“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…” The WWE video leads us into the show.
A video recaps last week’s “competitions”. Why they wanted to recap the ridiculous Musical Chairs and Talk the Talk challenges is beyond me. This show is so bad it’s ridiculous.
The NXT video plays and we’re brought into the arena with some pyrotechnics. Josh Mathews starts off arguing that CM Punk should be there and not Michael Cole. They then realize they’re on the air and they welcome us to the show.
Matt Striker is on the stage and he introduces the rookie Divas. Tomorrow you can vote for your favorite Diva. Striker walks up to a wheelbarrow that’s behind a yellow line and announces the “Wheelbarrow Challenge”. Michael Cole simply says, “Wow”. The objective is to race the wheelbarrow around the ring. Whoever does it in the fastest time is the winner. The catch is… Hornswoggle is in the wheelbarrow. I can’t make this crap up.
Mathews: The things that happen on this show amaze me…
Cole: What does this have to do with wrestling?
Maxine gets Hornswoggle across the line and dumps him out. Hornswoggle then bites her on her rear end. Striker yells “Bad” and Michael Cole says, “That’s this show: bad, bad, bad”. He is hilarious.
Cole: This show is the cure for insomnia. (Laughing) This is some bad television! I don’t even need to be here. I quit this show two weeks ago!
Kaitlyn is announced the winner. She got it in 12 seconds. Hornswoggle puts Kaitlyn on his shoulders. I didn’t know he was that sturdy.
Cactus Jack vs. Triple H from Raw in September 1997 is recapped. The Austin-McMahon rivalry started that night. What an amazing Raw that was. That’s one of those episodes you just never forget.
A video highlighting AJ is shown. She looks like a tiny Melina. This wasn’t a bad video. This competition is down to her and Naomi.
The Diss the Diva competition is coming up tonight. Oh I can’t wait!
The Raw Rebound is shown.
A video is shown highlighting Kaitlyn. It was eh.
The entire final segment from Smackdown is shown. It showed the return of Paul Bearer. OHHH YEAH!! Please, if there is a god, he’ll put the Funeral Parlor on Smackdown this Friday.
It’s time for the Diss the Diva Challenge. Aksana is first and she makes some lame insults before saying that everyone wants to be like her. AJ says she’s not going to put anyone down because they’re prettier than her. AJ cuts a solid promo about redefining the word “Diva”.
Kaitlyn decides to do an impression and impersonates Naomi’s ample posterior. Naomi kicks her down. Jamie makes THE WORST insults ever. I heard better insults in Mrs. Gwynn’s First Grade Class many years ago. Go back to ring announcing. Naomi goes back at Kaitlyn for insulting her on her confessional. Maxine then cuts a promo that had the potential to be solid but AJ and Kaitlyn were goofing around in the background. AJ wins the “challenge”.
EXCUSE ME! Michael Cole calls Vickie Guerrero “voluptuous” and “Anna Nicole Smith-like”. Vickie says she tries hard to make Kaitlyn a reflection of her. Vickie asks if we can feel her pain on what they gave her to work with. Kaitlyn says she’s going to step it up because all Vickie has done is try to bring her down. Kaitlyn challenges her to a match. Vickie accepts the challenge and slaps her in the face. They have a catfight to end the show.
They announce that NXT is moving exclusively to WWE.com. If you continue to watch this show then I give you credit.
If you haven’t heard by now, this is my final recap of NXT. If they get picked up by another network and decide to actually make the show watchable I might return to recap it. Though, as it looks, neither of those options seems feasible. As the great Adam Martin said to me last night, “At least you get to go out with a bang.” There’s really not much for me to say about this (except Michael Cole is hilarious)… so I’ll turn it over to my girlfriend again. So, back by popular demand…
Hi everyone! Well, that was ANOTHER completely pointless episode of NXT. I don’t think I even needed to point that out because I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone. It certainly didn’t come as one to me. Seriously, when is the conductor going to finally push the breaks on this constantly, on-going train wreck?! Just when you think it can’t get any worse, surprise, surprise, IT DOES! Watching an episode of NXT is like watching a movie that totally sucks, yet you can’t look away because your eyes refuse to divert from the massive slaughtering taking place on the screen. This brings me to tonight’s episode. It was nothing but one giant female slaughter-fest. Once AGAIN, as is usually the case, they did nothing but make these girls look like idiots! Why not just take away our right to vote while they’re at it?! It’s despicable!
Not only was this particular episode of NXT a complete failure, it was even more gag-inducing than the previous ones! They had a wheelbarrow challenge where they had to push a wheelbarrow with Hornswoggle in it around the ring. Whoever got the fastest time won the challenge and whoever made Hornswoggle fall out of the wheelbarrow would be automatically disqualified. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS INSANITY?! This has NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING, to do with wrestling!!!! As I said last week, if somebody, ANYBODY, knows what it has to do with wrestling, please I beg you, e-mail Mike. This made me want to take two pencils and shove each one directly into my eyeballs. Then, as if things weren’t going atrocious enough, they had a “Diss the Diva” competition. This made me want to take two more pencils and shove each one into my ears. The best was how they had little video packages for the girls and in AJ’s video she said, “I remember waiting on line for 8 hours with my dad, trying to get tickets to WrestleMania. I said to my dad, one day I’m going to be in that ring.” Looks like that day has yet to come because they hardly ever use the ring!!! But that’s ok! Why would they use the ring at a wrestling show?? Beats me! In Kaitlyn’s video, she says how much she wants to be a Diva because they’re such great role models for girls. HAHAHA! Yeah, maybe if they were living under a rock, unaware of this garbage or looking to become prostitutes! Week after gut-wrenching week, everything just continues to get even worse than before. The show has officially reached road-kill status and once it hits WWE.com, you might as well just leave it to rot.
But despite all this, there is some good news. I think I’ve finally figured out what NXT stands for – Never-ending X-treme Torture! I can’t think of a better explanation than that because this whole thing has reached a level of insanity that I didn’t think was possible for a wrestling show. I expect to see this kind if garbage on shows like The Jersey Shore or The Desperate Housewives of New York, New Jersey, and wherever the hell else they come from. At least with these shows, these people are SUPPOSED to act like morons with the IQ of a salamander. NXT should not be one of those shows because it’s a wrestling show and THAT SHOULD BE THE WHOLE POINT!!!!!! Why do they refuse to understand this?? This is plain and simply in the words of Michael Cole, “Such bad television.” With that said, the time has come for me to wrap things up.
Before I go, I’d like to once again thank Mike for allowing me to take over his thoughts section for a second week in a row! I’d also like to thank Adam Martin for the kind words on last night’s radio show. Finally, I’d like to thank the readers and the ones who emailed Mike as well. Thank you all for the kind words and for taking the time to read my thoughts as well as Mike’s recaps every week. It is all very much appreciated And as always, don’t forget to check out Mike’s Smackdown recap this week!
Final Rating: -****
E-Mail – MikeyT817@hotmail.com
Be sure to check out Friday’s LIVE Smackdown recap.
Thanks for reading!