Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me, because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!!!
Video Tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Mick Foley’s music hits as the king of hardcore makes his way to the ring. He gets the cheap pop from the crowd for mentioning the hometown. Foley says that he hasn’t minded appearing for the WWE in non-wrestling roles recently as he has accomplished most of his dreams in the business. Foley says that he has one last dream because he has two sons that were too young to really appreciate it the last time he was in a WWE ring. So, Foley announces that he would like to appear in the Royal Rumble on PPV in two weeks!
“Excuse Me!” Vickie Guerrero comes out and introduces Dolph Ziggler. They walk down to the ring together. Ziggler says that there are only 30 spots available to try and earn a Title shot at WrestleMania. Does Foley really want to take the spot from a young wrestler with a dream? Ziggler mentions that he went to one of Foley’s standup shows, and says that if this is one of his bits, it’s funny. But if it’s not, then his sons will be very disappointed when he is eliminated.
Foley says that maybe he’ll get lucky and draw a good number. Foley says he won’t be in the Rumble just to be in it, he’ll be in it to win it! Ziggler laughs, and says that he’s beaten CM Punk two weeks in a row. Ziggler says that Foley is only making a fool of himself by being here. If Foley were to go to WrestleMania it would be a very sad day for the WWE.
CM Punk’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Punk goes for the cheap pop. Ziggler says of course Punk is happy to see Mick. Punk says that Mick and he get along because they aren’t orthodox wrestlers. They don’t fit into the mold or try so hard to fit in like Dolph. Punk takes shots at Laurinaitis and Vickie. It looks like things are about to break down, but John comes out.
Laurinaitis announces his position and then claims that he will once again be impartial. He also tells Foley that he cannot compete in the Royal Rumble. Vickie laughs very obnoxiously in the face of Foley.
-Air Boom is shown getting ready for their rematch against Epicho and Primo. Last night, Air Boom lost their Titles to that team at a House Show
Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston v. Epico & Primo w/ Rosa Mendes
Evan and Epicho start things off. Primo gets the tag and hits a double team on Bourne. Epico gets the tag and tries to hit a move out of the corner, but Bourne flies out with a hurricarana taking out both men. Kofi gets the hot tag and clears the ring. He hits a flying clothesline and looks for the Boom Drop. It connects! Kofi sets up for Trouble in Paradise. Primo tries to interrupt, but gets thrown out of the ring. Evan Bourne takes to the top rope as Kofi has set up Epicho for the Shooting Star Press. Primo attacks Kofi, which causes enough distraction for Epico to knock him off the turnbuckle. Epico hits the Backstabber, and this match is over.
Winners & STILL Tag Team Champions: Epico & Primo
John Laurinaitis is in his office. Someone walks in unseen. Laurinaitis announces that the man will be in tonight’s 6-Man main event. The camera zooms out to show Chris Jericho. Instead of speaking, Jericho turns off the lights in the room. His jacket lights up and flashes as we go to commercial.
Josh Mathews is in the back with Zack Ryder and Eve Torres. Josh asks if Zack has been cleared to wrestle tonight. Zack says that he has not, but he is not going to forfeit his Title.
Video Package highlighting the Kane/Ryder/Cena feud
US Championship Match
Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero v. Zack Ryder w/ Eve Torres
Swagger gets behind Ryder and immediately goes for the back. He hits a side slam, and then chucks Ryder into the corner. Ryder dodges a splash, but Swagger responds with a second rope splash to the back. Cover, but Ryder kicks out. Swagger lifts him into the air for a Gutwrench Powerbomb and goes for the cover. Ryder kicks out. Swagger lifts Ryder off the mat and goes for the Powerbomb once again. Somehow, Ryder kicks out. Swagger drops a series of elbows across his back, and then slaps him across the back of the head for good measure. Swagger hits a third Gutwrench Powerbomb, and this match is over!
Winner & NEW US Champion: Jack Swagger
Zack Ryder is in the back with Eve Torres and his doctor. John Laurinaitis says he only just found out that Ryder wasn’t medically cleared. Eve starts to tell him off, but John tells her to shut her mouth and respect the authority.
Special Guest Ring Announcer, Perez Hilton, comes out to introduce the Divas match.
Alicia Fox & Kelly Kelly v. The Bella Twins
During the match, The Bella Twins go for Twin magic, but Perez pulls Bella out of the ring! Kelly goes for the roll up, and this match is over!
Winners via Perez Hilton: Kelly Kelly & Alicia Fox
After the match, The Bella Twins knock over Perez as he is celebrating. Alicia and Kelly make the quick save, and the celebration continues.
R-Truth looks ready to talk, but Wade Barrett’s music hits. Truth does not look pleased. Wade apologizes for interrupting. Wade claims that he will win the Royal Rumble. This year, there will be 30 competitors, and thank god one of them will not be the old Mick Foley. Wade says that both he and Truth are competitors. Truth replies by saying ‘ello guvnor. Truth asks if anyone ever told him that he talks funny. Truth says they are across the street from Disneyland. He went there this morning. It put a smile on his face, and he wants to show Wade a slideshow. It is pictures of Truth with Disney characters. Wade asks what this has to do with anything. Truth says he met Pinocchio, and was told that Wade would win the Rumble. But then his nose grew! And that’s the Truth, the whole truth, and nothing but –
The Miz attacks from behind! Truth is down on the mat, but Sheamus comes out to make the save! Teddy Long’s music hits and says that Laurinaitis is a little busy, so he is going to take charge. Long says we are going to have a Royal Rumble preview match.
Over the Top Rope Match
The Miz v. R-Truth v. Wade Barrett v. Sheamus
Miz/Wade and Sheamus/Truth quickly form an alliance. Wade is eliminated first, leaving The Miz outnumbered. However, Sheamus attacks both men, and then stomps on Miz in the corner. Truth pulls him off and tries to throw Sheamus over the top rope. Sheamus pushes him back into the ring. Miz connects with a boot to Truth, and then throws him over the top rope. Truth catches himself on the apron. Miz charges at Sheamus, but gets caught with some clubbing blows. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Miz dodges and Sheamus is caught on the top rope. Miz tries to push him out, but Truth pushes both men out of the ring!
After the match, Sheamus gives The Miz a Brogue Kick on the outside.
### John Cena charges into Laurinaitis’ office. He says that Ryder was purposely put in a match while injured. Laurinaitis tries to deny such wrongdoing. Cena is placed into a match against Jack Swagger, and it’s up next!
Jack Swagger is in the ring for his match. Cena’s music hits and charges down to the ring. The referee doesn’t have a chance to start the match before Cena begins the attack on Swagger. Cena takes him outside the ring and begins to pummel him against the commentators’ table. Cena connects with a couple of very hard punches. Swagger is thrown shoulder first into the steel steps. Cena breaks them apart, and then steps on Swagger’s head against the steel! Cena lifts up the steps!
Kane’s pyro erupts! He appears on the Titantron and says it is only a matter of time before Cena embraces the hate. Cena looks frustrated as we go to commercial.
JOBBER ALERT: JTG is in the ring with no entrance music
Brodus Clay v. JTG
Clay shakes his ass, and then laughs as JTG tries to knock him over. He points one way, and punches JTG the other. Clay hits a clothesline, and does a jig. He calls for the Sheeplex, and connects! Brodus hits “Double the Funk, Double the Splash,” and this match is over!
Winner via Double the Funk, Double the Splash: Brodus Clay
After the match, The Funkasaurus has another dance party. The audience at home is treated to a slow motion ass jiggle!
Video highlight of Big Show running over A.J. on Smackdown
Daniel Bryan says that Big Show, at 500 lbs, ran over his 95 lb girlfriend. It was just to get to Bryan and the World Title, and he could have pulled up. Bryan says Show didn’t even apologize, he just cried. Not only that, Bryan says that they were crocodile tears. Bryan warns Show never to appear on Smackdown again, if he does, he will pay. Bryan says that he has a match against Mark Henry, and he is dedicating his match to AJ. Last week, AJ told him that she loves him. Bryan appreciates that. On Smackdown, he will show her just how much.
Entrances begin for the main event!
Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho & CM Punk v. David Otunga, Mark Henry & Dolph Ziggler
Punk and Ziggler start things off. Punk hits a splash, and then a quick suplex. Cover, but Ziggler kicks out. Bryan gets the tag and hits a couple of punches. Bryan tries to leapfrog Ziggler, but misses. Ziggler grabs his leg and tags in Otunga. The attack on Bryan’s leg continues. Ziggler is quickly tagged back in to the match. Bryan finally escapes and tags in Punk. Ziggler also gets the tag. Punk is caught in a side headlock. Punk escapes, and knees Ziggler in the back. Otunga gets the tag. Punk heads to the top rope, but Otunga follows after. Punk knocks him off and connects with the elbow drop from the top! Jericho gets the tag! Jericho runs into the ring and starts to prance around. He taunts the audience, and then tags Bryan into the match. Jericho heads up the entrance ramp as we go to the final commercial of the night.
Bryan is in the ring, but escapes and tags in Punk. Ziggler is in the ring with him, and Punk flies off the top rope with a clothesline. Henry comes in to interrupt, but Daniel Bryan makes the save. Henry tries to slam him, but Bryan leaves the ring. Bryan is clutching his knee, claiming to be injured.
Mick Foley’s music hits and he runs down to the ring. He says that he is now part of this match! Punk tags in Foley! Otunga is the legal man for his team, and gets met with a slew of punches from Foley. Otunga is down in the corner, so Foley charges with a running knee. Otunga gets to his feet, but gets caught with the Swinging DDT! Foley takes out Mr. Socko! This match is over!
Winners via Mandible Claw: Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho(?), Mick Foley & CM Punk
John Laurinaitis comes out and says that Mick Foley was never legally in this match. So, the winners as a result of disqualification, are:
David Otunga, Mark Henry & Dolph Ziggler
Punk grabs a mic and is furious. Punk says that Laurinaitis is jealous of him because the fans never appreciated him. He had the look, but he sucked as a wrestler. He was boring and vanilla. It kills him that he never made it to this stage as a competitor. So, he traded his tights for his suits. John can’t stand the fact that Punk in the past year has accomplished more than John has in his life. Punk says John will screw him at the Royal Rumble, but it’s going to be because of jealousy pure and simple. Laurinaitis can’t stand the fact that Punk is the WWE Champion. It doesn’t matter what happens in the match, because Punk will still be better than John. Punk says if he is screwed he isn’t going to just hurt him, instead he’ll make sure that everyone is talking about how disgusting he looks after Punk beats him up. Punk mimics a punch, and then says that Laurinaitis is pathetic. Punk heads up the ramp with his Title.
After hesitation, Laurinaitis grabs a microphone. He introduces himself, and says that he will soon be the permanent GM of RAW. He claims to not be pathetic. Also, he refuses to be intimidated by Punk. Foley has a mic and tells him to just admit that he is going to screw Punk. Foley says that he is nothing but a kiss ass. The crowd begins a, “You Suck” chant. John asks who the hell Foley thinks that he is. John says that damn right he will screw CM Punk. He is tired of being pushed around and bullied. Every week he puts on the most entertaining show for the WWE Universe, but he isn’t appreciated for it. Laurinaitis is fired up. He says he isn’t going to take it anymore. He is sick and tired. Laurinaitis punches Foley in the head! Foley gets to his feet in the ring as we go off the air.
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