Disclaimer: Please know Mr. O’Brien is having fun here 🙂
Hornswoggle on the Gas?
That’s right. According to sources within the WWE locker room, the wee little Irishman is on the juice and he is raging. WWE wrestlers are reportedly afraid of him ?He can be found throwing monitors and bashing himself in the head with his fists before he goes out to the ring,? said one WWE source ?The guy is out of control. ?When he comes back after a match he starts yelling and pushing people over.? Some performers have drawn Hornswoggle’s attention more than others. After much harassment and intimidation, Batista asked to be sent to the SmackDown brand or he would sue WWE for not providing a safe work environment. WWE officials have refused to test Hornswoggle as they fear any sort of retaliation. ?We would rather go to jail than have to suspend Hornswoggle.?
Jericho Hates Homosexuals?and Worms!
GLAAD has caught onto Chris Jericho. They know he is anti-gay. And thank goodness they caught on. After all, who would hate gay people more than a bunch of men who put on tight shorts and rub oil all over themselves before they get down and dirty in a wrestling ring? GLAAD may be onto Jericho for his attitude towards homosexuals, but let’s get down to it: Jericho also hates worms! How many times has he come out to he ring and accused the crowd of being gelatinous parasitic tapeworms? Jericho, a man who by no means is ever acting in front of a group of people, calls thousands of people parasitic tapeworms as if it’s a bad thing. This man must be stopped.
Hogan to TNA: ?I?m here to pass the torch.?
You want to know the real reason why Hulk Hogan has signed with TNA? Look no further than the most believable man in all of wrestling-Hulk Hogan. Hogan is telling us here at the Nosebleeds that TNA never pursued him, but he pursued them. Hogan told Dixie Carter that he has decided it is time to pass the torch. For those of you who are familiar with his days in WCW, Hogan was accused of playing politics to hold onto his spot. He was also accused of doing the same thing in WWE and even his old WWF days. The younger wrestlers need not worry as Hogan has returned to put over the next generation of talent. Many up and comers will now get the opportunity to shine. So who are these individuals Hogan is seeking to put over? We are told that Hogan feels that Sting, Kevin Nash, and Scott Steiner have now come into their own in the ring and could carry a match. While still fairly young and green, Hogan feels these men have what it takes to carry on the sport for the next couple of decades. When asked if he would be willing to put over other talent such as Kurt Angle or Mick Foley, Hogan responded that while he respects these men, they are still very young and need a couple more decade of wrestling before they can be considered for a legitimate win over the Hulkster. When asked about any other talent Hogan would like to bring into TNA for a possible match, Hogan immediately put Ric Flair’s name out there. Hogan has been high on Flair lately and thinks that one day he could be a huge star. TNA’s future could get very interesting.
Speaking of TNA?
Dixie Carter determined not to let TNA suffer the same fate as WCW.
For those of you who were lucky enough to see that great opening to TNA’s show this week, you realize that Dixie Carter is not going to let TNA go the way of WCW?entirely. On Thursday’s Impact, Carter addressed the TNA locker room with a worked shoot about a certain performer who had recently signed with TNA, saying that it was time to look to the future and take TNA to the next step. Of course the signee she was talking about was Nigel McGuiness (Desmond Wolfe)… oh wait it was Hogan. Some years ago, WCW signed Hulk Hogan and prospered for a few years before going down the crapper. Dixie being the brilliant mind that she is has decided to go the direction of WCW but skip the step of prosperity. Instead they are going to go with the whole worked-shoot business involving Hogan, which can only guarantee a quicker demise for the company. ?We?re a business first and foremost,? said Carter ?and we will not simply follow the same formula as a company such as WCW.?
Taker Rises Again?and can?t work a match?
Speculation has run rampant as to why Undertaker did not work a one on one match at Bragging Rights and why he will be in another multi-man match at Survivor Series. The reason for this is Undertaker’s recent demise. Over the last eighteen years or so that The Undertaker has been with the WWF/WWE, there have been many men who have played the role, all of which have died. Being the Undertaker has its risks as you are constantly being buried alive or have some other way of being killed. At Wresltemania 25, Undertaker broke his neck when performing a suicide dive on Shawn Michaels. The injury had him in critical condition for weeks before he finally passed away. Now a new Undertaker has emerged. This one, however, has been limited since he is a rookie, thus the multi-man matches. I asked one source why he then faced CM Punk at two pay per views in a row in one on one matches. Well, apparently the replacement Undertaker buckled under the pressure thus the need for multi-man matches now that another ne Taker is in the picture.
McMahon to Man.
Now that the wrestling world has had a few weeks to digest Shane McMahon departing from the organization he has been with his whole life, we can get down to business and find out why he really left. I asked my trusted contact, Bull S Hitt, to enlighten me on why Shane would do such a thing. ?Shane didn?t leave on his own accord. He was fired.? I was told by Hitt. What? Shane fired by his own father? What could Shane have down to deserve such a punishment? ?He violated the dress code.?
WrestleView’s Adam Martin Snaps! ?Why aren?t they pushing Mickie James??
You think you know Adam Martin? Think again. Many of us can understand if Adam had to cancel WNL on Monday due to ?technical difficulties? but the fact of the matter is Adam was lying. If you have ever listened to WNL, you know that Adam and his colleague Hunter Golden share a deep admiration for Mickie James, especially the last few months. You see, ever since Mickie lost the Diva’s Championship, Adam has been very distraught. It all came to a head on Monday night. Something within Adam boiled over and he went ballistic, destroying all his equipment, thus making WNL impossible that evening. I hate to put this out there, but that is the real reason why it happened. So for those of you that were upset about WNL not happening on Monday night, you now have your vindication.
Thanks for reading this installment of News from the Nosebleeds. Now that you know more about what is really going on, disperse and spread the word!