Reported by Mike Siciliano of WrestleView.com
On Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 4:39 PM EST

This chapter is going to be surprisingly quick for three reasons. A) Time, B) I am not a movie reviewer, and C) The movie was damn quick in duration. But, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't attempt to give an unbiased view and thoughts on the new John Cena movie, "The Marine".

Now, I know the world is going to think I am going to rave and carry on about this picture, and I promise I will try and be impartial. Also, if anyone is wanting to see the movie, then this is your chance to get out of this piece now, before I potentially ruin parts of it for you.

So, go.. We all know how predictable this plot is, but if you don't want to know, then go.

Did you go yet?

No?

Ok, then here's my take. I saw the flick eariler today in a theatre of screaming Cena-ites that numbered a grand total of six.

Yep, that's my life. Zero. Next.

I have to give WWE films credit for landing Kelly Carlson and Robert Patrick to do this picture. It gives the picture an aura of credibility amongst a plethora of new names that I saw on the cast. Perhaps they have appeared elsewhere, but I don't know where, and if you want to correct me, be my guest.

WWE.com described Carlson as "lava-hot." Well, I gotta agree. Damn, she is fine. I know my wife is gonna beat me silly on this one, but it's the truth. She looked great. Now, did she provide an Oscar-winning performance? Hell, no, but this thing is not going to even sniff that scenario, so let's not go there.

Robert Patrick is a sick bastard. Plain and simple. His dry wit and laid back persona for the villain "Rome" was extremely enjoyable to me. The look that Patrick gave the character that blurted out the "This guy is like the Terminator" line was absolute cinema gold, in this dope's opinion. I laughed my ass off.

There is a slightly dirty connotation to the movie that I won't go in to detail about, but let's just say that anyone who sees the flick has to believe that John Cena is one lucky S.O.B. to be going in semi-bedroom combat with that temptress.

The action is unreal. There's a scene I remember when Triton gives one of the bad guys a chokeslam through about six wooden pallets. I would love to see how these guys would be able to get up from that in real life, because even in the movies, this one looked like it hurt like absolute hell. The movie itself, when I thought about it, kind of had a combination feeling to me.

Kind of a Predator meets Rambo meets Walking Tall sort of mix to it.

Also, one thing. Anyone of my readers who lives in South Carolina needs to tell me something. Is it that swampy down there? Damn, there seemed to be more wetlands than pavement! I know I'm knitpicking, but I am trying to deliver something here.

Ok, meat and potatoes time. Cena's acting is a bit forced, but who can blame him? It's his first time down the pike. Can he do it? I think he can, but he needs work. Rock was MUCH MORE polished when he did Scorpion King, but he had supporting roles leading up to his first time on the big screen as the top dog. Cena went out of the blocks cold. For his first go round behind the camera, I thought he performed admirably.

Cena haters are gonna despise this flick, and I wouldn't doubt that. Any Cena lovers are going to swoon like crazy. Anyone interested in a pretty damn good emotion filled ride of knock your teeth out action will enjoy this movie. I read some reviews prior to seeing the movie that this picture disgraces the image of the Marine Corp.

Proposterous.

While I do not have the physical stature to serve my country, I respect each and every man in uniform that does his or her duty, and it's obvious Cena does the same. His presence in the uniform is uncannily good in this person's opinion, and I would be prepared to debate anyone to the contrary.

I read WWE is going to consider this movie to be a failure. I don't think so. While it's not going to be a blockbuster smash, it's obvious by the fact that WWE Films was able to land marquis names like Carlson and Patrick that there is some juice there for the product and the work of the WWE talent. This was my first venture in to a WWE Films production, I didn't see "See No Evil" (I don't do horror flicks.) I would consider this a pretty successful building block. Hopefully, Vince McMahon won't lose his mind, and build off this foundation instead of trying to land a blockbuster. There's a possibility of long term success with this portion of WWE, if planned properly. I would say that "The Marine" is a pretty good jump out of the starting gate.

I hope all of you think that this wasn't a shill fest for John Cena. I welcome your opinions, whatever they may be. Check me out and write me at myspace by clicking here.

Or email me by clicking here.

And, for anyone who saw the movie and enjoyed it, this line is for you.

"We should've went to the beach."