Rub the dust out your eyes, get on your favorite slippers, wake up to some bacon and eggs, and plant your seat in front of The Vortex on CW, because it’s time for another edition of WWE SatMor SLAM!
Scott Stamford welcomes us to “The most exciting half hour on television today, Saturday Morning Slam”! He mentions that we’re all the way across the pond in England, and in the main event, we will see The Usos face off against Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd.But we kick things off with R-Truth on commentary with Josh Mathews, as “The Fun One” Jinder Mahal of 3MB, with lead vocalist Heath Slater, faces Ted DiBiase.
Jinder Mahal vs. Ted DiBiase
They lock up, Jinder gets Ted into a head lock, but Ted fights him off, but eats a shoulder tackle for his effort. They lock up, and Ted hits an arm drag and hip toss on Jinder before tossing him out of the ring. Heath goes to check on Jinder, and Ted comes over the top rope to crash into both guys via a crossbody. Ted tosses Jinder back into the ring and after him, but he trips Ted up into the corner. Bodyslam by Jinder, and he goes for a cover, but only gets two. Jinder picks Ted up, and hits a butterfly suplex. He then begins to wrench on Ted’s arms. Ted fights out and backs up into a corner. Jinder goes after him, but Ted moves, causing Jinder to collide into the corner. As Jinder comes out of the corner, he walks into an Atomic Drop, followed by a big dropkick. Mahal is back up and tries a clothesline, but Ted ducks it and hits a move of his own, followed by a spine buster. Ted goes to the top rope and hits a cross body, but Jinder rolls through and gets the upset!
WINNER: Jinder Mahal
Scott welcomes us back to this special UK edition of Saturday Morning Slam. He mentions that the UK fans are some of the best around the globe, and the sights are just breath taking. But, before you go across the pond, Layla has some tips she would like to share! She mentions that the hardest part of moving from England to America was the English language. She gives us the different words to use in England. Policemen are Bobbies, the subways are underground, elevators are lifts, and the restroom is the loo. So many changes to wrap your ever growing child brain around. Thanks Layla!
WWE has some hard hitters from the UK, and they are all loved by fans worldwide. This week’s Video Vault takes a look at those bare knuckle brawlers from Jolly Ol’ England! We start out with, quite arguably, the greatest in ring competitor in any era, a true King of the Ring, and, at one point, A Man’s Man, Sir William Regal! Next, the legendary British Bulldog, one of the greatest Intercontinental Champions and a graduate of the Hart Dungeon! Next up, a guy who really got his biggest push as the first step into the PG Era of gimmicks, Paul Burchil, who took to the Seven Seas in search of gold! Finally, now list of this caliber would be complete if you didn’t mention Wade Barrett. Though he has a new theme song each week, he is one of the big up and coming stars WWE has put out, and is sure to make The Queen very proud when The Barrett Barrage brings home WWE gold!
Speaking of Wade Barrett, he is the focus of this week’s Saturday Morning Spotlight. It is kinda spooky, as he talks about how he grew up wanting to become WWE Champion and bringing his barrage to WWE and anyone who stood in his way, all while showing him spookily smile and destroy his opponents. Its no longer than a minute though.
Its main event time, and The Usos make their way to the ring, no chant this week though. They will be taking on Skrillex Head and The DH Carrying Kidd right here! Little Jimmy is upset because he couldn’t go ride The Eye in London, but he, R-Truth, and Josh Mathews are ready for in ring action!
The Usos vs. Justin Gabriel & Tyson KiddM
It looks like Jimmy and Justin will start this match. They lock up. Quick headlock by Jimmy, but he is pushed off the ropes, only to hit Justin with a shoulder tackle. Jimmy tries to stomp on Justin, but he moves. Justin folats over a back toss attempt. This leads to a series of both men trying to tri each other. Just is able to make Jimmy eat canvas. He goes to stomp on Jimmy, but he moves quickly as well. Standing moonsault by Justin, and goes for a pin, but only gets one. He charges after Jimmy, but is hit with an arm drag instead. Jimmy drags Justin over to the corner and tags Jey in, who climbs to the top rope, but Justin gets out and tags in Tyson. The crowd is strongly behind Tyson. They lock up. Jey gets hit in an arm wrench, but Tyson flips around and reverses into an arm drag, but Jey is quick to his feet to hit a shoulder tackle. Jey whips Tyson off the ropes, but Tyson is able to duck a series of clotheslines. Jey tries to toss him up for a Samoan Drop, but Tyson get behind and goes behind. He tries a german suplex, but Jey is able to use the ropes and get Tyson off him. Tyson kips up though, and trips Jey up and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Jey is able to get the ropes and regroup outside with Jimmy. Tyson looks to go for a cross body, but The Usos move. This sets up Gabriel going under Tyson, who is standing on the second rope, and hit a suicide dive on one of the twins. Tyson also goes for a rolling dive on the other!
Before we go back to action, Eve grants us with a “Don’t Try This” spot.
Back to in ring action, and Jimmy hits Tyson with two big body slams. Jimmy picks him up and hits a suplex, goes for a pin, but only gets a two count. He works on the abs, and then, as Tyson works his way up to try and tag Justin, Jimmy hits a big belly to back suplex. Tag in to Jey, who gets Tyson into a sleeper hold. Tyson tries to fight out, but Jey tags in his brother, who picks up Tyson and hits him with back breaker. Jimmy goes up to the top rope, but Tyson is able to get up and nail a beautiful arm drag on Jimmy from the top. Hot tag, and Justin goes for a splash on Jey. Jey goes into the corner. Justin tries to get him, but Jey goes up and lands on Justin’s neck. Justin isn’t to hurt though, as he is able to hit a variant powerbomb on Jey. Pin attempt, but only a two count. Jey hits Justin with a sulex and goes for a pin, but only two as well. Jey then hits Justin with a full nelson into a faceplant, and goes for the pin, but Tyson makes the save. He goes to deal with Jimmy on the outside, but he trips Tyson on the ring apron. Jey goes for a body splash on Justin in the middle of the ring, but Justin moves. Justin goes to the top rope, but sees Jey stand up, and leaps over him, tripping up. The Usos tag, and hit Justin with the Alley Oop into the Samoan Drop for the win!
WINNERS: The Usos
After the match, John Cena shows up in the back, saying he has big news of The Vortex, as next week, he will make his in-ring Saturday Morning Slam debut, and is issuing an open challenge to anyone! The 3MB show up, talking about how everyone is going to cheer for his debut next week, and Heath Slater announce he will be accepting said challenge! John mentions that “You’re gonna want to see that!”
After the ending logo, it seems Vortex is celebrating this momentous occasion by making next Saturday “Cena Saturday”! Cena even appears in the Vortex itself and says he will be hanging out all next Saturday for the entire Vortex!
After last week’s awesome show, this week was horrible from beginning to main event, but the ending is another story.
How can you do a show, ANY show, from England, and not feature Regal or Barrett in the in-ring action? That was a major let down. Sure, I know these guys were on the main cards for Main Event and SmackDown during the taping, but this would have been the best time to do the Saturday Morning Slam taping before Raw. That way, these guys could showcase the WWE talent, and at least Regal would try to have some fun with the Saturday Morning Slam crowd.
I like the 3MB, I really do. But to put Jinder Mahal in the ring with someone by himself is just in-ring suicide. I know Ted DiBiase is a great talent, and I am always impressed by his work, but Jinder needs some more time working with guys on singles competition. For now, keep him as the tag partner for Drew McIntyre. By the way, if he is a member of 3MB, why has Drew not done anything?
The middle segment was a let down from last week. For the target audience of this show, they need to have more comedy at least in the middle segment. Not Creeper Barrett, or “Learn The Queen’s English with Layla”. This should not be an educational show. Kids on Saturdays want to do nothing but drink sugar and play video games, not learn more. Help these kids become the future Dew Chuggers of tomorrow!
I’m not sure who booked this show, but the fact that almost everyone from last week was in this one match at main event really ticked me off. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to see more “Hey, we friends, but let’s fight!”, and I don’t want to see the same guys in the ring week after week when you have a big roster of people who I am sure would love to do one match on Saturday Morning Slam. I’m not talking your developmental guys or The Shield or anything that would hurt your storylines. But bring Swagger back on this show. Let’s see more of the guys you use on that show that airs on Hulu now. I am tired of The Usos and Justin Gabriel. Don’t get me wrong, I love their talent, but with so many guys you could put on here, we don’t need these three every week. I will say that Tyson was a breath of fresh air, how short is was though.
That brings me to the ending of the show, and how it shapes up next week. I will admit, I grew up in the Attitude Era and was hooked by the Monday Night Wars. I loved everything those years of wrestling did for our business. But, I also grew to watch the PG Era as well. Sure, at first, I thought Cena would be a no hit wonder and Batista was a gift from the gods, but I grew attached to these new characters. Cena is a great talent! Is he the best? Not by a long shot. But he is what the company needed when Austin, Rock, Brock, and Hogan became yesterday’s news. And he took that ball and became the face of this company, and has held that title to this day, and I can think of no one right now who could be in that position. This means that next week will mark that this show is for the PG Era fans, and will also now have the stamp of approval from the face of WWE. I think it is great that Cena will be a part of this show, and I know that there is another guy already lined up to be on the show as well who is currently in main event storylines. I hope this means that, at some point, we get the main champions involved in the show. I think Sheamus and Orton would be the perfect fit, and CM Punk could as well. Big Show can be the scary guy he is, and I’m sure the kids will get a kick from hear Ricardo Rodriguez announce “The Apex Destiny” Alberto Del Rio. Is it a long shot to hope these guys come on? Well, yea, but I think, if WWE wants to pull ratings with this show, they will give in and bring the top guns onto the show, and Cena appearing next week will be the bridge to that promise land.
… Wow, I ranted a lot this week. I think I need to grab some cider and watch some more Trixie. Until next week everypony!
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