From The Desk of Mr. V #13
April 30, 2009
By: Anthony J. Valvo of WrestleView.com

Triskaidekaphobia – The fear of the number thirteen.

I had to add that because I know many of my friends from around the Pittsburgh area are afraid of that particular number. I say there is nothing to be afraid of in regards to this number for a few reasons:

1)13 was the first number I wore then I played baseball, I liked it because Jose Lind wore that number for the Pirates in the late 80s-early 90s

2)13 is a very lucky number for Italians (hearing me, Mr. Baiamonte?)

3)Colgate University loves the number. 13 is very lucky number in that campus.

4)….

Wait, this is supposed to be a wrestling column featuring the highs and lows on the week of wrestling, not a 4,000 word essay on the lucky fortunes based on the number thirteen. So, my apologies for mentioning that number to the student body. I just enjoy this number very much. So, this week I will bring you three classroom rules, Detentions, Demerits, A review on last week’s homework assignment, commentator reports cards, matches of the week, and the TV wars. So students, as you can see we have a full slate of lessons in which we need to go over and I hope you do enjoy this week’s version of Mr. V’s classroom.

Before I go on, I had a few students e-mail me liking the inspirational quote of the week. I think before we even begin this week’s lesson, I will give you a quote to just digest and enjoy, so this quote came from:

?Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.?
Henry Ford

A great, short quote by the pioneer of the auto industry, Henry Ford. So students, remember when a task does seem unbearable and you don?t feel like doing it all at once, break it into smaller parts. I have done it on occasion a lot in college and sometimes this column. Try that out class, not only will you feel a little less tense, but you will also feel more organized.

CLASSROOM RULES

Not too many rules today from Mr. V, but Crelly has a couple he would like to share. Remember students, if you want to create some rules for my classroom, you may do so by e-mailing me at mistervwv@yahoo.com. Thank you again for your participation.

37) If pro wrestling commentary does not work for you, try another line of work.

I am sure you all are going to expect me to harp a bit on Michael Cole and Don West on this piece, but I am not going to address them. I am going to address someone that left the wrestling business and is an anchor on a major TV network. No not Mike Adamle, but ?The Coach?, Mr. Jonathan Coachman. I was not really into this guy as a color commentator or a backstage interviewer for the WWE, as a matter of fact if he was doing commentary over the course of the years, he would be average at best. When he left the WWE to go to ESPN, I thought it was a good move for him actually. He was a former college athlete and a journalist in the Kansas City area before his move to the WWE. So when I heard him for a while now on ESPNEWS, I got to say I am very, VERY impressed. He outshines even the veterans on the network, except for John Buccigross. His ability to call highlights of sporting events are great, and he avoids clich’s, and for that I am truly happy for that. I am sure Coachman does not read this column, but I say to you thank you, Coach. Thank you for leaving and realizing your potential, and your upcoming success. I can not wait to listen to you on NFL Countdown or some other show, as right now Trey Wingo, Chris Berman, and Stuart Scott are all getting under my nerves a bit. Keep up the great work, Coach. You are doing great on ESPN.

38) Don?t bring in a guy to your PPV to point down the ring and leave.

WrestleView chat room regular Chris Kelly gave me two rules that he would like to address to the students. This is the first of two rules. According to Mr. Kelly, here is why he wanted to address this statement as rule #38:

At both Lockdown and this week’s Impact Lashley appears at the top of the ramp to point down to the Front line and the MEM then disappears. With in hours of this he signs a contract to appear at a MMA PPV. Way to put over a guy who has yet to sign on the dotted line TNA!

(I agree, I mean it is a BIG deal to land a younger talent like Lashley, but he has not officially signed on to be a regular, just to do a few shows here and there. Will it hurt his MMA career in the future? If Bobby Lashley wants to compete in the UFC, it probably will.)

39) WWE must hold WrestleMania in a place that ?marks? each time they come around.

Each time WWE comes to england we sell out the tours (tv and house shows) We have a big enough fan base to sell out a 90000 seater stadim plus the americans that would come over for the history. Last time WWE held a big PPV in england it had the 2nd biggest ever attendance(80,355?and only?beaten by WM3)?and the most revenue??($3,650,000?)

(I actually have to agree with him on this one. I remember seeing the SummerSlam that featured the British Bulldog over Bret Hart in 1993. The crowd appeared hot in every match and rightfully so, as their local boy won the IC Title over Bret. To my knowledge, a big four PPV (Rumble, Mania, ?Slam, nor Survivor Series) ever took place in England since. I think it is time to have a big 4 PPV in England. I know the time frame is wacky, but try it out. I would wake up early (or stay up late) to see a live show on TV from England. It wouldn?t hurt, right?)

DEMERITS

Demerits go to the following groups or people:

– People to tell Mr. V to ?Go Green?
– The Santina gimmick
– Cody Deaner
– Shane McMahon (get a SummerSlam in England again, my friend. Aren?t you in charge of Global Operations?)
– Philadelphia Flyers
– Mike Hogewood
– Don West

DETENTIONS

Detentions go to the following groups or people:

?That Guy? – I saw him again. The guy that is dressed up like Hogan every show. The only time I will ever be ?That Guy? is if I am sitting in the front row dressed like a teacher with a yardstick in my hand.

TNA Creative – I am so far enjoying the product, but what about giving a win to Kiyoshi or NO LIMIT once in a while on Impact. Don?t have them job out to Eric Young and Trevor Mur?I mean Jethro Holiday.

Burger King – If I have to see that dang Spongebob commercial with that annoying King again, I will not only send you to eternal detention, but I will give you the Pittsburgh Pirates curse. ARRRGH me matey!

WWE Creative – for allowing Santina to kiss Jim Ross! This is not the way to treat the best play-by-play commentator you have. It should have been Cole, but I guess a transvestite would not want to kiss him either.

Michael Cole – Mr. BBQ man? Are you serious??

The Great Khali – didn?t your teachers tell you not to hit a girl?

To my students who did not turn in their Draft assignment – no recess for ANY of you!!

The Dancing Boys during the Beautiful People segment – the only regret would be that Awesome Kong did not powerbomb all three of them.

ETERNAL DETENTION

Hulk Hogan – Your ?I understand O.J? comments will keep you on here for a while.

Coca-Cola Company – Detention for your company until we see Ecto Cooler.

Reid Flair – You, little punk, deserve to be on here. And after being arrested for Heroin possession, you deserve to be put in jail, not on a fictional detention column by a rookie pro wrestling columnist.

Praxis Series and ETS – So, how much money total did they scam these test-takers this month?

Arlen Specter – I have my reasons on him since he send me a ?flyer? about himself after I wrote a heartfelt letter to him back in 4th grade. You sir, deserve the treatment you are getting by the citizens of Pennsylvania.

MISTER V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF APRIL 20 – APRIL 24, 2009

**I did not get to see the 4/25 edition of ROH on HDNet at this time. So any matches involving that card will go on to next week’s installment. I am sorry, but I really did want to watch ROH before I started on this column. So that said, if there are any matches that made the honor roll from the 4/25 card will be on my 14th column. Thanks for your understanding class**

There were no real good matches that stood out, but there were a ton of B matches from the cards of WWE and TNA. This week was pretty hard to decide, but I went with the matches that not only had a great story inside the ring, but also outside the ring (in storyline) as well. So here is a list of my top three matches for this past week.

Distinguished Honor Roll – Chris Jericho vs. John Cena on Monday Night Raw, 4/20

This match told a great story. First off, Cena announced during the opening segment of RAW that this match was going to take place after Jericho cut yet another strong heel promo. Then came along with the match, and it was the best match on the RAW card this week, and was the best overall match of the week. This match had a lot of what I enjoy, and that is great back and forth skills and a very loud crowd. (loved the boos and yays after each punch). Jericho looks really strong with his kicks and his dirty wrestler tactics. He looked sharp and did not botch a move on TV. I really enjoyed the submissions by both wrestlers, especially Cena’s Walls of Jericho counter to an STFU (yes, I will still add the U in this move). I also like how the FU was countered to the Codebreaker. I liked the enzugiris, the elbows, and even the running shoulders by Cena and the missed Lionsault by Jericho (which happens almost every week I should mention). I shouted at my TV when Edge came along and ruined this match. But after commercial break, I actually liked the ending as it built up the match that Edge and Cena had at Backlash this past Sunday. I understood the story that at first Jericho and Cena had, and the conclusion in which Edge saw opportunity knocking and laid out a prone Cena. This was a great match, followed up by a great story. That is why this is my pick for the match of the week.

High Honor Roll – Edge vs. Kofi Kingston on WWE Superstars, 4/24

Edge’s last match before Backlash was a very solid one against a wrestler that was very good for him in Kofi Kingston. I am happy to see that Kofi is getting to wrestle a main event talent in Edge, even though we all know that Kofi is still a year or two away to really being on the main event list consistently. In a losing effort, Kofi still impressed with his dropkicks, jumping abilities, and those crossbody moves are getting a lot better. Edge sold the ?Trouble in Paradise? kick and wisely moved out of the ring, which helped him hit his spear later on in the match. There were a few moves that could have been better, such as a sloppy arm drag and Kofi’s air attacks could be better, but this match did tell a good story and was a good tune up match for Edge. The ending in a way came out of nowhere as Edge hit his spear after Kofi attempted it win by way of the Sunset Flip. So overall, this told a quick story. Since they are on different brands, sadly we won?t see much of this anymore. However, it helped Kofi’s stock a bit for having him be a threat in the match to Edge and it also helped Edge’s stock as it led him to yet another championship title reign.

Honor Roll – Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett, TNA Impact, 4/23

Usually I hate these gimmick matches, especially when I heard that this was a Cactus Jack Snack (or Smack, was not sure) Attack. A bunch of weapons were used in this match, from a planted sign in which Jarrett used to nail Scott a couple of times to a perfectly placed Santa Claus in which Steiner had no problem attacking Jarrett with. However, my personal favorite silly moment of the year happened when I saw Steiner bounce on a pogo stick. Believe it or not, there were some good technical wrestling tactics in this match as well. I mean Scott did use a couple of submission moves and Jarrett did hit the electric chair on Steiner, followed by a guitar shot and ?The Stroke? finisher. I actually enjoyed the finish in the match as well. You have Kurt AND Scott applying their submission finishers at the same time and you have Mick Foley in this and crush Jarrett with a chair. It was a nice main event for these two friends outside the ring and it was a solid ending to a surprisingly good show for a second week in a row on Impact.

Honorable Mention goes to: Melina vs. Beth Phoenix on 4/20, HHH vs. Orton on 4/20, Bourne vs. Birchill on 4/21, Beer Money vs. Lethal Consequences on 4/23, Bolt vs. Wilde on 4/23, Jeff Hardy/CM Punk vs. Kane/Matt Hardy on 4/24, Big Show vs. Undertaker on 4/24, Maryse vs. Gail Kim on 4/24, and Batista/Shane vs. Priceless on 4/24.

WORST MATCH OF THE WEEK – Chavo Gurerro vs. Batista on Monday Night Raw, 4/20

The usual Batista squash, but sadly on a guy that can actually work. The match was as follows: kick, Batista Bomb, Chavo pleading for forgiveness from Fudgie the Whale, I mean Vickie, and finally another Batista Bomb. It was effective, yet boring and squashed. It had no point whatsoever, students.

Dishonorable Mention goes to: Kane vs. CM Punk on 4/20, Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show on 4/20, Hornswoggle vs. Natalya on 4/21, Kozlov vs. Frankie Sloan on 4/21, and Finlay/Hornswoggle vs. Kidd/Natalya on 4/23

WEEKLY TV WARS

Once again, ROH ON HDNET will be a part of this column because I was not able to watch the whole program on YouTube, so I will score their performance for next week’s column. This week was a three horse race for the best and worst. ECW did not really amount to much this week, just a farewell to David Stephens? favorite leprechaun, the contract signing between Swagger and Christian, and one solid match. That program this past week was not my cup of tea. WWE SUPERSTARS had two adequate matches, but instead of storyline segments, we got plugs for HHH/Orton and Cena/Edge. I wanted maybe one TV segment, not just plugging the matches on some video montage. MONDAY NIGHT RAW was the students? choice this week, and I understand that point, but I just wish there were less quantity of matches and more quality in the matches. The storylines were not bad and it was a solid show, but I was hoping for a bit more with the ?A? show as they call it. TNA IMPACT does get a point in my TV Wars piece again due to the fact that they had something that the WWE at this time can not offer. They showed off their tag team division (with a couple nice matches) and they gave us a women’s ladder match, which was something I never saw before on a wrestling TV show. It was a nice change of pace. Also, the storylines were getting better. I really liked the tag team tournament idea, the Foley/Jarrett segments were not bad, and the match quality on the card was above average. The show of the week, in my opinion, was FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN. Every match on the card scored a high C in my gradebook and I saw some pretty nice storylines involving Edge (berating John Cena) and Jeff Hardy (which was quick and effective). As what a few e-mails stated, Smackdown may have lost a lot of main event power, but they defiantly have the more athletic talent in the WWE right now. I look forward to seeing what kind of matches this brand can have. I am curious to see what they will do with Jericho and John Morrison. So, to sum it up:

Best Show: Friday Night Smackdown (2 points)
Runner Up: TNA Impact (1 point)
Students? Choice: Monday Night RAW (1 point)

**Once again students, this is your column as well! E-mail me your pick for show of the week by e-mailing me at mistervwv@yahoo.com. Thank you**

OVERALL STANDINGS FOR THE WEEKLY TV WARS

1)Monday Night Raw…..23 points
2)Smackdown…..20 points
3)ECW…..9 points
4)TNA Impact…..6 points
5)ROH on HDNet…..1 point
6)WWE Superstars…..0 points

WEEKLY COMMENTATOR REPORT

This time, I am going to trim it a little bit more. At first it was a popular piece, then I had complaints that it was too long. This week, I will try something different once again, this time I will only give a quick comment about each commentator, so I hope you enjoy:

Michael Cole – D (Overall: D-)

He did call play-by-play well, however he needs to show more consistency in calling a match and being more emotion around his commentating partner, Jerry Lawler

Jerry Lawler – C+ (Overall: C+)

Lawler did some great work on going over the replays and showed some good emotion and had a good time with the show. Just stop drooling over the divas, already?

Josh Mathews – B (Overall: B)

When the match is very quick paced and high on skills, Mathews may even be better than Jim Ross. What he needs to work on is pacing, but just a tad bit. He has really improved since his early commentary days.

Matt Striker – B+ (Overall: A)

He was able to show emotion in his commentary very effectively ever since I have been a columnist for WrestleView.com. The only thing I took points off from the Extreme Educator is he at times is just so repetitive with his lines.

Jim Ross – C (Overall: B-)

He does show great emotion in his calls, but at times I think he is a move or two to late in calling some of the matches. I wonder if my students catch that occasionally. He is working well with Todd Grisham as well

Todd Grisham – B+ (Overall: B)

I had someone e-mail me stating that the WWE wants Cole to be the ?future voice of the WWE?. I really hope Grisham is it. He has shown clear and concise commentary for the majority of the year and he worked well with the two best commentators in professional wrestling today (Ross and Striker)

Mike Tenay – C+ (Overall: C)

Mike’s commentary was much better last Thursday. He called the majority of the moves and only went outside of the match (i.e. talking about the M.E.M when a X Division match is taking place) less frequent. Now only if he can get a better color commentator to work with (**cough** Tazz **cough**).

Don West – F (Overall: F)

I am not going to bash him a whole lot. I don?t want to sound like a broken record anymore. If he does some good things in color commentary, you will know. If you see this message again below his grade, then he did the same shenanigans (i.e. yelling at the TV, plugging Mafia and the Beautiful People, etc.)

Mike Hogewood – D (Overall: D-)

Hogewood at least calls moves by their actual names, something that Adamle struggled with. He just needs to stop sounding like the play-by-play version of Don West and he will be adequate for the job at Ring of Honor.

Dave Prazak – B- (Overall: C)

Even if Prazak went to TNA to replace West, I would be ok with it. Prazak was more consistent with his heel commentary this week and it was fun to listen to. If he keeps this up, then I think he will score high on this report card.

PREDICTIONS F ROM THE FACULTY

This is usually during the PPVs in which I post this article, but since I have a lot of students from WrestleView interested in our standings, I think it will be fair to post the standings of our predictions game after each PPV on my column. On average, the WV fans had a 3.3 win record, so be rules of estimation, they received a record of 3-3 for the Backlash PPV.

As you can see below, we have a NEW Dean of WrestleView, and it is David Stephens, thanks to his impressive 5-1 mark in the Backlash Predictions, compared to Mr. Baiamonte’s 3-3 record. We have some words from the old Dean (Baiamonte) to our new Dean of WrestleView, ?Dean? David Stephens

Standings after Backlash (previous rank in parentheses)

1) David Stephens (That’s a Wrap and ECW Recaps)…..28-16 (2)
2) Joe Baiamonte (Baiamonte’s Casa)…..27-17 (1)
3) WrestleView Fans…..24-20 (3)
4) Josh Boutwell (Viva La Raza! and TNA Recaps)…..23-21 (6)
5) Matt O’Brien (Notes From the Nosebleeds)…..22-14 (5)
6) Anthony Valvo (From the Desk of Mr. V)…..22-22 (4)
7) Jose Marrero (Wrestling Rumblings)…..21-23 (7)
8) Phil Chroniger (On Second Thought…)…..19-20 (8)
9) Josh Piedra (The Shoot)…..12-12 (9)
10) Sean Hurley (The Sharpshooter)…..8-13 (10)
11) Doug Lackey (Reality From Ringside)…..4-4 (11)
12) Mike Klubnik (Stylin’ and Profilin’)…..3-5 (12)
13) Ryan Droste (Ask WV)…..Debuts in 2 weeks

Words from former Dean of WrestleView, Joe Baiamonte:

?I got screwed worse than Bret Hart?

Words from our NEW Dean of WrestleView, David Stephens:

?It started as a boyhood dream. I would lay awake in bed at night staring at my ceiling dreaming that this day would come. My peers scoffed at my lofty aspirations, and I vowed to prove them wrong. Following the Backlash PPV, Mrs. Stephens? baby boy became the NEW Dean of the WrestleView faculty. While this is the proudest moment of my predictions career, I assure you that this just the beginning. Joe Baiamonte’s legacy pales in comparison to my forthcoming glorious reign. The David Stephens Era has now begun!?

HOMEWORK ANALYSIS

I can not believe how many e-mails I received based on this question. I hope I did get to all of your e-mails and I also hoped that you all enjoyed my little feedback on each one. For all those that did participate, I thank you and you will get your gold star momentarily. I had 14 people give me 16 combined votes (a couple of them said the question was too vague), so here is what the Student Body of WrestleView voted on as the best and worst pick of the WWE Draft:

Best Draft Pick in the 2009 WWE DRAFT:

1)Chris Jericho – 6 votes
2)John Morrison – 5 votes
3)CM Punk – 3 votes
4)Rey Mysterio – 1 vote
5)Maryse – 1 vote

Overview: My students really enjoyed the Smackdown picks, as all but one vote went to a SD superstar. However in a close call, the students decided that it was Chris Jericho that had the best day as he went from being, in my opinion, road blocked on RAW, to the superstar on Smackdown.

Worst Draft Pick in the 2009 WWE Draft:

1)Festus – 3 votes
2)Hornswoggle – 3 votes
3)Vladimir Kozlov – 2 votes
4)HHH – 2 votes
5)Zach Ryder – 2 votes
6)Kane – 1 vote
7)Kennedy – 1 vote
8)Ezekiel Jackson – 1 vote
9)The Brian Kendrick – 1 vote

Overview: A much contested battle here, but a tie goes to Festus and Hornswoggle. My opinions towards these two are interesting. Festus I think could stay the whole year around, but he will be a giant punching bag. Hornswoggle on RAW is going to be interesting, but don?t be surprised if we see him feud with the Big Show (tallest vs. smallest, I think WWE creative is even thinking about this one).

MR. V?S GOLD STARS SEGMENT (presented by Hi?C’s Ecto Cooler)

I may have a whole page based on gold stars this week, but here we go:

TNA Guru, Chris K., Rick J., Ben P., Paul M., David S., RJ N., Kevin K., Bredin B., Patrick L., John Leo A., and Erran V. – Thanks for completing the homework assignment and for that, all of you received gold stars.

Ricky Langston – I did not find this out until today, but he did in fact post a 6-0 record and for that receives a gold star on the Predictions f rom the Faculty game.

Robert D., Ben P., Rick J., Chris K., and Osaid A. (you all know who you are) – for posting a winning record that was better than mine this week, congrats to all of you.

Josh Boutwell and David Stephens – for posting 5-1 records this week and the best scores among the faculty

David Stephens – for achieving one of his goals this week, Dean of WrestleView.

Joe Baiamonte – for being the original Dean of WrestleView. Your reign has been grand, but someone was better than you, but I am sure you can reclaim it once again.

?Playboy? Buddy Rose – A gold star for you to go to heaven with, and this one you can?t blow away. Thank you for the memories, Buddy.

Bea Arthur – One of my favorite shows back in the day was ?The Golden Girls?. Well, one of them has passed away last weekend. Thank you for being a friend, Bea. I?ll miss you.

Edge, Christian, and Randy Orton – Congratulations on your new championships.

MVP – for cutting a great promo and then putting on a solid match last Monday.

Ted DiBiase Jr. – Suzanne A. suggested I give him one for making Batista look good. I can not agree more.

The women in professional wresting this past week: They all put on a good show this past week.

Scott Steiner – You may not be good at your mic skills, but your pogo stick skills will be hard to beat.

Kevin Nash – nice to see you back on TV. Hope you feel better.

Ricky Steamboat – another great performance yet again! Seriously, where was he hiding all these years?

TNA – For getting it right on Impact for another week.

Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals – Phil Chroniger and I will be watching this closely, this could be the most epic playoff series this decade.

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT

Well, since last week’s assignment went real well, I am going to issue out another homework assignment. This week, of course in complete sentences, will be the following questions:

Who do you believe is the most overrated wrestler (one each) in the WWE, TNA, and ROH?

Who do you believe is the most underrated wrestler (one each) in the WWE, TNA, and ROH?

Please complete this assignment by MAY 7, 2009. Signed by: AJV

Hopefully this will be the easiest homework assignment for all of you once again. For those that e-mail me their choices, I will e-mail you back my choices on these questions. Hope you answer these correctly. You will receive a gold star if completed.

Well, the bell has rung on yet another week in professional wrestling, and other things. I hope you enjoyed this week’s column and I hope I can do better again next week on the 14th installment of ?From the Desk of Mr. V?. Now, I must leave and celebrate Old Man V’s Birthday (AKA my father’s, the man who introduced me to professional wrestling since I was ?Little V?. Once again, if you liked the column or hated it, want to give me some comments or ask me another educational questions, you can e-mail them at mistervwv@yahoo.com. Your e-mails are always appreciated and I do make an honest attempt at responding to your e-mails. I will reply within 48 hours most of the time, and I hope you enjoy them once you receive them.

Until Next week (May already? wow..), make sure you push in your chairs and quietly leave your computer desks. You are all…DISMISSED!

Thanks for reading once again. Remember, without the students or readers, there would be no Mr. V. Thank You.