“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…” The WWE video leads us into the show.
A video package plays highlighting Edge’s tremendous career. They weave in video of his retirement speech from Smackdown when he gave up the World Heavyweight Championship. This was a really nice video. They then show highlights of the 20-man battle royal to determine the new number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. Christian won the match and Edge came down to raise his best friend’s arm. Alberto Del Rio, watching the match at ringside, was not happy.
The Smackdown video plays and we’re brought into the arena with a big fireworks display. Josh Mathews and Booker T welcome us to the show. Tonight we’ll see Alberto Del Rio’s retirement party for Edge. They show the World Heavyweight Championship hanging over the ring. Tonight we’ll see Big Show and Kane take on Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Wade Barrett will also defend the Intercontinental Championship against former champion Kofi Kingston.
Tony Chimel asks the crowd to welcome “Sir” Michael Cole. Cole comes out to “My Country Tis of Thee”. This is hilarious. Cole gets in the Cole Mine where a giant throne is, a cardboard cut out of Prince William and Kate Middleton, and a picture of him kissing “Queen Elizabeth”. It’s also decorated with tiny British flags.
Cody Rhodes comes out with three men. They bring a shopping cart with brown paper bags with them. Rhodes gets in the ring and keeps his hood over his face. Rhodes says that everyone can see that he is wearing a mask. His mask is for protection and protection only. Rey Mysterio wears a mask because he is hiding something. He is hiding his fears, his loathing thoughts for all of us, and he’s hiding because Rey Mysterio is ashamed of himself. Rhodes says he should be. Rhodes says we all are wearing masks as well. Under the brim of his hood he can see through our masks and see in our faces our envy of him. Rhodes says he can see the looks of despair in our faces knowing our lives are miserable. Rhodes says the sick thing is that as bad as it is for us, we all hope it’s worse for our neighbors, friends, and family. Rhodes bets that we can’t even stand to look at them and he doesn’t blame us.
Tonight he offers a remedy at his expense. Rhodes shows the brown paper bag and a pair of eyes and a mouth is cut out in it. Rhodes asks his assistants to hand them out to everyone. They hand them out to a few people at ringside. Rhodes says he wants the bags to cover their faces, their lying eyes, and the blackheads protruding from their proboscis. Rhodes says he wants them to cover their faces until he is hopefully drafted off the show or until he defeats, like he did at WrestleMania, Rey Mysterio tonight. Rhodes holds one bag up and says this one is for Mysterio.
Rey Mysterio’s music hits and he comes out to the stage. Charles Robinson, my favorite referee in the world, is already in the ring. It looks like we’ll be kicking the show off with this match. Mysterio looks at the shopping cart with brown paper bags in it with disgust.
Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio
This is a rematch from WrestleMania XXVII. The bell rings and Rhodes quickly kicks Mysterio. Rhodes punches away at him and sends him to the ropes. Rhodes lowers his head and eats a kick. Rhodes angrily charges and Mysterio pulls the top rope down, sending him over. Mysterio hits a running seated senton off the apron and plays to the crowd.
We come back from the break to see Mysterio get crotched on the top rope. Rhodes stomps away at him and viciously attacks the head. Rhodes grinds his knee into Mysterio’s face. Rhodes stomps away at Mysterio until Robinson backs him up. Mysterio big boots him and goes into the ropes. Rhodes kicks and goes for a powerbomb but Mysterio turns to a senton for a two count. Rhodes sends him to the ropes and gets him caught in a torture rack backbreaker for a near fall. Rhodes goes outside the ring and stretches Mysterio over the ring post.
Rhodes puts him back in the ring and punches him in the corner. Mysterio fights back and hits an enzuigiri, putting him in position. Mysterio charges but Rhodes drops him to the apron. Mysterio knees him in the face and drags him out to the apron. Rhodes then pushes him into the ring post and Mysterio falls to the outside.
We come back from the break to see Mysterio fighting up from a front face lock. Mysterio punches out, slides through the legs, and gets caught with a powerslam, giving Rhodes a two count. Rhodes stomps the face again and drops a knee. Rhodes sends Mysterio sternum first into the corner hard and picks up a near fall. Rhodes taunts the crowd as he picks Mysterio up. Rhodes then punches him down in the corner. Rhodes props him up on the top rope and goes for a superplex but Mysterio head-butts him off. Mysterio then takes him out with a nice seated senton. Mysterio hits a springboard cross-body block for a near fall.
Rhodes quickly kicks Mysterio and goes for a sunset flip but Mysterio rolls through. Rhodes ducks the kick and rolls him up for a near fall. Mysterio gets to his feet and kicks Rhodes in the head for a near fall. Mysterio goes to the top rope and jumps but Rhodes dropkicks him out of mid-air! Rhodes covers and picks up a near fall. Rhodes stalks Mysterio and kicks him in the midsection while he’s hung on the top rope. Rhodes goes for Cross Rhodes but Mysterio counters out. Rhodes goes for a powerbomb but Mysterio gets him with a cradle hurricanrana for the win!
Winner by Pinfall: Rey Mysterio
Match Rating: ** 1/4
Rhodes assaults Mysterio and stomps away at him after the match. Rhodes slides him out of the ring and Mysterio hits the ground hard with his ribs. Rhodes sends him into the barricade twice and throws him into the crowd. Rhodes punches but Mysterio fights back and cross body blocks him over the barricade! Mysterio goes to bounce him off the steel steps but Rhodes blocks it and does it himself. Rhodes props him up and the barricade and they fight on top. Mysterio throws him off into the crowd. Mysterio reverses a whip and sends him into the wall. Mysterio knees him in the face and launched Rhodes over the barricade!
Mysterio gets on top of the barricade and Rhodes sweeps the feet. Rhodes head-butts him with the mask and hits Cross Rhodes at ringside! The crowd boos as Rhodes picks up a paper bag. Rhodes puts it over Mysterio’s face, gets in the ring, and raises his arm.
We’ll see Wade Barrett defend the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston. We’ll also see Big Show and Kane take on Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel for the WWE Tag Team Titles. Alberto Del Rio will also throw Edge a retirement party later tonight.
Justin Gabriel is backstage with his title. Gabriel walks up to Wade Barrett and says he eliminated him from the battle royal because it’s every man for himself. Gabriel says it’s nothing personal. Barrett says it is personal because he’d never do that. Heath Slater walks up and says they’d sell their grandmothers just to get ahead. Slater says they need to talk about unity. There’s no leader and they’re all equals. Ezekiel Jackson walks up and talks about the title defenses tonight. Jackson says as the leader, he’s there for them. Barrett looks at him with disgust and Jackson says he’s just messing around. Barrett says maybe they’re the ones messing with him. They laugh and show a little unity.
They show footage of Lay-Cool in couple’s therapy last week. They then show Michelle McCool shoving Layla in the ring.
Lay-Cool is back in therapy. McCool says therapy is working wonders because last week Layla lost another match. Layla said she at least competed. McCool says if it wasn’t for her then Layla wouldn’t be here. McCool says Layla has been riding her coattails. They argue about a coat and tell the therapist to shut up. Layla tells her that she needs to show her respect. McCool says she’s not even sure Layla is flawless. Layla cries and gets up so McCool says she’s sorry. They hug. McCool then attacks her and throws her down in the office. McCool leaves as Layla cries.
They show the World Heavyweight Championship hanging above the ring.
“Sir” Michael Cole is in the ring and he shows footage of him and Jack Swagger forcing JR to kiss Cole’s foot. Cole laughs in the ring and says first he shot JR with BBQ sauce and then he made him kiss his feet. They then show more footage of Cole being knighted by “Queen Elizabeth”. Cole says he has been knighted. Cole says there can only be one All American-American and that man is Jack Swagger.
Jack Swagger makes his way to the ring. Trent Barreta is in the ring already. JOBBER ALERT!
Trent Barreta vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger takes him out with a shoulder block and sends him to the corner hard. Swagger hits him with a Vader Bomb (they really need a name for that move) and he gloats around the ring. Swagger slaps him in the corner. Barreta comes back and tries for a tornado DDT but Swagger pushes him off. Barreta hits him with an enzuigiri and a back elbow. Barreta springboards into a powerbomb! Swagger then applies an Ankle Lock for the win!
Winner by Submission: Jack Swagger
Match Rating: N/A
Michael Cole was, of course, way over the top on commentary. It was pretty funny though because this was a short segment.
They show Big Show on the Kid’s Choice Awards show. Big Show and Kane are seen walking backstage. They’ll fight for the WWE Tag Team Titles next.
The video for Kharma (Awesome Kong) plays.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Big Show & Kane vs. Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel (c)
Ezekiel Jackson accompanies them to the ring. Wade Barrett stays behind to prepare for his match later tonight against Kofi Kingston. Kane starts out against Slater. Slater punches but Kane sends him to the corner hard and hits a back body drop. Kane hits a snapmare and dropkicks him in the face for a near fall. Big Show is tagged in and he chops Slater in the corner. Big Show bits some butt bumps and a stink face. Kane is tagged back in and he uppercuts Slater down. Kane sends him to the ropes but Slater counters out of a powerslam and chop blocks him. Gabriel is tagged in and he gets taken down. Kane hits some clotheslines in the corner and a nice sidewalk slam for a near fall.
Kane goes to the top rope and Ezekiel Jackson pushes him off as the referee is distracted. Slater is tagged in and he punches away at Kane. Slater applies a chin lock and Gabriel tags in. Gabriel kicks him in the head and gets a one count. Gabriel applies a front face lock. Kane fights up and punches out. Kane hits an uppercut and goes for a sidewalk slam but Gabriel counters into a nice DDT for a near fall. Slater is tagged in and he jumps off the top rope into an uppercut!
Big Show is tagged in and he hits a pair of clotheslines. Big Show hits a butt bump in the corner and a nice shoulder block. Big Show signals for the Chokeslam and catches Gabriel coming off the top rope. Big Show tosses him out of the ring and Gabriel flies into Jackson! Jackson gets on the apron and Kane knocks him right back off. Big Show then Chokeslams Heath Slater for the win!
Winners & new WWE Tag Team Champions: Big Show & Kane
Match Rating: * 1/2
Big Show and Kane celebrate their win in the ring. This is the second time he’s held the Tag Team Titles with Kane. They had a pretty good run with them in 2006.
Wade Barrett will defend the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston later tonight. The announcers wonder if The Corre’s troubles will continue. Alberto Del Rio will also throw Edge a retirement party.
Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel yell at Ezekiel Jackson, saying he should have had their backs. Jackson says they need to look in the mirror, especially Slater since he got pinned. Jackson walks off. Slater asks Gabriel who he’s looking at and shoves him down hard!
Drew McIntyre vs. Chris Masters
I was told that McIntyre got a very good response coming out to the ring but either it wasn’t picked up by the crowd mic or they simply edited it out. They circle the ring and lock up. Masters pushes McIntyre to the corner and taunts him. They go for a test of strength and, of course, McIntyre kicks him. McIntyre punches but Masters drops him to the apron. Masters goes for the Masterlock but McIntyre elbows him in the face. McIntyre bounces him in the corner and Masters explodes out, chopping him down on the apron. Masters oversells a hot shot off the top rope and McIntyre hits him with a running neckbreaker for a near fall.
McIntyre grinds his face into the mat and stomps him. McIntyre shoves him to the corner and hits a stiff clothesline. McIntyre then hits a short-arm clothesline and taunts. The crowd sounded like they were going to cheer but then fake boos were piped in. That’s so strange that they would edit that out. McIntyre picks him up and goes for the Future Shock but Masters gets an inside cradle for a two count. Masters hits him with a sit-out spinebuster for another near fall.
Masters chops away and clotheslines him down. Masters takes him out with a flying shoulder block off the turnbuckle. McIntyre reverses a Masterlock and takes him down hard. McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Drew McIntyre
Match Rating: * 1/2
Wade Barrett will defend his Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston later tonight. Alberto Del Rio will also throw a retirement party for Edge.
The Raw Rebound airs and they show that train wreck of a segment between R-Truth and John Morrison. I mean it was so atrocious that even WWE video production team, which is normally really good at polishing turds, couldn’t save this. That was utter and complete crap. At least they turned R-Truth heel afterwards.
The announcers run down the Extreme Rules card. They announce that Rey Mysterio and Cody Rhodes will fight in a Falls Count Anywhere match at the event.
Kofi Kingston makes his way to the ring. He’ll fight to get his Intercontinental Championship back from Wade Barrett next.
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett (c) w/ Ezekiel Jackson
Kingston ducks a clothesline and kicks away at him. Kingston punches him in the corner and sends him to the opposite corner. Kingston runs into a back elbow and Barrett clotheslines him in the back of the head. Barrett punches and kicks him in the ribs. Barrett stomps him and knees him in the face. Barrett clubs him on the apron. Barrett gloats and Kingston takes him out with an innovative dropkick. Kingston goes to the top rope and hits a flipping cross-body to the outside! That was nasty! Kingston may have hurt his wrist on that move.
We come back from the break to see Barrett applying a surfboard stretch to Kingston. During the break Barrett knocked him off the apron and sent him hard into the steel steps. Kingston fights up in the ring and punches. Barrett sends him to the ropes but Kingston holds on. Barrett charges but Kingston pulls the top rope down, sending him over. Jackson charges but Kingston moves and he takes Barrett out!
Kingston puts Barrett in the ring. Kingston gets in the ring and Barrett kicks him in the face. Barrett yells at Jackson and kicks him out. Jackson angrily goes to the back. Barrett turns around and Kingston rolls him up for a near fall. Kingston rolls him up again for another near fall. Kingston chops him a few times and hits a dropkick. Kingston hits a superman punch and gets the crowd pumped up. Kingston hits the Boom Drop and signals for the end. Barrett ducks the Trouble in Paradise and goes for the Wasteland but Kingston wiggles to the corner. Barrett big boots him on the top rope. Barrett grabs him but Kingston attempts a roll up. Barrett sits on the shoulders and grabs the ropes for the win. That was really sloppy.
Winner & still Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett
Match Rating: **
Alberto Del Rio’s retirement party for Edge is coming up next.
Ricardo Rodriguez announces Alberto Del Rio to the ring. Del Rio drives into the arena in a Bentley. Brodus Clay is in the ring with them. The ring is decorated with balloons and objects covered with black sheets. Del Rio says his name for us… but we already knew that. They’re playing some guitar in the background. Del Rio says no one throws a party, a fiesta, like he does. Del Rio welcomes us to Edge’s retirement party. Del Rio brought all these presents for Edge and his retirement.
Del Rio removes the cloth from the first object and it’s a grandfather clock. With this Edge can watch his life slowly tick away. When someone has an injury like his, they lose control of their bowels and can’t make it to the bathroom. That’s the reason he brought adult diapers to the ring. Del Rio knows there’s nothing better in retirement than friends. Only because he’s a good man, she’s here tonight. Del Rio welcomes Lita to the ring.
Lita’s music hits and a rather large woman with red hair makes her way to the ring. Del Rio tells Brodus Clay to help her in the ring and he’s reluctant to. She’s just as wide as he is. Del Rio she never looked better. Now her and Edge can have wonderful, quality times together. If they ever decide to have a romantic stroll, he’ll be able to because he’ll have this: Del Rio shows a walker. That looks like the most dangerous walker ever. It looks like it would collapse with enough pressure. The last gift is a power scooter. They have Ricardo Rodriguez ride it down to the ring as they play Kerwin White’s old theme song. This is hilarious. They have Rodriguez stop in the middle of the ramp and do Edge’s pyro pose.
Del Rio says Edge can go anywhere he wants. The best part is he’ll have his own handicap-parking pass so he can park anywhere. All these things is courtesy of him – the essence of excellence and the new World Heavyweight Champion after Extreme Rules: Alberto Del Rio!
Edge’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring to a monster pop! Edge says Del Rio looks surprised to see him. Edge asks if Del Rio got the RSVP. Edge says he went on Facebook and RSVP’d. Edge says he’d be here whether it was in Mexico, the USA, or London, England (cheap pop alert). Edge said he’d be here and wouldn’t miss his retirement party. Edge says we already know Del Rio sucks (big “You suck” chant) and he’s a lousy human being and most of all a lousy party host. Edge says they look like one big flaming bag of poop.
Del Rio orders Brodus Clay to go get him. Edge gears up but Christian comes from behind with the ladder and takes Clay out. Christian fights Del Rio and sends him to the barricade. Christian hits him with the ladder and puts it in the ring. Christian sets the ladder up, climbs up, and grabs the World Heavyweight Championship. Christian looks at Edge and he’s clapping. Christian holds the championship up as the show ends.
Quick Match Results
Rey Mysterio def. Cody Rhodes
Jack Swagger def. Trent Barreta via Submission
Big Show & Kane def. Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Drew McIntyre def. Chris Masters
Wade Barrett def. Kofi Kingston to retain the Intercontinental Championship
Bump of the Night: Kingston’s giant cross-body to the outside on Barrett!
Match of the Night: Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes ** 1/4
This was a pretty decent episode of Smackdown. We kicked things off well with Cody Rhodes, who is quickly becoming my favorite heel in the company. Rhodes cut a pretty decent promo about Mysterio hiding his face because he’s ashamed of himself. The paper bag mask thing was funny. The delivery was great and relaxed. Rhodes is really running with this character big time. The match with Mysterio was good but the untimely commercial breaks really hurt it. I was fine with the first commercial break because the first segment ran a little long but then they came back, showed about a minute of wrestling, and then went to another commercial. That was questionable. The outcome didn’t matter because the beat down after the match was very well done. They’re doing a good job of making this a very personal feud and both men are playing their parts well. I’m looking forward to the match at Extreme Rules.
Lay-Cool had another couple’s therapy segment that I could have done without. Just split them up, let them have a match at Extreme Rules, and then let Awesome Kong, er, Kharma, beat them down afterwards. This split is a year and a half too late.
“Sir” Michael Cole cut a promo and was over the top, of course. It was pretty funny though. I still like the character. I know a lot of people are tired of it but I still get a couple of chuckles out of it. Jack Swagger then beat down Trent Barreta, who I suspect will be future endeavored quite soon.
They followed that up with the WWE Tag Team Championship match, which Big Show and Kane won. The whole night they were teasing more dissention with The Corre. They feigned solidarity before the match but some miscues happened and they wound up losing this match. Wade Barrett would retain his championship later in the night against Kofi Kingston. Ezekiel Jackson had miscues in both matches and there was a lot of yelling by the time the night was over. Barrett’s retaining of the championship makes me think he’ll be moved over to Raw while Sheamus goes to Smackdown in the draft, essentially switching the mid-card titles. The Corre is, in my opinion, done after tonight. I also see Ezekiel Jackson going over to Raw.
Ok, enough fantasy booking…
Drew McIntyre beat Chris Masters in a random match that I guess was just to showcase McIntyre. From what I heard, McIntyre got a massive pop coming out, but they piped in boos instead. The fun of going to events, especially out of the country, is that guys that aren’t normally cheered get cheered. That’s the fun of live wrestling and live TV. Why silence the voices? It would only be for one night and the announcers could play off the home country card. I hate that they feel they have to control every aspect of the broadcast and edit out their fan’s voices. Maybe I’m griping too much but I just thought it was ridiculous.
The show finished with Alberto Del Rio throwing Edge a retirement party. I thought all the props he had with him were pretty funny. The highlight, of course, was Ricardo Rodriguez riding the power scooter out to Kerwin White’s old theme music. That had me rolling. It was nice to see Edge, but the poop jokes were really lame. Christian’s run in was well done and it makes him look strong heading into the PPV. I like that they have Edge around to continue to give Christian that rub. He’s been in the background so long that they need to do all they can to make him look like a true superstar.
Final Rating: ***
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