»Reported by Jon Minners of WrestleView.com

On Sunday, January 9, 2005 at 1:53 PM EST

Hey yo! See, I got another column out pretty quickly. Yes, hell has frozen over. Things are getting better in my life and 2005 is going to be a good year. Now, I am thinking the same thing for the WWE and TNA, but so far, both companies are not doing enough to renew my faith in wrestling. I guess we will have to see, but until then, let’s go into a storyline that would be fun for 2005.

Kenzo Suzuki was supposed to be this big time wrestler for the WWE. He was going to be the next Yokozuna, only skinnier, when he debuted as Hirohito and was supposed to get involved in a feud with Chris Benoit, right off the bat, for the world title, but somewhere along the lines, things changed. Whether the WWE realized the Hirohito gimmick was in bad taste (doubt that) or whether they realized that this guy just couldn’t wrestle all that well; either way, the gimmick was tossed and Kenzo Suzuki was born and brought over to Smackdown, the brand that the WWE no longer gives a damn about.

Once on Smackdown, Suzuki really showed a knack for sucking. His horrible massage classic against Billy Gunn would go down in history as a laugh riot and not in a good way. I was liking him just because he sucked and made me laugh, but the WWE doesn’t need to go back to the 80’s where many wrestlers sucked and didn’t belong. We don’t need a Japanese Outback Jack. There is no place for it and the WWE must have realized how horrible he was, because eventually, Suzuki stopped wasting his time in singles action and formed a tag-team with Rene Dupree, a team that actually made some sense and actually seemed to work for a little while. See, it was on this team that Suzuki started to develop a personality. His promos made me laugh when he tried to sing. When he mimicked the French Tickler dance of Rene Dupree, I laughed my ass off. His attempts at getting with Torrie Wilson were hilarious and led to the disrobing of his wife, which was pretty good, if the girl wasn’t in white face. So, it got me thinking; Suzuki is a comedy wrestler and should be treated as such, but with a good storyline that would be fun to watch.

First off, I would like to make Torrie Wilson a heel and switch things up a bit. She is annoying me lately and a change of character is needed. She needs to start playing with Suzuki’s mind, making him think she likes him and then laughing at him, because he can barely speak the language and the clothes he wears and so on. At first, the fans will be on her side, but then Suzuki will team with Rene Dupree once more to battle for the tag-team titles again; trying to reclaim them with their final shot. However, Dupree is pinned and blames Suzuki for the loss, leading to a brawl between the two, where Suzuki is laid out with the French flag and thus, a face turn for Suzuki. The feud between the two would involve Torrie Wilson getting involved with Dupree and Hiroko standing by her man, despite his obvious lack of interest in her. Saddened for being mocked by Torrie Wilson, Suzuki goes to the one man who has also mocked him in the past; John Cena. Suzuki asks the Doctor of Thug-a-nomics for help in making him cool and Cena agrees to help him.

This is where we get some comedy, as Cena teaches Suzuki the right words to say and the right clothes to wear; changing Suzuki’s gimmick entirely. It will be hilarious to hear Suzuki say things like ‘you can’t see me,’ and ‘yo, yo, yo, yo!!!’ Then, as Cena’s last word of advice, he tells Suzuki to get with the times and tells him that he needs to let his wife be herself and not dress up in the white face (Cena will say derogatory things, but that would be the gist of it) and suddenly, we will see just how hot Suzuki’s wife is, without the makeup and in hip hop attire. Suzuki will then realize how much he likes her like that and instead of being obsessed with Torrie Wilson, he will choose Hiroko and the two will become a popular team, as Suzuki gets his revenge on Dupree and eventually leads himself into a feud with Carlito Caribbean Cool after CCC tells him that he is not cool, especially because he went to Cena for advice and not the epitome of cool himself, Carlito. Not sure if Suzuki could ever be a main eventer, but a change in wardrobe and gimmick could get the fans behind him enough to possibly get another run with the tag-team titles or even a U.S. title reign.

Now, let’s go into tonight’s PPV really quick:

1. Lita should beat Trish one more time to retain the women’s title, in what should be an entertaining match, leading to an inter-gender match involving herself and Kane vs. Snitsky and Trish.

2. Hussan should beat Jerry Lawler, but it would be really cool to see Chilly Willy make his WWE debut to feud with Hassan in an old school Sgt. Slaughter vs. Iron Sheik-type feud. I am looking forward to seeing Hussan work in the ring.

3. I don’t like Tomko, but I like the chance to see Eugene and Christian mix it up in the ring. I just hope they keep the titles around the waist of the popular team; Eugene and William Regal and put Christian back into the singles mix. I really think another faction with Christian, Rhyno, Edge, Val Venis and Tomko would be a smart idea, but no one listens to me.

4. Maven vs. Shelton Benjamin should be a very good match. I am looking forward to this one, as it gives Maven a real opportunity to shine. However, he does not deserve the title yet, so I hope they are smart enough not to give it to him. Let Benjamin enjoy a healthy reign for now. He deserves a good match at Wrestlemania.

5. Kane should beat Snitsky in the rematch, but I don’t see the feud ending there. In fact, I really do see a reuniting of Kane and Undertaker vs. Snitsky and Heidenreich at Wrestlemania. As horrible as the match is, fans will enjoy seeing Kane and Undertaker together with Kane’s new gimmick, so the match would have some appeal.

6. Elimination Chamber: I think that HHH would have to win this match to set up for his feud with Batista. Edge needs to be double crossed to continue his feud with HBK. Jericho will never get another world title run. Benoit and HHH have yet to have a one-on-one encounter since Benoit’s reign ended and I doubt they will give Benoit another run at this time, considering that he would lose the title right away at the Royal Rumble to HHH (actually, that could be the plan, as to not have Benoit compete in the Rumble match again, making him look bad that he entered in later and couldn’t repeat his previous feat, so maybe a Benoit title win could be in the cards again tonight – You Never Know). Batista should not win the world title until Wrestlemania. Orton will not win the world title and with HHH as champion, I hope rumors are true that the WWE is thinking about sending Orton to Smackdown after a Rumble win. That would seriously help the brand, although I expect them to lose Cena in the long-run. You know what; as I write this, I think a Benoit win would shock fans and hold off on the HHH-Batista rivalry until the day after the Rumble and HHH could get his win back. So, my safe prediction is HHH getting the title, but my shocking prediction is Benoit.

On to some ramblings:

Is TNA really putting out this crap PPV for January? I mean, they can’t rely on an Ultimate X match. America’s Most Wanted vs. Team Canada is not that exciting and how many tag-team title reigns can these two wrestlers have? How many X Division reigns can AJ Styles have? They need to stop switching titles so frequently. DDP vs. Kevin Nash vs. Monty Brown does not sound like fun, unless Monty Brown wins and a new star is born at the end of the night. I am so scared that they will have Nash win and lay down for Jarrett. Maybe they should do that and have Dusty Rhodes come down and give Jarrett a new opponent right after that, screwing him out of the title, but I don’t know if TNA is that smart just yet. Raven vs. Erik Watts; not my idea of a classic. Dustin Rhodes vs. Kid Kash; Rhodes can barely move anymore. What is Jeff Hardy going to do? What about Chris Candido? If you got him, you might as well use him. Why isn’t Christopher Daniels or Elix Skipper getting a great match after they busted their ass at the last PPV? TNA is making mistakes already for 2005. Not a good sign. When you have something for Johnny Fairplay and Trinity to do, but you don’t take the time to give quality matches to some of your high impact stars, you have a problem.

I guess if you don’t go to Iraq, you must lose to a Basham Brother. Poor RVD. You in the doghouse now, but weren’t you always in the doghouse; I mean, how many tag-team titles and secondary titles must they give you before you realize they have no plans to ever put the world title around your waist.

So, the WWE is burying Heyman. That’s good. They must think that Heyman is an idiot. When his contract runs out; if the WWE is not doing anything with Heyman involving ECW or his ingenious writing skills, I think TNA or Ring of Honor or 3PW would be very happy to see Heyman come aboard.

I am Stephanie McMahon and I don’t know what the hell I am doing and I keep getting proven wrong by Heyman and he writes a good show and the fans seem happy with Smackdown when he is in charge; that gives me a great idea – I will get rid of Heyman, because my ego was bruised and the fans can go to hell.

I am the WWE and our ECW DVD sold extremely well, better than most of our other DVDs we put out; I have a great idea, let’s not use any of our ECW talent right, let’s keep the Dudley Boys off television, let’s screw with Paul Heyman, let’s have RVD lose to Doug Basham and let’s have an ECW PPV with only the handful of ECW talent we have and try to do it ourselves when it will certainly fail. Makes a whole lot of sense to me.

So, does the WWE keep telling me that the 420 is really about RVD and Mysterio’s shoe sizes, just because they know we already know what it really means, but are scared of TV watchdogs pointing it out to bitter parents with nothing better to do than to protest some sort of television because barely a nipple popped out on a Super Bowl broadcast?

I am thinking Hussan should have been put on Smackdown where the brand would benefit from a controversial gimmick. Hussan has no place to really go on Raw, but he would have a built in feud with any U.S. Champion and his views could actually lead to smart booking, such as Carlito Caribbean Cool turning face, because his anti-American views are uncool and so on. Hussan’s buddy is a cruiserweight star, from what I have heard and is doing nothing on Raw, but serving as an unneeded mouthpiece. Hussan vs. John Cena, Hussan vs. Chilly Willy, Hussan vs. Eddie Guerrero; these are enjoyable matches for Smackdown fans. I don’t see Hussan beating Benoit or anyone big on Raw anytime soon, so why waste his skills on a brand that is already too big.

Shouldn’t Simon Dean also be on Smackdown?

Shouldn’t Hurricane and Tajiri also be there, as well?

Why is Shannon Moore still on any brand if they are not going to do anything with him?

Wasn’t Kidman part of an intriguing storyline? Wasn’t Paul London involved in that intriguing storyline? Didn’t they put together a great match a few months ago? Wasn’t Chavo Guerrero the reason for that storyline? Wasn’t Spike Dudley once a cool cruiserweight champion? Weren’t fans enjoying the cruiserweight division again? Does the WWE really hate us that much?

Read a pretty good article in Pro Wrestling Illustrated Year-End double issue that says the WWE is really just resting on its laurels, because they don’t need to do anything groundbreaking at this time, with the economy down, the lack of competition and the fact that the WWE is still making a profit. It actually makes a parallel stating that the WWE is actually trying to mimic the early-90’s with cartoonish characters and generic ring entrance music. The generic ring entrance music comment made me think the WWE was purposely holding back until they can explode with new ideas, because I did notice the lack of effort in even the music area and that strikes me as odd. You should read it. It is actually a very well-written piece that makes a little sense.

Anyways, I have to be going. My growling stomach is calling for me to get some food. I will see you all next time. Peace.