Are you ready for 3 hours of RAWness? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
The Miz is in the ring to kick off the show, and the crowd is already starting with the “What?” chants. He says that Attitude Era stars are constantly jealous of him, and calls out Stone Cold. Austin’s music hits and he walks down to the ring. Austin mocks the fact that Miz is all around stupid, and decided to call him out. Austin refers to him as a silver tongued devil, and reminds him of the RAW after ‘mania, in which Austin ran him out of the ring. Miz tries to interrupt, but Austin doesn’t allow it. Austin also gives Alex Riley a shoutout for the fact that he had the guts to give Miz an ass whooping, and says that Riley may be a bigger star than Miz one day. Austin asks the crowd if he should give Miz a stunner, and they respond with a huge, “Hell Yeah”. Austin says that Miz and Riley need a little bit of counseling. So tonight, they will meet in the ring with the one and only Roddy Piper! Austin tells Miz that if he knows what’s good for him, he will get his ass out of the ring right now. Miz slowly backs away. Austin tells him not to be a hero. Miz begrudgingly leaves the ring. Austin calls it the best decision Miz has ever made.
Austin puts over the fact that tonight is WWE All Stars night, and that he is in charge. Alberto Del Rio’s music hits, and he makes his way onto the entrance ramp with mic in hand. Ricardo Rodriguez gives him an intro. He tells us that his name is Alberto Del Rio, but of course we already knew that. Del Rio walks into the ring, and starts to talk about his destiny. Austin cuts him off. Stone Cold says that he can’t see into the future, but he does see an ass whooping in Del Rio’s future. Austin tells him that he’ll be in the first match of the night, and his opponent will be… Kane!
Alberto Del Rio v. Kane
Del Rio hits a drop arm breaker, bringing Kane to the mat. Del Rio punches Kane in the face, then stomps on his arm. Cover attempt but Kane kicks out. Rio is trying to lock on an arm bar. Kane gets to his feet and throws Del Rio outside the ring. Rio gets back into the ring and is met with a boot and side slam. Cover attempt, but Rio kicks out.
Kane scales the turnbuckles and leaps for the clothesline. Rio moves out of the way and locks on the cross arm breaker! Kane uses his strength to crawl to the bottom rope. Rio refuses to let go of the hold, trying to break the arm of Kane.
Winner via DQ: Kane
The referee is trying to peel off Del Rio, but he won’t budge. The Big Show’s music hits, and he runs down to the ring. He begins to attack Rio, so Ricardo jumps into the ring for the save. Show begins to maul Ricardo relentlessly. Kane is forced to lock on a headlock to pull Show off Ricardo.
Austin comes out and says that Alberto Del Rio will face The Big Show at Sunday’s PPV.
We see a clip showing Ricardo Rodriguez being carted out of the ring during the break.
Cody Rhodes. Ted Dibiase & Wade Barrett v. Sin Cara, Daniel Bryan & Ezekiel Jackson
Cara starts off the attack on Cody with a kick and then a clothesline from the second rope. Daniel Bryan gets the tag and is whipped to the corner. Dibiase tries for a cheap shot, but Bryan knocks him off the apron. Rhodes sends Bryan to the corner and tags in Dibiase. Dibiase goes for a quick cover which fails, and then tags in Wade. Wade whips Daniel hard into the corner, and then tries for a cover. Bryan kicks out. Wade locks on a Camel Clutch. Wade kicks Daniel in the gut, and then follows with an abdominal stretch slam. Cover, but Bryan kicks out. Ezekiel Jackson gets the tag, and connects with a series of scoop slams. Jackson lifts Wade up for the torture rack, but Wade’s teammates makes the save. Jackson throws them both out of the ring, and then lifts Bryan over his head and throws him on the opposing team. Jackson tags in Sin Cara. He springboards into the ring with a crossbody, and picks up the pin. This match is over.
Winners via Springboard Crossbody: Cara, Daniel Bryan & Ezekiel Jackson
Hornswoggle is in the ring, having been using a T-shirt launcher to give away shirts during the commercial. R-Truth’s “music” hits and he walks down to the ring. He says that ‘swoggle looks like a ball of fun. He tells him not to be scared because he is a good R-Truth. He claims that he’ll be beating Cena at Sunday’s PPV. Cena won’t be able to stop him from getting what he wants on Sunday, and neither will Hornswoggle. ‘Swoggle aims the gun at Truth and attempts to shoot him in the crotch. Truth shakes it off and grabs ‘swoggle. Instead of attacking him, he hugs him? Yup. The tender moment doesn’t last long as Truth snaps and kicks Hornswoggle in the head.
Austin appears on the Tron and tells R-Truth to pick on someone his own size, someone like… John Morrison! They will battle tonight! Truth says that Morrison is going to have to get some of this – and kicks Hornswoggle again. When Truth leaves the ring, Lawler gets in to help up ‘swoggle.
Santino v. Sheamus
Santino is thrown into the corner, and then stomped on. Sheamus weaves him in between the ropes, and clubs him across the chest. He follows up by going onto the apron and applying a hip check. Sheamus hits a lazy clothesline and goes for the cover. Santino kicks out. Sheamus cinches on an inverted front headlock. Santino tries to fight free, but Sheamus clubs him to the mat. Sheamus throws him to the corner, but Santino begins to hulk up. He connects with a couple of punches and then tries for an arm drag. Sheamus counters and lifts him up for the High Cross. Santino connects with the hip toss after scurrying off his back. Santino pumps up for the Cobra, and dodges a Big Boot. He hits the Cobra and goes for the cover! Sheamus quickly kicks out. Sheamus connects with the Big Boot and then locks on a Cloverleaf variant, which I will hereafter refer to as the Shamrock. This match is over.
Winner via Shamrock: Sheamus
Randy Orton is in the ring with a faulty microphone. After receiving a working one, he calls out Christian. He doesn’t appear, so Orton says that the first chance he gets he will destroy Christian. He tells him to come out to the ring, so that he doesn’t have to go find him in the back. Christian appears on the tron. Christian says that Orton’s career was handed to him on a silver spoon. Christian on the other hand earned his opportunities through hard work. He takes a poll of the audience to see if anybody wants him to come down to the ring to face Orton. The crowd roars their approval. Christian says that he doesn’t care what the fans want. Orton says it is a shame that Edge isn’t here to carry him to the ring, because he carried Christian for 17 years. Christian says that if Orton wants Christian to come down to the ring, then he will. They begin to brawl, and security is forced to separate them.
Due to Orton’s concussion, he cannot compete tonight. Orton is to leave the arena now, and wait until Sunday to get his hands on Christian. If he doesn’t comply, there will be no alternative than to strip Orton of his World Heavyweight Championship.
Orton heads to the back and out of the arena whilst Christian smirks. Austin appears on the Tron. He tells Christian that his night is not over. Up next, he’ll face Rey Mysterio!
Rey Mysterio v. Christian
Christian punches Rey and sends him to the mat. He then whips him into the corner and continues the onslaught. Rey leaps out of the way of a splash and hits a hurricarana to set up for a 619. Christian cuts it off with a clothesline. Rey kicks Christian in the gut, but Christian throws him to the outside of the ring.
Back from the break, Christian throws Rey into the second turnbuckle. He jumps on his back to apply pressure. He doesn’t let off by the end of the five count, so the referee disqualifies him!
Winner via DQ: Rey Mysterio
Rey heads up to the top turnbuckle and looks to leap at Christian. Instead, CM Punk has run down to the ringside. Rey leaps out of the ring at him, and then slides back in the ring. The rest of the New Nexus comes down to the ring. Rey slips out of a Killswitch attempt by Christian, and sets him up again for the 619. Mason grabs Rey in midair. Rey is sent back into the ring, and this time Christian does connect with the attack.
In the back, Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler are in Steve Austin’s office. Vickie asks if Austin would grant Dolph a US Title match against Kofi on Sunday. Austin says he likes what Dolph has been doing in the ring, so he will grant the match. IF, Dolph will drop Vickie as his consultant. Dolph agrees! Austin laughs and says that he already made the match earlier today, it didn’t matter whether or not Dolph had dropped Vickie. She is furious.
R-Truth v. John Morrison
Morrison’s music hits, but he doesn’t come out onto the entrance ramp. Truth looks all around, but can’t find him. Morrison’s music hits again, he still doesn’t come out. R-Truth grabs a mic and tells Morrison that if he is going to act bad, he better be bad. If he is scared, then admit that he is scared. Truth tells him to hurry out and come down to the ring to fight. Truth says that if Morrison won’t come out, he is going to bring the fight to him. He tells him not to run and hide. Truth heads to the back. He comes across a laid out John Morrison who is clutching his neck. He says that all the little Jimmies won’t be able to see the match now. At least Morrison will be able to say that he got got by the future WWE Champion. Morrison grabs a lighting cart and slams it into Morrison. The referees tending to Morrison tell him to back off. Truth tells little Jimmy to take that!
Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero v. Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston
Kofi and Dolph start the match off. Ziggler goes for a cover, but Kofi kicks out. Swagger gets the tag. He punches the back of Kofi repeatedly. Swagger thrusts Kofi into the corner, and then sets him up for the vaulting splash. Kofi gets his knees up in time and tags in Bourne. Swagger gets caught with a hurricarana, followed by a double knee stomp-a-rama. Cover attempt, but Swagger kicks out. Jack goes for the ankle lock, but Evan swings free. Dolph tries to attack Evan, which allows Kofi to hit a cheap Trouble in Paradise on Swagger. Evan heads to the top rope and connects with a Shooting Star Press! This match is over.
Winners via Shooting Star Press: Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston
Roddy Piper is set up for Piper’s Pit. He puts over the fact that Wrestlemania 2 happened in this very building. Miz’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Miz says that his favorite moment in this building will be four years from now when they tear it down and replace it with nothing. Miz says he is tired of people saying that he is a modern day Roddy Piper. Piper says that there will never be another Piper. Miz is nothing but a wannabe. Miz says that he is nothing like him, because he has actually been a World Champion. Miz says that his episodes of The Real World were more entertaining than anything on They Live. Piper said he never saw it, because he was busy living in the Real World. He brings out Alex Riley.
Piper puts over Riley. Miz offers a wager to Piper that he will destroy Riley on Sunday. He tells Piper to name the price. Riley says that Piper could destroy him right now. Miz offers to put 1000 of his own dollars to wrestle Piper right now, he’ll even wear his suit. Piper says that he is tired of getting his ass kicked, but he will do it for $5000! Austin appears on the Tron and makes the match official and declares that Alex Riley will be the special guest referee.
Special Guest Referee: Alex Riley
The Miz v. Roddy Piper
Piper backs Miz into the corner and punches the hell out of him. He goes for a sleeper, but Miz throws him off. Miz begins a punch onslaught in the corner, but Riley pulls him off. Miz punches Riley, but Riley brings the attack right back to him. Piper goes for a roll up, and Riley hits a quick count. This match is over.
Winner via Quick Count: Roddy Piper
Every Diva in the company seems to be in this match up. All hell breaks loose and Kelly Kelly picks up the win via a Fameasser.
Winners via Kelly Kelly: Face Divas
After the match, Eve Torres says that because the Tony Awards were in New York last night, the Divas have something to show. The face Divas do a kick line.
Austin is the back with Tough Enough winner, Andy. He shares a beer with him, and then CM Punk walks into the room. Punk mocks him for winning Tough Enough. Austin tells Andy to leave, he’ll take care of this. Austin asks Punk if he wants a beer. Punk begins a “What?” series of responses to screw with Austin. He says that Steve is clearly drunk, and even throws in a little bottomline reference. Austin says that Nexus is banned from ringside during his match against Cena tonight. Austin leaves to go make an announcement.
Austin rides his ATV down to the ring. The GM interrupts to say that he will be in charge next week. Austin says that he still has plenty of time left tonight to make decisions. The GM chimes in again. Austin tells Cole to stop hitting the button. Cole says it isn’t him, but the GM keeps chiming. Austin chases Cole out of the arena and then grabs the laptop. He puts it on the ground, and runs it over with the ATV! Austin runs back into the ring for a beer bash.
Another Obama Capital Punishment Advert.
CM Punk v. John Cena
A HUGE “Let’s Go Cena, Cena Sucks” chant breaks out at the start of the match. Cena and Punk both try for their finishers right at the offset, but both escape. Punk attempts to whipsCena into the corner, but it is reversed. Punk drops Cena on the top rope, and then sends him out of the ring.
Back from the break, CM Punk has John Cena in an abdominal stretch. Cena is sent out of the ring, and Punk heads to the top rope. Punk leaps for a huge axe handle and connects! Punk rolls Cena back into the ring and goes for the cover. Punk locks on a leg scissors submission. Cena powers his way out, and goes for an STF. Punk pounds him down to the mat, and goes for a cover. Cena kicks out.
Punk whips him hard into the corner and goes for a cover. Cena kicks out. Punk slams a couple uppercuts across his face. Punk hits an inverted Bronco Buster and goes for the cover again. Cena kicks out. Punk connects with a knee to the face, and then attempts a bulldog. Cena counters and Punk flies across the ring. Punk throws Cena out of the ring, and the referee begins a ten count. Cena makes it back into the ring on 8. Punk climbs onto the apron and is looking for a springboard maneuver. He leaps, but Cena moves out of the way! Punk lands hard on his elbow and midsection.
Cena jumps to his feet and hits two shoulder blocks followed by a side slam. Cena calls for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, but R-Truth’s voice is heard over the speakers. He says that there are little Jimmies everywhere. Truth goes up to a kid and offers to trade his Cena hat for a big sip of water. He yanks the kids hat off. Cena is in the ring and is obviously distracted. CM Punk hits the GTS, and this match is over!
Winner via GTS: CM Punk
After the match, R-Truth gets into the ring with Cena. Truth throws water all over Cena, and then kicks him down to the mat. Truth exits the ring and grabs the WWE Title. Truth says that on Sunday he is going to beat John for the Championship, and that’s the Truth!
Nice little segment to kick off RAW. It’s what the fans wanted to see, Austin mocking The Miz. A simple concept that would be pretty hard to screw up.
Del Rio getting disqualified against Kane is a little bit puzzling, because from a strength perspective it is amazing that he was able to dominate Kane to that extent. I love how Kane’s character constantly changes. Only months ago he was an unstoppable beast, and yet tonight he was pulling Show off of Ricardo. I swear the guy has a bipolar disorder of some sort. His moods swing farther than an Amazon rope bridge.
Rhodes. Ted Dibiase & Wade Barret v. Sin Cara, Daniel Bryan & Ezekiel Jackson was what it was. Nothing too special. I will say that I’ve never seen a springboard crossbody used as a finisher before tonight. I guess that it is a devastating move? Sure, why not.
It’s always great to see Hornswoggle on Monday Night RAW. I’ve always had a soft spot for the little tyke. Truth is kind of a jerk for attacking him, but luckily leprechauns can spring back from such devastations.
Santino put on a decent showing against Sheamus. I like that they are making him bit by bit a legitimate comedy wrestler that can go in the ring. Sheamus continues to evolve his character by now incorporating the Shamrock submission maneuver. Sheamus is a true student of the game, and since I haven’t been able to say this since he left RAW – quite adorable.
I was a little disappointed that the Rey/Christian match also ended in the same style DQ as the Del Rio finish. Once it is clever, twice it is lazy. RAW was three freakin’ hours long tonight, there is no reason matches couldn’t have been given more than five minutes for screwy finishes.
Morrison was obviously still injured, so it is no surprise that they enhanced Truth’s character with the attack on Morrison. However, it is frustrating that half way through a three hour RAW there has yet to be any sort of substantial wrestling match.
The Kofi/Bourne/Swagger/Dolph match continued the trend of five minute matches. It just doesn’t make any sense that RAW is this long yet can’t afford to have wrestling segments that go even slightly long enough to be engaging.
This whole show is reminding me of one of my favorite excerpts from Vince Russo’s first book:
“Vince [McMahon] and I used to joke that our goal was to eventually have no ring at all. It just got to the point that it wasn’t really about the wrestling anymore. Casual fans were tuning in by the droves just to get their weekly fix of this male-oriented soap opera. The masses didn’t want to see 20-minutes wrestling matches, they wanted to see all the stuff that went on in between. The bottom line was, and still is: hardcore wrestling fans are always going to watch the show as long as the word “wrestling” is somewhere in the title. That’s what wrestling fans do – they watch wrestling. The key was to draw in that television viewer that wasn’t a wrestling fan. And because we had a little somethin’ –somethin’ for everybody, that’s what we were able to do.” – Vince Russo
Now, I have always adamantly agreed with the crux of that quote, however tonight for whatever reason, the lack of wrestling was getting to me. RAW was simply too long to not incorporate some sort of engaging in ring action. Even the decent matches were too short to capture my emotional interest.
It’s always great to see Roddy Piper because he is usually impeccable on the mic. I’m not trying to be rude but the guy seemed really out of it tonight. While the couple wrestling moves he hit were dead on, his speech was noticeably slowed. I’m not going to speculate, but it was very obvious that he wasn’t in top fit form on the mic tonight.
Great segment in the back with CM Punk and Steve Austin. If Austin ever does decide to make one last in ring return, CM Punk would be the logical choice. Maybe that’s enough to convince Punk not to take time off from the company. Throw that match into ‘mania with the already stellar Rock v. Cena anticipation and it could be a ‘mania for the ages.
I can’t stand those awful Obama Capitol Punishment promos.
CM Punk and John Cena had a very decent match tonight. Punk constantly proves that he is one of the most seasoned and charismatic stars currently in the business. His true value is in all of the little emotions he exudes during the match. The Truth interference at the end was kind of hooky, but necessary given the PPV on Sunday.
Overall, I’ll give the show a solid B rating tonight, but damn it was long.
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