WWE Monday Night RAW Results
February 11, 2013
Report by: Mike Tedesco of Wrestleview.com
“Then. Now. Forever.” The WWE video leads us into the show.
They show footage of The Shield viciously beating Brad Maddox down last week. John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback then came out through the crowd and attacked The Shield. The Shield will be in the ring to address John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback, as well as the WWE Universe. The Rock, the WWE Champion, will also be on the show tonight. He’ll defend his championship in six days against the former champion, CM Punk.
Paul Heyman is in the middle of the ring being showered by boos. He reminds the crowd what his name is. Heyman says this is not how he envisioned things going down, but it is something he feels compelled to do. Tonight is the last time you are ever going to see Paul Heyman. Heyman says that may make a lot of people happy. He may be a lot of things in his life, but he will never play the victim. Everything he has ever done in his entire life has been done with great passion, and he has made great sacrifices for that passion. His passions usually end up betraying him. For seven and a half years of his life, he sacrificed everything. He gave up his personal life. He sacrificed his parents’ fortune. He did everything in his power to bring the single most entertaining product in the history of professional wrestling and sports entertainment: ECW. He came to WWE, and he saw the most physically gifted rookie in the history of this industry. He sacrificed and gave himself. He turned that rookie into the Next Big Thing. That man is Brock Lesnar.
Then he met a man who he figured was the epitome of everything the business and WWE audience would support. He saw a man who he knew in his heart and soul could eclipse even Bruno Sammartino’s reign as WWE Champion. He saw a man who would headline WrestleMania. He saw a man who would carry WWE into the long-term future. That man should still be to this day the reigning, defending WWE Champion, CM Punk. You don’t have to be Nostradamus to see into the future, and he can see into the future. He can tell that something really bad is going to happen here. That sort of Damocles is hanging straight over his head, and it will come down not just on him, but every single person around him. That means it will come down on CM Punk. Punk needs to be focused and understand that he will once again be the WWE Champion. He has become a distraction because the obsession backstage by the McMahons against Paul Heyman is going to befall upon CM Punk. The sins of the mentor will befall upon his protégé, and he can’t let that happen. That’s why, tonight, he is tendering his resignation.
Heyman says you’d think when a man pours his heart out to you that there wouldn’t be a dry eye in the house, but all he sees are a bunch of cold-hearted people. He has as much compassion for their pathetic lives as they do for him. The one thing he won’t miss on Monday nights is the WWE Universe. Heyman asks if they’re proud that they drove him to that point. CM Punk needs to be focused on becoming the WWE Champion, and he refuses to stand in his way. He is the best friend he’s ever had in his life, and he loves him. He will not stand in his way. He regrets that he can’t stand out here with Punk and let him know that he will celebrate his 455-day as WWE Champion when he beats The Rock. For that reason, at this moment, he says goodbye.
CM Punk’s music hits, and the former WWE Champion makes his way to the ring looking confused. Heyman is shaking his head. They talk amongst themselves in the ring before Punk grabs a microphone. Punk asks what Heyman is doing. Heyman says he’s in Punk’s way. Vince McMahon thinks that he arranged for The Shield to be paid off. He didn’t, but that’s his perception. McMahon thinks he paid Brad Maddox off, but he didn’t, and that’s his perception. McMahon thinks that he had something to do with Brock Lesnar. He didn’t, and that’s his perception. Punk says he won’t let him do this. Heyman is too important to him and this company. The people admire him like he does. They look up to him like he does. Punk says there are a lot of “Paul Heyman guys” out there. Heyman says in the land of the McMahons, perception is reality. If he thought what McMahon did to him at the Royal Rumble was bad, just wait until he sees what he has in store for them next. He doesn’t want Punk to think of him as a martyr. He wants him to think of him as a friend. Heyman says he’s got to go. He has to let him go.
Punk says this Sunday at Elimination Chamber, this bad dream goes back to normal. Punk tells him to look in his eyes. Punk repeats that all will go back to normal when he beats The Rock. When he does that, Paul Heyman will be in the corner of the champion. Heyman says Punk is right. Heyman says he will be there on Sunday and witness greatness before him. Punk is not only a gift from heaven to him. He will be the reigning, defending WWE Champion. They hug in the ring, and Punk screams that they are a team.
The Rock will be live on Monday Night Raw. Mark Henry will be in action, next.
The Great Khali w/ Natalya and Hornswoggle vs. Mark Henry
Khali quickly starts punching and chopping Henry in the corner. Khali kicks away at him and chops the chest again. Henry turns him around in the corner and punches. Henry goes for an avalanche, but he eats a back elbow. Henry tries again, and he eats a boot. Khali chops the chest in the corner once again. Henry viciously forearms him a few times and avalanches him. Henry hits a clothesline, and Khali falls like a giant redwood. Henry waits for him to get up. Henry picks him up, holds him for a few seconds, and drops him with the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Mark Henry
Match Rating: 1/2 *
Hornswoggle and Natalya get in the ring to check on Khali. Henry turns and sees this going on. Henry gets back in the ring and grabs Hornswoggle for the World’s Strongest Slam! Henry screams, “That’s what I do!” They announce that Randy Orton and Mark Henry will go one-on-one on Smackdown this Friday.
John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback will take on 3MB later tonight.
Booker T and Teddy Long are talking about Mark Henry being in the Elimination Chamber. Chris Jericho walks up, and he says he overheard them talking about the Elimination Chamber. Jericho says he knows they’re looking for World Champions. Jericho says he’s a six-time World Champion. He’s also been in more Elimination Chambers than anyone in the history of the company. That’s why it makes sense for business and prestige to put Y2J in the Elimination Chamber. Long agrees. Booker T says you can’t just walk in. You have to impress him. Long says he has an idea, and he whispers in his ear. Booker says that idea sucks. Booker says Jericho should have to beat someone already in the Chamber. Tonight, he’ll have to face Daniel Bryan. Jericho says he will beat Daniel “Beard-an” and become a seven-time World Champion. Jericho asks if he can dig that, SUCKA!
Vickie Guerrero is in her office when Paul Heyman comes in. She says she doesn’t have time for his BS tonight. Heyman tells her to make time. Heyman wants a stipulation added to the title match. She asks if he’s crazy. She can’t add a stipulation without Mr. McMahon’s authorization. McMahon calls her on the phone, and she says Heyman is in the room with her. McMahon is put on speaker. Heyman says he wants to let him know how sorry he is about what happened. Brock Lesnar was out of line. He knows what a herculean effort he’s making in recovery. McMahon tells him to shut up. He calls him a weasel and asks what his idea is. Heyman says The Rock has such an ego that he’ll try to retain the championship by disqualification or count-out. If that happens, he wants the title put back on Punk. McMahon asks if he feels strongly about this. Heyman says he would do anything if he would give him that stipulation. McMahon says he wants it in writing. Heyman agrees. McMahon gives him the stipulation. Heyman thanks him, and the dial tone sounds.
Daniel Bryan’s music hits. He’ll face Chris Jericho, next. If Jericho wins, he’ll be put in the Elimination Chamber.
A Fandango vignette airs.
Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho
They circle the ring, and Jericho catches him with a schoolboy for a one count. Jericho does it again for a two count. Jericho hits a pair of arm drags, and he keeps the arm bar applied. Booker T and Teddy Long are seen watching. Bryan gets a hammerlock applied, but Jericho elbows him in the face. They hit the ropes, and Bryan hits a knee to the midsection. Bryan kicks away at him, hits a snapmare, and drops a knee on the face for a one count. Bryan wrenches the arm, but Jericho comes back with a chop. Jericho clubs away at him, but he has a whip reversed. Jericho kicks Bryan in the face and charges at him, but Bryan dumps him over the top rope. Bryan throws him back in, and Jericho shoulders him on the apron. Jericho goes for a springboard dropkick, but Bryan ducks it, causing Jericho to fly outside. Bryan then takes him out with a suicide dive!
We come back from the break to see Bryan roll Jericho up for a two count. Jericho quickly clotheslines him down. Jericho chokes him in the corner and soaks in the cheers from the crowd. Jericho sends him to the corner, but he runs into a boot. Jericho stumbles to the opposite corner, and Bryan pummels him with a running dropkick. Jericho sends him to the corner, but Bryan backflips over him. Jericho quickly hits a pair of shoulder blocks. Bryan throws him to the apron, but Jericho hangs on. Jericho goes to the top rope, but he misses his axe handle. Bryan then takes him out with a flying elbow. The crowd chants “Yes,” and Bryan flips out. Bryan goes for another running dropkick, but Jericho counters into a Walls of Jericho attempt. Bryan twists out. Jericho quickly hits a back elbow and goes for a Lionsault, but Bryan gets the knees up.
Bryan goes to the top rope, and Jericho crotches him up there. Jericho chops him and goes for a superplex, but Bryan blocks it. Bryan knocks him off, stands on the top rope, and jumps for a diving head-butt. Bryan gets a near fall for that. Bryan knees him in the face a few times, but Jericho gets a double leg takedown. Jericho then locks in the Walls of Jericho. Bryan twists out of it, and he goes for the No! Lock. Jericho blocks it and goes for the Walls of Jericho again, but Bryan twists out and kicks him in the head! Bryan gets another near fall! Bryan begins to flip out. He starts screaming “No” as he kicks away at Jericho. Jericho ducks a roundhouse and rolls him up for a near fall. Jericho then hits a Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win!
Winner by Pinfall: Chris Jericho
Match Rating: **
Chris Jericho will now be in the Elimination Chamber match. He joins Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, and Mark Henry. The winner will face the World Heavyweight Champion at WrestleMania 29.
The Shield will be live on Raw tonight. Coming up next, John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback will face 3MB.
3MB vs. Sheamus, Ryback, and John Cena
Ryback will start against Heath Slater. Slater taunts the crowd and talks trash to Ryback. Slater does some air guitar and pushes Ryback. Ryback kicks him down before picking him up for a military press slam. Sheamus and Drew McIntyre are tagged in. McIntyre throws his bandana in his face, and Sheamus punches him to the corner. Sheamus whips him to the opposite corner and runs into a boot. McIntyre punches away at him. Sheamus reverses a whip, but he eats a kick. Sheamus drops McIntyre to the apron, and he knees him. Sheamus ties him up and viciously clubs away at the chest.
John Cena is tagged in, and McIntyre tags Jinder Mahal. Mahal slaps him in the face, and Cena clotheslines him down. Cena hits his patented back suplex and the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. A big brawl breaks out. They get the better of 3MB, and they hit their finishers in stereo. Ryback hits Shell Shocked, Sheamus hits White Noise, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.
Winners by Pinfall: Sheamus, Ryback, and John Cena
Match Rating: 1/2 *
Ryback says this Sunday is a day he’s waited a long time for. It’s the day he will feast on The Shield. Sheamus says for the past couple of months, all they’ve been hearing is “Believe in The Shield.” Sheamus says he believes there isn’t any reason why they can’t get their own justice tonight! Cena grabs the microphone, and he says Sheamus is right. The Shield will be here tonight. Why would they come out and leave themselves vulnerable. Cena says it’s a bold choice, but also a bad one. Justice will meet the law. Cena says, “You want some? Come get some!”
They show footage of Alberto Del Rio embarrassing Big Show on this past Friday’s Smackdown. Del Rio stole the back tires to his bus and poured orange paint all over him. Big Show took it and cried.
They show footage of Alex Riley and Yoshi Tatsu talking backstage. Riley says Big Show looked like the world’s fattest traffic cone. Big Show came out of nowhere and dropped them with a pair of Knockout Punches!
Big Show’s music hits, and he comes out to the ring looking none too happy. Matt Striker goes to ask him a question, and he lays him out with a Knockout Punch! Big Show takes the microphone and angrily looks at the crowd. Big Show spends a lot of time gesticulating anger to the crowd. Big Show then throws the microphone down and walks out.
They play the Bruno Sammartino Hall of Fame video.
The new WWE Champion, The Rock, will be live on Raw tonight!
Zeb Coulter accompanies Jack Swagger to the ring. Coulter is best known as Dutch Mantell.
Zack Ryder vs. Jack Swagger w/ Zeb Coulter
Charles Robinson, my favorite referee of all time, is the official for this match. Swagger immediately takes Zack Ryder down with a waistlock slam. Ryder punches him back and hits a missile dropkick. Ryder forearms him down in the corner and hits the Broski Boot for a one count. Swagger rolls out of the ring. Ryder goes for a plancha, but Swagger catches him. Swagger then kills him with a belly-to-belly suplex on the floor! Swagger throws him back into the ring for a near fall. Swagger punches him down and whips him hard into the turnbuckle. Swagger quickly takes him down with a chop block. Swagger hits a running knee to the corner. Swagger charges again, but Ryder catches him with a pair of boots. Ryder goes for a hurricanrana, but Swagger powerbombs him into the corner! Swagger hits a Gutwrench Powerbomb and immediately applies the Patriot Act (Ankle Lock) for the submission victory!
Winner by Submission: Jack Swagger
Match Rating: 3/4 *
Jack Swagger says he wants to introduce a friend of his. He’s a native and a great American – Zeb Coulter. Coulter asks what is wrong with America? He knows what’s wrong and so does Swagger. Most folks have forgotten what’s wrong with America. Years ago, he was in a jungle in Vietnam with bullets whizzing by his head because he’s a patriot. Now he looks around and sees a country he doesn’t recognize. He sees people with faces not like his. He can’t even understand what they’re saying. He wonders where they came from, and he wonders how to get rid of them. Real Americans know the truth. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave. Not the land of the free and the home of whoever wants to cross the borders. He’s a real American, and it’s their country to protect and defend because they’re real patriots and real Americans. Remember, “We the people!”
Booker T and Teddy Long talk about Jack Swagger getting put in the Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler walks up with AJ Lee and Big E. Langston. Ziggler can’t believe Jericho is in the match. Ziggler got Jericho’s contract terminated last August. He doesn’t belong back here or in the World Title match at WrestleMania. If Jericho is in, then he’s in. He’ll put an end to Jericho once and for all. Langston says to stop Jericho and future World Title matches, yes he wants in. Booker T says he knows someone else who is looking to impress him for a Chamber spot. Whoever wins is in. Ziggler asks who it is, and Booker says it’s Kane.
They show footage of Brock Lesnar destroying The Miz.
The Miz makes his way to the ring. He’ll be in action against Cody Rhodes, next.
The WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro is on commentary for this match.
The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes
Rhodes applies a hammerlock, and he transitions to a side headlock. Miz whips him off, but Rhodes takes him down with a shoulder block. Rhodes goes for a sunset flip, but Miz rolls through and kicks him in the head. Miz chokes him until the referee backs him up. Rhodes punches him back, hangs him up on the top rope, and kicks him in the midsection a la Hardcore Holly. Rhodes punches him down for a two count. Rhodes kicks away at him. Rhodes knees him in the midsection, hits a snapmare, and hits a running knee to the temple for a near fall. Rhodes applies a half nelson, but Miz fights up. Miz knees him in the midsection and charges him, but Rhodes gives him a back elbow.
Rhodes charges into a pair of clotheslines and a flapjack. The crowd gets into The Miz. Miz goes for Reality Check, but Rhodes puts him in the corner. Miz drops him to the apron, slides out, and pulls him off. Antonio Cesaro gets up for a sneak attack, but Miz gives him a big boot. Miz bounces Rhodes off the commentary table. Miz throws him into the ring, and Cesaro sends Miz into the ring post!
Winner by Disqualification: The Miz
Match Rating: 1/2 *
Cesaro takes Miz and hits a bunch of airplane spins into the barricade! Miz’ eyes look glossed over as Cesaro grabs the United States Championship and talks some trash.
They show footage of the WWE Reading Challenge.
The Rock will be live on Raw tonight.
Epico and Primo vs. Brodus Clay and Tensai
Tensai will start off against Primo. Primo kicks and tries to body slam him, but that doesn’t work. Tensai head-butts him, does a dance move, and hits an uppercut. Brodus Clay is tagged in, and he nearly punches Tensai. Primo tries to make them clunk heads, but they don’t budge. Primo tags in Epico. Brodus throws Primo across the ring with a suplex. Brodus then avoids an elbow drop from Epico. Epico is sent to the corner, and Brodus hits an avalanche. Tensai is tagged in. Brodus hits a running head-butt, and Tensai follows up with a senton splash for the win.
Winners by Pinfall: Brodus Clay and Tensai
Match Rating: 1/4 *
The Funkadactyls try to get Tensai to dance. Rosa Mendes gets in their faces, and they throw her out of the ring. Naomi teases a plancha, and Cameron hits a baseball slide. Tensai then joins in the dancing with everyone.
The Shield will address the WWE Universe, next.
The Shield makes their way to the ring through the crowd. Dean Ambrose says they are The Shield, and they stand united in the ring with the sole purpose of shielding the WWE from atrocities. Atrocities like the ones John Cena commits everyday. Seth Rollins says the heroes of WWE think they’ll accomplish something by threatening The Shield. When The Shield wants to deliver a message, they do it through action. Roman Reigns says he’ll make this simple. If you want them, come get them. The Shield calls them out to the ring.
Nothing happens, and Ambrose says the three men gave an empty threat. He calls them morally corrupt individuals. Reigns says they couldn’t get the job done with the whole roster. They could bring the whole world, and they would still be standing. Rollins says Cena failed. He failed last week, and he fails everyday when he gets up and exists. This Sunday at Elimination Chamber will be no different. At the hands of The Shield, John Cena will fail again. Ambrose says Cena is a failure. That’s why they don’t like him. He’s not just a superstar. It’s what he’s failed to do. Cena smiles the day away in a little bubble. In his little world, there are no consequences. That’s not the real world. That’s what they call, “The John Cena Problem.” Reigns says that’s been the problem for the past decade. They are the solution. Rollins says whether it was Cena’s intention or not, the standard he set paved the way for the Sheamus’ and Ryback’s of the world. He led a generation to believe in the system and John Cena. This Sunday, they have an opportunity to rectify a decade of injustice in one fell swoop. Ambrose suggests the three of them breathe as much air as possible because The Shield will drown them on Sunday. Reigns screams, “Believe in The Shield!”
The Shield waits for a few moments. All of a sudden the lights go out. They come back on, and John Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback are attacking The Shield! The Shield goes to retreat, but they get cut off! They fight through the crowd until The Shield finally get away and run off!
They replay Paul Heyman’s attempt at a resignation before reneging on it at CM Punk’s behest.
Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez are walking backstage. Del Rio will be in action, next.
Damien Sandow silences the music. With the shame of the Grammy Awards behind us, the WWE shamefully finds itself in the mecca of country music, Nashville. That is not a compliment. Sandow says this city prides itself in glorifying songs about dead dogs, broken down pickup trucks, and ignoramuses getting their hearts broken. They choose to listen to that over Beethoven and Mozart. That’s shameful at best. Sandow demands silence. He is doing this not to agitate, but to save them from the doldrums of their self-imposed inadequacies. You’re welcome!
Damien Sandow vs. Alberto Del Rio
They circle the ring, and Sandow kicks him. Sandow knees away at him and hits a side leg sweep. Sandow hits the Cubito Aequet. Sandow goes for an avalanche in the corner, but Del Rio moves. Del Rio hits a pair of clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Del Rio gets the crowd into it, and he hits a sidekick for a near fall. Del Rio gets the crowd chanting “Si,” and he applies the Cross Arm Breaker for the submission victory!
Winner by Submission: Alberto Del Rio
Match Rating: 1/4 *
Alberto Del Rio gets on the microphone, and he says Big Show gave the promo of his life earlier by not saying anything. Del Rio agrees that the time for talking is over. The time for hotels and parking lots is over. Del Rio says after this Sunday, he can take his tour bus and go anywhere he wants. For him, there’s only one place he’s going. Del Rio points to the WrestleMania sign.
Wade Barrett is seen walking backstage. Bo Dallas attacks him from behind, and the referees run out to break it up. Barrett is holding his neck. He’s supposed to be in action after the break.
They air another Fandango vignette.
Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett
Kingston ducks a clothesline, and he kicks and punches away at Barrett. Kingston sends him to the ropes, but he lowers his head and eats a kick. Barrett follows up with a back elbow. Barrett kicks away at him and knees him in the head. Barrett hits a short-arm clothesline for a one count. Barrett applies a rear chin lock. Kingston fights up and hits a jawbreaker. Kingston hits some slaps and a dropkick. Barrett ducks a clothesline and gets out of the SOS. Kingston kicks him and hits a splash on him as he’s hunched over. Kingston picks up a near fall. Kingston catches him with a pendulum kick, and he follows up with a cross-body block for a near fall. Kingston charges, but Barrett drops him on the apron. Barrett avoids a springboard, and he catches him with the Winds of Change for a near fall. Barrett takes his elbow pad down and waits for Kingston to get up. Kingston ducks the Bull Hammer, and Barrett bails from the ring to avoid the Trouble In Paradise. Kingston crawls after him, but Barrett pulls the ring apron over his head. Barrett nails him with the Bull Hammer while the apron covers him. Barrett drags him away from the ropes and pins him for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Wade Barrett
Match Rating: 3/4 *
Wade Barrett screams for Bo Dallas to come out to the ring. Barrett screams that he is a “dumb kid.”
Kane will take on Dolph Ziggler, next. Whoever wins will be the final entrant into the Elimination Chamber.
This match will determine the final entrant into the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. The winner of that match will get a championship match at WrestleMania 29.
Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Big E. Langston and AJ Lee
Charles Robinson, my favorite referee, is back for another match. They circle the ring, and Ziggler punches away at Kane. Ziggler hits the ropes and eats a back elbow. Kane puts him in the corner and uppercuts him down. Kane powers him down for a one count. Booker T and Teddy Long are shown watching from backstage. Kane hits a suplex for a near fall. Kane hits a snapmare and hits the ropes, but Ziggler pops up and dropkicks him down. Ziggler kicks away at him before punching him in the corner. Kane uppercuts him a few times before sending him into the ropes. Ziggler leapfrogs him, and Kane catches him with a flapjack. Kane goes for a Chokeslam, but Ziggler gets out of the ring.
We come back from the break to see Kane trapped in a chin lock. Kane rips him off and uppercuts him to the corner. Kane clotheslines him in the corner, but he soon runs into a boot. Kane then comes right back with an uppercut that sends Ziggler out of the ring. Kane goes outside, and Langston stands in his way. Ziggler uses the distraction to send him into the barricade. Ziggler wants a count-out victory, but Kane gets in the ring. Ziggler takes him down with a neckbreaker. Ziggler drops some elbows, shows off, and jumps up for a big elbow drop. Ziggler goes back to the rear chin lock. Kane fights up and punches out. Kane sends him to the ropes, and he catches Ziggler attempting a cross-body. Kane tries for a powerslam, but Ziggler counters into a DDT for a near fall.
Kane sidesteps an avalanche attempt, and he hits a big boot for a near fall. Kane sends him to the corner and clotheslines him. Kane repeats the move and goes for a sidewalk slam, but Ziggler flips through. Ziggler applies a sleeper hold, but Kane pulls him off. Ziggler quickly comes back with a leg drop bulldog for a near fall. Ziggler can’t believe it. Kane counters a Zig-Zag attempt, and he hits a sidewalk slam for a near fall. Kane goes to the top rope, but AJ gets on the apron. Ziggler avoids the flying lariat. Ziggler accidentally knocks her into Big E. Langston’s arm. That almost caused a wardrobe malfunction. Ziggler looks to make sure she’s ok, and he turns into a Chokeslam. Kane picks up the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Kane
Match Rating: * 3/4
Kane will be the final entrant into the Elimination Chamber. Kane joins Randy Orton, Jack Swagger, Daniel Bryan, Chris Jericho, and Mark Henry.
The Rock will be coming out to address the WWE Universe, next.
They show a video that highlights the carnage that has been caused by the Elimination Chamber in the past.
The Rock’s music hits, and the arena in Nashville, Tennessee becomes unglued. The WWE Champion makes his way to the ring. The Rock says this is a very special night. They’re not only sold out, but The Rock has been waiting a long time to say thing: “Finally, the Rock has come back to Nashville!” The Rock says Nashville is a very special city to him. He asks if they want to know why, and they do. The Rock says it’s story time.
In 1987, a fifteen-year-old Rock and his family moved to Nashville. The Rock signed up for high school. He wasn’t any ordinary teenager. He was 6’4, and he kicked puberty’s ass. The Rock got no play from the girls because the girls thought he was an undercover cop. So at fifteen-years-old, he wound up hanging out in a bar, listening to country music, right on Broadway. He was hanging out with his buddy Downtown Bruno when someone magical walked in, and it wasn’t Jeff Jarrett. Instead, in walked a crackhead. The crackhead asked if anyone wanted to buy a car, and it was a 1979 blue Thunderbird. Everyone ignored him, except the fifteen-year-old Rock. His thought was, “Bar, car, crackhead – what could possibly go wrong?” The crackhead wanted $75, but he only had $40. He hustled a crackhead. The Rock thought he was king of the road, but something was moving in the back. He didn’t realize that another crackhead was sleeping in the seat. The Rock kicked him out of the car. Another thought came up, and it was, “Maybe this car is stolen.” The Rock then did the most mature thing a fifteen-year-old could do, and it wasn’t to turn it back in. The Rock ditched it in a Burger King parking lot, and he walked back to the bar.
The moral of the story is don’t ever buy a car from a crackhead. Also, don’t be like The Rock at fifteen. Instead, be like him at twenty-five when he had his first match at the Nashville Fairgrounds with the dream of being WWE Champion. That’s what he is today, and that’s what he’ll be after the Elimination Chamber.
CM Punk’s music hits, and he comes out to the stage with Paul Heyman. The Rock says the last time everyone saw them, they were reenacting a love scene from “Twilight.” You have the homeless looking vampire boy hugging the big fat hairy werewolf. If they want to stack the deck against The Rock, he has one thing to say: “Bring it.” The Rock wants to make it perfectly clear to CM Punk. He’ll beat his punk ass at Elimination Chamber, and if he walks down the ramp, he’ll beat his punk ass all over Nashville.
Punk begins to walk down to the ring, but he stops halfway down. Punk and Heyman talk things over and turn to leave. All of a sudden, Punk charges the ring. Punk and Rock begin to punch it out. Punk gets him in the corner and punches away at him. The Rock reverses a whip, and he hits a spinebuster. The Rock goes for the People’s Elbow, but Paul Heyman catches his leg. Punk then catches Rock with the GTS! CM Punk picks up the WWE Championship, and he stands over The Rock. Punk then leaves the ring with the WWE Championship over his shoulder. Heyman screams that the title belongs to Punk. The Rock comes to as Punk gets to the top of the ramp. Punk says that story time is over. Punk wants him to know one thing: every time Rock wants to bring it, because it belongs to him, he’s just going to take it!
Quick Match Results
Mark Henry def. The Great Khali
Chris Jericho def. Daniel Bryan
Sheamus, Ryback, and John Cena def. 3MB
Jack Swagger def. Zack Ryder via Submission
The Miz def. Cody Rhodes via DQ
Brodus Clay and Tensai def. Epico and Primo
Alberto Del Rio def. Damien Sandow via Submission (non-title)
Wade Barrett def. Kofi Kingston (non-title)
Kane def. Dolph Ziggler
My dear friend Dave Stephens is away on vacation and I’m honored to cover for him. He’ll be back to recap next week.
The “Mike’s Thoughts” section is now a featured article on Wrestleview. Stop by tomorrow to check it out!
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Be sure to check out my Smackdown recap on Friday! Thanks for reading!