Impact opens up with the “Rematch Remix” TNA put up on their website last week where they remixed Mr. Anderson’s rematch screams into a kind of song (like what was done with that stupid “Hide Ya Wife, Hide Ya Kids” rape song, a fine day for my state).
Mr. Anderson makes his way out to the ring as the camera cuts to the arena. There’s a big whiteboard in the ring as well, and a dorky looking guy accompanies Anderson to the ring. Mr. Anderson introduces us to Professor Shubert all the way from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay. Anderson says back when he was in school and was studying to become a “professional asshole”, Mr. Shubert was becoming the finest mathematician in the state of Wisconsin. Anderson says that when he was teaching the students about integers he was thinking about “plowing Mary Beth Kapowski that sit right next” to him. Anderson says that was then and this is now. He says there’s two boneheads in the back that’s in charge of TNA, Hogan & Bischoff. Anderson says their mathematics aren’t up to par so he brought Mr. Shubert out to verify that Anderson’s math is in fact correct. He says last week he had a match with “Reefer Van Dam” (oh damn) and both of their shoulders were pinned on the mat. Anderson illustrates it on the board and he says that’s “equal” right and then he adds that to the fact that he never received his rematch for losing the title. He says all of that equals… “I WANT MY FREAKING REMATCH!” Anderson says he deserves his rematch and Mr. Shubert says he agrees. Anderson says he’s free to go now but then stops him and Anderson says they need to talk about Mary Beth Kapowlski somemore. He talks about her body and says her butt was kind of big but in his book “that’s just more cushion for the pushing” (I agree). Anderson says Mr. Shubert didn’t like it when he was flirting with her and he wants to know if that was because he was concerned with teaching “integers” or if he was busy trying to get “into her.” He says that Mary Beth told him that Mr. Shubert was trying to get in her pants and that Mr. Shubert told her that Anderson was gay. Anderson says he loves gay people and he has no problem with them, but he’s not one. Shubert admits to it and Anderson says it’s fine and shakes Shubert’s hand and then he says he wants to leave his teacher with something to remember him by. Anderson asks Mr. Shubert if he knows why he would do such a thing and the teacher says it’s because he’s an asshole. Anderson says “BINGO” and then nails Mr. Shubert with the Mic Check and drops the whiteboard on top of him!
Hulk Hogan’s music hits and he and Eric Bischoff make their way out to the ring. Bischoff says he’s a genius and as smart as he is for the life of him he can’t figure out what Hogan saw in Anderson (calling him a piece of garbage). Bischoff says Anderson isn’t funny and he can’t make a point without attacking someone. Bischoff asks how the network will like this and suggests that every kid in North America will be trying to drop their teachers on their heads. Bischoff says Anderson is a bad example for the wrestlers and a bad example for the fans. Hogan says unlike Bischoff he digs Anderson’s shenanigans tonight. Hogan says they have one problem and that’s the fact that Anderson has been running amuck in TNA and breaking his rules. Hogan says he doesn’t like it one bit and he tried to help Anderson out last week by making him an offer of doing things the “Immortal way,” but Anderson told him he had to think about it. Hogan says he has something for Anderson to think about now and that’s there will be no rematch for Anderson until he earns it. Hogan says Anderson has a “rematch contract” signed by Dixie Carter that doesn’t mean a thing now. Hogan says he can take that piece of paper and wipe his ass with it. Hogan says tonight it’s Anderson vs. RVD and if he beats RVD then he will get his shot. Anderson isn’t happy about it and he says RVD isn’t even in his league. RVD didn’t like that last comment as he makes his way out to the ring.
Back from commercials RVD tells Anderson not to act surprised and he says in Pro Wrestling when you talk smack about someone, their music plays, they come out, and you have to answer to the smack you were talking. RVD says as much as he’d like to bust Anderson in the mouth, he’s not happy about having to face Anderson too to get a shot at the belt. RVD says if Anderson has something to say to him he needs to say it now, but Anderson says he’ll tell him in the ring since the “douchebag” (Hogan) in the ring with him. Hogan says if Anderson can’t beat RVD tonight he’ll be back in “the sandbox playing with that perverted professor again.” RVD says he likes it and he says that he was sitting home burned out from politics in wrestling and everyone from TNA’s offices called him, but when Hulk Hogan called him he took it very seriously because of Hogan’s legend. RVD asks when Hogan changed his mind and asks if Hogan always planned to bring RVD in and screw him. RVD says Hogan told him he could come into TNA and be himself and if that’s the case than this is RVDTV. He tells Hogan to stop holding him back and let him be the “WHOLE F’N SHOW” and then Sting’s music hits!
The TNA World Heavyweight Champion makes his way out onto the stage. Sting says this is great and Hogan & Bischoff talk like their in complete control here and like they are cool with the network, but the funny thing is that he got a call from Spike and they said that tonight in the #1 Contenders Match RVD vs. Anderson they want Sting to be the Special Enforcer! Sting says they said if anything out of the order happens he’s in control. Hogan and Bischoff aren’t happy.
Tenay says that tonight Ric Flair has a special challenge for Fortune. At the announce table Tenay & Taz talk about last weeks 4-Way and show footage of the brawl between AJ & Ray that led to AJ being Powerbombed off the stage. Tenay says that AJ suffered a “bruised spinal chord and some cervical damage” and he’s out “indefinitely.” Tenay wishes AJ a speedy recovery. Up next Mickie James vs. Tara.
In the back before Tara makes her way to the ring Madison tells Tara to destroy Mickie tonight “or else.” Tara says “winning…duh”, 2nd Charlie Sheen reference in TNA in the last few weeks.
Mickie James vs. Tara
Good lord is Mickie James looking good tonight! Mickie flips Tara into the ring as she gets on the apron and then nails her with a flying forearm followed by a Thesz Press. Mickie reigns down right hands on Tara and then as Tara tries to get away, Mickie grabs her from behind. Tara turns around and punches Mickie in the face. Tara then charges at Mickie but Mickie lifts her up into the air into a Flapjack. Mickie nips up to her feet and then she hits Tara with right hands and forearms. Tara answers with a series of nasty knees and then she connects her Standing Moonsault. 1…2…NO Mickie kicks out! Tara charges at Mickie but Mickie connects with a back elbow and then she goes for the Mickiecanrana but Tara blocks it and Powerbombs Mickie! 1…2…NO Mickie kicks out again! Tara climbs to the top rope and Mickie crotches her on the top by running into the ropes. Mickie then nails Tara with an uppercut and climbs upt op with Tara and sets up for something but Tara takes Mickie’s legs out from under her. Mickie falls down into a sitting position in Tara’s lap (get your mind out of the gutter perverts). Tara nails Mickie with forearms which causes Mickie to fall back and hang upside down as Tara kept her legs hooked on the top rope. Tara locks Mickie in a Hanging Boston Crab! Tara then slams Mickie to the mat off the top with a Front Slam and then she rolls forward while still hooking Mickie’s legs, and then she rolls backwards into a Boston Crab again! That was a sick damn sequence right there! Mickie fights the hold and finally gets to the ropes. Tara waits for Mickie to get to her feet and then she kicks Mickie and sets up for the Widows Peak, but Mickie counters into the Mickie-DT! She lifted herself WAY up into the air on that, absolutely sick! She spiked the hell out of Tara, 1…2…3!
Winner: James via pinfall (Mickie-DT)
Madison Rayne comes out onto the stage after the match wearing a tiny dress by the way and stares Mickie down. A replay of that nasty DDT is shown.
In the back Anderson approaches Sting and he says that he knows Sting doesn’t like him and he doesn’t care, but Sting stole his title shot. Sting says he didn’t steal anything and the Network awarded him the title shot. Anderson asks if this a freaking beauty pageant and he wants to know who called Sting. Anderson says that same person must’ve been the person that made Sting the Special Enforcer tonight and he wants to know who it is. Sting says that there is “no name behind the Network…it’s just THE NETWORK” and then he walks away.
They show footage of Pope beating Okato down last week. In the back Joe is giving Okato some pointers on his match with Pope tonight but Okato says something in Japanese and walks away. Joe says “alright” and walks the opposite way.
Okato vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
I do believe this is Okada’s first match on Impact. He’s wrestled many times on Xplosion however. Okada attacks Pope at the bell with a dropkick and then he nails Pope with repeated kicks and forearms. Okada attempts to whip Pope into the corner but Pope reverses it only to have Okada float up and over a charging Pope. Okada then connects with a big Roundhouse Kick and then he climbs to the top. Okada dives off the top with a Missile Dropkick but Pope sidesteps it and then he chokes Okada on the middle rope and nails him with several Crossfaces. Pope sets up like he’s going to hit the Coronation but he stops and then rolls out of the ring and nails Okada with rights and lefts from the outside. He even sticks Okada’s head in the ring apron and then nails him with some nasty knees. Pope the hits a running kick to Okada’s head. Pope rolls back into the ring as Tenay says that it is official, Samoa Joe will face The Pope inside a Steel Cage at Lockdown in a match he calls “The streets vs. submissions.” Pope kicks Okada and his mouth is busted open after some of those knees. Pope takes off his shoe and blasts Okada with it. Pope then takes off his glove and reveals that he has a bunch of rings on his fingers! He then nails Okada with a nasty sounding uppercut with that hand. The referee immediately disqualifies Pope as he continues to blast Okada with those rings.
Winner: Okada via DQ
Okada is bleeding in the ring and Pope nails the referee with a big right hand now! Pope continues to blast Okada with those right hands until Samoa Joe runs down and chases Pope out of the ring. The fans chant “Joe” as Joe checks on Okada.
The video package that they showed about Sting after his return is shown again. They’ve added more footage of Sting talking about Hogan and Bischoff taking over and why Sting returned to TNA this time.
We then cut to a great video package highlighting the Kurt Angle-Jeff Jarrett drama. Angle says Karen is a crucial weapon for Jeff and he needed to find a way to get Jeff in the ring alone, which is the Steel Cage. Kind of ironic, that’s the way that Samoa Joe finally got Angle alone in the ring without Karen at Lockdown inside the Cage when Joe won the belt. Angle says that at Lockdown anything can happen and that’s what’s so great about the event. He says Lockdown will be the end of the Angle-Jarrett feud because of what he will do to Jeff. He says no one is meaner, tougher, or badder than him and he’s going to step it up a notch.
During the break I hear that Hogan made an appearance on American Idol tonight, I wonder if he even mentioned TNA on it? Doubt it.
In the back Hogan invites RVD into his office. Hogan says RVD is right, he’s not the same Hulk Hogan that brought RVD back into TNA. He says he’s been through a lot over the past few years but he says RVD is his guy and he knows that he misguided him in the past. RVD says that Bischoff sees something in Anderson but he doesn’t (playing them against each other). Hogan says he’s an asshole from head to toe. Hogan says if he had it his way RVD would already have the shot. He says he’ll be pulling for RVD tonight and he’s in his corner. RVD laughs and seems to possibly be believing Hogan and as he walks away Hogan says “good luck.” When RVD leaves the room Hogan starts laughing and says “what an idiot.”
Ric Flair leads Matt Hardy and Bully Ray out to the ring now. Flair says usually he likes to come out to the ring and steal the show and do all the talking, but tonight GOD (that would be Ric) is going to pass the microphone off to two of the greatest tag team wrestlers of all time (Hardy & Ray). WOOO! Hardy says it’s a tragedy to see four guys like Fortune go down the same road that he and Bully Ray went down. He says it’s a road to destruction. Hardy says 12 years ago he and Ray helped changed the business (TLC Matches) and all the money and the success was imaginary because the same people that were shaking their hands and telling him how they great they were they were stabbing them in the back with the other hand. Hardy says that now they are the guys brandishing the knives but instead of stabbing them in the back, they’ll stab them right in front of them. He says they’ll make sure Fortune doesn’t achieve any of their hopes and aspirations. Ray says he couldn’t have said it better himself but what he would really like to know is if AJ is here…he says of course he isn’t because last week he sent AJ a message. Ray calls him a punk and he says he did it because he can. Ray says he’s been walking around with a chip on his shoulders for years and nobody has knocked it off yet because everyone is afraid of him and intimidated by him. He says back in Hell’s Kitchen his Uncle Vito used to tell him that if you wanted something from someone you made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. Here is the offer, Ray suggests “the four of us” (who the hell is the fourth?) against Fortune at Lockdown. He asks if they have the balls to accept. Fortune’s music hits and Fortune minus AJ make their way to the ring.
They storm the ring and jump Immortal! Fortune is putting the beatdown on Immortal! Roode pulls Flair’s shirt off of him and starts chopping the hell out of him! Storm & Kaz take Bully Ray & Kaz out to the floor and beat them down. Roode throws Flair’s shirt into the crowd and Flair tries to lowblow Roode but Roode catches Flair’s arm and continues the beating! Roode is destroying Flair with the chops! Storm climbs back into the ring and they set up for the DWI but the lights go out and someone comes from under the ring and attacks Beer Money! It’s ABYSS! Abyss Chokeslams Roode and then Chokeslams Storm! Abyss grabs Kaz and hits the Black Hole Slam! I guess we know who the fourth is. Abyss picks Kaz up and Chokeslams him now. Immortal beats on Fortune 4-on-3 now. We haven’t seen Abyss in a few months.
In the back Abyss says retribution just happened. He says Fortune thought by burying Janice in his back that they could take him out but what they didn’t realize is what doesn’t kill the monster, makes it stronger. Abyss says monsters aren’t in your closet or under your bed, this monster is in their face and he’s coming to get them!
Hernandez’s music interrupts Tenay as he was talking and Hernandez’s new buddy as well as Rosita & Sarita. Sarita looks good as hell tonight. Hernandez grabs the mic and says that he knows we all know the two fine females in the ring, but then he introduces us to his boy Anarquia (Anarchy). He says he is the newest citizen to his new country, Mexican-America. Hernandez says day-by-day, one-by-one they are taking over. He says they are taking our jobs, our women, and most importantly our money. He says they are the superior race. Hernandez says we can build all the fences we want but we won’t keep them out. Sarita says something in Spanish and Taz with the line of the night: “I don’t know what she said, but it sounded hot.” Hernandez says soon the Gringos will stop worshiping this: and then an American flag lowers. He says we will start worshiping this: and a Mexican flag rolls down over the American flag. Awesome symbolism there. The flag is huge. Hernandez says last week he and his homeboy challenged Morgan to a Street Fight Mexicana style. Anarquia screams at Morgan and wants to know if Morgan is going to accept their challenge or what.
Morgan doesn’t make them wait long and he doesn’t come along, as Brother Devon walks out with him! Devon has a mic and he says to answer their challenge…they accept!
Mexican Street Fight
Brother Devon & Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez & Anarquia
They hit the ring and attack the Mexicans. Morgan and Hernandez spill out to the floor. The Mexican flag is still hanging above the ring. In the ring Anarquia whips Devon into the ropes but Devon nails him with a big Shoulderblock! Devon whips Anarquia into the corner and nails him with a clothesline followed by a Sidewalk Slam for a nearfall. Devon clotheslines Anarquia to the floor as Morgan rolls Hernandez back into the ring. Hernandez pokes Morgan in the eyes and then attempts to whip him into the ropes but Morgan turns it around and goes for a clothesline. Hernandez ducks and then goes for a Cross Body but Morgan catches him in midair! He connects with a Fall Away Slam! Morgan gets Hernandez in the corner and nails him with those Corner Back Elbows. Morgan clotheslines Hernandez out to the floor again. Devon continues to beat Anarquia down at ringside as Rosita gets in Morgan’s face and Sarita gets in Devon’s face! Velvet Sky runs down and jumps Rosita! Rosita & Sarita beat Velvet down on the ramp and then Angelina Love walks onto the ramp with a blank look on her face. Instead of helping Velvet she just stares until Winter walks out and screams at Angelina. Angelina stops and then walks back to Winter. Rosita & Sarita continue to beat on Velvet as Devon hits a Shoulderblock on Anarquia in the ring. Devon knocks Hernandez off the apron but Anarquia hits Devon with Brass Knucks as he turns around! 1…2…3!
Winners: Hernandez & Anarquia via pinfall
The Mexican-Americans celebrate as we see a replay of Anarquia nailing Devon with the knucks.
Ink, Inc. vs. Scott Steiner & Crimson
Why the hell is Steiner teaming with Crimson and not his “brother” Amazing Red? Steiner and Neal will start the match off. Why does it look like Neal is wearing boxers in the ring? Steiner tosses Neal into to the corner and begins the beat down. Steiner hits the ropes and nails Neal with a shoulderblock followed by a T-Bone Suplex! Steiner puts the boots to Neal and then lights him with chops. He whips Neal into the ropes and connects with the Steinerline followed by a Steiner Elbow Drop and then he does the pushups to mock Neal. Crimson tags in the first time and they whip Neal into the ropes and connect with a huge Double Shoulderblock. Crimson connects with a Sitout Front Suplex for a nearfall. Crimson screams at Neal and ducks a clothesline but then eats a series of back elbows from Neal. Neal hits the ropes but gets nails by a Big Boot. Neal falls backwards into the ropes and as he falls through them Moore is able to tag himself in. Moore comes in and ducks a clothesline from Crimson only to eat a huge shoulder block followed by a clothesline and then a Back Elbow. Crimson whips Moore into the corner and Crimson charges but Moore ducks it. Moore charges at Crimson with a Back Heel Kick attempt but Crimson catches him in midair and slams him to the mat. Crimson walks into a back elbow from Moore and then Moore comes off the top with a Diving Moonsault! Moore screams at Neal to get back up and then he climbs up top and dives off but Crimson catches him in midair and hits the Red Alert for the pin!
Winner: Crimson via pinfall (Red Alert)
Crimson shakes Neal’s hand after the match but Moore picks up his Steiner’s chainmail and wipes his ass with it and then throws it at him. Moore bails out before Steiner can get to him. Moore argues with Neal up the ramp and he says “you’re not a student anymore” and walks away.
A video package hyping up Anderson-RVD is shown.
TNA World Title #1 Contenders Match
Special Enforcer: Sting
“Whole F’N Show” Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson
This is a rematch from Victory Road. RVD & Anderson lockup and Anderson gets RVD in a side headlock but RVD counters into a wristlock and then a side headlock of his own. Anderson shoves RVD into the ropes and goes for a backdrop but RVD stops and kicks Anderson. RVD then hits the ropes again but eats a back elbow from Anderson. Anderson beats on RVD in the corner and then whips RVD into the opposite corner but RVD floats up and over Anderson and then connects with a series of kicks. RVD then hits a Springboard Back Kick followed by a Standing Moonsault for a nearfall. RVD follows up with a Corkscrew Leg Drop and then he goes for Rolling Thunder, but Anderson rolls away. RVD hits Anderson with a forearm and then he whips Anderson into the corner and goes for a Rolling Monkey Flip but Anderson blocks it and connects with the Swinging Neckbreaker! Anderson covers RVD for a nearfall. Anderson chokes RVD on the middle rope and then he hits a Neckbreaker over his own knee! 1…2…NO RVD kicks out! Anderson picks RVD up and RVD tries to make a comeback but Anderson hits him with a knee and then he whips RVD hard into the corner. Anderson covers RVD again and again gets a nearfall. Anderson locks RVD in a headlock now but RVD fights to his feet and attempts to break the hold with a back elbow but Anderson cuts him off with a clubbing blow to the back. Anderson attempts to whip RVD into the corner but RVD reverses it and then he ducks a clothesline from Anderson and Anderson hits the referee! RVD Superkicks Anderson! Sting checks the referee and then makes the count! 1…2…NO Anderson kicks out! RVD attempts to whip Anderson into the ropes but Anderson reverses it and counters into the Green Bay Plunge! 1…2…NO RVD kicks out! Anderson locks in a headlock on RVD now but RVD fights to his feet and breaks the hold with elbows. Anderson grabs RVD by the head and tries to slam his head into the corner but RVD blocks it with his foot and kicks Anderson in the face with a front kick! RVD follows up with a clothesline followed by a second one and then another Superkick! RVD hits the Split Legged Moonsault! 1…2…NO Anderson kicks out! RVD sets up for Rolling Thunder again and this time Anderson rolls out of the ring so RVD immediately hits a Slingshot Plancha over the top onto Anderson on the floor! RVD connects with a series of forearms on Anderson on the floor but Anderson pokes him in the eyes and then tosses a chair into the ring. Sting turns around and tosses the chair back out of the ring but while he was doing that Anderson kicks RVD in the nuts. Anderson Mic Check’s RVD into the ring post! Anderson then rolls back into the ring and Anderson tells Sting to make the count, but Sting tells RVD to get back in the ring instead! This angers Anderson and he grabs Sting’s arm and starts making the count himself. Sting tells Anderson not to touch him and tells him to back off so Anderson punches him! Anderson and Sting exchange right hands in the ring now! The bell rings as Anderson hits Sting from behind. Earl Hebner is out and he tries to pull Sting and Anderson apart.
Winner: RVD via DQ
Security runs out and separates Sting and Anderson but Anderson breaks out and jumps Sting again! Finally they separate them again.
Replays of the Main Event are shown when we come back from the commercial. RVD acts like he is woozy from what happened. He thinks he’s about to have his match rather than he just had it and then he thinks he has it next week. RVD is confused, as in concussion-esque.
Anderson is pissed off and he’s screaming about getting DQ’d. He says Sting deep down doesn’t want to face him and he asks why Sting is afraid of him.
Sting says he didn’t ring the bell so he doesn’t know what happened there and he says if Anderson wants a piece of him he can come get some. Anderson hears this and gets in Sting’s face and they start fighting again. Some really stiff shots from both guys. Agents run over and break them up. Anderson screams at Sting and says one way or another he’s his. Sting tells him to get his facts right before he gets hurt. Anderson asks who rung the bell and mocks Sting.
Tonight was better than last week (and the week before) and we at least had some more in ring stuff but still not great tonight.
We got another long opening that wasn’t bad at all but it’s like they think they HAVE to open the show with a long promo. I understand they want to set up the Main Event for later early but we don’t have to have the same setup every week. Have a match to open and then the next segment do it or something like that. Mix it up.
Mickie-Tara was a very good TV match that told a great story of Tara juts wanting to “take Mickie out” for Madison. Also it had some cool spots with the Boston Crab and that nasty DDT. These two have had better matches but this was perfect for what it was for. By the way Mickie injured her arm at a house show last week and it’s unclear if she will be able to wrestle at Lockdown now.
Okada looked okay in the ring but this was just there for Pope to get more heat and he didn’t care about “winning” the match rather than just beating the crap out of Okada, which he did well. Hopefully the can blow the feud off with a good match because the rest of the feud has been very underwhelming. Okada just needs to be Okada too. The Okato thing does nothing for me.
I liked the Fortune-Immortal segment and Abyss looked pretty good out there but then he talked. He just needs to be the silent monster and let Flair or someone else talk for him. Also, if AJ doesn’t wrestle at Lockdown and its NOT because of an injury (because I’ve read or heard nothing about him having a legit injury) it will be a big shame and uncalled for. It would be the first Lockdown ever that AJ didn’t compete at.
TNA really is letting Hernandez sink or swim with this new faction on his own. I like where it’s going and the thing with the flags was a nice tough. Hopefully they bring El Zorro from AAA into this group and I really think they need another talker (maybe Hector Guerrero?). I don’t know if they are going to give them a new name or will eventually just call it L.A.X. again.
The Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink, Inc. tag match was okay, but I really like the story they’re telling with Ink, Inc. of Neal being the young guy wanting “respect” while Moore is trying to show him to not give a damn and just care about winning and nothing else.
The Main Event was solid but I am so sick of these screwy/non-finishes. It is beyond ridiculous when almost every week the Main Event ends like that, especially when PPV’s have it too. It looks like they’re heading toward RVD-Anderson-Sting for Lockdown and the match sounds okay but 3-Ways in a Cage don’t typically come off well. I really loved the stuff they did after the Main Event in the back with RVD selling the Mic Check to the ring post and the brawl between Sting and Anderson.
– Promo/Segment of the Night: Opening segment
– Match of the Night: Anderson vs. RVD (**)
– Overall Grade: C –
Scheduled for Next Week:
– TNA World Title Steel Cage Match: Sting (c) vs. TBA
– Lethal Lockdown: Immortal (Matt Hardy, Ric Flair, Abyss, & Bully Ray) vs. Fortune (Beer Money & Kazarian) & TBA
– Steel Cage Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle
– Steel Cage Match: Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan
– TNA Knockouts Title vs. Hair Steel Cage Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James