Rub the dust out your eyes, get on your favorite slippers, pour yourself a bowl of Crispix, and plant your seat in front of The Vortex on CW, because it’s time for another edition of WWE SatMor SLAM!
Right off the bat, I want to apologize if this seems a little rushed, but my week is not going as planned. I have videos that need to be done for Top Of Texas Wrestling, I still have to get a haircut, and I still have to get a new suit for our huge Tag Team Discord show, and this all has to be done 4PM TONIGHT! So let’s get this thing underway!!!
We get a new version of the theme song, and we cut to a crowd. Scott Stamford welcomes us! It’s back to school season, and all the Superstars are going to be going back to school, including out match this week, which will feature the high flying styles of Sin Cara! But, of course, this just happens to be Damien Sandow’s favorite time of the year, and he has insisted on being a part of this morning’s curriculum.
SATURDAY MORNING SPOTLIGHT – “The Savior of the Masses” Damien Sandow
“Allow me to beg your indulgence for one moment.” He’s a gentlemen. He has grace. He has style. He’s a scholar. He is Damien Sandow, and the future looks bright for this guy (Mind you, I just copied what Matt Striker, Michael Cole, and Josh Mathews had to say about him)! We get some clips of him in action and cart wheeling.
Damien Sandow welcomes all us “little troglodytes” to “Damien’s Dictionary”. He has decided, since the kids are going back to school, to teach us some words that pertain to this rite of passage. He will also use the words in correct sentences. Oh boy…
1. Matriculate – To begin, to enter, to enroll, or to join
a. “When I matriculated into the WWE, all the Superstars were shaking in their boots, and always will.”
2. Sophmoric – Childish, adolescent, or juvenile
a. “While the entire WWE roster is sophomoric, I, Damien Sandow, am not sophomoric.”
3. Valedictorian – The highest ranking student academically in a graduating class (Or, in simpler term, to be Rocky Jimenez in his graduating class of 2008)
a. “I graduated valedictorian in pre-school, grammar school, middle school, high school, and in college, and you should all aim to do the same.”
“Just because you’re intelligent, doesn’t mean you’re smart!” This week’s Video Vault features WWE Superstars and Legends who, though they may be the smartest one in town, they just seem to end up looking like they were missing something in the brain department. Bobby Heenan kicks it off, as he is the self-proclaimed smartest man in WWE. But he always got The Weasel. We then get some action from The Genius, in graduating robe and all! Then we have Shane… Oh, my bad, DEAN Douglas, who ended up with failing marks on his report card from the WWE Universe. And how could forget Matt Striker, who’s lessons seemed too much for the WWE Universe. But, at least he did one smart thing, and traded his teacher’s desk for the announcer’s table. And now we can all enjoy his commentary on many WWE programs! Right?
THE 3RD DEGREE
This week, since it’s all about school, the Superstars and Divas are asked: “What was your favorite school subject?”
Heath Slater: Not math, or history, but Gym
Cody Rhodes: Made a 104, an A++, in American History
The Miz: All of them, since he was in Honors classes
Zack Ryder: Math
Brodus Clay: P.E.
Kofi Kingston: Science
Before we go to break, we get a “Bullies picked on me” spot from Be A STAR.
Before this match kicks off, Josh Mathews introduces William Regal, who is at the announce table to call this week’s action! It’s the Faceless man going up against The Genesis this week!
Sin Cara vs. Michael McGillicutty
The lights dim, and Michael goes down to his knees, to get into Sin Cara’s head. Headlock by Sin Cara, but Michael is able to get out for a shoulder tackle. Sin Cara back into the headlock, but again, McGillicutty able to tackle out of it. Michael goes for the pin, but Sin Cara able to kick out, kip up, and hits the corner arm drag. McGillicutty slides out of the ring, and Sin Cara fakes going for the plancha to the outside and does a handspring in the ring instead.
Before we go back to action, CM Punk grants us with a “Don’t Try This” spot.
Back in the ring, Michael McGillicutty is wrenching down on Sin Cara’s arm. Sin Cara seems to get back into it, and goes for a snapmare, but, after he hits the ropes, he gets a knee for his efforts. Michael with the irish whip, which Sin Cara goes to spring off the ropes and hit the elbow, but instead gets a belly to back suplex. Michael goes for the cover, but only two. Michael goes for a scoop slam, then hits the ax handle off the ropes. McGillicutty goes for the arm wrench, when Sin Cara gets the arm drag instead. Sin Cara with the a roll up, but only two. Michael back up, and hits a boot to the face. He picks Sin Cara up, and hits the suplex. Michael then locks in a butterfly lock, but Sin Cara is able to fight out, only to get a kick to the gut. Michael goes to powerbomb the luchador, but another arm drag for his efforts. Sin Cara is in the corner, and Michael goes after him, but Sin Cara lifts his boot up in time. Sin Cara goes to the middle rope, and goes for the hurricanrana. Michael slides back out of the ring, but this time Sin Cara does hit the suicide dive outside the ring. He tosses McGillicutty back into the ring, and goes to the top rope. He hits the cross body, but only gets two for his effort. Sin Cara then hits the flipping bullbog maneuver and gets the pin!
WINNER – Sin Cara
As we come back, we are looking at various Be A STAR rallies, mainly from WWE Summerslam Axcess weekend. We are seeing a lot of red carpet stars, including DJ Pauly D, Piers Morgan, Joe Buck, Terry Crews, and more.
Next week, it’s all about world tours! We’ll visit South Africa with our tour guide, Justin Gabriel. It’s a special International edition of WWE SatMor SLAM!
Before we go, Damien Sandow is back, and he has one more word he would like us to learn.
4. Curriculum – A particular course of study in a school or college.
a. “You would get much more out of school if I, Damien Sandow, came up with your school’s curriculum.”
He then wishes us a very successful and prosperous school year. “You’re Welcome!”
Man, this show is actually very fun to watch! Each week has just gotten better and better, and this is only week three!
I wasn’t sure how they were gonna use Damien Sandow this week, but they were able to use him right in his spot! And might I add, I learned some new words that I will never use because they are too big for my vocabulary, but I loved Damien’s examples for each word!
The 3rd Degree seems like everyone is actually giving legit answers. The only one I don’t believe is The Miz. I realize he is supposed to be an arrogant jerk on TV, but when everyone is having fun with this program, The Miz just seems like the orange jacket in the middle of a crowd of black jackets. Miz, just lighten up a little bit, ok?
The was one botch by Sin Cara, but you could only catch it if you were really watching this match with a magnifying glass, because they had the camera on McGillicutty while Sin Cara went for the fake plancha. It was a great match though. I will say, the cuts to the crowd and announcers during the match is a little annoying but there were only two real instances of this.
I think the real cool part is the WWE Superstars doing the “Don’t Try This” spots. They may be pre-recorded, but these are like the guys are getting to actually talk to the fan. Today’s had to have been the best one so far though. It was like CM Punk was CM Punk, the guy you hear in the background of The Art Of Wrestling, and not CM Punk, the guy in front of the WWE cameras.
All in all, another great show. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta find my brony t-shirt to wear under my suit tonight, and finish the intro video to our show. Until next week, see you later everybony!
Remember, you can always like me on Facebook @ Facebook.com/AMARealStar, and can come hang with me every Saturday night at Top Of Texas Wrestling. Check out Facebook.com/TOTFans to find out more about The Kings of Saturday Nights and Birthplace of Immortals!