the switch job by the Angle brothers from a few weeks ago.

Torrie Wilson in Playboy
We get to see Torrie at the Playboy mansion and Stephanie acting very excited about the spread. I’m not sure if the pictures floating around the internet are the real ones, but I hope not. They don’t look anywhere near as impressive as they should.

Bill DeMott vs. Apollo Khan
Bill trips Khan and goes to work on his arm. He drapes the newcomer over the ropes and slugs away at him. Irish whip into the corner but Apollo gets his foot up and lands a punch. Irish whip into the corner but this time Apollo gets ramshackled by a clothesline. He gets up and throws a punch, but runs into another clothesline. The ref stops the match because the rookie is unconscious. After the match, DeMott hits a power bomb on Khan.

Winner by pinfall: Bill DeMott

WrestleMania Hype
Vince’s training sessions are shown. He beats up his training buddy to show how mean he really is. After a commercial, we see Hogan’s promo in the ring from Smackdown (yes, all ten minutes of it). After another commercial, the announcers run down the Wrestlemania card and then more Hogan / Vince footage is shown.

Johnny the Bull w/ Nunzio vs. Tajiri
The Bull shows his power by throwing Tajiri to the outside. Nunzio tries to interfere but almost eats a boot for his troubles. Tajiri hits a diving cross body to both FBI members. Back in the ring, Stamboli charges Tajiri in the corner but gets caught up in the Tarantula. Nunzio gets in a cheap shot while the ref is distracted. Overhead belly to belly suplex gets the Bull a two count and then he applies the dreaded head twist. Tajiri fights back with some kicks but gets caught by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Stamboli leaps to the rope and misses a flying legdrop. Reverse kick to the head by Tajiri gets a two count and then he hits a springboard elbow. He goes for his finishing kick but nails Nunzio instead. The Bull takes advantage of the distraction and hits the Forget About It for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Johnny the Bull

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VELOCITY REVIEW

Jamie Noble w/Funk Nasty vs. Funaki
Great opening match for Velocity with Funaki getting the surprise win. Lots of momentum shifts and a great finishing move by Funaki (sold fantastically by Noble) made this one worth watching.

B-Train vs. Apollo “Two punches” Khan
The rookie got in two punches!! I consider that a big upset. But the B-Train’s matches continue to be awful. This whole “Tell them in the back” gimmick is really dumb. And what’s with the ref stopping the match because Khan was unconscious? Don’t most pins occur because someone was knocked unconscious by a finishing maneuver? Yes, I know it was supposed to make B-Train look really tough and scary, but it didn’t work. He’s still as boring and unoriginal as ever.

The Bull vs. Tajiri
Solid main event here. Nothing spectacular and definitely not the best these guys can do but still good. Johnny the Bull needs a new finisher (he’s already had a few in the WWE). The press slam into a power slam is old and not finisher material.

Overall, Velocity was exactly what we would expect from a PPV show: tons of flashbacks and only three matches. I’d say almost half of the show was Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon build up. The opening match was solid, the Bill DeMott match was horrible, and the main event was decent.

Enjoy WrestleMania. I won’t be watching because only three of the matches interest me and that’s hardly enough incentive to fork over $40. The WWE has to earn my money with intriguing and creative TV programming and they haven’t done that. They’ve earned about $1.50 of my money so far, so maybe I’ll be ready to give up $40 by WrestleMania 35.