Reported by Mike Siciliano of WrestleView.com
On Tuesday, August 1, 2006 at 1:24 AM EST

This one is tough for me, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sick, I have a ton of stuff on my plate mentally, and I was so not impressed by tonight's show (Raw) that I almost didn't bother to write this.

I did say, Almost.

Ok. Opening segment. Is it me, or did that thing just look sloppy as hell? I mean, come on, I know it's live television, but after 11 years of doing Raw, do you think you can get rid of these types of "mistakes" with the sound for the music and such? Yeah, I know that it was probably all storyline driven as a DX ploy, but it still looked very very sloppy to me.

Oh, one other thing, "We're going to clean your diapers." Good one, Shane. Baby bathroom humor. What's WWE going to stoop to next? Murder? Oh, wait, they did that too.

I'm not so sure I liked the idea of involving the birth of Aurora Rose in the opening segment, but truth be told, DX had to get their sticks in to the McMahons one way or another, and frankly, those pics were funny. Stupid, but funny.

The IC title triple threat match was very good for a television match. These three men can probably rock the house down if given the shot, and Melina is not a factor. They are all very similar in stature, experience, and athleticism, and some of the spots they did were very well done, and very fun to watch. It was, by far and away, the highlight of the show.

And trust me, trying to find highlights for this Raw was stretching it, big time.

The Diva Search. Ok, they're all pretty. Erica has no talent, and she's still in there. The two that could probably hang in WWE, and who probably will get jobs anyway were eliminated this week and last, Maryse and Rebecca. I'll pick Jen, but damn, did I waste this many words on something this futile? I guess I did.

When did Candice turn face? What happened that made her turn face? I gotta give the Wisconsin native some credit, she seems to be learning the craft of wrestling. She still can't wrestle worth a damn, but at least now she is not making herself look like an ass, like she was the past few weeks. However, when you're in a tag match with three seasoned vets like Mickie James, Trish Stratus, & Victoria, you're just going to look foolish, and this case, she sure did. Trish pinned the women's champ with help from Torrie. So what happens now? Trish jobs to Mickie again before her contract runs out, or does Mickie knock the hell out of Torrie, who, if you ask me, has not shown improvement one bit since I've seen her compete in WWE. It was a confusing finish, to say the least. And in this case, the very least.

What in the hell is Mick Foley and Ric Flair trying to get at? Can someone tell me? Please?? I ALMOST FELL ASLEEP DURING THE WHOLE DAMN PROMO between these two guys. It was nice to hear Flair say he's missed his turn off the wagon for years, I guess he realizes the time is short for him to make an impact in this business. However, outside of Flair's ridiculous antics in the ring, and man, he sweats worse than, oh, whatever, someone needs to explain to me what the purpose of this confrontation was. Why was Melina there? To make Foley feel good? Jeez, man, get off this enigmatic bulls*it that you're pushing, and go back to being the ass kicker that the fans know you've been throughout your career. KICK FLAIR'S ASS TO SHUT HIM UP, don't dance around and avoid the confrontation like a little whiny bitch.

Wait, this is WWE. Most of the talents are little whiny bitches. Oops. Did I say that? Moving on.

I did like the A-Rod reference, but frankly, I'm not a Yankees fan. I also HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE the use of family in any storyline. Flair's road rage incident, the involvement and discussion of Foley's family, the use of Stephanie's child, it's all worthless additions to ridiculous plots that a 5 year old can muster. But, who knows, maybe WWE Creative is made up of a bunch of five year old children. Tell you this much, my kids can make a more creative program than some of this garbage.

Nice squash match for John Cena. Are they literally trying to bury Matt Striker, or just let him be a punching bag for the main eventers? Maybe he ought to rethink his whole losing his teacher's gig to come to the WWE now, don't you think? Also, seeing the WWE title around Edge's waist or shoulder sickens me to no end, as well as Lita's attempt at being a bad ass sickens me. It just repulses me to absolutely no end that Edge holds the WWE title.

And before I get the email from one of my dear friends, let me say it right now, in nice bold print so everyone sees it.

Yes, Edge is capable of holding the title. Yes, Edge is capable of running with the WWE on his back. But, no, that does not mean I have to like it, him, or anything associated with him.

Now, moving on. To cement that point I just made, John Cena wins the WWE title for a 3rd time in 3 weeks at Summerslam. Mark it down.

The Spirit Squad was almost surprisingly funny. I wonder if this pseudo feud with the Highlanders will be the eventual straw that breaks the group's back. It's obvious they've fallen out of favor with the McMahons, as I'll discuss later with the main event, but this contest between Johnny Jeter and Rory McAllister was surprisingly good, albeit a singles match for two normal tag wrestlers. The Squad's ejection was funny, the win was predictable, but it does provide some good potential fodder if the rumours are indeed true that the Squad is breaking up. If so, and they put the belts on the Highlanders, it will be nice to see a legit tag team holding the gold for a change. It's been a while. A long while.

How predictable was the cuban cigars in the bag routine? It's as old as Slappy Squirrel from the Animaniacs DVDs I picked up this week. Ok, bad pun. But, you knew once Triple H was taken out of the arena, one way or another, that either A) Trips would run back in for the save at the last minute, or B) HBK was taking one for DX, literally. Obviously, we saw the answer.

I hate to admit it, but Umaga has begun to show me a little something. I hate the gimmick. I really do. It's such a bad attempt at an imitation of Samoa Joe outside of the rage and uncontrollability. It's like Samoa Joe meets Kamala. And Estrada plays the role of Kim Chee. Well, with that being said, and when the McMahons arrived for the match, we all knew that Michaels was going to be destroyed. And he was. Impressive on HBK's part to take the beating, especially with his knee probably in pieces waiting for knee surgery while he does this DX angle with the McMahons. I am very surprised that this whole thing went down with Michaels, because I didn't honestly think his body could take it. You have to believe that DX will find some way to turn things around next week when Triple H faces Umaga.

I did miss the ridiculously lame segment with Randy Orton when going through this Raw. I hate the match. I hate the fact that Hulk Hogan is using the wrestling business to promote his daughter. I don't care if he built this place from the ground up, his daughter using wrestling to jump start her singing career will not work. But I digress. Orton's a moron. Hogan's a moron. Plain and simple. I hope, I really do hope Jerry Lawler beats Orton's ass within an inch of his life next week in Memphis. I hated that whole segment. It was corny, it was in poor taste, and it was just plain stupid.

Reading my good friend and colleague Hunter Golden's opinions of tonight's show, I could see some reasons to give more kudos to the Flair/Foley thing, but still, I'll stick to my own opinion, and say that I couldn't figure it out. It was almost too much of Flair screaming and Foley babbling to make any sense to me. But then again, I'm old and sick, so anything's easy to get over my head.

I am looking forward to tomorrow night's ECW. I am curious to see how Batista fares with Big Show for the ECW title. Why that's not extreme rules is beyond me. Sandman and Dreamer team up again, like they did at ONS I at Hammerstein. It still won't bring in a lot of New York crazies, I think. I am going to be VERY INTERESTED to see how the New Yorkers respond to the "extreme form of Sports entertainment". But, obviously, I am, along with the rest of the pundints on the web, looking very forward to CM Punk's debut match on television for ECW. If they don't push this guy to the absolute moon as the face of ECW, Kurt Angle or no Kurt Angle, they are making the biggest mistake of their natural lives.

I am scheduled to go to Ring of Honor this friday, but unfortunately, things may be forced to change with my illness. We'll see as the week progresses.

See you in the broiler. 98 degrees for 48 hours. God, I am going to hate these next few days.

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Beaucoup cenabling.