Before I welcome you all into the Casa today, can I just take a moment to send my condolences out to the Van Stone family. God only knows what they must be going through right now. My thoughts and prayers go out to Tom and Katherine during this awful time.
Well! It’s been quite the week. Between the funeral of my Great Grandma, university work, job hunting, seeing the family over Easter, spending some much needed time with the missus and following United in their European and domestic excursions (I?m talking about Manchester United by the way, every other United pale in comparison) I almost didn?t find time to get round to the Casa this week. I know, I know, it’s shocking that I would even forget for a second about the single greatest piece of weekly wrestling based literature on the internet today, but even the best get sloppy sometimes, and I have to admit, Casa-wise this week, I?ve been beyond sloppy.
As I fixed myself a drink and sat down at my laptop to begin another masterpiece, I suddenly realized that I didn?t in fact have a topic to write about this week. Because of all the hoo-hah surrounding WrestleMania last weekend and the last minute dramatics of Federico Macheda (more football (soccer) based talk there for those of you out of the loop with the beautiful game) I was devoid of creative inspiration. Exhausted by jubilation and anticipation. ?What to write about?? I pondered. Perhaps I could produce a thought inducing piece on the phenomena of fake tanning in modern day wrestling. Or maybe I could ramble semi coherently for 1500 words about my top ten favourite gimmicks in wrestling history.
Then it hit me. As I was perusing the news board of this fine website, I came across a story about the upcoming WWE draft which takes place tonight (or tomorrow night at the time of writing). Now, it’s not the draft that was the subject which inspired today’s column, but rather Joey Styles and his Twitter account. See, the news story was reporting that former ECW play by play legend Joey Styles had announced on his Twitter account the number of superstars who would be drafted during tonight’s draft. This got me to thinking, why don?t more WWE superstars have Twitter accounts?
You would think in this day and age of kayfabe in wrestling being practically dead, that Vinnie Mac would be encouraging his workers to make strides in the world of online social networking. I know there’s the WWE Universe website, where the odd superstar will blog every now and again, but there’s always the sense that to keep the marks happy, that the content on there will be kayfabed. Not that there’s a problem with that, because essentially, that’s what an official WWE social networking website should be.
Also, I am well aware that several superstars have their own blogs and websites and Myspace accounts, but it’s not usually the big guns is it? Who gives a shit what Gregory Helms did this past week or what knee slappers Brian Kendrick has to share? Jim Ross? and JBL’s blogs aside, there’s not a single WWE blog I can think of that I would be remotely interested in reading. I could be spending my time more productively. Like trawling the web for vag sites.
So no offense to the likes of Helms and Kendrick or whoever, because I?m sure they?re nice guys, but who wouldn?t want to see HHH open a Twitter account? He should do it just to piss off the smarks. When he logs on to find Twitter asking him the immortal question ?What are you doing right now?? his responses could consist of any of the following;
a) Just refused to put over Jericho. LOLZ
b) Squashed Shelton. Like totally buried him.
c) Think I might hold down half the roster today. I AM THE GAME LMAO!!!!111!!
d) Just nailed Steph. Should secure me another 4 title reigns.
I get the reasoning behind starting with Joey Styles as the first WWE guy that I know of to open a Twitter account. He runs the online media side of things for the ?E? and let’s face it, is an entertaining guy and someone who people know well enough to care about. I just wished we?d got the update; ?In Iraq, knocked out Bradshaw? OH MY GOD!!!?
However, with everyone from Kevin Spacey to MC Hammer on Twitter, you?d have thought Vinnie Mac, being a stickler for anything new or mainstream with which to market his product, would have jumped on the Twitter gravy train months ago. Although, I?ll admit, I?m glad we haven?t seen an official Vincent Kennedy Mcmahon Twitter page as the frequency with which he changes his mind may cause Twitter to explode in an orgy of bizarre thoughts and Christian related rants.
Twitter could even be a launching pad to begin feuds. I don?t know about you readers, but I?d mark out as if the Ultimate Warrior and Ken Shamrock had just returned as a tag team if Edge ran out in the middle of a CM Punk match to attack Punk because he has more Twitter followers than the ?Rated R Superstar?. Edge could then follow up this attack by hacking into Punk’s account and blocking his followers one by one and posting obscene messages to deter fans from following him any more. That feud would print money.
Also, the market for ‘shoot Tweets? would be huge. Released superstars letting rip in 140 characters or less about who was holding them back during their time in the WWE and why they shouldn?t have been released would be a ton of fun to read. If not because the ability to ?re tweet? or reply to a person’s status would surely see some hilarious immediate responses which usually wouldn?t be possible in the current world of shoot interviews. If Trent Reznor and Chris Cornell can bicker over Twitter, then I?m sure current and ex WWE employees can as well, with the results being ten times as entertaining. Remember the diva who claims Randy Orton made a number two in her bag? Her name escapes me, but imagine she twittered something along the lines of ?Randy Orton took a shit on my belongings, then I was fired?, only for Orton to see it (don?t ask me why Orton would be Twitter friends with someone whose possessions he likes to crap on) and reply ?Bitch you had it coming. Count your lucky stars I didn?t punt your tits off?. My personal favourite ex WWE twitterer would be Chris Kanyon and the update ?Pat Patterson was such a cock tease?.
The response to John Cena’s ?tweets? alone would be reason enough to encourage superstars to open up Twitter accounts. Although I?d fear Cena may simply use his Twitter account to annoy The Rock even more, an unfortunate hobby which isn?t doing Cena any favours whatsoever in the eyes of both the wrestling and non wrestling communities. However, seeing idiots replying to Cena’s status updates with ?U CANT WRASSLE? and ?OMGZ CENA U SUKK!!!? would make my day over and over again. Got to love Cena haters and the shockingly vast amount of retardation they possess. Although I suppose spending all your spare time watching some poor chump blow himself up in the indies with a million variations of a suplex and 630 moonsaults onto concrete floors is going to invariably waste away brain cells at an alarming rate. It’s what makes the ?John Cena can?t wrestle? crowd such fun.
Anyway, off topic ranting aside, I actually feel this is a move the WWE could make within the next year or so. Let us weirdo’s know what our favourite superstars are doing right now. I want to know if the Undertaker managed to sell that six bedroom mcmansion with the double garage and attic conversion. I also want to know if Candice Michelle has had her jugs waxed recently. Not to mention hearing about how many women Chris Jericho has pie faced and what Umaga had for dinner.
I?ll admit, I?ve become addicted to Twitter over the past month or so, whether it’s trying to decipher what the hell P Diddy (is that his name at the moment?) is talking about or laughing at Russell Brand’s various crudities, I think it’s a hoot. Throw in my favourite WWE superstars and I?ll be happier than a pig in shit, and I?m sure a lot of you oddballs would be too. So why not indulge us a little? Break away from the safety of the WWE Universe and give us social networking geeks a bit more fat to chew on. Let Joey Styles be the first in a succession of WWE personalities to twitter away for our own weird personal amusement.
And so the door once again closes on the Casa for another week. Enjoy yourselves or did you find your stay unpleasant and end up coming away with a slightly violated feeling? Get in touch and tell me at email@example.com.
Or, in the spirit of this column, follow my arse on Twitter. My username is JoeBaia. I?m always reliable for a humorous 140 character anecdote every now and again.
Next week I shall be regaling you with tales of the greatest hairstyles in wrestling. Thus concluding the trilogy of what makes a great wrestler, following on from my earlier columns about facial hair and ring attire. Be sure to drop by the Casa next week, it’s going to be historic. Recommended viewing is anything Michael Hayes has ever done in wrestling.
Until next time, Arriverderci.