Reported by Keith Vinciguerra of WrestleView.com
» On Saturday, May 3, 2003 at 11:21 PM EST

VELOCITY RECAP

Crash w/Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble w/Nidia
Jamie gets distracted by Shannon outside the ring and slides out to chase him. Crash hides behind the steel stairs and levels him. Back in the ring, Jamie takes control with a trip into the turnbuckles and a back suplex. He throws Crash to the outside and tries a sliding kick, but Crash blocks it and drops an elbow into his chest. The Moore-On maintains the advantage with some brawling and a ‘knee to the back’ submission. Jamie powers out and tries a rollup pin but only gets a two count. He finally grabs the momentum with a neckbreaker, shortarm clothesline, and then catches a charging Crash with a quick powerslam. Crash trips him up and tries a slingshot, but Jamie lands on the second turnbuckle. Shannon tries to interfere and then wallops Nidia when she tries to stop him. Jamie flies off the top rope to take out Shannon and then Nidia beats down the original MF’er all by herself. As Jamie slides into the ring, Crash nails him with a Matt Hardy book and finishes him off with the Bottom Feeder.

Winner by pinfall: Crash

Flashback to Backlash
They show highlights from Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio followed by the swinging stretcher travesty after the match. We also see Brock call out the Stacker 2 poster boy (yeah that convinces me it helps people lose weight and get in shape) and set up a title match for the next PPV.

Rikishi vs. Arch Kinkade
The newcomer tries a few woo chops to no avail. He pokes Rikishi in the eye and then tries to bodyslam him. Big mistake. The Kish takes over with a bodyslam and some big chops. He flattens Kinkade with a powerslam and two backbreakers, then hits him with the butt-first avalanche and super kick. Rump Shaker and it’s all over.

Winner by pinfall: Rikishi

Tajiri vs. Jason Pacaro
Tajiri takes down Pacaro with an armbar and the rookie tries to roll out of it and barely gets to his feet. Tajiri makes the best of the sloppy move and acts like the rookie outpositioned him. Pacaro hits a nice dropkick and a swinging leg scissors, but the Japanese Buzzsaw sends him to the outside with a vicious kick to the head. Tajiri tries to suplex Pacaro back into the ring, but the newcomer floats over the back and hits a creative neckbreaker. He continues the assault with a nice takedown to an elbow drop and a suplex, but he misses a top rope legdrop. The tide turns as Tajiri chops away at Pacaro, hits a spinning heel kick and his springboard elbow. But the rookie isn’t done yet as he nails another neckbreaker (kind of like a Roll the Dice). He tries for a hurricanrana, but Tajiri holds onto him for a few seconds and drops him into an inverted sit out powerbomb. Kick to the head and the rookie is done.

Winner by pinfall: Tajiri

Flashback to SmackDown
We see the debut of Mr. America on Piper’s Pit followed by McMahon confronting him.

A-Train vs. Bill DeMott
DeMott seems to be playing the face here as he tries to get the fans against Albert and behind himself (and it doesn’t work). Big headlock by DeMott to start things off and then the two big men collide. Big punches by Bill DeMott, but A-Train drops him with a big shoulder block. DeMott hits some big punches in the corner then levels A-Train with a big clothesline. Albert takes over with some big punches and big slugs to the back, then flattens DeMott with a big clothesline and a big splash off the second rope. Big body slam and really big running by splash by A-Train. He then locks in a big bear hug and stomps DeMott for a while. He looks in a rear chinlock with his big hands and Cat comments on his big head. DeMott ducks a clothesline attempt and hits a big back suplex. Both men are down and the crowd is silent. Big punches by DeMott and he hits a big pancake as Cat tells us what a great match this is. A-Train executes the De-Railer but DeMott kicks out!! He catches Albert with a powerslam and climbs the ropes for a big moonsault. Albert gets to his feet and throws himself into the ropes, causing Bill to fall off and land on his head. Bicycle kick and Albert picks up the win.

Winner by pinfall: A-Train

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VELOCITY REVIEW

Don’t .... get .... eliminated!!!! Oh man, that show just kills me. I highly suggest checking out Most Extreme Elimination either before Velocity or after Heat. I saw a show just like it when I was in Cancun last year. The Mexican version is more brutal but both are hilarious. I just wish they’d cut out the stupid English dubbing in MXE. It really isn’t funny at all.

Crash w/Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble w/Funk Nasty
Very good opening match. Jamie seemed to play the face in this one as the crowd got behind him and Nidia because of the interference by Shannon. Both of these cruisers feature more of a brawling style as opposed to a typical high flying cruiserweight, but it worked well in this match. Crash’s finisher is nasty looking. It’s so odd to see a small guy use a devastating looking maneuver when bigger guys are still using powerbombs and powerslams as finishers.

Big Show hurts Rey
This really makes me angry. A wrestler injures another wrestler by treating him recklessly (and without respect for his co-worker’s well-being) and they REWARD him by using it to make him look better? That is just plain awful. He totally slammed Rey against the ringpost and drove him head first into the ground. Rey couldn’t even get his arms down to protect himself because Big Show’s fat stomach was in the way. Disgusting display of carelessness and inconsideration. And to add to my earlier comment, wouldn’t it make sense if Stacker 2 actually used someone that was in shape to promote their fat burner?!

Rikishi vs. Arch Kinkade
Well …. Kinkade had some cool headgear on, kind of like Rick Steiner. And that’s about it. The match was only two minutes long. Boring squash but at least it wasn’t a Bill DeMott squash. Yes, the rookie got in an eyepoke and some chops; just a bit more offense than DeMott’s opponents.

Tajiri vs. Jason Pacaro
Good jobber match. Pacaro showed some excellent offense after his initial blunder. His swinging neckbreakers were creative and Tajiri made him look pretty good in there. I’ll never complain about a match like this because it sure beats a squash.

Mr. America
So what we have here is yet another wrestler vs. management angle, except this time we have a really old guy that can barely a wrestle, an owner that can’t wrestle, and another really old guy that could never wrestle. Okay, so maybe there is room for this on Smackdown if the fans are really into it and they did appear to be. I’ll never write what I think the WWE ‘should’ do because, honestly, I have no clue how to book a show. And besides, 99% of the ideas that internet writers come up with to ‘improve’ the product are just as bad or worse than what we already see on TV. So I’ll just give my personal opinion that I don’t want to see Hogan, Piper, or Vince wrestle at all and those of you who like it can enjoy it without me preaching against it.

A-Train vs. B-Train
NOOOOOOOO!!!! Why do we have to see this match? These are two of the most boring wrestlers on the roster today and they put them against each other? I hope at least some of you got my ‘big’ joke. The WWE keeps reminding us how big these guys are like that’s supposed to make us care. That was a nasty fall DeMott took off the ropes though. Good to see he wasn’t injured.

Overall, I’m sorry to say that Velocity was not good at all this week. The opening match was decent and Tajiri’s jobber match was okay as well. But the other two matches were terrible. Ass Train and DeMott should never be in the same ring together. And to complete the craptastrophe, the flashbacks were not entertaining at all. Could this be the week that Heat puts on a better show?