Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
The show kicks off with tonight’s RAW Guest Star, Chad Ochocinco! He is the famed Wide Receiver who wears the number 85 on the Bengals NFL team based out Ohio. He welcomes us to the season premiere of RAW. He also reminds us that tonight is RAW Roulette!
The Miz’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring. He welcomes Ochocinco as being a fellow Ohioan. The Miz says that have a lot in common. They were both reality show stars, and both say whatever they feel like, because they can. But, Miz pauses and says that they actually have nothing in common, because he is a Champion.
Ochocinco corrects him, by pointing out the fact that the Bengals were the AFC North Champions last year. Further, not just Chad, but his boy TO and the rest of the Cincinnati Bengals will be going on to win the Superbowl this year.
The Miz takes a jab at Ochocinco and Terrell Owens as they both left before the end of the half and were tweeting in the locker-room whilst their team tried for a Hail Mary. Miz says that the 85 on his jersey represents the number of good passes that Chad will drop this year. Or maybe, it represents the fact that Carson Palmer moves like an 85 year old.
Enough talk, it’s time to determine the Miz’s match tonight. Spin the wheel.
Alicia Fox is in the back with the RAW Roulette board. It comes up for the Miz as…. Submission match! His opponent?
The wheel determined the kind of match, but his opponent will be decided by Chad Ochocinco!
Chad takes a moment to consider his options, and says that it is really simple. Chad says that 85 represents the number of different ways that his opponent can make him tap out. What better way to start a submission match then against “Chad’s boy”, Daniel Bryan!!!
RAW Roulette: Non-Title Submission Match
The Miz v. Daniel Bryan
As we come back from commercial, the match is already underway. Bryan is kicking Miz hard in the corner. Bryan goes for a running knee, but Miz ducks the move and Daniel crashes hard. Miz locks up Daniel on the second rope gaining him a moment of reprieve. Miz locks on a figure four, but it isn’t long before Daniel is able to reverse the hold. Bryan then quickly attempts to lock on the Labelle Lock, but Miz makes his way free and slides outside of the ring.
On the outside, Alex Riley tries to convince his mentor to get back into the ring. Miz is refusing and clutching his stomach. Miz grabs a mic and is complaining about a hernia. Yes, a hernia. Miz says that he is pulling out of the match due to injury. Justin Roberts tries to announce it is a victory for Bryan, but Miz interrupts and says it is solely due to injury, thus not a forfeit. Instead, Daniel Bryan will face his apprentice, Alex Riley.
Daniel Bryan v. Alex Riley
Alex Riley comes into the ring very strong and is using his freshness to overcome the tired Bryan. Riley goes for his overhead Boston Crab lock, but Daniel is able to reverse into the Labelle Lock. The hold is locked on and Alex has no choice but to tap!
Winner via Submission: Daniel Bryan
After the match, Miz has been miraculously healed, and thus runs into the ring. He beats the hell out of Bryan, including a vicious curb stomp to the skull. The Miz lays down the US Title and shoves it into the face of Bryan. He tells Bryan that he will never be the US Champion. Miz lifts Daniel off the mat and is looking for the Skull Crushing Finale. Daniel reverses into the Labelle Lock! Miz is furiously tapping out on top of the US Title! These two will meet this Sunday live on PPV as the US Championship is on the line.
In the back Jillian Hall is spinning the RAW Roulette wheel with Edge. She is singing “You Spin Me Right Round Baby” as the wheel circulates. Edge joins in as we head to commercial and await the result.
Edge makes his way down to the ring, as we are informed that the match at Sunday’s PPV for the WWE Championship will now be a 5-Pack Challenge.
RAW Roulette: Body Slam Challenge
Edge v. Evan Bourne
First once to body slam his opponent wins. Edge tries to lift Bourne up, but Bourne spins out of the move. Evan then tries to kick out the knees of Edge, but is thrown into the corner. Bourne tries to vault Edge, but is caught in mid air. Bourne grasps the top rope to keep from being thrown to the mat.
Bourne kicks Edge in the face with a vicious blow. Ultimately, it comes down purely to the size advantage as Evan simply cannon lift Edge off of his feet. Edge grabs Bourne and connects with a body slam, thus winning the contest.
After the match, Edge spears the soul out of Evan Bourne.
Because Edge took advantage of his opponent so blatantly after the match, he must compete in a second body slam challenge. His opponent…. Mark Henry!
RAW Roulette: Body Slam Challenge
Edge v. Mark Henry
Edge attempts to lift up Henry, but finds himself flattened like a pancake to the ground as the weight proves far too great. Mark Henry lifts Edge up off of the mat, and connects with The World’s Strongest Slam.
Winner: Mark Henry
After the match, Mark Henry tends to Evan Bourne on the outside of the ring along with the WWE medics. The two celebrate the victory of Henry.
Tonight: John Cena v. Randy Orton in a Tables Match!
RAW Roulette: Song & Dance Match
Ted Dibiase & Maryse v. R-Truth & Eve
R-Truth sings his way down to the ring. We are informed of the historic ramifications of this match, as it is the first ever song and dance match as a result of a RAW Roulette. Justin Roberts looks like he is going to start laughing while announcing this match.
R-Truth and Eve are first to go. They start playing his theme, but R-Truth says no, they have already heard that one. So instead, we are treated to R-Truth’s rapping vocals on, “Time to Get Crunk”. Eve spent the entire time dancing.
After the rap, Dibiase says that this entire thing is ridiculous. The fans don’t want to hear Truth rap. He should just forfeit, but he won’t. Because Maryse knows that he is full of surprises. Dibiase calls for a spotlight. Ted sings as Maryse does a very artful dance interpretation of… “My Way” by Frank Sinatra. The crowd starts a “You Suck” chant at the end of the song.
Dibiase & Maryse are so upset by the fan reaction, that they start to attack R-Truth & Eve. At first they have the upper hand, but Eve is able to throw Maryse to the outside of the ring. As a result, Dibiase is caught with a spinning kick to the skull. After disposing of their foes, R-Truth & Eve once again perform, “Time to Get Crunk”. It appears as though it will be R-Truth’s new theme song.
William Regal is in the back with Ochocinco and the Bella Twins at the RAW Roulette Wheel. It lands on a Trading Places Match. Regal asks what that could possibly be, and Ochocinco explains that it is like switching attire with your opponent, or wearing the jersey of your foe. Regal ask for the identity of his opponent. Goldust walks into the shot holding a wig in his hand. He tells Regal that he will probably need it. Regal looks disgusted as he walks off.
Sheamus walks into the shot and calls them a bunch of fools. Sheamus says that Ochocinco must feel special for his role tonight. Ochocinco says that he does, because the General Manager told him that if John Morrison beats Sheamus tonight, then he will take Chris Jericho’s spot in the Six-Pack Challenge. (Apparently it is once again a Six-Pack Challenge).
Ochocinco says he has 85 reasons he doesn’t want to ever see that red rooster again.
Edge is in the back pacing. Zack Ryder comes into the shot and asks what the problem is with the General Manager. Ryder asks if perhaps Edge took his girlfriend. Edge calls Ryder a tool and asks how he could have taken his girlfriend if he doesn’t even know the identity of the General Manager. Ryder is offended by being called a tool, and says that he is going to lay the hammer down. Edge just looks at him like he is crazy. Edge says that if he wins the Title, he is going to do a hold out until the General Manager is identified. Sheamus comes into the shot saying that he heard Edge saying he was going to win the Championship. Sheamus tells him to dream on, and to watch what he does to John Morrison in their match next.
We see a shot of the backstage area where John Morrison is warming up. He is at first stretching, and then starts to break out into some pretty impressive Parkour (free running).
John Morrison v. Sheamus
If John Morrison wins this match, he will earn a spot in the Six-Pack challenge at Night of Champions. Sheamus takes Morrison right to the corner and slams his head on the turnbuckle. Morrison absorbs the blow and tries for a roll up. Sheamus quickly kicks out.
Morrison is whipped into the ropes, slides under Sheamus, and connects with a dropkick. Pin attempt, but Sheamus kicks out. Sheamus throws Morrison outside of the ring. John slides back into the ring, and Sheamus slides out. Morrison attempts a reverse suicide dive into a hurricarana on Sheamus. It isn’t pretty, but Sheamus is sent to the floor. John attempts the cover, but Sheamus kicks. Morrison throws Sheamus over the barricade to the outside.
Morrison takes a running start and leaps over the barricade. He connects with a crossbody on Sheamus, and tries for a pin in the crowd. Sheamus kicks out. Sheamus catches Morrison in the air, and hits a brutal back breaker. He goes for the cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus lifts Morrison into the air and throws him gut first onto the barricade, again Morrison is able to kick out. Sheamus charges full force at Morrison for the Bro Kick. Morrison dodges, and Sheamus kicks over a part of the production equipment.
Morrison tries to follow up with a series of kicks, but Sheamus is able to counter his way back to control of the momentum. He sets up Morrison on the stage, and slams his head against the edge. Sheamus now has Morrison at the top of the entrance ramp, and is trying to throw him over the edge. John resists, and almost throws over Sheamus. Morrison is caught by Sheamus and his strength proves too great. Sheamus throws Morrison off of the stage, but Morrison flips over in midair and lands on his feet!
Sheamus comes down off the ramp, and is met with a wheel kick from Morrison. Pin attempt, but Sheamus kicks out. Sheamus grabs Morrison and throws him hard into the concrete barricade! Morrison kicks out! Sheamus makes his way back on to the stage as he collects his composure. Somehow, Morrison has made his way on to the top of the LED screen which is just under the Titantron. Morrison leaps and connects with a crossbody! That was crazy! Sheamus kicks out of the cover!
Before Morrison can even fully realize the fact that Sheamus kicked out of the cover, Jericho appears from the entrance ramp and picks up a chair that Sheamus had considered using earlier. Jericho connects with a strike to the back of Morrison. Sheamus goes for the cover, and this match is over.
After the match, we see that Jericho has taken the chair down to the ring, and it sitting with microphone in hand.
Jericho is in the ring and says that he will not go anywhere until he gets what he deserves. Jericho says he is waiting until he gets an email from the esteemed General Manager saying that he has his place back in the Six-Pack Challenge. Jericho says that if he doesn’t get what he wants, he will quit. Jericho says that he will go home, and watch the entire WWE burn to the ground. Jericho says that this time, it is for real.
Jericho is waiting in the ring, but no response has come. Jericho says that if he doesn’t get a response, then he will hunt down the General Manager and expose his identity to the entire world.
Jericho, I really don’t like ultimatums. There is no chance that is going to work. No chance in hell.
Chris Jericho, says that the GM may be creative, but he certainly is not Vince McMahon. Chris says that McMahon is not a coward, he would be out in the ring giving his orders.
There is something you should know Jericho. The Six Pack Challenge Match is now an Elimination Match. After consideration, Chris Jericho has once again been added to the Six Pack Challenge.
Chris cuts off Cole and tells him to let him have this moment. Chris says that he will be walking out of the arena on Sunday as the new WWE Champion.
Don’t EVER interrupt me again. The General Manager continues, Chris Jericho will be in the match providing he can win his match tonight. Since Jericho is the best in the world at what he does, the match will be a handicap match! Against the WWE Tag Team Champions, the Hart Dynasty. Inside a Steel Cage!
Chris is yelling at Cole demanding to know the identity of the General Manager, the email address used, or anything that can help him ascertain his identity.
Handicap Cage Match
Chris Jericho v. The Hart Dynasty
Tyson & David are quick to hit The Hart Attack, and head to escape the cage. David makes his way down to the floor, and has thus chalked up a victory for himself. Tyson is caught by Chris.
I’m confused by the commentators. They said that both members of The Hart Dynasty must be eliminated for Jericho to win. Or must both pick up victories to win. So with David escaping, the most Jericho can do is force a draw?
Jericho tries to spring to the top of the cage for an escape. Tyson catches him, and throws him down to the mat. Tyson is on the turnbuckle and leaps into the air for a missile dropkick. Jericho counters into a Walls of Jericho attempt. Tyson spins the move around, and brings it into a Sharpshooter!
Jericho makes it to the rope, which doesn’t break the hold, but provides enough leverage for him to break the hold. Tyson runs at Jericho but is thrown up into the air. Unbeknownst to Jericho, this has sent Tyson on a flight near the top of the cage. Jericho pulls Tyson down and flattens him from a slam into the Walls of Jericho! Tyson is forced to tap.
Winner via DRAW: Chris Jericho
As a result of forcing the draw, Chris Jericho will be in the Six Pack Challenge at Night of Champions.
RAW Roulette: Trading Places Match
Goldust v. William Regal
Both competitors are in the attire of their opponent. Goldust did maintain his face paint as William Regal. Poor William Regal looks humiliated. This match has been dubbed by Cole as “Gold Regal v. Regal Dust”.
Before the match starts, William Regal does the breath intake and scare of Goldust. In retaliation, Goldust pulls out some brass knuckles, a la William Regal, and punches Regal in the face. This match is over.
Winner: Gold Regal, or Regal Dust, not sure which was which so William Regal was the winner, well Goldust as William Regal, so I guess technically Goldust was the winner, unless you count it via appearance in which case it would be Regal
Tonight’s RAW Guest Star, Ochocinco, is once again in the ring. Ochocinco welcomes a special guest announcer for tonight. The lovely, handsome, Esteban Ochocinco. Did he just introduce himself? Yes, yes he did. Chad does the introductions for this Tables Match between Cena & Orton.
RAW Roulette: Tables Match
John Cena v. Randy Orton
According to Michael Cole, this is the first time Cena & Randy Orton have met in singles action on RAW in 2010.
The two lock up in the middle of the ring, with neither man winning the proverbial test of strength. The crowd is eating up the match and the screams and cheers are deafening. Cena locks Orton into a side headlock. Orton sends Cena into the ropes, but is met with a shoulder block. The two take a second to back off of each other and take in the crowd. Orton bounces off the ropes, and this time it is he that connects with a shoulder block.
Both men are circling each other now, as they continue to size each other up. Cena gets behind Orton, but is caught with an elbow followed swiftly by a punch. Orton kicks Cena in the gut, and then throws him head first into the turnbuckle. Orton hits and uppercut, and then follows up with another punch to the skull. Orton sees a table on the outside, and moves out to the apron. Orton attempts to suplex Cena to the outside. John stands his ground, and pushes Orton to the outside. Randy lands on his feet, but is aware of the fact that he could have just been sent to his defeat.
We come back as the two men are exchanging punches back and forth. Orton grabs Cena and hits him with his patented neckbreaker. Orton is once again looking towards the tables strewn around the outside of the ring. Orton pushes Cena’s body onto the ring apron. John is teetering dangerously close to a table. Cena hits a hard punch and charges back into the ring.
Cena runs over to Orton and hits a snap fisherman’s suplex. Both men reach their feet at the same time and run with full force at each other. They both attempt clotheslines, connect, and all to the mat. The crowd is doing everything in their power to help the competitors to their feet. Cena lifts Orton into the air for the Attitude Adjustment! Orton counters into a DDT!!
Randy heads outside the ring for a table. Orton sets the table up in the corner, leaned against the turnbuckle. Cena gets back to his feet and connects with a shoulder block. Cena follows with a side slam, and then the 5 Knuckle Shuffle! The move connects and Cena is looking for the Attitude Adjustment. Orton scurries down off of his shoulders, but founds himself caught in the STF!
The Nexus comes running down to the ring. The immediately start to kick at the grounded Cena. Randy Orton is able to get to his feet and hits an RKO on Michael Tarver! It is simply not enough as the numbers game prove too much and Orton heads out of the ring.
Cena picks up David Otunga and hits him with the Attitude Adjustment! Cena then turns to Heath Slater and throws him to the outside of the ring. Slater flies through the air and crashes through a table!
Barret takes the distraction and uses it to hit Cena with the Wasteland! Gabriel pulls the table into the ring and sets it up in leaping distance. Orton jumps onto the apron right next to Justin. Orton pushes and Gabriel is sent from the turnbuckle through a table on the outside!
Wade hits Orton with a big boot. Wade then picks up Orton and is looking to hit the Wasteland on Orton to the outside! Orton gets down off of his shoulders, and has Wade standing on the apron! Randy pushes Wade and he crashes to the outside!
Edge & Jericho comes running down to the ring! They attack Randy Orton, who had been setting up to hit Cena with the RKO. After a scuffle, Edge attempts a spear, but accidentally sends both himself and Jericho through the table!
Sheamus runs down to the ring, but is sent to the outside by Cena. John is outside with him and they brawl back and forth. Cena lifts him high into the air, and connects with an Attitude adjustment on the outside!
Cena and Orton have made their way back into the ring. Cena lifts Orton up into the air for the Attitude Adjustment. Cena swings him up into the air, but Orton counters! Orton counters into an RKO through the table!!
Winner: Randy Orton
That was a hell of a season premiere!
It was refreshing to once again have a very strong RAW Guest Host, or as they are being called now, Guest Stars. Chad Ochocinco delivered in the opening segment. Honestly, I think he surpassed nearly everyone’s expectations. He held his own, played to the crowd, and remembered his lines. What more could you ask for?
The match between Daniel Bryan and The Miz was solid in delivery. It’s basic goal was to sell you on their match at this Sunday’s PPV, without giving away too much on free TV. Throw in the Alex Riley twist, as well as the grimy heel tactics of Miz, and you have a winning segment.
Jillian Hall & Edge singing together was pretty hilarious. Credit to whoever thought that short and fun little segment up.
Seeing the post-match interaction of Mark Henry and Evan Bourne sparked an idea in my mind. I would really like to see these two in a tag team together. They have a great blend of strength and quickness, and are really crowd favorites at the moment. They actually remind me of the team of Kane & RVD from a couple of years back. Sadly, I just don’t see room for them in the singles division at the moment. The tag scene on the other hand has a lot of room for growth. While there are some solid teams, they could certainly use another. Come up with a creative name, get them matching tights, and team these two guys up. Besides, it’s not like they are really doing anything else at the moment.
I’m undecided on whether or not I like R-Truth’s new theme. (Assuming of course that it actually is his new theme). I started to get attached to the whole “Wassup” line. Not cause I loved it necessarily, but because it provided so many opportunities for merchandise. Plus, is getting “crunk” really PG? For those that aren’t aware, “crunk” is basically party slang for “crazy drunk”. Not sure how that fits into the whole child-friendly product.
Zack Ryder got some more screen time… but still no “Oh Radio”. Can we do these segments in the ring from now on? I just want to hear the damn theme.
My words simply cannot do justice for that Sheamus v. John Morrison match tonight. That was incredibly entertaining. I have gotten quite a few emails from people complaining that Morrison’s character was starting to grow stale, and I was just starting to agree. But after tonight’s showing, I think I may consider hitching a ride back onto the bandwagon. Tonight could serve as a breakout moment for the star. The Parkour he employed was so different from anything we are used to seeing in the ring, that the audience was captivated.
I know I was alone in my enjoyment of the mystery GM angle at the offset, but I hope that some of you have become converts after tonight. I’m loving every second of it.
The cage match was decent. It’s always great to see Tyson Kidd in the ring because the guy just has a ton of skill. I’ve been a fan of his for years and it is great to see him win Titles and experience success. That being said, those rules were just confusing as hell. So, if both members of The Hart Dynasty are eliminated by Jericho they lose, if both pick up victories they win, but in case of a draw Jericho wins? That makes no sense.
I know it was silly, but I enjoyed the segments with Regal and Goldust. But David, (you may be saying) it wasn’t real wrestling with blood, sweat and tears! I know, but I laughed so I enjoyed it. Whatever, I’m easy.
Cincinnati was sporting an impressively vocal crowd tonight. They were fairly into the entire show, but especially the main event. If you were to watch tonight’s main event without sound, it quite possibly could be the lamest match you’ve ever seen. But, that wasn’t the case tonight. The two men in the ring are consummate professionals. As a result, they have spent their careers learning how to work and use the energy of the crowd. They turned tonight’s match into an epic encounter. I was not expecting it to be such a duel!
The point of the match was to sell the PPV for the Sunday. Personally, I think they delivered. I am excited about the Six Pack Challenge, and they utilized people in the right way. It’s funny, because right before the main event I was starting to wonder if Nexus had the night off. Clearly not, but by keeping them out of the picture for the night, they made their appearance at the end just a bit more surprising. It became so standard to see Nexus run out at the end of the show, that they are forced to come up with ways to at least make it appear more surprising.
It was a great season premiere, and great go-home show for Night of Champions. Not much else I can say. Well done!
I do read every single e-mail you guys send, and really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Send me some e-mails, and have a safe week everyone!
So that’s RAW…. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I’m always up for reading your thoughts and do my absolute best to reply to every message I get. Send them over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. (there were a lot of great ones that I didn’t get a chance to respond to this past week, and I hope to reply to them this week so sorry if you were one of them!)
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