-The First Shot-
Hello everyone and welcome to your 53rd edition of The Shoot. I am your gracious host as always. I have a mishmash of stuff to talk about today. Again, I had several topics I wanted to discuss then some new topics came up? so I?m going to announce that today’s column will be Edition Number 3 of Random Wrestling Thoughts. Unlike the last two editions which were expanded Quick Shots columns.. I actually have topics to talk about this time around. Also got my thoughts on what I think was a PPV back on Sunday and I pop another nerdgasm in Culture Shock.
Speaking of Quick Shots.. what would my column be without them? I?ll tell you what.. it would be just another other column.. that’s what. Let’s hit them up!
The Nature Boy jobbed to his wife the other day. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Flair had a late night disagreement and it escalated into a physical altercation. The only thing is, it was Mrs. Flair assaulting Mr. Flair. You don?t typically hear that in wrestling, but in this case, it happened. According to Ric’s PR guy, Ric did nothing wrong. I highly doubt that Ric did nothing wrong, but that’s what you got PR guys for? to make you look like the good guy. I am sure that there will be more to this story as the days and weeks go by. This is probably just another internet satire waiting to happen and since it involves Ric Flair, I will be paying extra special attention to this one. I just want to know one thing? did Ric do the the Flair Flop? That’s all I want to know.
TNA decided to edit out the footage of Orlando Jordan kissing his male assistant on last week’s edition of iMPACT! This is a smart move because the major demographic of professional wrestling is males. No man wants to see any man lock lips with yet, another man. I mean? if you want further proof of the kind of reaction this would get? one would have to re-visit WWE Armageddon 2002 when Edge and A-Train had a match? Edge hit a sit out reverse DDT and accidentally pulled up on A-Train’s tights exposing portions of his nether region. If you want to hear what 20,000 men groaning in disgust sounds like? go back and watch that match. I am pretty sure you?ll hear the same? only, fractioned since I doubt TNA will EVER see 20,000 fans in a month of combined shows.
Teddy Hart has interest in coming back to the WWE. So? let me get this straight. He’s worked for AAA wrestling in Mexico? got suspended without the ability to return and he wants to come back to the WWE where he was released not once, but TWICE due to attitude problems? If Vince McMahon signs him for a third time, I will lose all faith in the self-proclaimed genetic jackhammer of professional wrestling. I mean hiring and firing Goldust 50 times is quite different than Teddy Hart. In fact, what promotion has Teddy Hart NOT been fired from in the past decade? I mean, Ring of Honor only took Hart back because Rob Feinstein and Gabe Sapolsky aren?t around anymore. How long until Hart burns his bridge with them for a second time? Teddy Hart just needs to go flip burgers and pump my gas? end of story.
-The Big Shot: Random Wrestling Thoughts III-
So as aforementioned, I have a few topics that I wanted to cover in the past? and I had a few topics come up recently that I thought would make for some decent columns.. but none of the topics I felt were worth enough to make into a full column? so to get these ideas and thoughts out of the way? it’s time for the latest mishmash column that I call Random Wrestling Thoughts.
Thought I: Past Wrestlers in Present Time
This was actually discussed on Wrestleview Radio when one of the regulars in the chat room, simply known as Cable Cars, presented a list of wrestlers who are no longer with us or are not active any longer and if they could make it in today’s business. I don?t know the entire list, but I started thinking about wrestlers myself and I thought I would offer my 2 cents on my top three.
1. Owen Hart ? This is the most blatant one that I could ever think of. Owen was taken from us way too early on May 23, 1999. Many often wondered where Owen would be today, eleven years later, if he were still with us. I know that many people described Owen as a happy guy who was just happy to have a spot, but Owen had not only tremendous ability, but a lot of charisma. I could see Owen as a multi-time World Champion as well as a Wrestlemania headliner in this day and age. I could see him feuding as both a heel and a face with the likes of John Cena, Triple H, and Randy Orton. I think he would have been a huge star that could have adapted with the times and been a great main eventer.
2. Andre the Giant ? I know this one was covered on the radio show, but I would like to offer my thoughts on him as well. You know? that whether it was in WCW or the WWE? somewhere, Vince McMahon would put him against the Big Show. I remember when WCW booked Show, then known as The Giant, as Andre’s son. If Andre were alive and kicking today, I could just envision the WWE making a huge storyline about that and I guarantee you that it would be a non-title match at Wrestlemania that would have drawn bigger than probably the main event.
3. Jake Roberts ? I know Roberts was around in the WWE in the early 90s, but I wonder if he was younger, in his prime and, well? clean? if he could make it in today’s era. I think he would without thinking twice about it. Roberts cut some of the most intelligent promos that never really insulted the fans intelligence? he had charisma, and the ability to tell a story in a wrestling ring like no other in his time. I don?t know if the whole snake thing would go over today, but I am pretty sure, Jake himself, would be main eventing and showing the WWE locker room how it’s supposed to be done. A CLEAN Jake the Snake in his prime would be one hell of an attraction in today’s industry.
4. Tyler Black ? No? No? Just No?. I know I said three, but I had to throw this one in there? just NO.
Thought II: TNA Moving to Monday Nights
I know I touched upon this subject in Quick Shots last week, but I am ready for a full blown rant on it. The only problem was that my rant wouldn?t have been enough to fill a column so these little potpourri columns are perfect for what I need to say.
Are you nuts?
I mean.. I know Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff present a mighty attractive advertising and potential growth package for your company, but you really have to take a step back here and think about what you are doing. So TNA garnished their highest rating ever on that live broadcast back on January 4, 2010. So it got SpikeTV thinking about moving iMPACT to Monday Nights. So there is a SLIVER? and I do mean SLIVER of silver lining to the dark cloud that has plagued your promotion because you don?t know how to book a wrestling show to save your life?
It doesn?t give you the right to commit career suicide! The WWE is going to BURY TNA in the ratings each and every Monday night.. ESPECIALLY on the Monday nights where TNA is going to be taped and not live. People are going to read the spoilers on this wonderful thing that we call the internet and they are going to going to flip on Raw and not give two squirts of monkey piss about what TNA is doing for their two hour broadcast.
I mean? I will admit? TNA has gotten better since Hogan and Bischoff took over creative control. Is it WORLDS better to the point where they can compete with Vince McMahon? No? it’s not, but it is a better product. I know turning around a product like TNA is going to take some time, but this just seems so rushed. I mean.. it hasn?t even been two months since this whole epiphany that TNA has seemingly experienced has come to pass and they are just jumping into the ocean without a boat or even a life preserver.
Oh well.. I am reminded of a song by Akumajo Belmont entitled ?For You? and the lyrics say ?The only way to learn is to experience the pain? TNA is going to experience the pain. They will experience sagging ratings after being crushed by Monday Night Raw? they will experience disinterest from the SpikeTV network due to those sagging ratings, and they will either be dropped or back on Thursday nights, probably by year’s end UNLESS? and I do mean UNLESS? TNA can continue to improve and do so at an exponential rate. They need that kind of rapid growth.. like adding fire to the mucus from the movie Evolution style growth, to make this work.
Can they do it? Even though I?ve hated TNA? I kind of want to see them do it. Call me a hypocrite for bashing them and then wanting to see them succeed, but even though TNA is almost about to be the proverbial fish about to get shot in the barrel, I am tired of the stale wrestling scene where only the WWE is in charge. I kind of want variety and even though I hate them, they?re the only ones to rely on at this point.
Thought III: When Gimmick PPVs Become Redundant: Part II
About three months ago, I did a column about WWE’s gimmick PPVs Hell in a Cell, Extreme Rules, Breaking Point, etc.. you know what they were. I thought that this would have been the end of it. Three months ago, I talked about No Way Out being re-named to WWE Elimination Chamber, which took place back on Sunday? more on that in One Extra Round.
When it comes to it ending? boy was I dead wrong.
Here we are today? three months later and the WWE has killed ANOTHER one of its staple PPVs. The first to die was King of the Ring. This was a great PPV for creating future stars. Some of WWE’s biggest names have won the King of the Ring and have gone on to be world champions. Some of the others *coughBillyGunncough* didn?t. Despite some successes and some failures, it was an excellent platform to push younger talent and build new stars.
Now you can kiss WWE Survivor Series goodbye. Yep? the traditional November PPV where teams of five go against each other until one team is left standing via single person elimination is now done and over with because Vince McMahon feels that the concept is antiquated. Well? he does have a point, but when a PPV has been a staple of your product for such a LONG time? one would wonder if this kind of a decision needed to be made. I mean? I will miss Survivor Series? but I will miss it even more, and I am sure you will too, when you hear the name for its replacement.
WWE presents: Fatal Four Way.
I?ll let that elongated ellipse represent the sound of chirping crickets gently caressing your eardrums. Seriously? words cannot describe how horrible that concept sounds. The name in and of itself is VERY boring. The concept of having a four way match is no different than giving one away for FREE on a Monday Night Raw or even a Friday (Saturday for me) Night Smackdown. Any promoter, anywhere can book a four way match. What is so special about this gimmick that warrants it to have its own PPV?
And speaking of gimmicks that have their own PPV? I was about to go off on a tirade about the WWE giving Money in the Bank its own PPV when it had become a tradition at Wrestlemania in the past five years or so, but then WWE does the unthinkable and starts to have Money in the Bank qualifying matches this week on Raw. Could someone please explain to me why in the holy hell of all things bathed by the golden light of the heavens would WWE hold a Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania and then just a few months later, dedicate an entire PPV to it?
Are we going to have TWO Money in the Bank matches a year now? Doesn?t that just defeat the purpose of even having it at Wrestlemania? I mean, the whole gimmick is that the winner gets to choose the title they want from the show they want at any time during the year. If we have two nut jobs running around trying to do the same thing, it’s not going feel special anymore. In fact? I can already think of a few booking scenarios that may end up playing out:
Number 1: The two winners have an issue with each other both holding briefcases and it leads to a Money in the Bank vs Money in the Bank match on Monday Night Raw where Howie Mandel would be the guest host and it would be where the winner would end up as the ultimate briefcase holder and then we go right back to where we were every Wrestlemania.. or?
Number 2: The first money in the bank winner comes out and does the typical cheap cash in and wins the world or WWE title by beating up an exhausted wrestler then MitB winner number two runs down and takes out MitB winner number one by total shock and awe and the WWE tries to pass it off as ?anything can happen? when all it does is degrade the prestige of your world title and makes the entire damn thing pointless to begin with.
YEESH. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE.
Thought IV: Wrestler Spotlight: Braden Walker
He had a backstage promo with Matt Hardy.
Thought V: Shooting
Sorry for Thought 4? just thought we could take a small chuckle break from my anger rants before I got to the next one. No this one isn?t a take on my own column.. although me shooting on The Shoot would be interesting??.. and weird? I mean the abundance of shoot promos in wrestling as of late.
I know that once you are released from a promotion and the proverbial handcuffs are taken off, it’s fashionable to get on the internet and flap your gums about it to anyone within listening distance. You really want to know what Shoot Promos have really turned into in this day and age?
Well.. I?ll give you a hint? it’s what WWE is watering down with NXT. It’s reality meets wrestling. That’s all a shoot promo is to me? a reality show in the world of professional wrestling. Think about it. Eric Bischoff even wrote a book on it entitled Controversy Creates Ca$h. That’s exactly what these ?disgruntled? ex-employees are trying to do? create controversy to earn another paycheck. A lot of wrestlers have their stories to tell about how the WWE mistreated them, or how HHH is holding too much power, about ?DA BOYZ IN DA BACK?, or how TNA let you go, or how x wrestler has his head up his ass, etc, etc, etc.
It seems like the same whiney story you hear day in and day out at the typical workplace. Some employee hates their boss (welcome to the American workforce, btw), and when they get fired, get released, future endeavored, they?re going to let their sole opinions fly around to anyone that will pick up on it because? wait for it?
PEOPLE LIKE DIRTY GOSSIP.
GASP! LAND O GOSHEN! SAY IT ISN?T SO! IN THIS SOCIETY!? NO!!!! YOU?RE KIDDING ME!
It’s all a ploy to get you rallied behind them? it’s all a ploy for the internet smarks to press their ear to the drinking glass that’s up against the office door. It’s all a ploy to any living, breathing, animated being with an attention span more sophisticated than a household plant who wants to hear the scoop. It’s why wrestling news sites or ?dirt sheets? exist. We all want to know the inside scoop? we all want to hear about the drama? why? Because it interests us. We feed upon it, we thrive off of it, and when a disgruntled wrestler or ex-employee has something to say, I?m sure you?ll sign up for the podcast or buy the DVD because it is in your nature to do so.
And that annoys me.
Thought VI: The Power of Beards in Wrestling
Ok.. this is just a spin off from the chat room during Monday Night’s broadcast of Wrestleview Radio, but I pissed and moaned enough? we should end the big portion of the column on a high note. With some comedy? which, by the way, I thank you all for your generous responses to my drinking game. I am interested in creating one for Japanese wrestling. If I do.. I?ll use my One Extra Round (appropriate section, I know) segment on a non-PPV review week and post it up. Should be fun.. but anyhoo?
There was an interesting discussion about how a beard can actually do wonders for a person’s gimmick. Look at CM Jesus as an example. Here was a guy who came into the WWE claiming that competition was his drug. Then he turned heel and started his Straight Edge Means I?m Better Than You gimmick that he made famous in Ring of Honor? then he grew a beard and look what happened! He’s the savior of the WWE! CM Jesus has arrived, ladies and gentlemen, and I, for one, am loving it.
Of course, look what also happened to Paul London! Paul London grew a beard and he and Brian Kendrick became one of the longest reigning WWE Tag Team Champions in the company’s history. Sadly, the beard can work both ways. In fact, Paul London laughed at Vince McMahon and caused his limo to blow up. The power of the beard enhanced his smile to immeasurable levels of epicness thus creating a chain reaction of events invisible to the naked eye that caused Vince McMahon to fall victim to the exploding limo. The proof is right there in WWE archived footage? go look it up!
Daniel Bryan Danielson grew a beard in Ring of Honor? then he got signed by the WWE! Coincidence? I think not!
Triple H was clean shaven and then grew a goatee, which blossomed into a beard and look what happened! 13 Time World Champion, baby. True that it has been trimmed back down to a goatee, but has he been world champion a lot lately? Uh huh.. you see where I?m coming from now!
Edge had a beard? 9 time world champion. He’s not an ultimate opportunist? he’s just got the power of the whiskers.
Which got me thinking? what if John Cena grew a beard? Cena is already the new controversial version of Hulk Hogan (by the way.. look at the nWo! Hogan not only grew a beard but he SPRAY PAINTED IT! It nearly killed the WWE!)? think of what would happen if Cena had a beard?. My head would explode just thinking about it.
The power of the beard?. Think about it? the truth is out there!
-One Extra Round: WWE Clusterfu*k Prediction Results-
So here we are with a four match PPV. You know this isn?t going to go well with the predictions? so let’s head to it.
WWE Championship ? Elimination Chamber
Sheamus [c] vs John Cena vs Triple H vs Randy Orton vs Ted Dibiase vs Kofi Kingston
WINNER: John Cena
Thoughts: Everyone, except for a small few, thought Sheamus was going to retain here. Not shocking that the one to eliminate him was Triple H. I think that this will be the start to their mania match? I just figured it would be for the WWE title. Not like the outcome of this match mattered anyway because?
WWE Championship Match
John Cena [c] vs Batista
Thoughts: Well? this one came right out of left field if I do say so myself. This ?match? lasted all but 20 seconds and we now have a Smackdown wrestler holding Raw’s world title. Yay?
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Drew McIntyre [c] vs Kane
WINNER: Drew McIntyre
PICK: Drew McIntyre
Thoughts: Wow? Kane busted his ass in the opening seconds of this match to attempt to rally the fans, but it just didn?t work. The man with less charisma than Tyler Black killed this crowd and then just killed Kane with a DDT from out of nowhere. The only sound you could hear was the sigh of relief from 17.000 fans in attendance once the hand slapped the mat for a third time.
WWE Diva’s Championship Tournament ? FINALS
Maryse and Gail Kim vs Layla and Michelle McCool!?
Thoughts: So? let me get this straight. Two RAW Divas get interrupted by a SMACKDOWN authority figure, who changes a RAW match because RAW made comments about SMACKDOWN?S Divas, thus blowing off the end of a tournament featured prominently on live television each and every Monday night and billed as being concluded on tonight’s program!? K??????????.. Needless to say, I?m still 1-1 as this bullshit didn?t count. If you were wondering, I flipped a quarter (literally, I did). It landed heads and heads was Maryse who won the belt on Raw.. so there ya go. If my quarter had a beard???
WWE United States Championship
The Miz [c] vs MVP
Thoughts: Gotta love those unannounced matches! Miz got busted open the hard way and the Glue Crew let it go!?? Wow? Kool Aid man did an OH YEAH through the guard rail as well. For an unannounced match? to steal Miz’s gimmick? this was awesome.
World Heavyweight Championship – Elimination Chamber
The Undertaker [c] vs Chris Jericho vs Rey Mysterio vs CM Jesus vs John Morrison vs R-Truth
WINNER: Chris Jericho
PICK: Chris Jericho
Thoughts: Easily the most predictable match of the night. I wish CM Jesus was locked in a pod to cut a promo all match, but he did do a promo in between eliminations? good enough for me. Shawn Michaels shows up and pisses in Taker’s Cheerios and gives Jericho the win which set up the oh-so-predictable-let’s get Edge back early from injury to milk him for as much money in March as possible-storyline. The match itself was pretty awesome, though, I won?t lie.. and Taker getting blown up by his own pyro set a new record. That was the fastest he’s ever made it to the ring without the aid of his motorcycle. ?PLOOK? You?ve got an achievement!
NEW ANIME ALERT! Starting this week, Mudazumo Naki Kiakaku (try saying that five times fast) starts up. This has got to be one of the oddest shows out there. It’s about the political leaders of the world, like George W. Bush, Kim John Il, etc, meeting on a battle ship to play a game of Shougi. Sounds boring, right? What if I were to tell you that it adds in your typical superhero anime-type powers and unbelievable, over-the-top situations that make you just say ?okay.. that was different?. Well, I saw the pilot episode and all I can say is that this anime is DEFINITELY worth a look. Check it out as soon as 2/26/2010!
FULL VERSION MUSIC ALERT! Two animes that I am following will have their full versions released this week. ?Uragiri no Yuuyake? by Theatre Brook, aka the opening to Durarara!! Will be out on 2/24/2010. On the same day, ?Tsukishirube? by Yuuka Nanri, aka the ending theme to Ookami Kakushi will come out. Their TV sizes are excellent and I heard a poor quality ripped version of Durarara!!’s opening theme off of Theatre Brook’s PV? I have to say that it is AMAZING.
Another amazing song? Hikari no Kioku by Angelo? the second ending theme to Tegami Bachi (Letter Bee) is AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING. Even if you HATE Japanese music.. you NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG RIGHT NOW!
Also, if you have visited The Mega Man Network, then you know that 2/24 also marks the end of the Mega Man 10 contest that yours truly has entered. I should know if I won on 2/25? cross your fingers for me.
It’s 3:20 AM as of this point in the column. My pillow is calling so with that being said.. here is your typical cut and paste outro:
-The Final Shot-
That’s going to do it for me this week. If you would like to submit anything as far as column feedback, wrestling discussion, culture shock topics, anything? you can do so by using any of the methods below.
Until next week?