Rub the dust out your eyes, get on your favorite slippers, cut the roof of your mouth with some Cap’n Crunch, and plant your seat in front of The Vortex on CW, because it’s time for another edition of WWE Saturday Morning SLAM!
Scott Stamford welcomes us to the show! He mentions that main event is going to be awesome, as The Punjabi Player known as The Great Khali will face off with Primo in a match that should rock the entire WWE Universe. … Ok, that’s not what Scott said, but I mean, that is what the main event will be, right? But we kick things off with #MillionsOfDollars, as Dolph Ziggler joins Josh Mathews at ringside, and The Usos face off against The Prime-Time Players!
The Usos VS The Prime-Time Players
It looks like Jey Uso and Darren Young are going to start this off, but instead Titus O’Neil is going to help pick Darren’s hair. Darren leaves the pick in his min afro and Jey manages to snag it as Darren isn’t looking! Its a game of keep away between Jey and Darren, and Jey “throws” the pick into the crowd, but just tosses it to Jimmy instead. Of course, Darren has fallen for thick little trick. They go to lock up, but instead Jey decides to ruin Darren’s fade, and kicks him out to the floor. Darren stomps his way back in, arguing that hair play should not be allowed, but the ref condones it. Darren charges at Jey, who gives him a drop toe hold and, as he gets on all fours, starts to mess with Darren’s hair again! Darren Young starts crying that his hair has been messed up, and Titus can’t take it anymore and tags himself in as Darren dabs his eyes with his breast cancer armband. Titus is fed up with Jey’s joking around. They lock up, and Titus tosses Jey away. Titus starts to taunt the Millions of Dollars thing, but Jimmy gets in and The Usos start to taunt for Millions of Dollars. PTP are not amused, and Titus rushes them, but eats a double back body drop. Jimmy takes over the match, but Titus is having a hard time getting up. Darren gets the tag in, and the two go for a lock up. Jimmy gets Darren in a headlock, which Darren gets out of, but Jimmy delivers a big shoulder tackle. Jimmy picks up Darren and hits him with a bodyslam. He goes for Darren, but Darren rolls out of the ring, and PTP regroup on the outside.
Before we return to action, Crazy AJ graces us with a “Don’t Try This” spot.
Back to in ring action, and Darren is delivering a big back suplex to Jey. He tags in Titus, who grabs Darren and they do they front slam splash thing. Titus grabs Jimmy, squeezing down on his abs. Jey starts to crawl to Jimmy, but Titus pushes him back. Jimmy tries to leap over Titus, but Titus catches him. Jey is able to slide out of it and goes for a roll up, but Titus gets out of it and hits a big shoulder tackle. Titus goes back to squeezing on Jey’s abs, cuts off the ring, and tags in Darren. The two hit a double shoulder tackle, and Darren goes to work on Jey’s abs. Jey is trying to drag himself to the corner, but Darren rolls him back to his corner. He tags in Titus, who hits a suplex on Jey. Titus goes to tackle Jey, who is in the corner, but Jey is able to move out of the way. This leads to the hot tag with Darren taking a gut shot from Jimmy, and then Jimmy hits a flying shoulder tackle. He then hits Darren with a Full Nelson Bomb, and goes for the pin, but Titus breaks it up. Titus goes to take out Jey on the corner, but Jey pulls the top rope down and causes Titus to tumble out of the ring. This sets up Jey to hit Darren with the Samoan Drop and the tag to Jimmy in for the splash to make the win!
WINNERS – The Usos
We come back, and John Cena is saying thanks to the military. We get plenty of shots from the Tribute To The Troops shows, and Cena asks us to help support our troops.
Though John Cena stands tall for the troops, there are many giants in WWE, which leads us to the Video Vault. First up is Great Khali, who is a true giant in WWE who has toppled all the big guys. Next, The Big Show, whose strength and might is unmatched. Up next, the giant known simply as Andre The Giant, who remained undefeated for three years.
We come back to the live crowd, and Primo & Epico make their way to the ring. This should be the greatest main event in WWE history, as The Punjabi Playboy makes his way to this sacrifice.
Primo VS Great Khali
Primo attempts to lock up with Khali, but Khali is able to toss him away. Primo goes for a shoulder tackle, but Khali stays still and Primo bounces off him. Primo wants to do a Test of Strength, and Khali raises his hand up. Primo climbs the top rope to get Khali’s hand, and Khali tosses Primo into Epico. They regroup, and Epico attempts to distract Khali, but Primo isn’t able to sneak around Khali. Khali points at him, and Primo falls on his butt and crawls to the corner. Khali goes to chop Primo, but Primo moves and dropkicks Khali in the leg. Primo tries to lock up Khali from behind, but Khali butts him away. Primo goes to pick up Khali for a scoop slam, but pulls something in his back. Primo gets upset and says he will slam Khali. He goes to pick him and, but Khali falls on top of Primo, and gets the pinfall victory!
WINNER – Great Khali
I think I have figured out WWE’s problem. They have tried to theme this show every week, but now they are coming up with less and less themes. So, I think we need something where, if you do two matches, how about in between we get some fans in the mix. Grab a couple of kids and recreate scenes from like Double Dare or Guts. Heck, just show some stuff where the fans get to interact with the WWE Superstars. It would be a lot better than trying to figure out how to theme each week.
I am not a fan of the 1st match. PTP and The Usos are great workers, but this match was just not there. It seemed like just a lot of rest spots and sloppy spots. I know these guys are better than what was shown, but they had no chemistry in this match. Also, did Darren Young ever get his pick back? Fans must know!!!
The Video Vault was bleh at best. No offense to these guys, but I don’t care about these guys. And I’m sure the kids are the same way, except for with Big Show. However, the spot with Cena before was very cool. I think anything that shows off WWE’s support to the fine men and women of our armed forces is great.
Did I not say that was match of the year? If you did not watch Primo VS Khali, go watch it on YouTube now! Words cannot explain how epic this match was! And before you think this is kayfabe, I truly had a blast with this match, and so did the rest of my family. I had to rewatch this just so everyone here could see this. Go find it and watch it!
Well, that’s all from me. If you don’t mind, I have Season 3 to go watch. Crystal Empire, here I come! Let’s go Mane 6! This season is gonna be So Awesome! /)^3^(\ Until next week everypony!
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