Are you ready for some HBK style Sexy Boy insight? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night Raw!!!
“It’s all about the game and how you play it,” lights up the audio dials as a leather clad HHH makes his way down to the ring. The obligatory fountain of water is shot up into the stratosphere as the much maligned husband of Stephanie McMahon glances up at the Wrestlemania sign and enters the ring. He has the microphones, but takes a moment to soak up the reaction of the crowd. “It’s good to see you too,” The Game replies to the crowd. He claims that he has done everything that there is to do in the WWE. He has won every championship, defined matches, and become a 13-time World Champion. He started DX with Shawn Michaels, Evolution with Ric Flair. Hated and loved, he has defeat legends, icons and immortals. He has been at it for 16 years during which he has outlasted everybody, watching wrestlers both come and go. Except for one – the Deadman, the Phenom, the Undertaker!
HHH claims that they are very similar, the Last Outlaw and himself, because they both know that there are no real challenges left, no big tests in front of them. The Undertaker lives year to year based upon his streak, it is the only challenge that can keep him going. That being said, when Taker looks around the locker room, the only challenge left is HHH, and vice versa. It’s the only thing that they both have in front of them, and it will happen at Wrestlemania 27. The last two icons left in the WWE, will meet at ‘mania. On that night, nothing else will matter. Undertaker has only one thing left, the streak. When it dies, The Deadman will finally die. HHH says that if he can’t defeat Taker and end the streak, then he’ll die trying.
Sheamus’ music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. As soon as he enters the ring, HHH low blows him! HHH picks him up and throws him to the outside. HHH follows after the man who took him out of action for eight months, and pummels him with a series of fists and clotheslines. He throws chairs out of the way as he rips the cover off of the commentator’s booth. Monitors are thrown from side to side, as HHH climbs atop the booth and sets up for the pedigree. With the ‘mania sign in the background, Hunter leaps into the air and connects with his signature finisher, toppling the table!
read by Jerry Lawler
The GM realizes that Sheamus was just attacked by HHH, but that isn’t his problem. Sheamus was scheduled to have a match tonight, and he is still going to have it.
King Sheamus v.. Evan Bourne
Bourne is quick on the attack as he swings with a series of left and right legs on the trampled Sheamus. The Irish star attempts to push him away, but Bourne sweeps right back with a high kick. Bourne heads to the turnbuckle, and leaps for the Shooting Star Press! This match is over.
Winner via Shooting Star Press: Evan Bourne
Justin Roberts introduces the “Voice of the WWE,” Michael Cole. He smiles his way down to the ring, and pauses for a moment in front of King.
“May I have your attention please,” Cole calls out Jerry Lawler, and asks him to step into the ring. Cole claims that if Lawler hits him, it will result in his release. Cole has thought long and hard about Lawler’s in ring proposal, and says that two conditions must be met. 1, Cole’s trainer can be in the corner during the match, and B, Cole can choose the Special Guest Referee. Lawler doesn’t care if it is Superman in the corner, he agrees to the match. Cole proceeds to celebrate, and then introduces his trainer. Jack Swagger? That’s random. Swagger comes into the ring, and attacks Lawler. He connects with the ankle lock as Lawler flails on the mat. Swagger finally releases, and celebrates his dominance with Cole.
Next Week Live on Raw: Stone Cold Steve Austin returns!
Michael Cole has replaced Lawler on commentary in the aftermath of Swagger’s attack.
Randy Orton’s music hits, and he makes his way out to the ring. He calls out RM Punk and says that he is going to absolutely destroy him to the point where his only goal in life will be to one day walk again. Punk will have to consume every meal by stRaw and live in a haze. The only thing that will stay with him is the “faith” which has failed him.
CM Punk and the rest of the Nexus make their way onto the entrance ramp. Punk says that he is very glad that Orton showed up tonight. While Orton may be trying to put him in a rehab facility, Punk is going to put him in the ground. They begin to make their way down to the ring –
Michael Cole lets Josh Mathews read the decree
CM Punk will face Randy Orton at Wrestlemania. Over the next couple of weeks, New Nexus members will face Orton in the ring. If they win, they can be in the corner of Punk at ‘mania. If Orton wins, they will be banned. If Punk or the Nexus get involved in these matches, then the New Nexus will be disbanded.
Randy Orton v. Michael McGillicutty
Orton whips him into the corner and then hits a clothesline on the return. Orton goes for a drop knee, but Michael rolls out of the way. Orton clotheslines him to the outside of the ring.
Back from the break, Michael is somehow in control of this match. Cover attempt, but Orton kicks out. Back on his feet, Randy hits a delayed side slam. A splash attempt by Michael is interrupted by a boot from Orton. The momentum continues as he hits a couple of clotheslines, and then sets up for the suspended DDT. The move connects, and Orton begins to pound upon the mat. When people put their ear to the ground, they are actually listening for Orton’s pounding. RKO hits, and this match is over.
Winner via RKO: Randy Orton
Michael McGillicutty will not be allowed in the corner of Punk at Wrestlemania. CM Punk comes out onto the ramp after the match. Orton wants to go for the punt, but Punk has a mic and is trying to talk him out of it. Punk demands that he not punt Michael in the skull. Orton flies across the ring! And connects! Punk and the rest of Nexus scream down to the ring and chase Orton until he escapes up into the crowd.
The Miz and Alex Riley head down to the ring. He says that the reason The Rock is responding to Cena and not him tonight, is because of the fact that Rocky knows Miz is right. This isn’t Rock or Cena’s show anymore. We are living in the era of The Miz. The biggest star in the WWE and the reason that the people are in attendance tonight is because of The Miz. He reiterates his place as the most see Champion in the history of the company. He claims that he could defeat both John Cena AND The Rock at Wrestlemania back to back.
Cena’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Cena says that he can’t take listening to The Miz any longer. John Cena has a giant note that says, “Doctor Note”. He says that Miz has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Alex Riley retorts with a joke about toilets being called “Johns”. The crowd is complete dead at the horrendous joke. Cena tells Miz that he should first Riley in order to be considered a legitimate Champion. Miz declines. Cena says that maybe instead, Miz and Riley should become co-champions. Even better, John Cena challenges Alex Riley to a match tonight. If Cena wins, Alex Riley will be fired. The Miz agrees and gives his word that he won’t interfere in the match. Under one condition, if Cena loses he will have to admit that The Miz is the greatest wrestler in the world and awesome. Cena laughs, and says that if that’s all he wants, then fine.
and I quote…
No offense to Miz, or his word, but to assure that there is no outside interference tonight, the match will take place inside a steel cage! The ONLY way to win the match tonight, is to escape.
Divas Battle Royal
Winner: One of the Bella Twins
After the match, Eve enters the ring to yell at the Bella. The other Bella appears out of thin air, and they beat down Torres before exiting the ring.
Video Recap of John Cena Responding to The Rock last week on Raw.
A feed is shown of The Rock responding to Cena. He puts himself over, and says that as the Peoples Champion he knows that the people are tired of John Cena. He addressed Cena like a man, but in response, Cena decided to rap. Rock is not pleased that Cena addressed him in the form of rap. Rock says that his love for the WWE is endless. He grew up in the company, and his blood is the WWE. Rock claims that he achieved all of his goals in the WWE, and then wanted to seek out goals elsewhere. By going to Hollywood, Rock helped open the door for wrestlers, and even paved the way for John Cena. Rock is not pleased that Cena responded to all of that by openly mocking The Rock. There is no one on earth who brings it like The Rock, and Rock says that he is going to bring it to Cena. Rock says that he’ll be addressing Cena sooner than he thinks. This is because the People’s spirit is everywhere. The Rock tells Cena to enjoy his Fruity Pebbles, that “Yabba-Dabba-Bitch”. If you SMELLLLLLLLL what the Rock, is cooking.
Video package airs of Shawn Michaels addressing the HHH v. The Undertaker feud
Daniel Bryan’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. About half way to the ring, The Miz jumps out and attacks Bryan. He throws him against the guardrail and stomps him in the face. Miz grabs a mic and explains that he attacked Bryan, simply because he could. He calls for the cage to be lowered, and we go to commercial before the main event.
Steel Cage Match
John Cena v. Alex Riley
Cena unloads with punches on Riley and then tries to escape through the door. Miz runs from commentary, where he is live tweeting as well as commentating, and slams the door in the face Cena. Miz heads back towards the commentary booth, and then takes a picture of John Cena to put on Twitter. Miz then hands his blackberry into the cage to Alex Riley. The Miz’s protégé uses the phone to hit Cena over the head. Riley begins to cRawl towards the door. He is more than 50% of the way out of the ring, but Cena grabs his leg. Miz attempts to play tug of war with Riley, but Cena is stronger and pulls him back into the ring. Cena locks on an STF and Riley taps, but the only way to win this match is through escaping the cage. Cena heads up the cage, but Miz goes to grab a steel chair, Miz hits the side of the cage with the chair, making sure that Cena is unable to escape. Riley runs up behind Cena, and connects with an Electric Chair Drop!
Back from the break, Riley goes for a dropkick. He misses, and Cena sets up for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Cena connects, and then lifts him up for the Attitude Adjustment. Riley grabs on to the cage, and starts to climb towards the top! Cena follows right after. Riley manages to knock him off the top rope, and continues to climb his way out of the cage. Riley makes it all the way to the top, but Cena springs break to his feet and keeps him teetering on the edge. Cena pulls him back to the inside, and they begin to fight on the top rope. Cena connects with a bulldog! The Attitude Adjustment is set up once again, and this time it connects. Cena picks up Miz’s phone, which is still in the ring, and takes a picture of Alex Riley! Cena then goes to exit the cage, which Miz attempts to brace closed. Cena breaks free, but Miz hits him with the Skull Crushing Finale the second he escapes the cage.
Winner: John Cena
Alex Riley is fired from The Miz’s employ.
HHH is one of the most inconsiderate wrestlers I’ve ever witnessed in my life. No, this isn’t even about wrestling. HHH is one of the most inconsiderate people I’ve ever witnessed. I’m not talking about his comments towards the Undertaker. They are what they are, and the two of them will have their match at Wrestlemania. What bothered me tonight was the fact that HHH decided to take out the commentator’s booth. HHH has such a big ego that he doesn’t bother to think about the little people that work their ass off for the company. An admirable ring crew member took the time to carefully set that table up to ensure that Mathews and Lawler would have the best possible broadcast. HHH spit in the face of all three of those men when he decided to pedigree Sheamus on top of the booth. It wasn’t necessary. HHH easily could have done the maneuver in the ring or on the steel steps. Instead, his ego is so big that he just had to go with the superfluous addition of the commentator’s booth destruction. HHH and his ego make me sick.
I’m very disappointed with the return of Evan Bourne tonight. Here is an example a talented wrestler that chooses to make his entrance at the expense of a mangled superstar. What does that say about the character of Evan Bourne? The guy has missed an incredible amount of time due to injury, and yet he had a huge smile on his face as he legitimately could have ended the career of Sheamus tonight in the ring. I know that the match was set before Sheamus dumbly came out to confront HHH, but Evan should have asked for a new opponent. I expect much better from a star like Mr. Bourne. Obviously his time off from in ring action was not spent trying to become a better person. Very disappointing.
I have no idea why Jack Swagger was chosen by Cole to be his trainer.
No disrespect to the General Manager, but wouldn’t it have just been easier to ban all of Nexus from ringside at Wrestlemania? It’s not exactly fair to Orton that he has to have these matches. Orton should pick 3 arbitrary people to be on his “team” and force Punk to have matches each week as well.
Speaking of Randy Orton, he should be ashamed of himself. While I said that HHH is the most inconsiderate wrestler in the WWE, Orton could just be the slimiest excuse for a person that steps into a ring each week. I don’t care what a wrestler does in the ring each week. As long as the moves are all legal within the given framework of a match, then I won’t complain. But, Orton crossed the line. He attacked Michael McGillicutty after the match had already ended. His only intention was to injure the man, and that is just plain wrong. I believe that McGillicutty is honorable and would refrain from interrupting the ‘mania match, yet Orton decided to go off and diabolically attack the young rookie. Orton is just plain nauseating.
I like how The Rock bothered to show up on Raw. Oh wait, he didn’t. My complaint is that if Rock and Cena aren’t actually going to wrestle, then why should I care about this war of words? Without the hope of culmination I couldn’t care less.
That was a pretty weak segment with the HBK video given all the hype during the show.
Tonight must be “lack of manners” night in the WWE. What’s up with The Miz attacking Daniel Bryan? I can only assume that Miz is jealous. Sure, Miz may be the WWE Champion, but he still has only a fraction of the talent of a Daniel Bryan. Miz said that he could do that because he could? That doesn’t even make sense. How security didn’t come down and eject Miz for his actions is completely beside me. I’d comment on Miz breaking his word and interfering in the Cena/Riley match, but what’s the point? He is clearly just a scummy guy.
Alex Riley let his employer down, and deserved to be fired from The Miz’s employ.
The last Monday of the month is “kayfabe” night in my Raw Recaps. Wrestling is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy
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