As the show opens, Farooq and Bradshaw are backstage discussing whether Shaniqua is really a man or not. The FBI walk in and remind them that they have a match coming up.
FBI w/Nunzio vs. APA
Farooq takes down the Bull early with an elbow smash and a second rope shoulder tackle. Both men tag in their partners, and Bradshaw hits a running shoulder block and a suplex before Chuck levels him with a clothesline. Stamboli tags back in, but falls victim to a back suplex and the Last Call (fall away slam). The FBI finally gain the momentum when Nunzio attacks Farooq from the outside. The heels beat on Farooq with a variety of double team moves until Mr. Simmons catches the Bull coming off the second rope and powerslams him. He makes the hot tag to Bradshaw who cleans house with clotheslines and kicks. The Bashem Brothers and Shaniqua appear at the entrance ramp as pandemonium breaks out in the ring. The APA get the victory after a double team spike powerbomb.
Winners by pinfall: APA
Flashback to Smackdown
They show Cena vs. Undertaker from Thursday.
Shannon Moore vs. Ultimo Dragon
The match starts off fast as the wrestlers fly off the ropes, leaping and ducking each other, until Ultimo takes down Shannon with a leg sweep and applies a swinging pendulum submission hold. He charges at Shannon and gets tripped neck first into the ropes. The Mattitude follower locks on a knee to the back submission move. Ultimo gets to his feet but gets bodyslammed twice and then takes over with a springboard high cross body and a flurry of kicks. He tries for a second rope chinbreaker, but Shannon throws him off and nails a Blockbuster for a two count. Ultimo floats out of a suplex and hits his flipping neckbreaker for the win.
Winner by pinfall: Ultimo Dragon
Orlando Jordan vs. Andy Anderson
Before the match, they show Orlando backstage getting mauled by some female fans. In the ring, Orlando takes control early with an armdrag, some punches, a hiptoss and a high dropkick. Anderson backs him into the corner and hits a few punches followed by a kick to the back and a chinlock. Jordan catches the rookie with a dragon leg whip but gets run over by a clothesline. Orlando once again takes over with some punches, nails a flying burrito and finishes off the newcomer with Black Ice.
Winner by pinfall: Orlando Jordan
Flashback to Smackdown
We see Angle getting screwed by Brock Lesnar and Vince McMahon.
Funaki and Spanky vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team – Non-Title Match
Funaki and Shelton exchange roll up pin attempts as a “Funaki” chant breaks out. Spanky tags in and he holds Shelton in a camel clutch while Funaki dropkicks him in the face. Spanky hits a spinning heel kick on Benjamin followed by a dropkick, but he gets blindsided by a Haas clothesline. Shelton bodyslams him onto Haas’ knee and then Charlie launches him with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Shelton tags back in and hits an exploder suplex. The World’s Greatest Tag Team deliver a double team move where Charlie holds Spanky horizontal hanging off the ropes while Shelton leapfrogs over his partner onto Spanky’s back. Haas flattens Spanky with a shoulderblock and then sends Funaki flying from the ring apron with an elbow smash. Spanky finally makes the hot tag after a drop kick and Funaki cleans house with a bulldog, back drop and an insuguri. Shelton tries to put Funaki up on his shoulders, but Smackdown’s #1 announcer counters into a reverse DDT and Haas has to make the save. Spanky sends Haas over the ropes but misses a flying plancha. In the ring, Funaki tries for a tornado DDT, but Shelton throws him into Haas arms and then delivers a super kick for the win.
Winner by pinfall: World’s Greatest Tag Team
FBI vs. APA
Solid opening match. I have never been a fan of the APA (as you’ve undoubtedly noticed over the last few months), but it looks like Farooq and Bradshaw have expanded their offense a bit. The FBI didn’t get much of a chance to showcase their double team tactics unfortunately. Still, the match was more interesting than I thought it would be.
Taker and A-Train
So the A-Train gets another chance on the main show. I’m sure they’ll use him just for SummerSlam and then send him back down to Velocity. I have to say that an Undertaker vs. Albert match does not sound the least bit interesting, but Taker’s had some good matches lately. Maybe he can help A-Train be entertaining for once.
Ultimo Dragon vs. Shannon Moore
Good cruiserweight match. We sure get a lot of these on the B show. Ultimo showed off some creative moves, including that swinging pendulum. Shannon continues to get better every week. Has anyone else noticed that he looks twice as big as he did when he first started with the WWE? Someone’s been hitting the weights. I think it’s just a matter of time until they bring in Evan Karagius, move Hurricane to Smackdown, and reform 3 Count like all the fans have been asking for. Okay, by ‘all the fans’ I mean just me, but 3 Count used to be hilarious with their horrible singing and dancing. They also put on some great matches in the dying days of WCW.
Orlando Jordan vs. Andy Anderson
I like Orlando except for the punches. It seems like he’s using them less and less so that’s a good sign. Not sure where they’re going with the ladykiller gimmick, but if it gets him some bigger matches, then that’s fine with me. I like his finisher and he showed how it can come out of nowhere (like I’ve said a few times before) like the Rock Bottom and Stunner. Anderson didn’t get to do much in this match, so it was almost a squash match.
Brock turns heel
Well, we knew they both weren’t going to stay faces for the big match at SummerSlam. Too bad the WWE didn’t try something creative for the swerve on Thursday. Even if I hadn’t stated last week what was going to happen (and I am almost never right when it comes to predictions), Michael Cole was way too obvious in trying to hide what was going to happen. He basically gave away what was going to really happen because of his poor announcing. Maybe one week I’ll have a discussion about announcers because I think Cat and Josh Matthews get no credit at all when they really aren’t that bad compared to some of the other announcers.
Spanky and Funaki vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team
What a finish!! That was so cool how Shelton threw Funaki right into Haas’ arms. It’s easy to forget that Shelton and Charlie have only been around for a little while (has it even been six months yet?) because they are so good as a team already. Funaki and Spanky put on another solid match, but once again Spanky got the short end. He isn’t being given enough chance to show off his skills in these tag team matches. But that’s just one minor complaint. Otherwise, this match was one of the best main events we’ve seen on the B show in a long time.
Overall, Velocity was a winner this week. We got a great cruiser match, a good opening tag match (involving the APA no less) and a fantastic main event with a great finish. Orlando Jordan’s match wasn’t remarkable but it looks like he may be headed for a minor push soon with that new ladykiller gimmick. There’s really nothing major to complain about this week and that makes my job much more enjoyable because, contrary to popular belief, complaining about wrestling is not that much fun (and not all that interesting to read either). Tune in next week as we continue on the road to SummerSlam!!