So here I am back as promised with an extra edition of everyone’s favorite Wrestleview.com column….no not “From the Desk of Mr. V.” the other one…no not “That’s a Wrap” again the other one. (Sigh) not “Baimonte’s Casa” you know you people really wound me. Well despite your lack of good taste I am back with the column that should be number one on your reading lists and definitely number one in your hearts I am talking about “Wrestling Rumblings.” I had a chance to make both WWE shows last weekend in the NYC area and it was always a fun experience as I haven’t really been to a wrestling show since Wrestlemania and keep talking about getting back into the swing of things and well don’t. However there was one thing that made it less enjoyable than it could have been…wrestling fans, so after some thinking I decided that I’ve done rules for bookers, wrestlers, writers and well it’s time to do some rules for wrestling fans…you’re reading “Wrestling Rumblings.”
I probably would have not written this article if it wasn’t for one special fan (and yes I use that word in the meanest way possible) who I will probably reference many times so I might as well give this guy a name as the one me and my friend Kevin gave him for the remainder of the evening was “Mighty Mark”. So when I reference some of the rules of this column you will see how “Mighty Mark” broke almost every one. I thought about taking a picture of “Mighty Mark” at the show but decided against it for legal reasons since I knew eventually I was going to write this column and be tempted to use this guy as a visual effect of how not to come to a wrestling show. So what are the rules? Glad you asked.
Rules #1- If you are over the age of 14 do not, I repeat do not bring a replica belt to the arena and wear it
Yes you guessed it “Mighty Mark” was one of those belt wearing fans and sadly enough wasn’t a teenager but a grown man who probably should’ve known better. You know I tend to look more favorably on some of these belt wearers when they are in the presence of children, at least than it just looks like you are being goofy with your kids but when you are by yourself or in the presence of other adults it looks really dorky and immature. Hey I get it, the belts are nice, I’ll even cop to owning two of them myself. The difference between me and fans like “Mighty Mark” is that my belts are on display in a wrestling room and I don’t take them out for nothing, I don’t wear it, in or out of the house and another special little difference between me and “Mighty Mark” is that my belt is an actual replica not a toy replica belt like my “Mighty” friend who I had the unfortunate luck of sitting next to at Fatal 4 Way had. Why would I stress the importance between a replica and a foam belt? Well needless to say if you are a grown man and at a wrestling show by yourself (which “Mighty Mark” was) you are probably not an expert on woman and should expect to stay single for awhile, however there are some woman who may like John Cena or wrestling enough to let your belt wearing pass, what they will not let pass is the fact that you were too broke to bring a real replica and resorted to wearing the $20 one. Oh and “Mighty Mark” it doesn’t help you that you played with the spinner every time you got excited including when John Cena made his entrance.
One quick little story and then I will move onto the next rule. I was at Wrestlemania 24 a few years ago in Orlando and needless to say when you go to the state of Florida there are plenty of attractive women in very “comfortable” clothing if you follow my drift who happened to attend the card. Now as I am just hanging out at the Wrestlemania pre show festivities there happens to be a fat guy (now bear in mind I am a plus sized individual myself, so when I call someone fat that’s saying something) who walked by us with not 1, not 2 but 3 different foam belts wearing them and posing with them as if he just competed in the main event. Needless to say he was laughed at by every female who saw him. Now really think about this, Wrestlemania is an event where you tend to get people from out of town who come into town just to see Wrestlemania so the chances of this guy being local are very slim. Can you imagine packing your suitcase and saying “Hey let me not forget the toy belts”? Replicas are cool but if you are going to bring them anywhere it should be to a convention where you can get it signed, not to a show just to wear it and look stupid.
Rule #2-It’s rude to get in other peoples conversations, so don’t
I wish I could say dealing with “Mighty Mark” last weekend was the first time I dealt with it but I seemingly deal with it every show I go to. To be quite honest ROH fans are the worst with it as you can’t talk about anything without someone jumping into the conversation to give there two cents about whatever it is you are talking about. I’ll be really honest I am an anti social prick when out in public but every so often you can catch me in a good mood where I might just let it slide and not even say anything but most of the time what you will see me do is not say anything. Usually whoever I am with gets the non verbal cue and they stop talking also which is your clue that this is an “A” and “B” conversation and you should “C” your way out of it. Of course some fans are denser than others and the stop and start method has to be deployed repeatedly until it sinks in. This past weekend “Mighty Mark” didn’t get any of the non verbal hints and needed a more direct hint which I’ll get to later on in the column and even then still slipped up.
It’s important to notice that while wrestling fans are a small closet community not every wrestling fan goes to an event to be your friend. I personally go to watch and enjoy the show and enjoy the company of whomever I took to the show with me. It’s not cool with me that I have to really watch my words about what I am talking about because some nosy body is listening and is going to want to interject his thoughts and opinions in my conversation. I respect your right to privacy, respect mine.
Rule #3- Take a shower right before you go to the show
Finally a rule that “Mighty Mark” didn’t break but many others have. I don’t know about many of you that are reading this but I am very self conscious individual and the last thing I want is anyone near me going “What’s that smell?” and knowing that it’s me. I have sat at far too many shows with people next to me or in my section that smelled like they hadn’t bathed in weeks. Don’t just be “sure” be positive because if you’re ripe and you’re next to someone like me you will take away from my enjoyment of the show and because not only am I anti social but at times while annoyed a out and out jerk I will make sure that you don’t enjoy the show either by making you as uncomfortable about your funkiness as possible. So be considerate to me in that way and I promise I’ll be considerate to you.
Rule #4- If you are sitting in nose bleed or anywhere out of camera range and over the age of 14 do not bring a sign to the show, especially if it is a house show
“Mighty Mark” technically broke this rule by wearing a hand drawn on shirt of John Cena as a south park character. It wasn’t so much that he wore the shirt, I mean if that was the case anyone wearing a wrestling shirt would be violating this rule but that he took it off and proceeded to not just wave it to the ring which he was hundreds of feet from but twirled around and waved it to the other people in the arena as well. If you didn’t look the part of a nerd before, you definitely looked one now. Picture it this buck toothed guy with glasses with a drawn on T shirt and a toy title belt, not a great sight.
I’ve always been of the mindset of “to each his own” and that goes for many of the rules that don’t involve annoying other fans that I have listed but the sign thing really gets on my nerves especially at house shows when there is no camera to record it. It would be different if you were ground level but when you are all the way up in the last seat who exactly are you showing your sign to? All you are doing is possibly obstructing someone else’s vision and looking even more like a geek. While “Mighty Mark” broke the rule the one who really annoyed me with it was a woman who couldn’t have been under 35 years old who kept putting a picture of Rey Misterio up in my face which made it difficult for me to see what was going on. Sweetheart, Rey can’t see you but I can, and you know what? I didn’t pay to see you I paid to see him so put the god damn sign down.
Rule #5- Chant when there is reason to, not to hear yourself talk
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. You watch the wrestling show; the wrestling show does not watch you. ECW is dead and I wish the chanting would’ve died with it because see in ECW the chants were part of the show but now…it’s really just annoying and takes away from the show altogether. Just this past weekend I heard some of the stupidest chants and yells I have ever heard at a wrestling show and you guessed it some of it was from our new friend “Mighty Mark”. “Mighty” chanted his ass off most of the night with chants like “TNA” which he seriously told me he considers the new “whoo” and “Bathroom break” which he did every time someone got up to leave there seats which was extremely annoying. If I got up to leave my seat for anything I don’t need someone like “Mighty Mark” to announce it to my section, it’s childish and immature. Of course “Mighty” wasn’t alone as apparently I was in a section with a bunch of retards who started chanting for dead wrestlers, celebrities and I even had one charming fellow who proceeded to just shout come on lines towards the ring towards Natalya Neidhart (did I mention I was in nosebleed?).
I have to say as the years have gone by I have met and spoken to many wrestlers and I got to tell you all that one thing every wrestler agrees on is that they want you to pay attention to their match. Most of them appreciate it that if you are going to chant you chant something that is directed towards the match in progress not silly things just because you are in love with yourself. See if you’re not going to try to enjoy the show you shouldn’t distract the other fans who may want to enjoy the show. I remember going to a ROH show and leaving a few minutes before the main event and getting a “Someone is leaving” chant. I shouldn’t be more over than anyone in a wrestling ring. Plus when you start falling in love with chanting you tend to miss things like our good friend “Mighty Mark” did. You see “Mighty” didn’t take that long to get under my skin as minutes into the PPV he started silly chants and then when he missed things kept tapping me on the shoulder (for those who don’t know me, I don’t like to be touched) asking what happened. Of course my silent treatment didn’t give it away to him that I really had all I could stand of him at the moment so he kept asking after which he was told to and this is a direct quote “Shut the fuck up and watch the show”. At which point myself and my friend Kevin moved to the vacant seats next to us hoping that this would give this guy the hint that we didn’t want to associate with him anymore….some people just don’t get hints.
Rule #6- Bring your own ride to shows; do not rely upon the kindness of strangers
Sadly this is another rule that “Mighty Mark” broke and I have seen other fans break at times. As I stated before just because I paid to get into the wrestling show doesn’t mean I paid to be your friend and it definitely doesn’t mean I paid to be your taxi or chaperone back home. Within minutes of his first sitting down “Mighty Mark” proceeds to ask me if I am from Brooklyn (I’m not), where am I actually from? And last but not least if I drove? The answers to the first two questions were the driest and shortest answers I can give and if that wasn’t even a tip off I didn’t even look at him when answering the question. In other words LEAVE ME ALONE!!! The last question got a sharp rude “What do you care?” which of course he answered sheepishly that he was “just askin”. He then proceeded to ask each and every person who walked by if they were from Brooklyn. I have been to shows where I have had people come up to cars I was in and ask us which way we were going and my answer is always the same “The same way we came: ALONE”. If you know how to get to the arena yourself, know how to get home by yourself.
Rule #7- Recognize your surroundings
Hey “Mighty Mark” isn’t one of a kind there are plenty of fans that are just like him who go to shows by themselves and think they will go and make friends that have the same kind of attitude towards things that they do. You know what? If you are the type of person that makes friends at the wrestling shows good for you but you should always take stock in your surroundings. “Mighty Mark” showed up at the show with his drawn on T Shirt, toy title belt and overall dorkiness and I showed up looking about as normal as I always do and to say I was at times rude is an understatement. Early on before the show even started he got up for a soda and even though I was talking to Kevin interjected himself to tell me “He would be right back” as if we were all together and got a snotty “I don’t give a fuck” from me. If that didn’t tell him I wasn’t one of his people I don’t know what will. Even after I moved seats he would occasionally shout towards us to the point where Kevin thought he may actually move to be closer. I swear I don’t go to shows for problems but if he would’ve moved his seat after I already moved to get away from him I would’ve decked him. The same way I have to recognize that I am in the vicinity of “Mighty Mark” and I stopped talking wrestling and wouldn’t even look in his direction he should’ve realized I am not the same kind of fan he is and should’ve just watched the show. If you want a friend than you should bring one with you.
Rule #8- No one cares about how many wrestling shows you go to
You don’t usually get this with ROH or indy shows but you will always experience it at a WWE show where every now and then you get the fan who for no particular reason wants to give you there show history and ask yours. Needless to say “Mighty Mark” wanted to brag about his shows to an audience that didn’t care to speak to him much less hear about his show experience. “Did you go to the MSG Show last night? I did” “I went to Great American Bash in this arena did you?” “Are you going to TNA in July? I am”. I want to once again state I was never in a conversation with this idiot and he just started rifling away and again he got the snottiest of replies from me in “Do you want a cookie for that? Do you want a medal? Who gives a fuck?” You would think considering all the times I came at this guy he would’ve gotten the hint that I didn’t want to talk to him but some people I guess are just slow.
Rule #9- Respect woman, especially if they are your girlfriends
Now “Mighty Mark” went to the PPV by himself and I doubt he even knows what a girl is to have a girlfriend but the night before at MSG there was a gentleman me and my brothers sat next to that was with a very attractive female. At times he was very disrespectful to the lady in question, my favorite was at a moment where she got up to leave her seat and he elbowed my brother and said “Hate to see her go but you guys will love to watch her leave”, in other words “check out my girl’s ass”. I generally don’t bring my girlfriend to wrestling shows because I know what type of jerks attend the shows and I don’t need the drama but there are plenty of girls that go with their boyfriends or by themselves and they don’t need to be harassed and they definitely don’t need their boyfriends encouraging other men to ogle them. If you got a fine girl, treat her like the prize that she is, not a peepshow to impress others.
Rule #10- Don’t spend your money on tickets to spend half of the show in the bathroom because you drink too much
I’ll admit this last rule might be me nitpicking a bit. I don’t drink and I don’t understand the logic of getting drunk and having to use the bathroom throughout the show and missing many things and not really getting into the flow of the show. Why would you do that? It’s personally annoying to me if you are the type of drunk that does this and I have to keep moving so that you can keep leaving and coming back to your seat as it interferes with me getting a flow for the show myself. I also hate it if you are the type of person that drinks and then reeks of alcohol or are just a fall down drunk. I’ve actually been to shows where drunks fall asleep next to me and I have to spend my time elbowing them off of me.
So there you have it 10 rules, I could have probably stretched it to 20 but you know what? I know I am not the only fan that is annoyed at shows so I want to hear some of your rules. So send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org maybe I will give them to Anthony “Mr. V” Valvo and he can use them for some of his classroom rules in the future as he always loves those, or maybe I will do another column on this one day. Don’t have a rule? That’s ok I am here to answer all comments, questions and suggestions and well I don’t think you will see a more email friendly guy on this site than yours truly so email me anyway. I might still come back this weekend with one more column but if not I will be back next week, of course you guys know I will try to do better than and, until then I am out.