Ozzie and Sharon are in the ring and yelling a lot. They played a quick highlight package of Ozzie’s past escapades in the WWE before the Mis’s music hti and he came out to the ring. They got into a ?realllly? war? really. Miz wants them to strike last week’s loss from the record book. Ozzie made some funny faces.
The Legacy’s music hit and they came out to the ring. They said they had a real complaint, that Kofi had vandalized their personal property. They want a handicapped match against Kofi. Big Show then came out and said he was physically accosted on Raw last week. He threatened Ozzie with a right hand and we got our obligatory ?Sharon? scream from Ozzie.
DX came out next to try and iron this all out. They convinced Ozzie to put Evan Bourne in a match with The Miz for the US title. Also, Randy Orton will face Kofi Kingston. Big Show was a little disgruntled about the way the matches were being made and attempted to interject himself, but it back fired and he ended up in a triple threat match with Chris Jericho and John Cena.
United States Championship
The Miz vs. Evan Bourne
Miz struck first with a knee lift before putting the boots to Bourne up against the ropes. Bourne attempted to reverse an arm drag and it turned into a hurricanranna and a heel kick that sent the champion reeling. Bourne hit double knees to the outside before chucking Miz back into the ring for a two count.
Miz caught Bourne with another knee to the gut before hot-shotting him on the top rope. Miz hit a hard kick to the ribs before wrapping Bourne up in an abdominal stretch. Bourne fought out and hit another nasty heel kick to bring momentum back into his favor. Bourne kneed out of a vertical suplex and a second rope heel kick for a great near fall.
Bourne beat Miz into the corner and went for an SSP, but Miz rolled out of the way. Bourne landed on his feet and went to charge the champion, only to get hip tossed into the corner. Miz hit the skull crushing finale for the win.
Winner and STILL United States Champion: The Miz via pin fall
Seamus cut a promo on what he?d do to Jamie Noble.
Seamus vs. Jamie Noble
Seamus jumped Noble stomping the crap out of him before bullying him to the floor and sending him face first into the ring post. Back in the ring, he hit a vicious lariat from behind before tearing away at Nobles? face.
Seamus hit a ton of knees to the mid section before hitting his half nelson back breaker set up into the jump kick into the skull. He went for the pin but wasn?t satisfied. He beat him down in the corner until the official stopped the match.
Winner: Seamus via Ref stoppage
After the match, Seamus pounded the crap out of Noble, culminating with a HUGE power bomb to the floor. The EMT’s came out to attend to Noble, who looks like someone shot him.
A video aired putting over the happenings between Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton last week.
Kofi cut a promo with Josh Matthews. He says he didn?t regret what he did last week. Orton, in his view, was a bully and like any bully would, he blames everyone else for his problems. Kofi said he destroyed his car last week, but he left him the one thing he should try using: the mirror.
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
Orton came right at Kingston and piled him into the corner connecting with a barrage of stomps and a big European uppercut. Orton missed a right hand and ate a drop kick and got clotheslined to the ring side area.
Kofi pursued Orton to the outside and after a few right hands, found himself trying to fight off the Legacy on the outside. He hit a great suicide dive into the Legacy. As the group circled the ring, the Osbournes popped up on the Titan Tron, saying they knew this would happen. They declared this match now a six man tag match and Mark Henry and MVP came marching out to have the match.
Kofi Kingston, MVP and Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase
We came back to Kofi hitting a series of forearms on Dibiase and Rhodes. MVP tagged in and he and Kingston hit a boom boom leg drop and a ballin? elbow in succession. Mark Henry tagged in and began giving away head butts like candy.
Dibiase and Rhodes attempted to double team him, only to get whipped hard to the buckles. MVP tagged in and went for the Chono kick but ate a boot to the grill. The heels went to work, hitting a back drop and then a knee to the back of the head for a two count.
Cody hit a knee drop before slapping on a half nelson on the mat. Orton went to work, hitting a knee and then slapping on his rear chin lock. MVP fought to his feet and fought out of the hold with elbows, only for Orton to attempt a whip. Orton hit a kick to the grill but ate a lariat.
Henry caught a hot tag and started laying people out with lariats. Orton clipped his legs and attempted an RKO, but Henry picked him up in mid air and tossed him out to the ring side area. He loaded up Cody for a world’s strongest slam and connected. Kill whitey.
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry and MVP via pin fall
It’s time for Raw’s got talent.
Great Khali is out here to judge with Ozzy and Sharon. Santino comes out and bombs by biting the head off a batman doll. Chris Masters is up next and steals the show. Period. Masters flexes his pecks in sync with ?crazy train? and it might be the funniest thing I?ve ever seen. Jillian and Chavo sang a duet before getting slapped by Sharon. Hornswoggle poppes up dressed as Jack Osborne and frog splashes Chavo because it’s not Raw without Chavo getting beat at something by Hornswoggle.
Divas Battle Royal
Gail Kim vs. Kelly Kelly vs. The Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres vs. Alicia Foxx
Winner is the #1 contender for the Divas title. Here’s order of elimination:
1. Gail Kim (Kelly)
2. Nicki Bella (Eve)
3. Brie Bella (Eve)
4. Eve (Alicia)
5. Kelly (Alicia)
Winner: Alicia Foxx
During the match, Jack Swagger came down to the ring and distracted Eve long enough for her to get eliminated.
King and Cole gave us a medical update on Jamie Noble, who has serious neck and back injured.
Chris Jericho has a back and forth with the Osbornes. He says if they mess with him, they?ll have problems.
DX has Hornswoggle on a hook in the back and are pleading with him to stop infringing on their intellectual property. Cena comes in and warns DX about the dangers of hanging Leprechauns on hooks. They go back and forth about who beat who and of course, there’s a ?we beat each other every time? reference which gets an awkward pause.
Triple Threat Match
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show
DX are on commentary.
Cena fought off Big Show on the outside before hitting a fisherman’s buster on Jericho in the ring. Show dragged Cena to the outside. Once back in the ring, Jericho attempted a cover that Show broke up. The two partners fought for a little while before teaming up on Cena.
Cena fought back with right hands and a shoulder block onto Big Show that got him nowhere. Show stood on Cena up against the ropes as Jericho dropped elbows on him. Jericho hit a back drop on the champion before Show stalked him in the corner talking smack. Jericho reigned blows down on Cena’s head before the two whipped Cena hard to the buckles.
Cena fought back with rights and lefts before whipping Big Show and hip tossing Jericho. Cena hit a big bulldog only to get cut in half by a Big Show spear. Jericho hit a lion sault for a near fall, only for Show to yank him off. The two partners bickered back and forth before Jericho slapped Show. Show clotheslined him over the top rope and went for a knockout punch but whiffed. Cena came off the ropes and dodged a choke slam before panicking on an FU attempt.
Show brought Cena to the corner and set up a Vader bomb. Show sailed off the middle rope and missed. Cena got a foot up on the charge attempt before finally hitting a shoulder block that sent Show reeling to the outside. Jericho ate some shoulder blocks of his own before Cena loaded up a five knuckle shuffle. He loaded Jericho up for the FU, but Show decked Cena in the face with a right hand. Cena fell back with Jericho on top of him who made the cover for the win.
Winner: Chris Jericho via pin fall
After the match, Show and Jericho looked to pick the bones but DX ran in to save the day. HBK got KO?d on the way into the ring while Triple H ate a code breaker. Jericho and Big Show stood triumphant in the ring as we went off the air.
Tonight’s Raw was more or less a mixed bag. Some stuff was really good; some stuff was not-so-great. This is the first show in a long while that I can remember the first hour absolutely blowing the second hour of the show out of the water.
The show kicked off with a very good match between the Miz and Evan Bourne and I?ve got to say at this point, that there’s little debate in my mind that the Miz has surpassed his former partner. In a lot of ways, this was probably more of a Bourne match than a Miz match. In fact, I?d say as much as 60/40 Bourne. But in wrestling, it’s all about how you carry yourself. If you carry yourself like a star, fans will think of you as one. The Miz not only has a pretty great basic in ring heel shtick, but the character out of it brings everything together. Morrison on the other hand is still dependent on flash to get his matches over and still seems very uncomfortable in front of a television camera. Morrison has a very rigid match structure that once you deviate a bit from it, the wheels come off. That’s not to say ?formula? is to blame here, because it’s not. I wouldn?t call what Morrison does a ?formula?, more than it is a ‘structure?. IMO, he’s a 2009 version of Shelton Benjamin, whose immensely gifted from an athletic standpoint, has a great look, but just doesn?t have the intangibles to get over the way management and fans would like them to.
The second interesting match of the night was the six man between Kofi’s team and Orton’s. Kofi’s impressed me with this little push he’s getting. Again, I?m far from sold yet, but the effort’s totally there and so is the execution. Kofi looked good all around tonight from his promo to his spurts of offense in the two matches.
Mark Henry just continues to impress the ever living sh?out of me. He really does. It wasn?t just how awesome his hot tags were, or how he has become a total pro at working with the crowd, but it was his selling. He does so many little things now that make him tons of fun to watch. From hinging his leg on a drop kick but not doing the simple drop to one knee, to his wobbly selling, to how he counters double teams? In 2006 I?d understand people’s misgivings about Mark Henry (however impressive he was then), but in 2009, there’s really no argument in my view. He’s a world-class big man. It took him 10+ years, but he’s finally turned into the wrestler the WWE always wanted him to be. Washing away the taint of multiple injuries and perhaps one of the most wasteful contracts in wrestling history may be too much for him to overcome. I?d like to see the company take a risk on him, even though there are health issues. In terms of being over and being there from a sales standpoint, I think Henry’s the furthest along of all of the Raw mid card. Why not push him? If it flops, nothing lost, nothing gained. If he succeeds, you just created a fresh challenger for guys like Orton, Cena and Triple H. At worst it breaks up the boredom for a little while. At best, you create another star and hopefully can get something out of that awful contract he had once upon a time.
Seamus is getting a mini-Lesnar push from the looks of things and I?m not entirely sold yet. I think he’s got a pretty high ceiling and since he could pretty much be my twin brother, from one red headed brother to another.. I want to see him succeed, but I don?t know if he’s really there. Jamie Noble bumped like a crazy man for him but I don?t know if anyone will. He’s got all the right friends in the back and a great work ethic to boot. He?ll get over, but hopefully they don?t? go too much too fast.
I enjoyed the Ozzy’s stuff tonight, especially Chris Master’s peck dance which was the most homo-erotically hypnotizing thing I?ve seen on WWE television in some time. Most of the guest host stuff is pretty well worked now.
The main event stuff though, just feels so old and tired right now. I?ve enjoyed the DX stuff for the most part this year, but tonight everything, even the stuff with Cena fell flat. That’s all despite Cena delivering a funny promo, which he isn?t normally good at executing. The Triple Threat match seemed completely pedestrian from everyone involved. Cena’s selling carried much of the match while Jericho and Show, two very good offensive wrestlers, seemed really lackadaisical in terms of their control segments. Oh yeah ? there’s this Survivor Series show coming up. I don?t know if they want to promote it or not. Just sayin?.
Overall, I loved the first hour, but the second hour seemed ?just there?. Not the end of the world, but definitely more of a mixed bag than the last two weeks.
Overall Grade: C+
The Miz def. Evan Bourne to RETAIN the US Championship
Seamus def. Jamie Noble
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston went to a no-contest
Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry & MVP def. Randy Orton, Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes
Alicia Foxx won a battle royal to become #1 contender for the Divas title
Chris Jericho def. John Cena and Big Show
Who’s Hot, Who’s Not?
2. John Cena
3. Kofi Kingston
4. Mark Henry
1. Randy Orton
2. Big Show
3. The Miz
4. The Legacy
Match of the Night: Six Man Tag Match **3/4
4 Points= World Title defense/win
3 Points= Singles PPV Win
2 Points= Tag PPV Win
2 Points= TV Singles Win
1 Point= TV Tag Win
0 Points= Loss
WWE Champion John Cena 22-17-5, 51 points. (Last Week: 2) — Kind of a weird night for Cena. He cut a pretty decent comedy promo, which honestly, he’s usually not very effective at delivering. His selling carried what was an otherwise drab triple threat. OK, if not unspectacular night for Cena.
United States Champion: The Miz 12-11-2, 23 Points (Last Week: US Champion)— Another really good match for the Miz this week. Thus far, the title run has begun to really show the Miz’s improving ability in the ring. Sure, the match was MORE Evan Bourne than it was Miz, but still, another solid showing.
1. Triple H 10-8-4, 19 Points (Last Week: 1)– Eh, hard for me to get into the act tonight. Michaels and Hunter were mostly there just to make funnies for the night, which isn?t the end of the world, but it’s really hard to get psyched about the title match at Survivor Series.
2. Randy Orton 16-17-5, 43 pts. (Last Week: 2)– Orton’s offense in the singles match (as short as it was) was pretty great. Faster paced, more ruthless intent.. Orton sells vengeance so much better than anyone on the roster. Mostly a pedestrian effort in the tag match though.
3. Kofi Kingston 24-7-2, 46 points (Last Week: 5)— I?m liking fired up and aggressive Kofi. He’s been a lot of fun to watch since they ditched the accent. Verdict is still out on whether he?ll succeed, but so far, so good.
4. Big Show 13-15-1, 21 Points (Last Week: 3)— Show’s comedy has been pretty decent lately, but tonight’s triple threat really felt pointless. No real urgency to win on anyone’s part. That’s not ALL Show’s fault, but yeah.. blah performance.
5. Shawn Michaels 12-5-1, 19 pts. (Last Week: 4)–See Triple H.
6. Mark Henry, 14-5, 22 Points (Last Week: 8)— Tonight was Henry’s best night in the ring in about a month that I?ve seen. He was fantastic on both tag spots, but especially the hot tag, dealing out head butts like a candy machine. His power spots and selling are so spot on right now. The crowd support is obviously there right now. I know he’s injury prone, and from that standpoint I can understand why the WWE is hesitant to push him, but holy ____. What more do they want him to do?
7. Cody Rhodes 15-17-3, 21 points (Last Week: 6)–This creative team is SO bi-polar on what they want to do with the Legacy. One minute they look like they?re breaking them up, the next minute, they?re Siamese twins again. Slow burns can be a bit like the hokey pokey now and then, but this one seems exceptionally bi-polar for whatever reason.
8. Ted Dibiase, Jr. 12-15-3, 14 Points (Last Week: 7)–See Cody.
9. Jack Swagger, 8-8-2, 14 Points (Last Week: 9) — Quiet night for Swagger. Some deal with Eve? who knows.
10. MVP 15-11-2, 23 Points (Last Week: 10)–OK night tonight, but I definitely don?t have that feeling like the WWE missed the boat with him for a push or anything. Outside of some Jericho carry jobs, he hasn?t been in anything particularly memorable since coming over.
Chris Masters 1-4-1, 1 Point (Last Week: NR)
Evan Bourne, 5-10, 8 Points (Last Week: 10)
Santino Marella 5-4, 10 points (Last Week: NR)
Seamus 2-0-0, 4 Points (Last Week: ECW)
Carlito Colon 5-10-1, 7 Points (Last Week: NR)
Primo Colon 4-10-1, 4 Points (Last Week: NR)
Brian Kendrick 1-6-0, 2 Points (Last Week: NR)
Hornswaggle 7-1-0, 10 Points (Last Week: NR)
Jerry Lawler 1-0, 1 points (Last Week: NR)
Festus 1-1-0, 1 Points (Last Week: NR)
Chavo Guerrero 2-18-0, 2 Points (Last Week: NR)
Jamie Noble 0-5, 0 Points (Last Week: NR)
Jim Duggan 0-0, 0 points (Last Week: NR)
Eugene 0-1-0, 0 Points (Last Week: RELEASED)
Batista 9-4, 18 Points (Last Week: MOVED TO SMACKDOWN)
Matt Hardy 3-8-0, 4 Points (Last Week: TRADED TO SMACKDOWN)
William Regal, 3-10, 4 points (Last Week: TRADED TO ECW )
Goldust 2-1-0, 2 Points (Last Week: TRADED TO ECW)
Kane 7-7, 12 Points DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
Mike Knox 3-3 4 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
JTG 2-4, 2 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
Big Shaad 2-3 2 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
Charlie Haas 0-0, 0 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
Dolph Ziggler 0-3, 0 Points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
CM Punk 9-7, 17 Points DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
Rey Mysterio 11-6, 22 Points DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
Chris Jericho 6-7 13 pts. DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
JBL 1-6, 4 points (Last Week: 7) RETIRED
Mr. Kennedy 1-0-0, 1 Points (Last Week: RELEASED)
Sim Snuka 1-0, 1 Point (Last Week: RELEASED)