Reported by Mike Siciliano of WrestleView.com
Full WWE SmackDown Results - 10/16/03 - Cincinnati, Ohio (No Mercy hype)
» On Friday, October 17, 2003 at 12:42 AM EST
THE FAT VERSION:
Smackdown opened with promotional comments from the interview with Stephanie McMahon. She believed it was petty that her father had her banned from the building, because, if this was her last night as general manager, she believed Mr. McMahon wanted to take away the opportunity for her to say thank you to everyone around her during her tenure as Smackdown General Manager.
John Cena's music hit, but out comes the Olympic Champion, Kurt Angle, in garb similar to John Cena's, minus the throwback feature. He spends about 5 minutes talking like he was John Cena, putting Kurt Angle down, and then Angle's music itself hits. Out comes a midget dressed as Kurt Angle. He comes in to the ring, and does calls Kurt Angle - Cena a 'weiner'. He then breaks in to the Spanky induced rap of "When I say Cena, you say weiner" about four times. Angle - Cena tries to clothesline the midget, misses, the midget feins an ankle lock, Angle begins tapping out like mad when Cena's music hits, and the original doctor of thug-a-nomics hits the ring, absolutely furious. He gets in Angle's face, but the midget sneaks up from behind and low blows Cena, setting up Angle to beat Cena down and hit the Angle Slam, as Smackdown goes to its first commercial.
Chris Benoit comes out for his match with Doug Basham. The Bashams come out, and the recap of what had transpired with Shaniqua over the past couple of weeks is shown, with Bradshaw hitting the clothesline from hell on the amazon, and then the following week, the Bashams getting revenge on Bradshaw with an absolutely vicious chair shot.
An extremely intense matchup from both individuals, a lot of hard hitting, high emotional spots on both parts during this entire match. A vicious elbow to the back of Basham's head following a irish whip into the corner turnbuckle by Benoit. Basham focused on Benoit's neck with 2 scintillating leg drops to Benoit's throat. Basham missed a big spot with the leg drop from the top rope, and got a release german suplex for his trouble. Basham brings a chair in to the ring, misses Benoit, Benoit kicks the chair in to Basham's skull, knocking him cold. Benoit goes for the headbutt as the referee takes the chair out, allowing the Bashams to switch positions. Benoit misses the headbutt on a now fresh Danny Basham. Benoit manages, nonetheless, to hit the triple german on Danny Basham. The rookies switch back, and Doug is back in the matchup, but he falls victim to the crippler cross face and submits. Following the match, A Train hits the ring, and fights with Benoit all over the ringside area. No major advantage from either comeptitor in this after match activity, and it takes 5 referees to separate the two No Mercy opponents.
The sitdown interview with Stephanie McMahon is shown. Some of the highlights of the interview are:
1. Cole asks "Is the McMahon family normal?" Stephanie's reply, "You have to ask?" "We are more dysfunctional than most."
2. Cole asks "What happens if you lose this match?" Stephanie's reply, quietly, "I don't know."
3. Cole's question, "What is your relationship with your father?" Stephanie's reply, "I was spoiled as a child,. but everything else I have earned. My father would not accept anything less than hard work."
Stephanie says she is proud of who she is, and desires to be respected, not to be feared like her father.
4. Asked if she thought that her situation with her father would come to this harsh a conclusion, Stephanie breaks down and cries, saying she never thought her father would lay a hand on her. And, win or lose, her relationship with her father is over.
5. When asked if she still loves her father, she cries she loves him, and hates him, and then can't talk anymore, leaving the studio area.
Cole calls that interview one of the most difficult he has ever conducted. Tazz wonders how Stephanie is going to survive this matchup as Smackdown goes to commercial.
Jamie Noble & Nidia are in the back, discussing the I quit match. Nidia seems in Stephanie's corner, while Noble seems to side with Mr. McMahon. Nidia tries to influence Noble's opinion, and Noble thinks out loud that maybe Smackdown would be better off without Mr. McMahon. Tajiri hears this, and runs and tells on Jamie Noble to Mr. McMahon. Vince says that to Tajiri that he will take care of the W Virginia hick, wait, no, Tajiri will take care of Noble, with these instructions from Mr. McMahon, "Do something you have never done before to Noble."
Tajiri comes out, called "the cruiserweight kiss-ass" by Cole, setting up for the non-title match against Jamie Noble.. Noble comes out with Nidia next, and the matchup is on. Back and forth action begins with Noble trying to work on Tajiri's arm in the beginning. Tajiri takes the momentum back during the match in the corner when he kicks Noble in the side of the skull over the referee, literally. Tajiri also hits a devastating legdrag off the top rope as well. Noble briefly reverses the momentum and nails a 2 count with a brief running powerslam. Tajiri half executes the hand spring elbow on Noble. Both individuals get up, Noble tries for the tiger driver and misses, Tajiri goes for the powerbomb which ends up pushing both himself and Noble over the top rope. Tajiri grabs the cruiserweight belt, and hits the ring. Nidia goes after Tajiri to try and take the belt from him, and Tajiri sprays black mist in Nidia's face. Nidia falls down screaming, and apparently seems to be in serious discomfort or pain as Smackdown goes to commercial.
Noble and Nidia are in the back, the EMS is trying to check Nidia's eyes, Noble says take care to Nidia, and hits the ring, demanding Tajiri to return to the ring, or he's gonna hunt him down. With no response, Noble says "have it your way," and heads backstage to look for Tajiri. Just as he approaches the curtain....to best describe what happens, I will quote Tazz:
"Noble goes looking for Tajiri, and he finds Godzilla."
The WWE champion, Brock Lesnar, absolutely destroys Jamie Noble, eventually hitting him with the F5 on the floor. Both commentators are trying to figure out why Lesnar took out Noble. Mr. McMahon's music hits, and Tazz simply says, "That's why." Vince comes out with Sable on his arm. He said Stephanie's interview was an academy award winning performance, and that she hates him. Vince claimed his daughter had stopped loving him a long time ago. He continues to banter for a few seconds, and then says "If you love someone, if you truly care for someone, you will hurt them, and hurt them badly." He also says that at No Mercy, to use the analogy, "Spare the rod, spoil the child", but at No Mercy, he will definitely not spare the rod. Mr. McMahon says Stephanie has about as much chance of winning this match as anyone in the arena or anyone watching at home of winning the lottery. He shudders to think what he is capable of doing during this match to his own flesh and blood. His parting words for his daughter were "May God have mercy on your soul, because I won't." Sable then takes the microphone, and claims to Linda that not only will Mr. McMahon be victorious, but so will Sable be victorious when she tells Linda to "kiss her man goodbye." Sable tells Linda she should be 'standing by her man, not against him.' The segment ends with Mr. McMahon and Sable engaged in a kiss. Cole asks for a miracle as Smackdown goes to break.
A recap of the tour recently conducted overseas by the Smackdown brand is shown.
Eddie Guerrero comes out. A recap is shown of last week's sewage truck attack on the Big Show. Rhyno comes out for this non title match, and it is noted that Chavo is not in attendance due to travelling problems, he missed his flight. The match between Latino Heat and the Man Beast goes back and forth in the initial stages of the match, but Rhyno gets the momentum with a devastating tackle that almost flips Guerrero out of his shoes. Rhyno continued the advantage with a powerbomb in to a snake eyes on the top turnbuckle on Latino Heat. and then a vintage Arn Anderson style spine on the pine spine buster by Rhyno. Rhyno goes for the US title belt, which the referee stops, allowing Eddie to slip in, and hit his triple vertical suplex on Rhyno. Eddie goes for the frog splash, but has it countered by knees to the ribs by Rhyno.
The lower back is the focus on Eddie Guerrero by Rhyno as Smackdown goes back on the air, with Rhyno having Eddie in the sharpshooter It's countered by Eddie, which is set up in to a hurricanrana off the top rope by Latino Heat. Rhyno recovers from that and hits a massive superplex on the US Champion.
Eddie puts the ring bell's hammer in to his boot. Rhyno clotheslines Eddie. Eddie hands Rhyno the hammer. The referee sees it, and chastises Rhyno, and then turns and puts the hammer away, allowing for Eddie to clock Rhyno in the skull with the US title, and get the pinfall victory.
The Big Show comes out and destroys both the lowrider and the US Champion. He throws Guerrero in to the glass windshield, cutting Eddie's back mercilessly. Show then powerbombed Eddie off the hood of the low rider, and finally took the remains of Latino Heat and chokeslammed him off the top of the lowrider.
During the break, Eddie Guerrero is assisted by the EMTs.
Rey Mysterio and Johnny Stamboli come out for the next match. Referee Brian Hebner throws the other members of the FBI out of the ringside area. A classic matchup ensues, strength vs. speed, as most of Rey's attempted counters are nearly blown by Stamboli's power, and most of Stamboli's high impact spots are countered by the speed merchant that is the former cruiserweight champion. The completion of this match was extremely unique as Mysterio set up Stamboli for the 619, but Stamboli CAUGHT HIM as he was executing the maneuver. He hit a backbreaker on the masked luchadore, and began to set up Rey Rey for a gorilla press. Mysterio countered it in to a west coast pop and got the clean victory over the Bull.
An interview with the Undertaker is next.
The Lowrider is shown on the towtruck being rolled away. Matt Hardy presents Shannon Moore with his 'gift' to his pupil for his victory over Zach Gowen, a portrait of Version 1. He says to make sure this portrait comes to the ring on sunday, when Version One makes it two in a row over the novelty act, Zach Gowen.
A recap of the No Mercy card is shown.
Cole and Tazz interview the Undertaker and discuss the biker chain match. 'Taker claims the match has no rules, two men come in, beat each other down, someone grabs the chain over the ring, and proceeds to beat the other's skull in. He then says that in this match, the chain isn't dangerous, it's the person wielding the chain that is dangerous. He also predicts a long night for the Smackdown GM, Stephanie McMahon in her match with the chairman of WWE, Mr. McMahon.
The WWE champion attacks 'Taker from behind with a biker chain, wraps it around the Dead Man's neck, and drags him away as Smackdown goes to break.
Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker are fighting on the stage. 'Taker still has that chain wrapped around his throat. Lesnar takes 'Taker to the stage dome, and proceeds to try and choke out 'Taker in any way, shape, or form. Any attempted offense by Dead Man, Inc. is stopped by Lesnar simply pulling harder on the chain.. Lesnar whips the Undertaker in to the steel steps, and then hangs the Dead Man from the turnbuckle. As 'Taker nearly passes out, he breaks the hold of the chain with boots to Lesnar's head. Both men hit the ring, Lesnar continues the beat down, and sets up for an F5. 'Taker counters by wrapping the chain around Lesnar's neck, and proceeds to beat the champion down with multiple soup bones. Brock stops the beating with a low blow, but 'Taker recovers to choke slam the champion out of the ring. Smackdown goes off the air with the Big Dog twirling the biker chain in his yard.
I really have to say that this was by far the toughest column to write as Smackdown recapper. I have never been more disgusted with a product than I am right now. I cannot stand this angle with Vince and Stephanie any more. You can't make me watch this. If I wasn't performing a service for this site by reporting this show, I would've thrown up, and turned the baseball game on from the beginning. I HATE THIS GARBAGE. I can't stand it. Stephanie BLAH BLAH BLAH, if you're gonna go, go away! Vince BLAH BLAH LA DE FREAKIN' DA, go away yourself. Leave the talent to run the show, they probably can do a better job than you.
How does WWE get off with four matches for a televised event? Five. Six. Even possibly seven matches for a card. Four matches. INSANITY. STUPID. DEGRADING. Vince has to be smarter than this. New York City is engrossed in Yankees fever, and you try and compete with the baseball playoffs by spending 15 minutes spewing venom about your dysfunctional family, and then have the audacity to spend 30 seconds tongue kissing a 40 year old bimbette that tried to sue your ass for everything you owned ten years ago. I can't even come up with a positive angle to this whole mess. This was by far the worst televised program I have ever seen the WWE produce. With the MINOR acception of the Angle/Cena skit in the beginning, there is nothing positive that can be said about this debacle.
If No Mercy is able to manage 200,000 buys, I would be shocked. Hell, I'd be stunned. I can't understand the hardcore fan wanting to watch this slop.
Can we get to WRESTLING? Can we stop talking about how much of a dysfunctional family runs this business?
Someone has to help me. Who was that big white spike haired looking doofus talking with Version One asking for a tape to be sent to the GM's office for parousal? Is he a new talent on the horizon? I couldn't even understand the dope's speech, I couldn't tell what his name was. Someone answer this for me in the forums, or in email, I would appreciate that. I've seen this dope on both shows too, so I think he's coming, but who the hell is he?
Show did get some legitimacy back in the beatdown on Eddie, but again, Show with a title is ridiculously boring, and he probably will get the US title, and that I cannot accept or endorse.
There is no continuity to this show. There is no feeling to this show. There is no creativity to this show. HOW THE HELL DID TAJIRI LEARN ENGLISH THAT FAST? HAS ANYONE HEARD THE JAPANESE BUZZSAW TALK THAT UNDERSTANDABLE AN ENGLISH IN HIS ENTIRE TIME IN THE WWE?
I mean it, this one was tough to write. With product this bad, I want to find a different hobby. Maybe I'll pick up Slamball. At least that has action to it, not this sewage - laden garbage.
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