“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…” The WWE video leads us into the show.
A video hypes up tonight’s main event. It’ll be Edge teaming with Rey Mysterio to take on Kane and Alberto Del Rio.
Kane’s pyro hits and the World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring. Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, and Michael Cole welcome us to the show. Kane does not look happy at all. Kane says this has gone on for way too long. All he wants is his father back. Edge has tortured and tormented Paul Bearer like a toy in a game. That’s his father and he doesn’t deserve that. Kane says he’s apologized and done everything Edge has asked but yet he continues to amuse himself at the expense of the one person he cares about. Despite what Kane has done in the past he has feelings and this is tearing his heart out. Edge has forced Kane to chase and hunt him down and now he is begging him to give Paul Bearer back to him. Edge says it must end tonight.
Edge appears on the video screen and says he heard what Kane has said. Edge says it may end tonight but he doesn’t think so. Edge says it’ll all end at TLC. Edge says he stumbled across Paul Bearer and a steel chair as well. Edge says he’s the master of TLC but if you don’t do it for a while you get rusty. Edge says he’s going to practice on Paul Bearer. Edge fakes going twice before cracking Bearer in the back with the chair. Edge said that had to hurt. Kane is about to blow a gasket in the ring and runs to the back like a madman.
Kane runs and finds Edge at the other end of the hallway with a chair. Kane begs him not to deliver a con-chair-to to Paul Bearer but Edge does anyway. Edge runs away and, once again, it’s a dummy. This got old three weeks ago. Edge is then revealed further away with the real Paul Bearer. This is such uninspired, lazy writing. It’s embarrassing that WWE is comfortable putting this out.
Jack Swagger vs. Kaval
They lock up and Swagger powers him into the corner. Swagger knees him down and punches. Swagger sends him to the corner but Kaval kicks him away and takes him down with a nice kick for a two count. Kaval delivers a nice kick but can’t whip him. Swagger picks him up but Kaval gets on his shoulders. Kaval elbows him but Swagger shoves him off and Kaval seems to have injured his left leg. Swagger works over the leg with stretches and slams. Swagger even illegally uses the ropes to further injure it. Kaval comes back with some chops to the chest. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb but Kaval blocks it and knocks Swagger down.
Kaval is clutching at his leg. Kaval gets up and ducks a clothesline before hitting a nice kick. Kaval hits some kicks but Swagger cuts him off. Swagger goes for a suplex but Kaval knees him in the head. Kaval hits a Liger Kick and a donkey kick. Kaval is limping but putting on a gutsy performance. Kaval hits a kick off the second rope for a near fall. Kaval tries to climb the turnbuckle but Swagger hits a chop block. Swagger then applies the Ankle Lock and Kurt Angle picks up the win. I mean Jack Swagger.
Winner by Submission: Jack Swagger
Match Rating: * 1/4
Jack Swagger says that’s how it is done. When you absolutely, positively need results spelled out it’s S-W-A-G-G-E-R. Swagger needs results right now. What happened last week was a travesty. Kofi Kingston should not be the number one contender for the Intercontinental Championship. They show a replay of Kingston hitting Trouble in Paradise while Swagger was between the ropes. Swagger says the rules of WWE clearly state that a person cannot be struck while between the ropes. Swagger says that he is protesting the IC Title match tonight.
The Swagger Soaring Eagle will take on Hornswoggle next.
Hornswoggle w/ Rosa Mendes vs. The Soaring Eagle
This is an insult to comedy. Hornswoggle uses “Acme Birdseed” to fool the bird and salts him up before biting him. Did they figure out that Smackdown has been better than Raw all year so now they’re purposely sabotaging it? Nonetheless, Mr. V is once again most likely feeling left disappointed. They should have given the bird the win in honor of Mr. V’s upcoming 100th column.
Winner by Pinfall: Hornswoggle
Match Rating: About as bad as bad can get
Edge and Rey Mysterio will take on Kane and Alberto Del Rio in the main event.
Teddy Long congratulates Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov on winning the Unified Tag Team Titles. Santino sings “We Are The Champions” by Queen and Kozlov waves lighter. Chavo Guerrero comes in and says he and a partner of his choosing will rock them. Kozlov says “Holla, Holla”. I hate this “comedy” tonight.
Kofi Kingston will challenge Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship next. They then show a Kofi Kingston hype video. Dolph Ziggler then cuts a promo saying the Kingston is a lifelong contender and everyone wants to be him.
EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero introduces her boyfriend, the current and future Intercontinental Champion. What the hell does that mean?
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler (c)
They lock up and Ziggler backs him to the corner. Kingston gets a quick roll-up for a one count. Ziggler quickly knees him and elbows him down for a one count. Kingston punches but Ziggler clubs him down. Ziggler hits a snapmare and a rolling neck snapper for a two count. Ziggler applies a chin lock and is looking for a submission. Kingston fights up and punches out. Ziggler kicks and punches back. Ziggler sends him to the ropes but misses a clothesline and takes a monkey flip. Kingston hits a dropkick and a running cross-body. Ziggler quickly avoids the Trouble in Paradise by rolling out of the ring.
We come back from the break to see Kingston trapped in a sleeper hold. During the commercial Ziggler threw him into the barricade. Ziggler releases the sleeper and hits a dropkick for a near fall. Ziggler drops a big elbow for a two count. Ziggler goes back to the sleeper hold but Kingston punches out. Ziggler quickly rebounds with a neckbreaker for a near fall. Ziggler goes back to the sleeper hold and keeps it on for a bit. You don’t need anymore reasons to want to fall asleep during this show. Kingston fights up finally and punches out. Kingston counters a dropkick and catapults him to the corner.
Kingston hits some chops and a nice dropkick. Kingston misses the superman punch. Ziggler gets out of the ranhei but takes a clothesline. Kingston hits a body slam and goes for the Boom Drop but Ziggler moves. Kingston gets right back on top of him with punches and kicks. Kingston misses a splash in the corner but rebounds with a pendulum kick. Kingston hits a missile dropkick and Vickie is quickly on the apron to distract. Kingston gets the ref’s attention and gets a near fall. Ziggler counters back with an inside cradle for a two count. Ziggler then takes him down with a big boot.
Ziggler puts Kingston on the top rope but Kingston head-butts him down. Kingston climbs the top rope and hits a beautiful cross-body block for a near fall! Kingston picks him up and goes for a suplex but Ziggler counters into a sleeper hold. Kingston fights out of it but Ziggler sends him into the ring post shoulder first. Kingston then surprises him with Trouble in Paradise. Kingston covers but Jack Swagger runs in and pulls him out of the ring.
Winner by Disqualification: Kofi Kingston
Dolph Ziggler retains the Championship
Match Rating: * 3/4
Jack Swagger applies the Ankle Lock and Kingston screams in pain as he applies it. Referees run down to get him off Kingston and he backs away.
Edge is at the top of a scaffold with a dummy, of course claiming to Kane it was Paul Bearer. Edge pushes it off and it falls through a table. Edge then reveals the real Paul Bearer. Will it ever end??
Chris Masters puts on a Masterlock Challenge and defeats “Dashing” Cody Rhodes with it. Rhodes tried to stall by cleaning the chair and filing his nails. Finally Masters got it on and it was over. Perfect waste of a good talent and I’m not talking about Chris Masters.
Edge and Rey Mysterio will take on Kane and Alberto Del Rio.
Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chavo Guerrero & Drew McIntyre
Santino will start out against Drew McIntyre. Santino takes him down with an arm drag and claps. McIntyre then lays him out with a right hand. Kozlov is tagged in and he hits an arm drag. Kozlov drives some shoulders into his midsection and hits a fireman’s carry. McIntyre comes back with some kicks but Kozlov quickly takes him back down. Kozlov knocks Chavo and McIntyre down until Chavo snaps him off the top rope.
Chavo is tagged in and he hits a senton. Chavo punches before applying a front face lock. Kozlov gets out of it with a back body drop and both men tag their partners. Santino punches, splits under a clothesline, and hits a hip toss on McIntyre. McIntyre counters his head-butt and goes for the Future Shock DDT until Chavo blind tags in. Chavo misses the Frog Splash and Santino hits the Cobra before rolling him up for the win.
Winners by Pinfall: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
Match Rating: 3/4 *
Drew McIntyre is obviously not pleased at Chavo blowing the match. McIntyre pretends to help him up before dropping him with the Future Shock DDT.
Now they show further proof that little to no thought went into the production of this show as we’re treated to more filler by them showing the “mind games” Edge used on Kane in the beginning of the show.
The Raw Rebound airs and then the announcers run down the TLC card. It’s announced the Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio will be a Chairs Match. Perfect – give them the weapon they can do the least with.
Layla is walking backstage with Michelle McCool. She’ll be in action next.
Layla w/ Michelle McCool vs. Natalya w/ Beth Phoenix
Layla kicks and gets a headlock applied. Natalya whips her off but gets taken down and counters into a pin. Natalya quickly comes back with a delayed vertical suplex and gets another two count. Layla rolls out of the ring and McCool consoles her. Natalya pushes her down but gets kicked by Layla. Beth runs over to even things up. Natalya gets in the ring and powers Layla to the corner. Natalya runs into a boot and then they double clothesline one another. Layla pulls her into the rope but gets caught in the Sharpshooter. McCool grabs her arm and gets dragged into the ring. Beth then pulls her out and Layla taps.
Winner by Submission: Natalya
Match Rating: 3/4 *
Edge and Rey Mysterio will take on Kane and Alberto Del Rio next.
Everyone makes their entrances except Kane. Teddy Long’s music then hits and he says since Kane didn’t show then it will be a handicap match.
Rey Mysterio & Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio
Rey Mysterio starts out for his team. Mysterio kicks away at Del Rio and hits a snapmare. Mysterio hits a running leg drop for a one count. Mysterio tags in Edge and they double whip him to the corner. Edge hits a running shoulder block and Mysterio follows up with a running dropkick to the face. Edge picks him up but Del Rio knees him down. Del Rio has a whip reversed and Edge hits a flapjack. Mysterio is tagged back in and they hit a wheelbarrow/body splash combo for a two count.
Mysterio punches at Del Rio but gets sent to the rope. Del Rio lowers his head and eats a kick. Mysterio kicks him into position and goes for the 619 but he rolls out so Mysterio hits a baseball slide.
Kane now makes his way down to ringside. Edge cuts him off and they punch it out. Kane goes for a Chokeslam but Edge gets out of it and big boots him down. Edge then runs backstage and Kane chases. In the ring Del Rio takes down Mysterio and kicks away at him. Del Rio sends him sternum first into the corner before hitting a gut buster for a near fall. Del Rio applies a grounded bear hug before turning it to a body scissors. Mysterio elbows out and kicks away. Del Rio blocks a kick and Mysterio counters back with an enzuigiri. Del Rio regains enough composure to drop Mysterio onto the apron and hit an enzuigiri of his own.
Del Rio rolls outside and kicks Mysterio as he recovers. Del Rio bounces him off the announcer’s table and throws him back into the ring. Del Rio gets in and Mysterio rolls to the apron. Del Rio gets him on the top rope and goes for a superplex but Mysterio blocks it. Mysterio head-butts him off and hits a seated senton. Mysterio ducks a clothesline and hits a wheelbarrow bulldog for a near fall. Mysterio is pushed into the ropes and Del Rio hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall. Del Rio isn’t happy with the referee’s count. Del Rio goes for a sunset flip but Mysterio rolls through and hits another seated senton. Mysterio puts him in position and hits the 619! Mysterio climbs to the top rope and hits a splash for the win!
Winners by Pinfall: Rey Mysterio & Edge
Match Rating: * 1/2
Edge is backstage talking to Paul Bearer who is set up on two ladders and a platform. Kane runs up and says it has to be another dummy. Kane goes to push it over and Edge tells him not to do that. Kane pushes it over a balcony and looks down. It’s the real Paul Bearer and Edge says, “I told you!” Edge seems satisfied after being an accessory to murder and mercifully this show, and hopefully the “mind games”, has come to an end.
Quick Match Results
Jack Swagger def. Kaval via Submission
Hornswoggle def. The Soaring Eagle
IC Title: Kofi Kingston def. Dolph Ziggler via DQ (Ziggler retains)
Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov def. Chavo Guerrero & Drew McIntyre (non-title)
Natalya def. Layla via Submission (non-title)
Rey Mysterio & Edge def. Alberto Del Rio
Bump of the Night: Nothing of note
Match of the Night: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger * 3/4
I am literally at a loss for words on how bad this show was. I just can’t think of the right words to put down other than curses. I just cannot believe in my heart of hearts that WWE was comfortable thinking this was a good enough product to put out. Literally zero thought went into the production of the show. I can just picture an entire writing team sitting around picking their noses and just saying, “Oh just fill it up with more Edge mind games – those seem to be going over well!” Then they end it by killing Paul Bearer, again. It was a terrible storyline when they did it with Undertaker and now it’s going to be even worse with Kane. We’ll probably get Kane bawling in the center of the ring next week because of this.
The loss of MVP is being felt hugely on the show. The roster, as if it could be possible, is even thinner. Now to top it all off Kaval goes down with an ankle injury. Hopefully it isn’t too serious. There just isn’t enough talent to fill up the two-hour show so we’re forced to watch Hornswoggle wrestling and Masterlock Challenges, which haven’t been the least bit interesting since 2006. I try to be positive about every show I recap, I really do, but this was just too much for me to bear tonight. It’s been a month of the same, boring formula and it’s really ripping at my nerves.
Final Rating: 3/4 *
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