» On Friday, November 28, 2003 at 1:01 AM EST Full WWE SmackDown Results
Boise State University
Commentators: Turkey & Stuffing (Cole & Tazz)
Report by: Sleepyhead (Mike Siciliano) of WrestleView.com
Happy thanksgiving to all of my readers. I hope it was an enjoyable, restful, and fulfilling day for all, with the most emphasis on fulfilling. Like fillin' up all our bellies full o'bird! KIMOSABE, SUMO!
Ok, down to business.
- Chris Benoit defeated Matt Morgan.
- Akio defeated Jamie Noble.
- Nathan Jones defeated Shannon Moore.
- Eddie Guerrero defeated Charlie Haas.
- John Cena defeated The A - Train.
In a 20 man, #1 contendership battleroyal to determine the next opponent for the WWE champion, Brock Lesnar, there was no winner declared as it was too close to call between the final two competitors, John Cena & Chris Benoit. Smackdown GM Paul Heyman announced a match between Benoit & Cena for San Jose next week, with the winner of that contest getting a shot at the WWE title.
FAT: (Has a nice ring to it, especially this week, don't ya think, guys?)
Speaking of fat, Heyman, (sorry), is in the ring talking about opportunity. He announces this 20 man over the top rope battle royale to provide an opponent for the WWE champion. Brock is then brought out to the ring, and he declares he is not afraid of anybody, he can't be beaten, he is the greatest champion of all time. He throws verbal tirades towards Bradshaw, Rey Mysterio, John Cena, the Big Show, and Chris Benoit. The crowd continually throughout Lesnar's speech scream 'You tapped out!' Lesnar states he will make the winner of this battleroyal tap out, then goes and talks to Heyman privately. Heyman agrees to his idea, and demands two men to have qualifying matches to be able to enter the battleroyal. He first points to the doctor of thug-a-nomics, John Cena, and tells Cena he has to win to get in vs. the A Train later tonight. Happy Heyman then goes to the other victim, the Wolverine, Chris Benoit, and informs him he's gotta win to get in against an opponent of Heyman's choosing, which will be next.
It is quickly seen that Heyman's choice for Benoit is his self-proclaimed #1 draft pick, the youngster Matt Morgan. This match was brutal. Heavy impact, high speed, multiple shots by both individuals throughout this contest. Morgan's inexperience cost him the contest when he went for the leg over the rope move a 2nd time. Benoit got out of the way, went for the diving headbutt, missed, Morgan tried for the sit-out powerbomb, but Benoit countered in midair into the crossface, forcing the giant to tap out.
Jamie Noble & Nidia are in the back, and Noble is extremely leery of having his lady come to the ring for his match. He even goes so far as to question her integrity by asking are you really blind or are you just trying to get some attention. Nidia convinces Jamie to let her come to ringside if she promised to stay with the commentators, which Jamie reluctantly agrees to.
A promo is shown for Ernest 'the Cat' Miller. He is coming, tonight. Someone call my momma.
Noble & Nidia come out, Nidia sits with Cole & Tazz. Nidia claims to be living a nightmare because of what Tajiri did to her. Akio and Tajiri come out. Akio does most of the damage to Noble throughout the match, as Noble seems distracted because Nidia is out at ringside. Tajiri sneaks up toward Nidia and gets right in front of her, standing on the announce table. Nidia gets up, notices Tajiri by touching his knee pad, and low blows him. Noble sees this, Akio takes advantage and pins Noble for the victory. Noble & Nidia leave, with Noble still questioning Nidia for coming out there, claiming she is a liability with no sight.
Shannon Moore is in the back, suffering from the beatdown he got last week at the hands of Matt Morgan. Smackdown GM Paul Heyman commends Moore for being ready to compete, but blames Matt Hardy for leaving him and going to Raw. Heyman tells Shannon he will be getting an opponent larger than his last week's oponent. It turns out to be Nathan Jones.
Shannon Moore is in the ring, ribs heavily taped. He looks scared to death. Nathan Jones comes out. Moore gets one shot in on the colossus of Boggo Road Prison, and then Jones basically wipes the mat with Moore's carcass. Jones wins the match with a stiff gut wrench suplex which Tazz called a sick plex, because of how stiff it looked.
A vignette is shown of the thanksgiving feast from eariler in the day. Cena does a freestyle talking up Torrie Wilson like she herself could be a seven course meal. He also nails Shaniqua, Dawn Marie, and the Basham Brothers, grabs a pie, and starts chowing down.
A promo is shown for the next match, Eddie Guerrero vs. Charlie Haas.
The Guerreros are in the back, Eddie shows concern for Chavo's leg, but Chavo says he's cool, and he's coming to the ring for Eddie's match.
A replay of last week's beatdown by Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas is shown as they illustrate why Chavo Guerrero is walking around with a crutch.
Eddie goes for Haas' knees in the beginning of the match, as the match primarily is back and forth throughout. Eddie hits his typical triple vertical suplex spot. Benjamin hits the ring apron when Eddie goes for the frog splash, he bounces out of it, nails Benjamin, grabs Chavo's crutch, forcefully, hits Haas in the stomach, and rolls him up for the three. As he is celebrating, the World's Greatest tag team begin a beat down on the one legged Chavo, forcing Eddie back in to the fracas swinging the busted crutch. Chavo continues to question Eddie for everything he does, pre and post matches, going so far as to call Eddie a primadonna.
Last week's replay of the match between the A Train and Bradshaw is shown.
Cena vs. A Train is next, Cena must win to get in to the battleroyal. Cena goes for a rap, A Train clobbers him before he can say a word. Cena goes for a quick FU but misses, and takes a pretty good beating throughout this match. Cena tries again for an FU later in the match, but it's countered in to the derailer, for a 2 count. (Cena held the rope.) Train dragged him to the middle of the ring, and still only got a 2 count. (kick out) Train lost his composure and began throwing chairs in to the ring. A chair shot is tried, missed, and countered in to an FU for the three count. Cena's in the fight for the title.
The Cat, is next.
Last week's beatdown by Hardcore Holly on Brock Lesnar is shown, with the cops breaking up the full nelson on the champion. Holly is shown from his home, declaring they can't suspend him forever, and when he comes back, he will resolve his differences by breaking Brock Lesnar's neck.
The Cat comes out to new music, and does his usual shctick. The segment is about to be a total bore when Cat calls out Torrie Wilson, Boise's own. Torrie is asked to dance with the Cat, and after some encouragement, begins to give the Cat, and the people, what they paid to see. She breaks out a lollipop from paradise, (her cleavage), dangles it in front of the Cat, gives it to the Cat eventually, causing Miller to run around the ring almost spasmodically as the segment ends.
The 20 man battle royal is next. Here is an unofficial list of who is eliminated, when, and by whom.
Eliminated 1st, Johnny Stamboli by the Big Show.
2nd, Ultimo Dragon by the Show.
3rd, Orlando Jordan by the Big Show.
4th, the masked Basham brother by the Big Show.
5th, the Big Show himself by the entire rest of the roster active in the match.
As the show goes to commercial, Show is seen seething. He takes out Orlando Jordan with a clothesline as Smackdown goes to commercial.
Continuing with the battleroyal eliminations,
Eliminated 6th, Nathan Jones by Bradshaw.
7th, Bradshaw by Rikishi.
8th, Scotty 2 Hotty by A Train.
9th, A Train by Eddie Guerrero.
10th, Rhyno is eliminated by Matt Morgan.
The next six participants eliminated are almost simulatenous, it's too quickly to tell who eliminated them.
12. Charlie Haas
13. Chuck Palumbo
14. Matt Morgan
15. Rey Mysterio
16. Doug Basham.
The final four in the battleroyal are the two qualifiers, the Wolverine and Cena, along with Eddie Guerrero and Shelton Benjamin. Shelton goes next, eliminated by Chris Benoit, and then Eddie gets eliminated, also by Benoit.
Cena and Benoit begin toe to toe to determine a winner. Cena gets Benoit in the FU position near the rope, but as Benoit tries to counter, Cena loses his balance, and both individuals drop to the floor at the same time. 2 referees have a split decision.
The announcers are fighting, trying to get their opinions across. Brock Lesnar hits the ring.
Heyman is in the ring, with Lesnar, Cena, and Benoit. Heyman investigates by grilling both refs, both say their man won. Heyman then says he should have both Benoit and Cena go after the WWE title together, but that does not bode well for the WWE title. He then announces Benoit vs. Cena next week in San Jose, with the winner getting a title shot. Team Lesnar hits the ring, laying out both men, and leaving the scraps for the champion. Lesnar F5's both Benoit and Cena as Smackdown goes off the air for Thanksgiving.
1st. The concept of this show was tremendous. I loved it. I loved the opportunity that Heyman gave to the entire roster. I thought it was refreshing, enjoyable and NEW, DAMNIT. It's about time.
2nd. Be that as it may, why go with the same damn ending, every week. We see how much of a p*ssy champion we have, as we are forced to choke down a mutual ending of the champion getting out of the match that I think everybody and their mother wants to see, the triple threat. Now, a week after Benoit shakes Cena's hand, that build up of Cena being a face is absolutely ruined. The only down side to that is that Cena continues to get mad pop each week, and personally, I love it. Cena rocks.
3. How stiff does Nathan Jones have to look before WWE gets the hint and pulls him?? Kurt Angle cannot afford to carry stiffs like Jones anymore, it puts marquis men in the hospital. Nathan Jones is not ready for the big time, and needs to go back to OVW, quick.
4. NO VINCE MCMAHON. I JUST REALIZED THIS. NO VINCE. WOW.. WHAT AN ABSOLUTE CONCEPT. WOW.. DAMN, SOMEONE CALL MY MOMMA! IT'S PARTY TIME! I LOVE IT!!!
5. Matt Morgan is a hoss. I think he's got raw untold potential, and he could be the next big thing. They're doing the job right in that regard, and he is showing the appropriate prowress to maintain his spot on the roster, being under the tutoledge of the WWE champion.
6. No gimmick thanksgiving gravy boat matches. Although the T&A is nice, the purity of the competition this week was enjoyable. Again, like I said initially, the show itself was solid, the competition was indeed intense, and it was nice to see.
7. What, in the name of all that is talent-less and stupid, is Ernest the Cat Miller going to do on Smackdown? Bore us to death screamin' 'someone call my momma'!' I mean, seein' Torrie Wilson take the lollipop out of paradise is a vision only dreams are made of, but this talent-less fool is a waste of Smackdown air time. Raw's gain of Version One is Smackdown's loss. If this dude is supposed to replace Version One, Smackdown lost that trade, big.
8. BREAK UP THE DAMN GUERREROS already! I mean, I can't stand it, each week, Chavo insulting Eddie, Chavo insulting Eddie. Eddie, run his leg over with the low rider, and let's get this feud started. This is, by far and away, the LONGEST, break up known to man.
Although he will never read this, as pro wrestling is not one of his faves, I need to take a moment to send my well wishes to my old man, my pop. He is laid out in the ICU at a local hospital near here with a busted rib and a punctured lung, with a blood clot somewhere in the area, but not in a sensitive spot. The emotional roller coaster never ceases to amaze, ladies and gentlemen. Anyone who says their lives are boring and redundant, call me. I'd like to propose a trade. Dad, best of luck. Feel better, get well, and COOPERATE! :) KIMOSABE, sumo!
Prior to writing this column, I received an email asking me for videotape copies of past Smackdowns. I can tell you that I do not have copies of past Smackdowns on videotape for distribution, and I believe I can speak for Wrestleview when I say that the site does not as well. I DO, however, have any and all of my columns available for your parousal, if you see fit, looking for something in particular. If that is your so desire, or you should want to rant and rave with me, drop me an email. HERE IS WHERE YOU DO SO:
To our illustrious leader: I'm sorry I'm late in submitting this mess, General. It was either late, or non-existent. I can't help bein' a vampire, it's the way I am.... My middle name is Vincent Price. :) or is it Bela Lagosy? Mwahahahahahahaha!
When will the Big Show defend the United States championship?? Has it become a forgotten title already?? It seems to have fallen in to the same pit as the Intercontinental title on Raw.
Ok, thugs and thug-ettes. It's time to end this rant and rave. I am but mere moments away from blowing up my computer and starting virtually over from scratch with everything, so I just got to say one thing.. actually two things......
check me out in the forum......word life?