Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me, because it is time for Monday Night RAW!
The show kicks off with the one and only ?Heartbreak Kid? Shawn Michaels making his way down to the ring. He puts over the fact that despite a certain level of intimidation which comes from The Undertaker’s undefeated Wrestlemania streak, he is up to the challenge. Don?t forget, he is ?Mr. Wrestlemania? after all. Michaels says that there are those in the back who do not believe that he can achieve this seemingly impossible task. Shawn calls for anyone who thinks he cannot end the streak to come down to the ring and tell him to his face.
Triple H’s music hits! Shawn asks how his good friend can have the gall to come out to the ring. Hunter says that he doesn?t ?think? Shawn can?t beat the Undertaker, he ?knows? Shawn CAN! HHH says that he has wrestled uncountable stars during his WWE career, but Shawn is the most talented star he has ever worked with in the ring. He says that Shawn has no peers in the back, because he is simply that great. HHH notes that he and Shawn always seem to go down different paths on the road to Wrestlemania, but DX will never die. That being said, it will be a long time until the WWE Universe sees them in the ring together again. In his next breath, Hunter says that he does not want the last image of the two of them in the ring together to be of them losing the Unified Tag Team Championship match. So, he is invoking their rematch clause for a match tonight!
HHH points out that a Champion does not need to defend the belt for 30 days, technically, so their first Title defense does not have to be until 28 days from now when Monday Night RAW is on the air the day after Wrestlemania. Hunter is so confident in Shawn beating the Undertaker, that he has no qualms about winning the Title tonight. HHH says that he believes in Shawn, and asks Shawn what it is that he believes. HBK says that he believes they have some Tag Team Titles to win tonight!
In the back we see Cheech & Chong examining their office. The Bella Twins come into the office to flirt with them. They ask for tickets to one of the Cheech & Chong tour shows, and offer to give them a tour around the building. Cheech leaves with the Bella’s and Chong stays in the back. Hornswoggle enters with a box of Lucky Charms. Chong takes a handful of the cereal and the room begins to spin, as apparently ‘swoggle has psychedelic Lucky Charms. Sure, why not?
Video package airs highlighting Randy Orton turning on Legacy last week.
Randy Orton v. Ted Dibiase
Randy and Ted lock up with Orton being backed into the corner. Ted connects with a knee to the gut, forearm to the face, and shoulder to the gut. Ted then tries to set Randy up on the turnbuckle, but Orton knocks him off. Ted gets to his feet and connects with a dropkick. Dibiase throws Orton to the outside and follows him out. Randy grabs Ted’s head and throws it into the steel post. Orton the attempts to roll Ted back into the ring, but Dibiase continues to roll and heads to the outside on the other side of the ring.
We come back and Orton and Ted are still fighting each other in the ring. Ted Dibiase gets Orton trapped into a headlock. Orton begins to fight back as Cody Rhodes runs down to the ring to make the save. Orton is pretty pissed off as he starts to go after both members of Legacy. The young stars retreat up the ramp.
We are taken to a live shot of the parking lot where Bret Hart emerges from his limo, wearing a cast on his left leg.
In the back, Chong is now in his psychedelic Lucky Charm state while petting Eve. Cheech comes in, and asks Chong what the hell is going on. He sees the box of cereal, and yells at Chong. Cheech says that Chong is not allowed to have sugar, it gives him a sugar high! Chong says he is fine, Cheech asks if that’s the case, then why is he stroking William Regal’s hair? The camera shot changes and Regal is in the position which Eve was just moments ago. Chong apologizes and asks if he can still hang out with Kelly Kelly. The camera shows Kelly (aka Chris Masters). Chris says (in Kelly’s voice), now can you please stop staring at my chest? He does a couple chest flexes for good measure. After he leaves, Hornswoggle makes his way back into the office. He offers the cereal to Cheech this time. After a few moments, Cheech also enters the Lucky Charm Trip.
A video package airs highlighting the feud between John Cena and Batista.
Video package airs highlighting Christian defeating Carlito last week to qualify for the Money in the Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Jack Swagger v. Santino Marella
The match starts off with Santino doing a split to dodge a clothesline from Jack Swagger. This momentary upper hand does not last for long, as Swagger hits his Gut Wrench Powerbomb and ends this one early.
Winner via Blue Thunder Bomb: Jack Swagger
In the back we see Batista emerging from his locker room. He is flanked by a posse of security guards.
John Cena makes his way out to the ring and picks up the mic. He addresses the fact that a lot of people are saying that Batista stole the Title from him. Cena says that it was not about being screwed, it was about business. Batista made the intelligent decision to scratch Mr. McMahon’s back in order to win the Title. Cena counter though, that last week it got personal. Batista not only ambushed him, but continued to beat him up until he could not fight back. Cena says that still there is a silver lining, he is going to Wrestlemania. John says that after last week he needs to pay Mr. Batista back, and that should go down right now!
Batista’s music hits, and he makes his way out to the entrance ramp still flanked by his security guards. Cena makes fun of Batista for having all of the security guards. Batista says that they aren?t there for his protection, they are there for Cena’s. John asks Batista to come into the ring so that he can ?thank? him for the consideration. Cena calls Batista a 6?6? pansy.
Batista stays on the ramp, and says that the reason he did what he did last week was because he wants to face John at Wrestlemania. Batista says that he and Cena are the two biggest stars since the Attitude Era. They both won Championships at Wrestlemania 21, and never looked back. But for some reason, the company has decided to name Cena as the face of the company. They give him Championships, magazine covers, commercials, movies, you name it. Somehow the torch was passed from Stone Cold to Cena, when it should have gone to Batista. Dave says that HE should be the biggest star in the company. ?Tista did what he did last week for two reasons. First, so that he can kick the hell out of Cena at Wrestlemania. The second, is because he just can?t stand John.
Cena says that Batista needs to focus up, because he is going to beat him at Wrestlemania. John says that the reason he has become the face of the company is because he works his butt off. Everyone knows that he has given his life for the business. Dave on the other hand, expects the business to be handed to him. Cena calls him selfish. Says that Batista has been, and always will be selfish. Batista agrees and says that he does not care about the fans. He is not here for cheers or boos, he is here to win the Title. Batista tells Cena to continue kissing babies and hugging fat girls, because he is going to be in the gym training for Wrestlemania. Batista says that it is a fact that whenever the two of them are in the ring together, bad things happen to Cena. It wasn?t too long ago that he broke Cena’s neck.
Before Cena can retort, Batista cuts him off. He tells John that he can bark all he wants, but it doesn?t matter. He tells Cena to use one of his cute catchphrases, because everyone wants to hear what John has to say. Batista says that Cena can?t beat him, and deep down, John knows that to be true. The segment ends without Cena responding. Batista shows the Title off at the top of the ramp as we go to commercial.
In the back the heavily Lucky Charm influenced Cheech & Chong are sitting with Chavo Guerrero. They made him dress up with a mustache and sombrero. Chavo is not too pleased. Cheech then invites in his other Mexican amigos, Primo & Carlito. Primo says that they aren?t Mexican and don?t even like each other. Cheech says ?forget you?. The camera cuts to Katie Lea, also in a mustache who says that she is ?bloody British?. Then Yoshi Tatsu is in the office with a mustache and says something in Japanese. Finally, a chicken in the cage enters and has Santino’s voice as it says that a Divas Pajama Match is coming up soon. WTF just happened?
Zack Ryder w/ Rosa Mendes v. MVP
In a match far too similar to the Swagger/Santino one from earlier, this is over before it even starts. A couple of lock ups before MVP hits his finisher to end it.
Winner via Play Maker: MVP
Justin Roberts is in the ring and introduces tonight’s guest hosts, Cheech & Chong. They come out to ?Slow Rider?. Chong welcomes everyone to Monday Night RAW. Cheech points out that the show has been on for an hour and a half already, or a day and a half, he’s not really sure.
Divas Pajama Pillow Fight
Gail Kim, Eve & Kelly Kelly v. Alicia Fox, Jillian Hall & Maryse
Cheech and Chong join in on commentary. This is apparently a free for all as everyone goes after Maryse. Then Jillian attacks Alicia Fox. Jillian attempts to sing, so Kelly gets to her feet and a shoves a pillow in her mouth. Apparently pin falls are the way to win. Alicia Fox is really taking it to Gail Kim, but Kim counters with her finisher. Eve then kicks Gail to the outside of the ring. Eve heads over Alicia Fox and does a front flip leg drop a la Kevin Steen (ROH). This is enough for the victory.
Winner via Front Flip Leg Drop: Eve
After the match Hornswoggle appears from under the ring with three boxes of Lucky Charms. This somehow turns into a Lucky Charm fight between Hornswoggle and the guest hosts. Michael Cole and King get caught in the mix as Lucky Charms are flying everywhere. Cole protests and begs Jerry not to indulge in the psychedelics, because they still have to call the main event.
Seriously, WTF did I just spend the past 15 minutes recapping?
Michael Cole calls it ?Vintage Hornswoggle? as we head to a video package to discover the next 2010 Hall of Fame inductee.
Hall of Fame Inductee
?Mad Dog? Vachon inducted by Pat Patterson
Up next: Bret ?Hitman? Hart
Justin Roberts is in the ring and begins to introduce Bret Hart. Before he can finish, McMahon’s music hits. Vince gets in the ring and cuts an introduction very similar to the one he cut when Hart first returned to the WWE. Hart comes out onto the ramp with a crutch so that he can walk.
Video package airs highlighting the events that have gone down between Hart and McMahon
Vince apologizes for what has happened over the past couple of weeks. Hart says that he does not know if McMahon is being sincere. If Vince is going to give him a final farewell, then he needs to get the hell out of the ring. Vince says that Bret once called him a ?world class liar?. McMahon says that if you are going to be a liar, you might as well be a world class liar! Vince says that of course he lied, he is here to screw Bret once again.
Vince asks Bret if he remembers challenging him to a match at Wrestlemania. Bret says that he remembers, but he is a currently incapacitated. McMahon says that even an old fossil such as Hart can heal in six weeks. (The accident was two weeks ago, plus the four remaining weeks to Wrestlemania). Vince starts to goad Hart by saying that Bret came back to RAW to fight McMahon, and that is the real underlying reason. Vince goes over literally every bad thing that he has done to Bret over the years. Vince says if Bret won?t do it for himself, then he needs to do it for all of the fans around the world. They want to see Hart back in the ring one more time. Surely, he won?t let the fans down?
Hart says that he knows what Vince is trying to do, but it doesn?t matter. Hart says that he ?has a broken leg, idiot?. Vince says that Bret has no heart any longer. He is letting everyone down. McMahon calls Hart a coward. Vince kicks the crutch away from Hart, which sends the Hitman to the canvas. Vince exits the ring, as Hart struggles to get to his feet. McMahon calls him a coward over and over again as he heads up the ramp. Finally Hart grabs the microphone and says that if McMahon wants a match at Wrestlemania, then he’s got it! Vince says that while Bret may be injured he is not. To show off his physical prowess, next week on RAW Vince is going to take on JOHN CENA!
Next Week’s Guest Host: Criss Angel
Unified Tag Team Championship
HHH & Shawn Michaels (DX) v. Big Show & The Miz (ShoMiz)
The match starts with Big Show and Michaels in the ring. Show whips HBK into the corner and then tags in Miz. Miz kicks him in the face and goes for a cover, but Shawn kicks out. Miz locks him up and tags in his partner. Show enters the ring and punches Shawn in the kidney. Show lifts Shawn up in the air for a bear hug. Michaels punches and chops his way to freedom. Show goes for a chokeslam, but HBK counters to run out of the way and tag in HHH.
The Game enters and hits a knee to the jaw of Show. He follows this up with a Spinebuster! He goes for the Pedigree, but Miz enters the ring. HHH hits Miz with a Spinebuster. This gives Show enough time to get to his feet and connect with a Chokeslam. Michaels enters the ring and hits Sweet Chin Music on Show! Both HHH and Show are on the mat and aren?t able to get up until the count of 9.
Both men tag in their respective partners. HBK hits an inverted Atomic Drop on Miz and then heads to the top rope. HBK connects with the Elbow Drop! Michaels is tuning up the band, when The Undertaker’s face appears on the Titantron. Undertaker rolls his eyes up into his head. Miz sneaks up on Shawn and gets a roll-up victory.
Winners via The Power of Undertaker’s Eyes: ShoMiz
After the match, HHH tries to help HBK to his feet, but Shawn walks away in disgust. Moments later, Sheamus appears out of nowhere to attack HHH! He connects with a big boot and sends HHH to the outside. He kicks HHH one more time which sends him over the announce booth as the show heads off the air.
First, allow me to take a quick moment to thank Paul Nemer, Adam Martin and Hunter Golden for allowing me to take over the position of RAW Recapper for WrestleView. Each one of those guys spent years recapping the show and know both its challenge and the responsibility that it requires. Hunter has done it most recently and he certainly has some large shoes to fill, but I will do my best to carry RAW into this new decade. Second, I?d like to thank all of the WrestleView readers as you guys are the reason that I do this. Now then, on to the show.
The first hour of tonight’s RAW was rather slow and uneventful. There were two matches, one of which lasted all of 20 seconds. The promo portions were mediocre at best, and I?m left baffled by how it is that HHH could say that the WWE Universe would not see him in Shawn together again in the ring for awhile, only to five seconds later say that they would be in action later tonight. I guess that somehow makes sense.
There was of course a certain saving grace in the presence of Hornswoggle. The little guy just always brings a smile to my face. He really found a good place when he was on ECW with Finlay, and has not let up since. Yeah, I know that there are a lot of ‘swoggle haters, but I really like the guy. He provides a bit of humor that almost always keeps me entertained. This IS sports entertainment after all. (I?m not looking forward to all the e-mails I?m going to get from the Hornswoggle haters later tonight. What can I did to ensure that they?ll be upset about something even more? Hmm? oh I got it! John Cena is an incredibly talented superstar. Yup, that should take care of it).
Ah, so about tonight’s guest hosts. I don?t even know what to say about them. I honestly can?t decide if I really liked them, or hated them. Maybe that’s a good thing? I?m just flabbergasted. All I know is that after tonight’s RAW, I really need to get me a bowl of Lucky Charms. Those things must actually be ?magically delicious?.
Now, I COULD complain about that pillow fight with the Divas. But I won?t. Why? Cause I?m a 21 year old male, that’s why.
I was a bit disappointed about the MVP/Ryder match. Would it really be so bad to give them more than 30 seconds? I?ve seen Ryder do some pretty decent stuff over on ECW so it would be nice to see him get a fair amount of exposure on RAW. Instead, he was put in the same position as Santino.
I?m really liking the direction of the Hart/McMahon storyline. It has a certain outdated feel as the type of storyline that they are working with would fit in better with the pre-Attitude Era WWE. But I kind of like it. I have to admit that I half expected Hart to take off the cast and whack McMahon over the head with it. He could have said that the whole thing was a work to trick McMahon into accepting the ?Mania match. Just a thought.
There is not all that much to say about the Tag Team match, mainly because it only lasted 4 minutes. I wish that The Undertaker would have had a better presence. For instance, I was hoping that when his eyes rolled up the ring would have been hit by lighting or something along those lines. I?m a sucker for Undertaker’s supernatural elements. It seemed a bit anti-climatic with the way that the match ended.
Nice to see that they brought Sheamus back into the fold tonight. I suppose it makes sense that they are having him go after HHH considering the events that went down in the Chamber match, but I still think he should attack Batista at some point. Last week Batista essentially screwed him out main eventing Wrestlemania. That has to be up there on the list of anger inducing happenings.
CM Punk would have been clutch on the show tonight. How did NOBODY in the ?E put two and two together? Sure, he is not on the RAW roster, but this is a special circumstance. Think of the promo magic. I believe they missed out on a really good opportunity.
Overall, just a weird RAW tonight. Both funny and lackluster, it has left me confused and interested. Yeah, that sums up wrestling in general. Such a crazy business.
I will be adding in my Power Rankings to the Recap, hopefully by next week. For those of you familiar with my former ECW recaps, it will be very similar to those.
So that’s RAW?. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I?m always up for reading your thoughts and do my absolute best to reply to every message I get. Send them over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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