No, you’re not in the twilight zone. Yes, it’s Josh Boutwell (aka Mr. TNA) not Dave Stephens handling the RAW recap duties this week. Dave is tied up with a final exam tonight so I’m filling in for the Hornswoggle lover for tonight only. You’re favorite RAW recapper (and lover of midgets) will be back next week.
RAW kicks off this week with a quick video recap of the happenings last week focusing on the “Cutting Edge” segment between Edge and Orton.
“I hear voices in my head…” and out comes Randy Orton to a huge ovation. Orton looks like he’s dressed to compete as he is in his ring gear (with a t-shirt as well). Edge vs. Orton for “Over the Limit” is official. Orton says the reason he wouldn’t team up with Edge last week is because he knows Edge. Orton says Edge doesn’t want to be his partner, he wants to keep Randy under his control. Orton says Edge sees him as a threat which he should. He says getting drafted to RAW is just the start for his problems. Some weird music hits and freaking Meatloaf walks out with Orton looking none too happy about.
Meatloaf says Orton is the man. Meatloaf says they were going to introduce him before he came out but he couldn’t wait because he wanted to meet Orton. Meatloaf holds up a CD and says his new album comes out tomorrow and he has on the album a song that needs to be Orton’s new theme song. He says it’s written by John Bon Jovi. Meatloaf asks Orton if he wants to hear the song and I’m hoping to god Orton RKO’s this clown. Orton says Meatloaf should hum him a few bars from the song. Meatloaf tells Orton to hold the cover and then he says he’ll do the whole song for Orton. The music from the song starts to play and then Meatloaf begins singing this awful song and Orton starts to walk out of the ring. Meatloaf asks Orton to hang on and then starts singing another song from the album and the fans are crapping on him. Meatloaf says his album rocks and then says he has a duet with Jack Black he might like. Orton is starting to get that familiar look on his face. Meatloaf continues to sing and then eats the RKO! Thank you God. Edge’s music hits!
Edge walks out onto the ramp as Orton stares out towards him. Edge says Orton must not like celebrities since he’s attacked Meatloaf (would you really call him a celebrity though?), Wayne Brady, Freddie Prince Jr., and Seth Green already. Edge says he doesn’t like celebrities either and he doesn’t like how they walk onto this show like they own it. Edge says he called WWE Headquarters and he complained. Edge says WWE tweeted him back on twitter and they agree with Edge. Edge says from here on out Guest Hosts will have no authority on RAW but that wasn’t enough for Edge. Edge says he thinks RAW needs a permanent General Manager, someone who has experience and has the moxie to pull the job off. Edge says they agreed with him again and you’ll never guess who they picked to be the new RAW General Manager. Edge introduces the new RAW General Manager…VICKIE GUERRERO!
“EXCUSE ME!” and out walks Vickie to a chorus of boos. Vickie says she would like to state for the record that despite her personal relationship with Edge in the past she is here to be a true professional. Vickie says Orton attacking celebrities is something that the WWE does not condone. She says Orton will be reprimanding and Orton suggests that she walk down there and reprimand him herself. Edge says that’s exactly what she is talking about and calls him a bully. Edge says tonight Orton will find out how it feels to be bullied. The fans will hardly even let Vickie speak, true “X-Pac heat” for her. Vickie says tonight Orton will face Edge and a partner of Edge’s choice in a Handicap Match! Edge says Orton will see how he deals with threats and that’s a promise.
Lawler and Cole talk about Vickie being named the new RAW General Manager and then we cut to the back where Chris Jericho & The Miz are discussing something. Jericho is in action next.
The Pittsburgh Steelers are at ringside and somewhere Mr. V is hoping Big Ben isn’t there. They show a replay of Orton hitting the RKO on Meatloaf and then Cole says they did confirm during the break that Vickie is the new RAW General Manager.
“Chris Jericho vs. David Hart Smith w/Natalya Neidhart
It is announced before Jericho comes out that if he wins this match then he and Miz will earn a shot at the Unified Tag Team Championships against the Hart Dynasty at the PPV. Cole says Tyson Kidd and The Miz will go one-on-one later tonight that has big title stipulations as well. Hart and Jericho get face to face and Jericho slaps Smith. Smith lays into Jericho with rights and kicks and then he whips Jericho into the ropes and hit’s a Big Boot. Smith follows up with a nice Vertical Suplex followed by a Leg Drop attempt, but Jericho moves and kicks Smith in the head. Jericho jumps on Smith and lays into him with kicks and knees to the head. Jericho hit’s a Sliding Dropkick to Smith and then continues to beat on him before looking out to the crowd smirking. Jericho locks Smith in a Sleeper on the mat, but Smith fights to his feet. Jericho hits Smith with a knee to the gut and then whips him into the corner. Jericho charges at Smith but Smith gets a boot up! Smith connects with a clothesline and then a shoulder block. Smith attempts another clothesline but this time Jericho ducks underneath it only to eat a Belly-to-Belly Suplex from the 2nd generation star! Smith charges at Jericho in the corner but Jericho nails him with a back elbow. Jericho then charges at Smith but Smith connects with a Snap Powerslam! 1…2…NO Jericho kicks out! Smith comes off the ropes but Jericho connects with another beack elbow and then he goes for the Lionsault, but Smith moves out of the way! Jericho lands on his feet but Smith hit’s a double leg takedown and locks in the Sharpshooter! Jericho fights it and finally gets to the ropes! Smith tries to pull Jericho back to the center of the ring but Jericho holds onto the ropes. The referee pulls Smith away and then Smith pushes him aside and eats a poke to the eye from Jericho behind the referee’s back. Jericho connects with the Codebreaker! 1…2…3 and Jericho earns a Tag Titles shot for he & Miz at Over the Limit!
Winner: Jericho via pinfall (Codebreaker)
In the back Edge is talking with Batista and the commentators wonder if Batista will be Edge’s partner tonight. Flavor Flav is up next.
R-Truth’s music hits and he makes his way out accompanied by Public Enemy member Flavor Flav. YEAAAAAH BOOOOOY! Flav is wearing his trademark clock to the ring. At least no Viking helmet tonight. R-Truth calls Flav a hip hop legend (Chuck D is Ron, not Flav) and he’s able to get the fans to pop for Flav. Flav asks the fans the scream “FLAVOR FLAV” and they do. Flav hypes his new show coming up called “Nite Tales” and calls himself the brand new “Crypt Keeper” saying its going to be like Tales of the Crypts. Flav asks the fans to give R-Truth a big ovation and then asks the fans if they’re ready to get the show rocking. William Regal is starting to get in the ring as Flav continues to pump up the crowd.
R-Truth vs. William Regal
Regal jumps Truth at the bell and lays into him in the corner with right hands and knees. Regal whips Truth into the opposite corner and then charges at him but Truth floats up and over Regal. Truth avoids a clothesline and then hit’s a back heel kick and Regal rolls out of the ring. The recently reunited Carlito & Primo Colon hit the ring and jump Truth!
Winner: R-Truth via DQ
The Colon’s beat down R-Truth in the ring and Flav is at the announce table now. Carlito hit’s the Backstabber on Truth and Flav says if he weighed about 4 more pounds he would help Truth. Flav goes to check on Truth as Cole & Lawler question why Carlito & Primo did what they did. We see Ted Dibiase Jr. at the top of the stage and he hands Primo & Carlito envelopes and then shakes their hands as DiBiase looks on at Truth in the ring.
A Eve Torres hype package is shown.
Footage of Maryse demonstrating some judo that supposedly she is training in. Her ‘trainer’ questions whether she is training hard enough and Maryse says something in French and then she slaps him and kicks him in the knee. That’s the first time I’ve seen anyone train in Judo wearing tight jeans and a see-through top.
In the back Josh Mathews approaches Orton and asks him if he’s concerned with who Edge may choose as his partner. Orton says there is nothing he can do about it so he’s not concerned. Orton says he’d like for Vickie Guerrero to come to ringside for the match so he can personally make sure that tonight is a night she will never forget.
Back from commercials Buzz Aldrin says he’s taking the WWE Universe to the moon and then Mark Henry blasts him with a chair out of nowhere and says “that’s one small step for RAW and one giant leap for the WWE Universe.” Buzz Aldrin will be hosting the 3-hour commercial free RAW next week. Okay so why are they still doing Guest Hosts if there is a GM now?
Gail Kim & Alicia Fox are sitting at ringside as Zack Ryder is in the ring. Zack tells Alicia she looks especially beautiful tonight and then he says the last great moment that this decrepit arena will have before they blow it up is Zack Ryder’s first win on RAW. Woo, Woo, Woo.
Zack Ryder vs. Evan “Air” Bourne
Ryder nails Bourne with a knee to the gut and then he puts the boots to Bourne. Ryder screams at Bourne and then picks him up and nails him with a forearm followed by a knee strike to the gut. Ryder whips Bourne into the ropes but Bourne hits him with a gorgeous Hurricanrana. Bourne follows up with a Running Back Elbow in the corner followed by a Leaping Enziguri! 1…2…NO Ryder kicks out! Bourne starts to climb to the top but Ryder cuts him off. Bourne nails him with a shoulder block through the ropes and then he slingshots back into the ring over the back of Ryder. Bourne comes off the ropes but eats the Rough Ryder (Jumping Leg Lariat)! Ryder follows up with a Neckbreaker for a near fall. Ryder throws Bourne into the turnbuckles and then chokes him on the bottom rope. Ryder attempts to throw Bourne into another turnbuckle but Bourne blocks it with his foot and kicks Ryder in the head RVD-style. Ryder charges at Bourne but Bourne moves out of the way and then connects with a nasty Running Double Knee Strike to the face of Ryder in the corner (Ryder was seated)! Bourne drags Ryder away from the corner and starts to climb to the top when Alicia gets on the apron to stop Bourne. Gail Kim grabs Alicia by the leg and Alicia takes a pretty bad spill to the floor. Bourne climbs up to the top and hit’s the Air Bourne (Shooting Star Press)! 1…2…3 and Bourne gets the win!
Winner: Bourne via pinfall (Air Bourne)
Bourne leaves the ring with Gail Kim, looks like Evan loves him some Korean.
Footage of last week’s “Beat the Clock Challenge” is shown. Up next Cena will reveal what the stipulation to he and Batista’s WWE Title Match at “Over the Limit” will be.
John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring to a huge ovation. Hate him or love him the guy gets a big reaction whether its cheers or boos. Cole just said “the longest running weekly-episodic television show in history” for like the 5th time already tonight. Cena says this is a very special occasion to be here tonight but he wants to take this moment to thank Shaemus. He says because of his outburst last week it gave him an entire week to think about what stipulation he wants for his match at Over the Limit. Cena says his win over Batista in the Last Man Standing Match was intellectual and not athletic. He says he thought it was creative but Batista and some critics saw it as a way for Cena to take the easy way out and cowardice. Cena says that he has been called many things in his life but he is not a coward. Cena says tonight he will prove it. Cena says he could force Batista to be blindfolded or handcuffed in their match and that would be the act of a coward but the match they have at Over the Limit will have no easy way out. He says it will be fair and competitive but very brutal. He says it will the last time that he faces Batsita for the WWE Championship. Cena says if Batista wins he will forfeit his rematch clause and that there is only one match they can have. It will be John Cena vs. Batista with the WWE Title on the line in an I QUIT MATCH! Cena says if Batista wants to see him go is make him say two words. Cena says he owes all this to Shaemus and if he didn’t kick Cena in the head he would’ve rushed to another decision and picked another match. Cena says he wants to get that “human jar of Mayonnaise” out there so he can thank Shaemus in person. Shaemus’ music hits and “Casper the evil Ginger” makes his way out onto the stage.
Shaemus says if he comes to that ring tonight he guarantees Cena won’t be in any condition to beat Batista in an I Quit Match. Shaemus asks if he really wants him to come down there now. Cena says he heard him and then tosses his hat off and his t-shirt. Cena says he’ll take his chances. Shaemus calls Cena a foolish man and says that his decision has just cost him his WWE Championship! Shaemus walks down to the ring but Batista comes from out of the crowd! Cena cuts Batsita off and then nails Shaemus with a clothesline. Batista Spears Cena as he turns around! Shaemus hit’s the Irish Curse on Cena and then rolls him out to the floor. Batista follows him out and slams Cena back-first into the ring post repeatedly as a fan at ringside (a young fan) screams “leave him alone!” Batista rolls Cena back into the ring and Shaemus hit’s the Pump Kick! Batista picks Cena up and prepares for the Batista Bomb but Mark Henry comes out to make the save! Henry hit’s a clothesline on Batista as Shaemus bails out. Henry hit’s a Big Splash on Batista in the corner and then kicks Batista out of the ring!
In the back Edge approaches Vickie Guerrero in the back. He says he found a partner and then he mentions how last time they were on RAW together he said some pretty hateful things towards her. He says he did it because he wanted the fans to feel some sympathy but it obviously didn’t work. He says the world is against both of them and always will be. Vickie says they can still be friends and Edge says they can. Edge asks Vickie to be at ringside for the match tonight but Vickie asks if he is crazy. She says Randy creeps him out and no way she is going out there. Edge guarantees that nothing will happen to her tonight and he says if Randy even raises one finger towards her she can fire him. Edge says she needs to be at ringside for two reason, 1) so she can show everyone that she can’t be intimidated and 2) so she can see the look on his face when he beats Orton tonight. She says she’ll be there.
Tyson Kidd w/ Natalya Neidhart vs. The Miz
The stipulation to this match is if Kidd wins this match then Miz must defend the United State Title against a member of the Hart family next week! Miz attacks Kidd at the bell and slams him to the mat by the head. Miz then kicks Kidd in the gut hard. Miz follows up with another kick this time to the side of the head that sends Kidd out to the floor. Kidd tries to climb back into the ring when Miz charges at him. Kidd nails Miz with a shoulder block through the ropes and then he connects with a Slingshot into a gorgeous rollup! 1…2…3!
Winner: Kidd via pinfall (rollup)
After the match Miz questions whether Kidd really thinks he won something. Miz says he gets to decide which member of the Hart family he has to defend against. So next week he won’t be facing Tyson or Smith or even Natalya. Next week Miz will defend the United States Championship against…BRET “HITMAN” HART! Hart Dynasty looks shocked and the announces question if that can happen.
Josh Mathews approaches Batista in the back and says he just found out that Batista is going one-on-one with Mark Henry tonight. Batista says he won’t make Cena say “I Quit”, he’ll make him SCREAM it and if you don’t believe him watch what he does to Mark Henry.
8 vs. 4 Handicap Match
“A-List” David Otunga, Daniel Bryan, Michael Tarver, Darren Young, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield, & Wade Barrett vs. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, & Santino
One of these rookies will be eliminated tomorrow night on NXT. Talk about a weird a** team that “pro’s” team is. Awesome, not just one handicap match tonight but TWO! That was sarcasm you were sensing. Barrett and Goldust start the match off. Barrett jumps Goldust at the bell and puts the boots to him. Barrett whips Goldust into the ropes and goes for a backdrop but Goldust stops in his tracks and nails Barrett with an uppercut. Goldust follows up with an Atomic Drop and then he connects with a Shortarm Clothesline and tags in Tatsu. Tatsu climbs up top and hits a Chop to the arm as Goldust holds it. Barrett is able to connect with a knee to the gut and then he tags in Gabriel. Gabriel charges at Tatsu but eats an arm drag from the Japanese star. Tatsu goes for a hiptoss now but Gabriel lands on his feet and then attempts a spinning leg sweep, but Tatsu leaps over it and then hit’s a series of round kicks followed by a spinning back kick. Tatsu goes for the Buzzsaw Kick, but Gabriel ducks it and then connects with a Spinning Heel Kick of his own! Gabriel follows up with a Discuss Punch and then Otunga blind tags himself in (after missing the blind tag the first time, God he sucks). Otunga hit’s a clumsy clothesline to the back of Tatsu and then connects with a knee to the gut and then he goes for a Back Suplex. Tatsu lands on his feet and then goes for a clothesline. Otunga ducks it and hit’s a big Shoulderblock for a near fall. Otunga hit’s a clothesline to a seated Tatsu and gets another near fall. Otunga locks a Rear Chinlock on Tatsu now. Tatsu fights out of it with back elbows and then connects with a Spinning Forearm as Otunga came off the ropes. Otunga tags in Slater and Tatus tags in Morrison! Morrison ducks a clothesline from Slater and connects with a dropkick! Morrison nails Slater with right hands in the corner and then whips him into the opposite corner followed by a back heel kick. Tarver comes in but Morrison meets him with a kick and then tosses him into Young on the apron sending them both crashing to the floor. Slater charges at Morrison but Morrison backdrops him over the top rope. Slater lands on the apron and then hit’s a Shoulderblock through the ropes. Slater follows up with a Slingshot Sunset Flip, but Morrison rolls through it and hits the Shinning Wizard! Morrison is distracting by Skip Sheffield for a minute but goes for the Starship Pain anyway only to have Slater get his knees up. Slater tags in Bryan who charges at Morrison, but Morrison nails him with a backdrop. Santino tags in and he grabs Bryan but Bryan rolls him up! 1…2…3 and Bryan gets his first pin ever in the WWE!
Winners: NXT Rookies via pinfall (rollup)
The Guest Host Hoes…I mean Bella Twins approach Flavor Flav in the back (wearing stupid matching Clock Chains) and ask Flav about his new show. Flav says it’s an updated version of Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt and then Vladimir “Double Double E” Kozlov and Santino walk in. Flav tells them to speak English and then asks them what’s going on with them. Kozlov says Santino won’t leave him alone (seriously? What are you 10?) and Santino says he’s just trying to explain to Kozlov that they would make a good tag team. Kozlov says he always loses and Santino says that’s not true. Flav says they can work it out some kind of way but then William Regal walks in. Regal tells Vladimir not to pay any attention to the fool, Santino, but Flav says he should hear him out. Regal says “look at you aren’t you ridiculous.” Regal says he has no talent (you sir would be correct) and that anyone can rap (I don’t know that I would call what Flav does rapping). Flav says Regal can’t rap and then Kozlov tells him to “bust a move.” Regal spit’s a rhyme:
“straight out of Blackpool I’m William Regal, my rhymes so intense they shouldn’t be legal/
my style is refined not cruse and crass, I’ll keep you grounded like volcano ash/
I’ll take you down rung by rung, I’m just like British parliament I’m completely hung/
straight up gangster tripping, yes boy!”
Flav calls that most ridiculous most horrifying thing he’s ever heard. He shows Regal how to correctly say “yeaaah boy” and then they all walk away leaving Regal alone.
At ringside Michael Cole makes me want to slap him even more by doing Flav’s trademark call.
We get another Buzz Aldrin hype video (the same one) before the next match.
“The Animal” Batista vs. “World’ Strongest Man” Mark Henry
Batista sets up a chair in the ring and sets back in it waiting on Mark Henry. As Henry started to get in the ring Batista nails him with a vicious kick to the head. Batista then picks up the chair and nails Henry in the back with it! Batista repeatedly blasts Henry with the chair. Batista then locks Henry in a modified Crossface/Armbar and screams at Henry. The referee along with another referee try and pull Batista off to no success.
Winner: NO CONTEST
Henry passes out in Batista’s submission move and Batista finally releases the hold. Batista mocks Henry and kicks him as he leaves the ring.
More replays of Orton shutting Meatloaf up with an RKO from earlier are shown and then we see Orton walking toward the ring.
“RKO” Randy Orton vs. “Rated-R Superstar” Edge & Ted DiBiase Jr. w/Vickie Guerrero
Orton is definitely not happy about Teddy Jr. being Edge’s partner. Lawler mentions that Teddy’s father the original Ted DiBiase set up a trust fund that Teddy has recently got ahold of. The trust fund was set up for Teddy to get when he either a) turned 30 or b) had his first WrestleMania match (which he of course did this year). Teddy will start the match off against Orton. They lockup and Orton locks Teddy in a side headlock but Teddy shoves him off only to eat a shoulder block. Orton puts the boots to Teddy and then whips him into the ropes. Orton goes for a backdrop but Ted kicks him and Edge blind tags himself in. Orton nails Teddy with a clothesline but eats a Reverse X-Factor from Edge. Edge puts the boots to Orton and then lays him out with a big right hand. Edge chokes Orton on the middle rope and then he drags him to the corner and tags Teddy in. Teddy puts the boots to Orton and then chokes him in the corner. Teddy distracts the referee while Edge puts the boots to Orton in the corner. Teddy tags Edge back in and holds Orton while Edge kicks him. Edge taunts the crowd while Vickie claps for her ex-husband. Edge goes for the Edge-o-cution but Orton blocks it and goes for a clothesline. Edge ducks and connects with a Big Boot. 1..2…NO Orton kicks out! Ted tags back in and lays into Orton with a right hand, but Orton comes back with rights and kicks and a European Uppercut that staggers Teddy. Orton comes off the ropes but Teddy was right behind him with a clothesline for a near fall. Teddy locks Orton in a Rear Chinlock on the mat now. Orton comes back with clubbing blows to the gut and then he comes off the ropes but Teddy connects with a back elbow. Teddy comes off the ropes now but Orton nails him with a clothesline! Orton follows up with another clothesline and then he knocks Edge off the apron. Edge hits Teddy with a Powerslam! Edge tries to get back in the ring but Orton knocks him off the apron sending Edge crashing into the announce table! Orton turns around and eats a boot from Teddy. Teddy attempts to whip Orton into the ropes but Orton reverses it into that Inverted Headlock Backbreaker! Orton has that psycho look on his face now as he prepares for the RKO! Teddy gets to his feet and Orton goes for it but Teddy shoves Orton off! Teddy charges at Orton but Orton backdrops him over the top rope down to the floor! R-Truth runs down the ramp now which DiBiase sees causing him to quickly roll back into the ring right into an RKO! 1…2…3!
Winner: Orton via pinfall (RKO)
Orton looks over and sees Vickie Guerrero! Orton stares at her as she realizes Edge is out cold leaving her no protection. Vickie grabs a microphone as Orton starts to stalk her and she screams at Orton not to do it or he’s fired. She screams for Edge to get up. Vickie begs Orton not to attack her and she screams “I resign!” as Edge comes to! Orton nails Edge with an RKO on the floor which allows Vickie to run away. Orton rolls back into the ring and poses to end the show.
Hopefully I did my boy Dave Stephens justice tonight and remember he’ll be back next week covering the 3-hour commercial free RAW!