Reported by Hunter Golden of WrestleView.com
Baiamonte's Casa #5
On Monday, March 9, 2009 at 8:19 PM EST
Baiamonte's Casa #5
March 9, 2009
By: Joe Baiamonte of WrestleView.com
Ciao! It’s that time of week again Casa-ites (it’ll catch on). Come on in, and get ready to be shot with hot bullets of wrestling wonderment in Wrestleview.com’s very own columnised version of an acid trip.
So what’s the hot topic in the Casa this week? I’ve got to say, it’s a doozy of a topic, and any hardcore fan of 80’s WWF wrestling will be in their element in the Casa this week. I am of course looking at the art of the wrestling entrance theme.
Now, I’m no wrestling historian, so I can’t attest to knowing exactly who started the craze of using music to accompany them to the ring. I’ve heard that Gorgeous George did it in the 60’s, whilst The Freebirds are also credited with kicking off the trend back in the 80’s. Either way, one thing is for sure, and that’s wrestling is a damn sight more entertaining for having theme music be a part of its world. I mean, can any of you picture a pro wrestling world without ‘Grab them cakes’, ‘Real American’ and ‘Jive Soul Bro’?
Let us also not forget that if it wasn’t for entrance themes in wrestling, there would have never been any wrestling music albums, specifically ‘Piledriver – The Wrestling Album 2’ which included this timeless classic; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBobiML4QN4
Is there a greater sight than The Hulkster slapping away on a guitar whilst rocking a sleeveless tuxedo? Why this trend hasn’t been continued to the present day is beyond me. What I wouldn’t give to see a Miz keyboard solo or Jesse and Festus dueling banjo’s. I’d just have to pray that R Truth wouldn’t be involved in any way, shape or form. He’s the wrestling music equivalent to ‘Soulja Boy’.
Whenever the tag team of wrestlers and entrance music began, it’s safe to say that it exploded in the 80’s. And thank God for greedy rockstars and their need for monstrous royalty checks, because if it wasn’t for them, we may never have gotten wrestling companies producing their own theme tunes, something which in 80’s WWF land, was actually better than the wrestling itself (not because the wrestling was bad, but because the music was so friggin’ good!) And could there have been a better decade for entrance music to explode onto the scene than the ‘decade of decadence’? 80’s music was all about shit hairstyles (not shit at the time mind you), luminous outfits, spandex and copious amounts of drugs, whilst 80’s wrestling was all about erm, well, the exact same fucking things!
Had wrestling music only become commonplace in the early 90’s instead of the early 80’s, we’d have been lumbered with some terribly grungy entrances and a whole host of wrestlers whose valets were junkie psychopathic whores and whose gimmick consisted of not showering and mastering the art of pulling the trigger of a shotgun with their toes (hey I like Nirvana but Jesus Christ was grunge an ugly generation. I didn’t realize it was uncool to use soap in early 90’s America). Thankfully though, the 80’s had set a fantastic precedent for theme music and therefore along came LOD’s ‘What a Rush’ and HBK’s more than borderline homo erotic ‘Sexy Boy’ (which, while fitting his gimmick to a tee in 1993, seems ever so slightly out of place when accompanying a 40+ year old born again Christian father of two to the ring).
Entrance music could also cover up how piss poor a superstar was in the ring. I mean, thank Christ the Ultimate Warrior had “ DE NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NER NER NER NER NER” to blast him down the aisle, otherwise he would have just been a juiced up nutcase in facepaint and tassles. That music popped the crowd long enough to the point where by the time they’d finished cheering for his music starting, his match would have finished anyway, so everyone was a winner. Hell, did anyone ever know what the fuck was going on in a New Jack match apart f rom the fact ‘Natural Born Killaz’ by Ice Cube played throughout the entire match?
In modern wrestling, the same rule still applies, only sometimes in different circumstances. I’m a huge fan of both HHH and Batista, but sometimes I couldn’t give a shiny shit about the match they’re about to take part in, all I’m bothered about is their entrance music and flashy entrance routine. Yes I’m easily impressed by fireworks and bright lights, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
With modern wrestling has also come an evolution in the use of music in wrestling. Long gone are the days of the wrestling supergroup ‘The Wrestlers’ (see end of column for more on them), but now Vinnie Mac is more than happy to dig into his coiffures to attract rockstars into lending their music to his product. And not just for entrance themes either, oh no. Instead, the big VKM has actually made the generic metal garbage of Saliva and Drowning Pool et al sound appropriate and decent via the medium of montage video (check back into the Casa next week for more on the art of the wrestling montage!). So the previous success of the WWF, which was in no small part was thanks to their superior 80’s inspired music catalog, has since allowed them to splurge on well known artists such as the aforementioned shite (which again, on it’s own, is utter piss, but works brilliantly as part of an entrance or montage) but also, some class acts such as The Hives, Audioslave and even Johnny fucking Cash have been used in some capacity. Let us not forget either, The Hulkster rocking out to ‘Voodoo Chile’ by Jimi Hendrix upon his return in 2002 when he finally ditched the N.W.O jive turkeys.
Now more than ever is it a great time to be a fan of all things entrance music. If you’re a popular music fan you’ve got Motorhead, POD, Alter Bridge and Three Six Mafia all lending their talents to various superstars, whereas if you’re more of a retro fan, you’ve got Jesse and Festus being accompanied by the wailing of “BISCUITS AND GRAAAAAAAAAAVVVVY” and Kofi Kingston strutting to the ring to what sounds like the Yardies covering the Cool Runnings theme. And let’s not forget “SANTIIIIIIINOOOOOOO”, if ever there was a theme plucked straight f rom the 80’s it was that little ditty. And finally, if you’re a fan of wrestlers singing their own entrances you can revel in the entrances of John Cena, HBK and even R Truth, that is if R Truth’s specific brand of krunk/warblings of a retard is your cup of tea. So we’ve got ourselves a heady little melting pot of musical offerings currently accompanying our favorite men in tights to the squared circle. You can’t go wrong as far as this writer is concerned. You can even have your favorite theme as a ring tone nowadays, which is a service that was desperately missing in the 80’s. Especially on the 80’s ‘Wall Street’ style mobile phones which were roughly the same size and density of a house brick with an aerial which resembled a large rubber baguette. I’d have paid good money to see Michael Douglas answer the phone to ‘Grab Them Cakes’.
And unfortunately visitors to the Casa, this is where I must show you the door for another week. However, no one goes away empty handed this week. Instead, click the following link and go away with a smile on your face, knowing that at one time Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine could go from pounding each other with a dog collar to singing ‘Land of a Thousand Dances’ together, with the astounding backing vocals of Iran’s finest wrestler/drug addict/shoot interviewee and now popstar The Iron Sheik: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNxDllyUCdE. Just think, that was what was all over MTV in the 80’s. Lucky pricks were a good 15 years away from being bombarded with Cribs and My Super Shitting Sweet 16th.
Anyway, enjoy that little present and remember to look up whatever wrestling montage you can on youtube or wherever this next coming week. Any WWE ‘Desire’ video is a good watch, as well as the original Austin/Rock promo f rom before their WrestleMania 17 match. Also, for good measure wrap your eyes around the promo vid for HHH/HBK at SummerSlam 2002 and the Survivor Series 2002 Elimination Chamber pre match promo. All quality stuff.
Until next time Casa-ites (it’ll catch on! But if it doesn’t, suggestions are welcome as to what I should call you. Fans simply isn’t personal enough.) it’s arriverderci from me once again. Any fan/hate mail should be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org. Many grazi’s go out to those of you who have already expressed your love for the Casa, your kind words are very much appreciated, and once you leave the Casa I hope you all check out the many other cracking columns knocking about Wrestleview. If you can find another single website with as good a group of writers as here I’d be amazed.
Anyway, until next time, arriverderci!