Spoiler report courtesy of The Wrestling Observer:

Eric Bischoff and all the main heels come out. Bischoff said that Abyss put on a mixed martial arts clinic. A.J. Styles made fun of Sabu beign fired and said he was going to cripple Stevie Richards. Bischoff talked about Jeff Hardy keeping the title. Hardy said that he was the chosen one. Now we’re recycling Jeff Jarrett’s WCW nickname. Hey, at least he didn’t say he was the new Mr. Perfect or That 70s Guy or The Fat Chick Thriller. Hulk Hogan also came out and said he had a surprise for Hardy. A new belt was dropped from the ceiling that was all purple. Yes, Jeff is now the Divas champion and Hogan threw the old belt in the garbage can. Then Pope showed up in the crowd and said he was putting Abyss in a casket and putting Uncle Eric in a casket.

Samoa Joe challenged Jeff Jarrett, Gunner & Murphy. Joe asked Jarrett to shoot with him. Yes, folks, that means it’s real. RVD came out and wanted a match with Hardy for carrying a title he never lost. Then Matt Morgan came out and said he deserved the next shot since he got beat clean at the PPV. You know, in TNA we do exactly the opposite of what they do in UFC, because we do the same ratings and one one-hundreth of their PPV number, so unless you’ve beaten clean by the champion in a terrible match, you have no business getting a title shot. Winning matches to get a title shot is for those guys in the 70s.

Robbie E & Cookie b Jay Lethal & Taylor Wilde. Must not have been good because they ended up having to tape it a second time.

Team 3-D did their retirement speech. Bubba said that even though they lost, it was a great match to go out on. Devon thanked the fans and said it’s time to retire. Bubba said he’s going to star a rock and roll band. Maybe he can join that guy who is 49 years old, living his dream and playing in a rock band in the Bowflex commercial. At least if he trains with that guy he may not be able to play the guitar, but he’ll get in better shape. They hug each other, and then Bubba jumped Devon to start their feud that Tommy Dreamer got in the way of.

Eric Bischoff yelled at Earl Hebner for being a crummy ref. Jackson James (actually Uncle Eric’s son, so does that make him Eugene’s cousin?) said it was his fault for the match being screwed up. Wait a minute, he decided to turn Hardy heel and put Morgan in a main event? Morgan said he shouldn’t be mad at the ref and asked for a handicap match against Fortune.

Samoa Joe b Gunner & Murphy in a handicap match. Post match, Jarrett attacked Joe with a night stick until Kurt Angle made the ave laying eeryone out.

Eric Bischoff was in the bathroom talking with Abyss, who was in the stall. Bischoff was selling that it smelled really bad in there. If television scripts could somehow eminate an odor based on how bad they were, Bischoff was selling like he had an Impact script in his hand. Pope was hiding in another stall and laid out both Bischoff and Abyss.

Kazarian b RVD, which should make RVD the No. 1 contender for the title if he loses tomorrow night as well. Ref bump. Ric Flair hit the ring with a chair. Rhino made the save, got the chair, and then gored RVD and Kazarian pinned him. Tommy Dreamer started yelling at Rhino. As Dreamer checked on RVD, Rhino hit Dreamer with a chair.

Pope is still beating up Bischoff backstage.

Styles b Richards in a TV title match with the Styles Clash. Richards was taken out with a neck brace on.

Pope ended up putting Bischoff in the casket. Abyss attacked Pope. Bischoff got out of the casket and gave Pope a low blow. Abyss then put Pope in the casket and rolls the casket into the stage.

Morgan b Beer Money & Williams in a one-on-three when Beer Money and Flair walked out, leaving Williams alone with Morgan. Morgan pinned Williams with the carbon footprint. Hardy came from behind and gave Morgan a low blow, a twist of fate and a swanton.