» On Friday, January 16, 2004 at 2:19 AM EST Full WWE SmackDown Results
January 15th, 2004
Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole & Tazz
Reported by: Mike Siciliano of WrestleView.Com
THE CARD
-Jamie Noble defeated Tajiri to become #1 Contender for the Cruiserweight title.
-Rikishi defeated Scotty Too Hotty to gain entry for the Royal Rumble.
-The World's Greatest Tag Team defeated the Basham Brothers in a non-title match. The winners did gain entry to the Rumble match.
-Nunzio defeats Johnny Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo in a 3 man battleroyale for entry to the Royal Rumble.
-Big Show defeated Funaki to gain entry to the Royal Rumble.
-John Cena defeated Rhyno in a Loser gets his mouth washed out with soap match.
THE STUFF
Smackdown opened with Heyman saying this night would be a night of gambles, due to where they were. Before he could get much further, John Cena hits the ring. He freestyles Heyman in to a corner, telling him he is going to bounce his head like a ECW check, and that it's time to kick Heyman's ass. He sets up Heyman for the FU, gets attacked and gored by Rhyno for his effort, and because of the attack, Heyman promises Cena that this will be a night that the Doctor of Thugonomics will never forget.
COMMERCIAL
Match 1 is a rematch between Noble and Tajiri for the shot at the cruiserweight title and Rey Mysterio at the Royal Rumble. Tajiri begins the match by kicking Noble in virtually every portion of his anatomy. The match is pretty much back and forth until the henchmen attack Nidia. Akio is stopped by Noble, and the commentator's guest, the champion Mysterio stops Sakoda. Noble thanks Mysterio for his help by smacking him in the mouth for the second week in a row. While all this goes down, in the ring, Tajiri goes for a hilo over the top rope. Noble pulls Nidia in front of Tajiri, forcing Nidia to take the bump. Noble pulls Tajiri back in, hits the tiger driver, and gets the win. He then takes Nidia to the back, lying through his teeth about the chain of events that had taken place during the contest.
Heyman is on the stage crying about Cena's foul mouth. His remedy for this is the first ever "Loser gets his mouth washed out with soap" match. The stips are, if Cena loses, Heyman washes his mouth out with soap. Heyman then says, to give Cena something to fight for, that if Cena wins, Heyman himself will have his mouth washed out with soap. The opponent for the Doctor is the Man Beast, Rhyno.
COMMERCIAL
Big Show is being interviewed, surrounded by police, and wearing a neck brace. He claims Holly is a loose cannon, and is holding a 50 foot restraining order against Holly, hence the presence of the security force. Lesnar approaches Show to pledge his support, and remain within the presence of the security force, claiming he will take care of Holly at the Rumble.
Highlights are shown from last week's situation involving Los Guerreros.
Angle finds Eddie in the back, and tells him Chavo, Sr. is coming to the arena. He also tells Eddie that Heyman has a match setup for the rumble between Eddie and Chavo. Eddie starts yelling saying how does Angle know what Eddie wants, and that Eddie does not want to beat up his nephew. He wants Angle to get out of his, the Guerrero business.
COMMERCIAL
Rikishi and Scotty come out, allegedly for a tag title match, but via Dawn Marie, are told they are facing each other with a spot on the Royal Rumble match in the balance. A little apprehension at the beginning, but the fists start flying following a schoolboy attempt by the Worm. Scotty counters a Samoan Drop attempt by Rikishi, tries for his bulldog, gets sabot kicked in the face, suffers a banzai drop, and loses the match to the big Samoan in pretty convincing fashion.
COMMERCIAL
The Basham Brothers and the World's Greatest Tag Team come out for what is promoted as a tag team title match. Tazz stops that, receiving a message from Heyman, saying the match is non-title, but the winners of the match will gain entry to the Royal Rumble. A back and forth high intensity match with good isolation tactics by both teams ends with a sabot kick to Danny Basham's head by Shelton Benjamin when he was setting up Charlie Haas for what I believed could've been the Ball & Gag. Haas and Benjamin are in the Royal Rumble.
Angle is told by a stagehand that Chavo, Sr. is in the arena.
COMMERCIAL
Chavo Guerrero, Sr. is in the ring, claiming to be ashamed of what his son had done to his brother last week. He calls out Eddie Guerrero, his brother to apologize to him on his son's behalf. Eddie asks Chavo, Sr. if he raised Chavito to run in the face of bad times, and to turn his back on his family. He asks Chavo, Sr. why he is out here instead of the prepitrator of the heinous acts from last week. Out comes Chavo, Jr. Chavo stays out of the ring for a brief time, and when Eddie turns to confront him, Chavo, Sr. attacks Eddie from behind. Chavo Sr & Jr attack Eddie and double team him badly until Angle comes out to make the ave.
COMMERCIAL
During the break, the Chavo Guerreros, Senior and Junior, leave the arena.
The FBI are out for a promoted six man tag team matchup. Dawn Marie comes out and tells the FBI that because of their loss last week to Benoit, instead of 3 spots in the rumble for them, they only have one, and they have to fight for it in a battleroyal. Nunzio tries to force via peer pressure Palumbo and Stamboli to go over the rope. Neither of them listen to their 'leader' and the match gets physical. Stamboli gets eliminated via a sabot kick from Palumbo, and soon afterwards, Nunzio sneaks up from behind Palumbo and pushes him over the top rope to win the match and enter the rumble. Serious dissension is seen within the ranks of the FBI following this match.
Eddie finds Angle in the back, and thanks him for helping Latino Heat see the light, and Eddie is looking forward to getting the opportunity to kick Chavito's ass.
COMMERCIAL
Funaki is out for an impossible task to get in to the rumble, a match with the Big Show. Show comes out with the security force and Lesnar, and wins the match in virtually no time with a stiff right hand to Funaki's face.
Heyman is in the back with Rhyno, declaring it is Heyman's patriotic duty to wash out Cena's mouth with soap. He wants a resurrection does the Smackdown GM, he wants the resurrection of the 'extreme Rhyno.'
COMMERCIAL
Best of Billy Gunn countdown is shown: #2: Gunn winning the 1999 King of the Ring tournament over X Pac.
The Smackdown card, as of now, for the Royal Rumble is:
Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly for the WWE Championship.
Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble for the WWE Crusierweight Title.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero
Rhyno out with Heyman at his side for the main event against Cena. Heyman declares to the referee that Cena makes the slightest wrong move, disqualify him. He also declares that Rhyno will compete under ECW rules, basically no rules.
Rhyno has the advantage for the bulk of the contest, using various weaponry ala ECW, a kendo stick shot, and a steel chair. Cena gets some control back following an Irish Whip Reversal into a steel chair set in the turnbuckles by Rhyno.
Cena then hits the throwback, a double axe from the top rope, and tries for the FU. Heyman comes in, and lowblows Cena, and the match continues. Cena is slammed on a table laying down in the center of the ring, and is nearly squashed on this table by a splash attempt by the Man Beast.
Cena sets up the table on the corner like a rampway. Rhyno then turns Cena around and delivers a vicious spinebuster. The setup is in place to gore Cena through the table. Rhyno goes for it, Cena sidesteps, and the table turns into mulch from Rhyno's gore. Heyman hits the ring to get clocked in the face by Cena, Cena then FUs Rhyno to pick up the win.
Heyman tries to leave the ringside area to welch on the stips of the match, but is caught and brought back by Chris Benoit. Benoit and Cena plot a minute, and the Wolverine puts the GM in the sharpshooter. Cena talks with Heyman, tells him to lick, chew, and eat the soap. Everytime Heyman cries, resists, or talks back, Cena would just say "Chris", and Heyman suffers from the pressure of the sharpshooter. The hold is broken finally after Heyman takes a good bite of the soap and swallows it, allegedly because Cena claimed Heyman doesn't spit, he swallows.
Cena and Benoit laugh and celebrate as the show goes off the air.
COMMENTARY
I have to be honest, this is the 2nd time I am writing this column, so my commentary may be shorter than initial. Here we go. Point for point.
1. Why don't we just put the US title up for grabs since nobody seems to sign for a title match with the Big Show?
2. We need so many new tag teams, but this week's episode seemingly could've planted the seeds of the end of two different teams, those being the FBI and Rikishi & Scotty. Who is finally going to be able to take out the tag team champions, who seemingly find a way to not defend their titles at all?
3. What is the deal with the fact that Rikishi and Scotty have been promoted as having a tag team title shot for at least the last three weeks, and some swerve stops it. IS it so problematic for the Bashams to fight Rikishi that they need to figure out some creative way out of a possibly good match?
4. Week in, week out, the best performers on the show were Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and John Cena. Bar none.
5. My prediction for the Royal Rumble winner is the Doctor of Thugonomics, John Cena.
6. WHY in the name of God did the Big Show have to compete against Sho Funaki for a shot at the Royal Rumble? Can someone tell me how much of a waste of time that must've been?
7. Overall, Smackdown was slightly better this week. Perhaps because I slept through portions of it, so I am being nicer this week, but who knows. Last week's was so bad, there wasn't much way /* to go but up.
8. Repeating the cruiserweight title contendership match was absolutely idiotic. Why? Did they think that the angle last week was so stupid they needed to do it again? Someone in creative have temporary amnesia?
9. Brock Lesnar is a pussy.
10. Brock Lesnar is a pussy.
11. I hope Hardcore Holly does some significant major physical damage to our pussy WWE champion.
Ok. I am sorry for it being so short this time, I am just tired of typing. :)
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