Rub the dust out your eyes, get on your favorite slippers, insert breakfast reference here, and plant your seat in front of The Vortex on CW, because it’s time for another edition of WWE SatMor SLAM!
Scott Stamford welcomes us to the second “Best Of” edition of Saturday Morning Slam! He mentions no “Best Of” is complete without John Cena, and we will revisit Cena facing Heath Slater in the main event! But right now, we go back in time to see Daniel Bryan face off against Tyson Kidd.
Daniel Bryan vs. Tyson Kidd
The two lock up, and Daniel gets Kidd into an arm wrench, which Tyson flips off of the ropes out of and tosses Bryan away. Bryan gets up, and Kidd grabs him by the beard. Bryan attempts to break the hold, and gets a knock on the, hitting the canvas butt first. Daniel wants no more of this and rolls out of the ring. This brings out the other half of the Tag Team Champions, Kane! Daniel, obviously scared, gets back in the ring, and Kidd gets him up on his shoulders. Bryan slips out of it and gets Kidd on his shoulders, and proceeds to do the airplane spin for a good minute or so. Finally, Daniel lets him go, and the two stumble around the ring, until Bryan seems to come to his senses. He looks like he is going to kick Kidd, but instead, he is still dizzy and collides with the turnbuckle, as Kane watches from the bottom of the ramp. Kidd tries to steal a win, but only gets two. Kidd goes to whip Bryan off the ropes, but Bryan reverses it and leapfrogs him, before he goes to the mat to try and flip Kidd. Kidd, seeing this, decides to go for a pin, but Daniel is in a ball and neither of his shoulders will stay on the mat. Kidd decides to just roll Bryan around the ring a bit. Kidd is in disbelief, but Bryan extends his hand out just a bit for Kidd to grab onto. Bryan then undoes his little ball maneuver, tosses Kidd over him, and then steals a pin for the win!
WINNER: Daniel Bryan
After the match, Kane gets in the ring, steals Bryan’s belt, and claims he is the tag team champion. Bryan can’t seem to grab his belt, and he is sad about it. It looks as though they will hug it out, but Bryan swipes his belt back.
As we come back, Scott mentions we are looking at the best of SatMor SLAM!, and Daniel has made progress on this show! He even answered some burning questions. We learned some much from him. We learned that Daniel Bryan is not dreaming of hamburgers, that he doesn’t make any mistakes, and that he wins every match, even if he loses. He thinks unicorns are the stupidest fictional creature, video games are for idiots, and magic is fictional, as he is a man of science! He does like ice cream however, especially if it is made with almond milk, and does not need a tag team partner, as he can do it all by himself. And he seems to explode into a chorus of “NO!” if you ask him if he likes goats.
Next up, we take a look back at the hottest star of 2012, and, even though he has no title, The Champ is Here and we look back at the Spotlight for John Cena.
Main event time, and we are going to the biggest one of SatMor SLAM! Get your armbands, hat, shirt, and salute as it’s John Cena vs Heath Slater!
John Cena vs. Heath Slater
Heath wants nothing to do with Cena, but the crowd erupts for Cena. They lock up, and Heath gets in a quick arm drag, taunting his foe for his quick wits. But not good enough as Cena is able to lock in an arm wrench, and then whips Slater into the corner, followed by a monkey flip. Cena hits a big arm drag and gets Heath into an arm lock, but Heath gets into the ropes. Cena is able to get Heath into a head lock, but Heath reverses into his own. Cena fights out of it, shows off by ducking Heath and leapfrogging him, until he hits a big hip toss. Heath goes to the outside to regroup with 3MB. The group decides to use “The Chorus from Lullaby”. 3MB circle the apron and slowly get into the ring. Cena goes for Jinder Mahal, but he leaves, and Heath grabs Cena for a body slam. 3MB celebrate their brilliance, but the ref kicks Mahal and McIntyre out of the ringside area. Heath argues with the ref as the guys leave, and Cena tries to lock in the STF. Heath fights out of it, and is still surprised that he now has to face Cena one on one, as Cena lays hurt outside.
Before we go back to action, The Miz grants us with a “Don’t Try This” spot.
Back to in ring action, and Heath hits Cena with a big splash in the middle of the ring, going for a pin, but only getting a two count. Heath wraps around Cena and squeezes down on Cena’s abs. Cena starts to fight out o the hold, and gets up to hit Heath with a back body drop. Cena goes Super and hits two big flying elbows, followed by the slam. Cena lines up, and hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. A very wobbly Slater gets up, but eats an Attitude Adjustment for Cena to pick up the win!
WINNERS: John Cena
Picked up the ball with this episode. These matches were the more fun of this show, so why not end two weeks of a clip show with these two. Sure, I still think we could have had better for the first match, but it was still a great match. Still, the middle section was lacking. Would have loved that pie fight here…
Now, if you don’t mind, I need to good hard stuff for my New Years! Happy New Year, and thank you for allowing me to join this website every week! May Celestia shine, and Luna brighten, your 2013!!! Until next week everypony!
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