Are you kneeling with the Bible open to Austin 3:16? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night Raw!
13 Days away from Wrestlemania
Michael Cole is introduced… as Jim Ross. He makes his way down to the ring wearing a cowboy hat and a fat suit. He drops off a bottle of BBQ sauce for Josh Mathews and Jerry Lawler, and then runs into the “Cole Mine” before Lawler can slap him.
HHH’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. He says that he has been in this business for 20 years, but Wrestlemania will be the defining night of his career. Everyone around the world is talking about the match. He says that The Undertaker’s streak is more important than any championship that he has ever held. Ending it, will be the defining moment of his career. Hunter asks that next week, Taker comes to RAW. He wants to be able to look him in the eye, stand face to face, so that he can tell him exactly what is going to happen when they fight at ‘mania. He is going to look Taker in the eye, and tell him that he is going to lose! HHH will end the streak, with its death will also go the life of The Undertaker. If he can’t do it, he vows to die trying. Hunter simply wants that one last opportunity to stand face to face with him. Because once he ends the streak, Taker will be no more. Just like the New England Patriots, The Undertaker will go 18-1. At Wrestlemania, the Deadman will Rest…In…Peace!
Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out to the entrance ramp. He says that one year ago he was one of the rising stars in the company. He competed in his first ‘mania match against Randy Orton. But this year, he has become an afterthought. Dibiase asks what would happen if he takes out Hunter just two weeks before ‘mania. Then, people will have no choice but to take him seriously. Ted tries to enter the ring, but Hunter immediately kicks him off of the apron. Hunter slams him into barricades the ringside over, and demolishes him with a steel chair. Reminiscent of his beat down on Sheamus, Hunter turns his attention towards the commentary booth. He removes the monitors, and then brings Dibiase up with him. Hunter looks out to the crowd, and then slices his thumb across his neck. Hunter leaps into the air and connects with a pedigree on Dibiase!
Sheamus v. Evan Bourne
Sheamus throws Bourne to the ground and gets caught with a kick. Bourne is thrown into the corner, and then clotheslined. Sheamus put his body into the ropes, and then pummels him with hammer blows across the chest. Sheamus stomps on the arm of Bourne, but then gets caught with a side kick. Bourne climbs to the top rope, but Sheamus rolls out of the way of a Shooting Star Press! Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick, and this match is over!
Winner via Brogue Kick: Sheamus
Sheamus has a mic and puts himself over as the US Champion. Daniel Bryan’s music hits and he walks down to the ring. He wants to invoke his rematch clause, and he wants to invoke it at Wrestlemania! Sheamus tosses the mic at him, and then connects with a Brogue Kick! Sheamus says that if Bryan wants the match, then he has got it!
Tonight: Rey Mysterio v. Randy Orton Wrestlemania Rewind
In the back, Randy Orton is seen exiting a bus. Scott Stanford asks him what it is like to tour the country on the tour bus. Orton says that the best part is that it allows him to have time to think as well as bring his family on the road. It is also the place where he has seen the tape of himself destroying the New Nexus, one punt at a time. Orton says that Punk may claim to be sick and twisted, but he has no idea what sick and twisted really is.
Eve Torres v. Maryse
Maryse starts the match by throwing her hand up, and then posing to the audience. She says that no one cares about Eve, and then tries to slap her. Eve follows up with one of her own. The war of words continues, and then Maryse jumps on the mat and slams her head against the ground. Eve Torres finds herself backed into the corner and head slammed against the turnbuckle.
Michael Cole stands up, and cuts a promo about being bored with this match and wanting to move on. Eve sets up for a standing moonsault, but Maryse is able to get her knees up. Maryse goes for the French Kiss, but Eve reverses with a Hemlock Heave and this match is over.
Winner via Hemlock Heave: Eve Torres
After the match, Eve runs over to the Cole Mine. She is kept at bay by the glass, but does manage to land a slap. As security gets her away, Cole begins to egg her on.
Santino & Vladimir Kozlov v. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater
The match starts with a clothesline from Santino to Gabriel followed by a quick cobra attempt. Slater breaks up the move. Slater gets an official tag, and Santino kicks out of a cover attempt. Slater with a side sling, but Santino is still able to make it all the way to the corner. Kozlov comes screaming into the ring and throws Slater into the turnbuckle. He then charges across the ring at Slater and connects with a boot. Barret distracts from the outside, which allows Slater to bring the big Russian down to the mat. Gabriel gets the tag and hits his patented 450 Splash! This match is over.
After the match, The Corre continues the attack on Santino & Kozlov. Big Show and Kane’s music hit and they come down to the ring to make the save. Kane and Show absolutely clear ring, which includes a devastating chokeslam on Ezekiel Jackson. Kane lifts his arms into the air, and then calls upon the flames from the posts.
Live on RAW Next Monday: The Rock!
Jerry Lawler interviews John Cena live via Satellite. He admits that he has underestimated The Miz, but will ready to go 100 percent at Wrestlemania. Cole exits his mine and says that coming up next, he has another worldwide exclusive which is something we don’t want to miss.
Jack Swagger is in the ring with Michael Cole. I believe that they are doing a jig. Cole introduces him as the man that is going to train him to defeat Lawler at ‘mania. Swagger is on the outside of the ring, staring down Lawler. Cole replays last week’s exclusive of bringing out Brian Christopher to “expose” his father.
Cole has a black book, which he claims is the Lawler Family Photo Album. On the Titantron, we see a picture of Lawler’s father. Cole makes fun of Lawler by pretending to be his embarrassed father. Cole says that he is going to put Lawler in his place at ‘mania. Cole says that he finally realized that Lawler, his mother, his father and his son have one thing in common – they are nothing but losers. Lawler RIPS his headset off and looks to charge into the ring. Swagger punches him, but Lawler swings back with one of his own. He enters the ring, but Lawler exits and starts to run away. Lawler charges after, but Swagger catches him with a clothesline. Swagger drags him over to the Cole Mine, and presses his face up against the glass. Swagger then continues the beating with an ankle lock on the outside. Cole is screaming for Swagger to break the ankle. Cole exits the booth, and applies the ankle lock for himself. Swagger uses his knee to keep Lawler’s head on the ground. Cole calls for Lawler to tap out. He never does, because it appears that he passes out. Swagger and Cole celebrate with their arms raised.
Video Recap: Snooki on RAW
John Morrison w/ Trish Stratus v. Dolph Ziggler w/ LayCool & Vickie Guerrero
Dolph mounts Morrison and begins the pounding. Morrison backs him into the corner, and unloads with a slew of punches. Ziggler hits a side drag and goes for the cover. Morrison kicks out. Trish is on the outside of the ring trying to get support for her man, who is now held in a side headlock. Morrison is whipped into the ropes, and slides under the legs of Ziggler. He clotheslines Ziggler to the outside of the ring. He bounces off the ropes and is looking to fly, but Michelle jumps up on the apron for the block. Stratus runs over and clears out her foes.
and I quote…
I am now ordering this match to be a handicap inter-gender tag match.
John Morrison & Trish Stratus v. Dolph Ziggler, LayCool & Vickie Guerrero
Morrison is trying to fight his way back into the match as we come back from commercial. Ziggler tags in Layla, which brings Trish into the ring. Trish whips her into the corner, but then gets caught by the boots of Layla. Vintage Trish Stratus as she hits the leg scissor hurricarana from the corner. Layla kicks out of the cover, and tags in Michelle. Trish is on the ground, and Michelle pounds on her with a series of punches. She strikes hard with her knee, and then goes for a cover. Trish kicks out. Vickie gets the tag, but completely whiffs on a strike, and Morrison gets the tag. Ziggler is forced into the ring, and gets caught with the Flash Kick. Morrison sets up for Starship Pain, but Layla knocks Trish off the apron. Ziggler rolls out of the way from Starship Pain. He hits the ZigZag, and then tags in Vickie! She gets the cover, and this match is over!
Winners via ZigZag: Dolph Ziggler, Vickie Guerrero & LayCool
Video Package: Sin Cara
Video Package: HHH v. The Undertaker
Randy Orton v. Rey Mysterio
Mysterio slides behind Orton, and then kicks him in the leg. Orton kicks him in the gut and whips him hard into the corner. Mysterio slides under his legs, and then continues with leg strikes. He bounces off the ropes and tries to kick Orton in the head but misses. Orton connects with a forearm, and then throws Rey out of the ring. Orton follows after and slides him back into the ring. Cover attempt, but Mysterio kicks out.
Orton leaps and connects with a high knee. Another cover, but Mysterio kicks out. Orton gets on the first rear headlock of the match. Orton sets up Mysterio on the top turnbuckle, but Rey pushes him off and connects with a Senton. Orton recoups by hitting a snap scoop slam. Orton counters the suspended DDT by going for the 619. Orton catches his legs, and hits the suspended DDT! Orton is looking ready to finish the match, but CM Punk appears on the Titantron. He says that he might not know what sick and twisted is, but he does know that Orton has a nice bus. And he can’t wait to meet his wife!
Orton runs out of the ring, and charges all the way to the back where his wife is. Punk runs up and attacks him from behind with a wrench. His wife appears screeching from the bus, and then hides back inside when Punk tells her to shut up. Punk tells him that he will regret punting the members of Nexus. He kicks Orton in the head, and then looks at his wife through the window. He gives her an air kiss.
In the ring, we see Alex Riley. He has what appears to be a magician’s kit with him. Riley introduces the best man at his wedding, The Miz. Miz reaches the ring and compares himself to Ali and Michael Jordan. He claims to be the 2011 version of a sport icon. He says that last week he had fun doing the Rock impersonation last week. The funny thing is that despite all of the different Rock Impersonators over the years, the only person that has been able to do it successfully was someone that is more original than The Rock. That person of course being himself. He says that he is the greatest WWE Champion in history. He moves to the magic set, and says that he is about to unveil something great. He has taken the iconic WWE symbol and flipped it upside down in the shape of an M. Miz reveals the “NEW” WWE Championship! He has simply flipped the W. he says that he won’t be a multi-time Champion, because he doesn’t plan on ever losing it. Because… “I’m the Miz, and I’mmmmmmmm Awesome”!
John Cena is live via satellite and starts to mock The Miz. He tells Miz that he made a mistake, because he should never make him angry. In the back, we see that the set around Cena is being removed… by a crew in Penguins jerseys. It turns out he isn’t broadcasting from home tonight, he is broadcasting from the arena!
Cena barrels down to the ring, and enters the two on one fray with Miz and Riley. There is little Cena can do at first as the numbers game catches up with him. Riley gets thrown out of the ring, and Miz bails to the back. Riley reenters the ring, but realizes that Miz has left. Cena locks on the STF!! Miz starts to walk down the ramp, and Cena releases the hold. Miz pauses, and opts to stay out of the ring. Cena goes back to the STF and stares down The Miz. Miz looks to walk down farther, but again stops as soon as Cena releases the hold. Miz walks to the back as Cena locks it on one more time.
HHH cut a standard promo to open up the show. I hope that something exciting happens on RAW this week or next, because I really just don’t care about this match for some reason. Everything tells me that I should, and that this should be a show stealer, but so far I just haven’t felt it.
What the hell was Ted Dibiase thinking? Just a terrible idea.
I feel bad for the Divas, they are like the Rodney Dangerfields of the WWE, they get no respect.
The Corre v. Santino, Kozlov & Kane Show? To be honest, I just really want to see Santino & Kozlov at ‘mania. It would actually makes sense given the storyline…
Sheamus absolutely destroyed Evan Bourne tonight, but that doesn’t mean that the high flyer is being buried. The internet fans need to take a chill pill.
I STILL don’t understand the Michael Cole/Jack Swagger connection. This segment was just a repeat of last week’s, but minus Brian Christopher. Just because it worked once doesn’t mean we want to see it every single week.
The build for Wrestlemania felt stronger a month ago, then it does tonight. I felt more excited after the Elimination Chamber than I do at the moment.
Snooki was a fantastic idea for Wrestlemania. Please put her in a segment with Hornswoggle at some point? Thanks, that would be awesome.
Women can pin men in an inter-gender tag match??
Looks like Sin Cara is coming to Monday Night RAW and not Smackdown. Take that Mike Tedesco!
Punk cracks me up, he’s just so perfect. Orton’s wife had some of the worst acting I’ve seen on RAW in ages. Holy cow that was terrible. I can’t even pretend it was decent.
To prepare for ‘mania I’m watching my way through Miz’s season of the Real World. I feel like it is helping me get inside his head.
The WWE should have gone for a new belt, and not just lamely flip the spinner.
Cena’s appearance was really cute. The whole WWE being his home thing, awww.
Pretty lazy and redundant RAW tonight. It just kind of happened.
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