“Yes sir, we promised you a great main event…” The WWE video leads us into the show.
They show some still photos of John Cena vs. John Laurinaitis from the Over The Limit PPV. Laurinaitis beat Cena following Big Show’s interference in the match. The next night on Raw, Cena asked Big Show why he sold out. Big Show talked about how he got no sympathy from the people while he was crying in the ring. Big Show said he’d knock Cena out at No Way Out. Big Show then knocked Cena out at the end of Raw.
The Smackdown video plays, and we’re brought into the arena with a big fireworks display. Josh Mathews, Booker T, and Michael Cole welcome us to the show. They wonder whether Sheamus will apologize to John Laurinaitis for knocking him over on Raw.
Lillian Garcia introduces John Laurinaitis’s executive administrator, Eve Torres, to the ring. Eve says that John Laurinaitis is still the General Manager of both Raw and Smackdown. Mr. Laurinaitis pinned John Cena at Over The Limit to cement his physical superiority. However, due to an international WWE business trip, she regrets to inform the crowd that Mr. Laurinaitis is not there tonight. Tonight, she’s in charge. Her boss will deal with John Cena on Monday night, but tonight she’ll deal with the World Heavyweight Champion, Sheamus. Two things will happen. One is that Sheamus will apologize for bumping into John Laurinaitis on Monday. The second is that she’ll name his opponent for No Way Out.
Alberto Del Rio’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring. Del Rio says Eve is not only beautiful, but also smart. If she’s looking for an opponent for Sheamus then she should stop looking because there’s no one better than him. Plus, what happened to him in his quest for the World Heavyweight Championship was horrible. Del Rio says she’s smart and perfect, but she needs to ask if she wants to make John Laurinaitis proud. Del Rio says the answer is, “Si.” Del Rio wants to be made the number one contender. Eve says he makes a very compelling case.
Randy Orton’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring to a great reception. Orton says he knows that Eve is new to the job, so he introduces himself. He says she has a big decision on her hands, so he suggests they use the crowd to help make the decision. Orton asks if they want to see Del Rio, but they boo. Orton asks if they want to see him, and they cheer. Orton says in the name of “People Power” that she has her answer.
Kane’s pyro explodes on the stage, and he makes his way to the ring. Kane says neither of the two men have the qualifications that he does. That pasty white Irish ghost should have to face him, the Devil’s favorite demon. In case she needed anymore convincing, tonight’s episode is number 666. Eve says there’s only one way to settle this. The superstar who will face Sheamus at No Way Out for the World Heavyweight Championship will be the winner of tonight’s triple threat match.
They show still photos of Christian winning a “People Power” Battle Royal at Over The Limit and then beating Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Championship later in the evening. Christian’s music hits, and the new Intercontinental Champion makes his way to the ring. He’ll be in action next.
Christian vs. Hunico w/ Camacho
They circle the ring, and Hunico quickly gets a side headlock applied. Christian whips him off, drops down, and flattens him with a flying forearm. Hunico kicks and punches away at him. Hunico chops the chest, but he has a whip reversed on him. Christian hits him with a back body drop, and Hunico rolls out of the ring to recover. Hunico sidesteps a baseball slide and runs away. Christian chases, but Camacho distracts him enough for Hunico to throw him shoulder first into the ring post. Hunico then lays him out with a suicide dive. Hunico throws him into the ring for a two count. Hunico stomps away at him before hitting a scoop slam.
Christian rolls out of the way of a senton and lays him out with a flapjack. Hunico reverses a whip, but Christian clotheslines him down. Christian goes for a missile dropkick, but Hunico counters into a jackknife pin. Christian counters into a rollup of his own for a near fall. Christian punches him, goes to the second rope, and hits a flying elbow. Christian goes for the Kill Switch, but he stops to dropkick Camacho off the apron. Hunico goes for his finisher, but Christian counters into the Kill Switch! Christian then goes to the top rope and hits a Frog Splash for the win!
Winner by Pinfall: Christian
Match Rating: 3/4 *
Cody Rhodes’s music hits, and the former champion comes out to the stage. Rhodes says for eight months he spent his time wiping the dirt off that title to restore it back to the pinnacle of its prominence because it was held by jokes. It was abused by the likes of Santino Marella, and he made it mean something again. It was held by greats like Razor Ramon, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, and Shawn Michaels. In one night Christian ruined it. Nobody cares about that title because nobody cares about Christian. It won’t take eight months to rectify that because when he gets the rematch that he’s entitled to, it’ll only take him three seconds.
Tonight’s main event will see Randy Orton take on Kane and Alberto Del Rio in a Triple Threat Match. The winner will face Sheamus at No Way Out for the title.
Jimmy and Jey Uso vs. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil
They show footage from earlier in the day with both these teams making fun of one another. The Uso’s made fun of O’Neil and Young’s dance, and they made fun of the Uso’s dance.
Titus O’Neil and Jey Uso will start it out. Jey punches away at him, but he can’t whip him. Jey kicks O’Neil in the face and tags in his brother, Jimmy. They head-butt him, and Jey is tagged back in. Jey hits O’Neil with a forearm, but he quickly comes back with some punches. O’Neil reverses a whip into the ropes, and Young kicks Jey in the back. Jey slaps him down, and O’Neil takes him out with a big boot. Young is tagged in, and O’Neil gives him a front suplex onto Jey for a near fall. Young kicks him and hits a neckbreaker. O’Neil is tagged in, and he stomps him down. Young is tagged in, and he sends Jey to the corner. Jey catches him running with a back elbow.
Jimmy is tagged in, and he clotheslines Young down. Jimmy knocks O’Neil off the apron and clotheslines Young again. Jimmy sends him into the ropes and hits Young with a nasty Samoan Drop. Jimmy hits a running butt bump, but O’Neil breaks the pin up. Jey runs in and pulls O’Neil out of the ring. O’Neil throws him into the apron. Jimmy superkicks Young and goes to the top rope, but O’Neil distracts him. Young knocks him off the top rope, tags O’Neil in, and they hit the backbreaker/elbow drop combination for the win.
Winners by Pinfall: Darren Young and Titus O’Neil
Match Rating: *
The announcers wonder whether Sheamus will issue John Laurinaitis a public apology. That’ll come later. Ryback is in action, next.
A video plays that hypes up Sin Cara. He’ll return to Smackdown next week.
JOBBER ALERTS: Brian Edwards and Kevin Bendl, two jobbers, are in the ring with no TV entrance. They make fun of Wilkes-Barre for the many ways of saying the name. Ryback has beaten two guys before, but never at the same time.
Brian Edwards and Kevin Bendl vs. Ryback
Ryback is sporting a nasty black eye. The “Goldberg” chants cue up. Ryback pushes one down, lifts another one up in a powerbomb position, uses him to knock the other over, and he powerbombs him down. Ryback hits one with a nasty spinebuster and immediately follows up with a powerbomb. Ryback delivers a nasty lariat to one before picking them both up. Ryback lifts them both up at the same time and hits a double fisherman’s suplex buster for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Ryback
Match Rating: N/A
Santino Marella will take on Ricardo Rodriguez, next.
Santino Marella vs. Ricardo Rodriguez
They replay the pretty funny exchange these two had on Raw. Ricardo Rodriguez then gave himself a ring introduction while rolling all his “r’s”. He’s going to wrestle in his tuxedo. They go to lock up, but Ricardo botches it on purpose. Santino gets a headlock applied and shoulder blocks him down. They go into the ropes until Santino stops. Ricardo hits the ropes back and forth until he collapses from exhaustion. Santino then picks him up and gives him an airplane spin. They both fall down. Santino crawls under the ring, so Ricardo goes to the opposite side. Santino comes out from where he went under with the Cobra out, taps Ricardo on the shoulder, and hits him with it for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Santino Marella
Match Rating: N/A
Will Sheamus apologize? We’ll find out next.
Will Sheamus apologize to John Laurinaitis?
Sheamus’s music hits, and the World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring. Sheamus channels his inner Lance Storm and says, “If I can be serious for a minute…” Sheamus says he’s been sent out here to apologize to John Laurinaitis. It’s funny because in his retrospect you shouldn’t have to apologize for an accident. He was simply running to the ring, and he hit into John Laurinaitis. Some people say he did it on purpose, so if that’s true then it’s accidentally on purpose. Sheamus takes a while before issuing his apology. Sheamus says he’d like to apologize for John Laurinaitis being a massive arse. While we’re talking about his arse, if you look hard enough, you’ll find Eve and David Otunga so far up there that they could probably tell you what he had for breakfast. He’d also like to apologize for everyone else who kisses his arse, like a giant 7-foot arse kisser.
Sheamus wants to talk about something important to him. Sheamus says if he had his way then he’d defend his World Heavyweight Championship against Randy Orton at No Way Out.
EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero comes out to massive heat. Her dear friend Eve has told her that Sheamus will face someone right now. That someone is her client, the All-American-American, Jack Swagger.
Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero
They circle the ring and lock up. They tussle around the ring to jockey for position before Sheamus gives him a clean break. They circle the ring, and Swagger takes him down with a waistlock takeover. Sheamus elbows him off and runs into a boot. Sheamus sidesteps him charging, and they have another standoff. Swagger knees him in the midsection and punches. Sheamus punches back before sending him to the ropes for a shoulder block. Sheamus goes to the top rope for a diving shoulder block for a two count. Swagger rolls out of the ring to recover. Sheamus shoulder blocks him down before throwing him back in the ring. Vickie distracts Sheamus on the apron, and Swagger knocks him off. Sheamus appears to have tweaked his ankle.
We come back from the break to see Swagger kicking away at Sheamus’s ankle while Vickie laughs. Sheamus comes back with a bear hug, but Swagger gets him off. Swagger smashes the ankle off the ring post, and he DDTs the limb for a two count. Swagger applies a leg lock, but Sheamus refuses to give up. Sheamus kicks him off, and Swagger clotheslines him a few times in the corner. Swagger twists the injured leg around the ropes, but Sheamus fights him off. Sheamus sidesteps a big boot and hits a neckbreaker.
Sheamus looks intense as he gets to his feet. Sheamus hits a trio of hammer throws before going for a powerslam. Swagger slides off, but Sheamus is able to tie him up in the ropes for the clubs to the chest. Sheamus suplexes him back into the ring for a near fall. Sheamus goes for the White Noise, but Swagger fights out. Swagger takes him down and goes for the Ankle Lock, but Sheamus fights him off. Swagger sidesteps the Brogue Kick, chop blocks him, and hits the Swagger Bomb for a near fall. Swagger goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Sheamus flips out. Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Sheamus
Match Rating: * 1/4
Randy Orton, Alberto Del Rio, and Kane will fight in a triple threat match to determine who will face Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Championship at No Way Out. We’ll also hear from the Big Show on why he’s changed so much.
JOBBER ALERT: Yoshi Tatsu is in the ring with no TV entrance. They show Damien Sandow beating him down last week.
Damien Sandow begs our indulgence for a moment. He’s here to help all of us. Last week, out intellectual savior was caught in a conundrum: subject the WWE Universe to a contest between himself and an unworthy opponent, a bout that would serve to only propel us further into our self-imposed ignorance, or do the honorable thing by abstaining from such a mockery so we can all continue to place him on the pedestal of enlightenment. They boo, and he asks them to remain silent while he speaks. However, he chose to depart without incident when he was accosted by the sophomoric bantering by the ignoramus that stands before him. The dunce did not grasp the concept he was trying to teach, so tonight he will impart his lesson physically. This is for the benefit, welfare, and common good of everyone. “You’re welcome!”
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow puts himself between the ropes to keep Tatsu away. He kicks him, knees him in the guts, and hits a Russian leg sweep. Sandow hits an arm trap neckbreaker for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Damien Sandow
Match Rating: N/A
Damien Sandow celebrates with a perfect cartwheel in the ring as “Hallelujah” plays through the arena.
Big Show addresses the WWE Universe
Big Show’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring to a chorus of boos. Big Show says he was fired the Monday before Over The Limit. Most people know what it’s like to be fired, but he doesn’t. The difference between him and us is that he loves this job. He’s a giant that loves dominating people. When he lost his dream job, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have a means of supporting his family. He became despondent. He couldn’t eat or breathe. He felt betrayed by his so-called friends. He felt betrayed by the WWE Universe. Not one of them, or the superstars, or the technical crew came to his defense. After all the years and things he’s done, that’s what he gets.
They chant that he sold out which seems to anger him. Big Show says he didn’t sell out. After all he’s done, this is the thanks he gets. He realized at that moment that he has no friends. He realized that he is alone in this world. Then he got the call. When you’re drowning, do you really care where the lifeline comes from? He made a deal. If he helped John Laurinaitis defeat John Cena, then he’d get his life back. He got a new contract and a big, fat bonus. All Laurinaitis had to do was escape from Cena and it was all set. Big Show set the ruse for John Cena. When he threw Laurinaitis to Cena, he knew exactly what would happen next. With one punch, he knocked John Cena out cold. Then he watched Laurinaitis pin Cena for the win. At No Way Out he’ll do it again. He understands that the people really never cared about him. Now he damn sure doesn’t care about us.
Big Show leaves the ring, and Kane’s pyro explodes. Big Show and Kane walk by one another giving a look. All of a sudden while Kane is getting ready to make the ring posts explode, Daniel Bryan viciously assaults Kane with a chair! Bryan absolutely lays into him with it, probably about twenty times before the referees pull him back!
Sin Cara returns to Smackdown next Friday.
They show a replay of Daniel Bryan assaulting Kane with the chair. Kane is still in pain, but he’s insistent on taking part in the match. He seems to be favoring his left arm.
#1 Contender’s Match
Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton
Kane and Del Rio go after Orton. Orton throws Del Rio out of the ring, and Kane big boots him down. Kane hits a low dropkick for a two count. Kane sends him to the corner and hits a clothesline. Kane tries to repeat the move, but Orton kicks him in the face. Orton hits his patented backbreaker, but Del Rio breaks up the pin. Del Rio stomps both men before punching away at Orton. Kane uppercuts Del Rio, and Orton clotheslines him out of the ring. Orton turns, and Kane clotheslines him out of the ring. Kane drives Orton into the ring apron and boots Del Rio. Orton blocks a shot into the barricade and reverses it on Kane. Orton bounces Del Rio into the barricade and bounces Kane on the announcer’s table. Orton goes for his hanging DDT, but Del Rio hits him with a step-up enzuigiri. All three men are down as we go to commercial.
We come back from the break to see Kane stomping Del Rio in the corner. Orton charges into an uppercut from Kane for a near fall. Kane hits a body slam and drops an elbow for a two count. Kane punches Del Rio down in the corner, but Del Rio kicks him in the injured arm. Del Rio kicks away at Orton and chokes him with the boot. Orton drops Del Rio to the apron and dropkicks him off the apron. Kane reverses a whip to the corner and hits a sidewalk slam for a near fall. Kane goes to the top rope, and Del Rio catches him with a step-up enzuigiri. Kane falls to the outside.
Del Rio kicks and punches away at Orton. Orton avoids a running boot and punches back. Del Rio reverses a whip, but he lowers his head to eat a kick. Orton hits a pair of clotheslines, ducks a clothesline from Kane, and hits him with a powerslam. Del Rio runs into a powerslam for good measure. Orton clotheslines Kane out of the ring and clotheslines Del Rio in the corner. Orton goes for the ten punches, but Del Rio fights back. Del Rio goes to the second rope, but Orton catches him with a hanging DDT. Orton begins to stalk Del Rio, but he gets out of the RKO. Kane pulls Orton out of the ring and sends him into the ring steps.
Kane snaps Del Rio off the top rope and goes for his flying lariat, but Del Rio moves. Del Rio goes for the Cross Arm Breaker, but Kane counters into a Chokeslam! Daniel Bryan gets on the apron with the chair, and Kane chases him off. Kane goes to get back in the ring, but Daniel Bryan returns. Orton hits an RKO, but Del Rio breaks up the pin with a kick to the head. Del Rio then picks up the scraps by pinning Kane for the win!
Winner by Pinfall: Alberto Del Rio
Match Rating: **
Alberto Del Rio will face Sheamus at No Way Out for the World Heavyweight Championship. Del Rio celebrates up the ramp until Sheamus takes him out. Sheamus congratulates him on becoming the number one contender. Sheamus poses with the title.
Quick Match Results
Christian def. Hunico (non-title)
Darren Young and Titus O’Neil def. Jimmy and Jey Uso
Ryback def. Brian Edwards and Kevin Bendl
Santino Marella def. Ricardo Rodriguez (non-title)
Sheamus def. Jack Swagger (non-title)
Damien Sandow def. Yoshi Tatsu
Alberto Del Rio def. Kane and Randy Orton
Bump of the Night: Daniel Bryan’s vicious chair assault on Kane
Match of the Night: The triple threat match **
Well that was about as basic an opening as you can get. A bunch of guys come out to make a case for why they should get a title shot, and the authority figure books them in a match where the winner will get the shot. Kane’s reason was pretty funny, though. It’s episode #666 so he deserves the shot just for that. That’s about as good of a reason as it gets. There wasn’t anything wrong with this segment. It was bland, but it did its job.
Good to see Christian back on Smackdown. It’s been a long road back for that guy. He’s had the absolute worst luck with injuries. Just when you think he’s healed up, he gets injured again. I hope he’s able to stay healthy and have a nice run with the title. Cody Rhodes cut a decent little promo on him after. These two seem to match up well, so I’m looking forward to the rematch.
The tag team match wasn’t terrible. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil didn’t pull off any unnecessarily dangerous moves or almost kill someone, so that’s always a good thing. I don’t really have much else to say about this.
Wow – Ryback absolutely killed those two jobbers. I almost felt bad for them.
Well, if I almost felt bad for those jobbers, I definitely felt bad for myself after watching Santino Marella and Ricardo Rodriguez. It seems like anytime they have a big international tour coming up, they phone in the writing for Smackdown, giving us stuff like this. I’m all for some good fun, but fifty minutes into the show and we’ve got nothing of substance yet – just a bunch of bland, basic matches and a segment. I can’t imagine a casual fan wanting to sit through this if I’m wishing I could change the channel.
I don’t know how Sheamus was raised, but I was told that if you make a mistake then you should apologize for it anyway. You made the mistake – just apologize for it. With so many young kids watching, they need to watch what values they teach them. Kids, apologize for your mistakes. Anyway, Sheamus went on to go have a nice match with Jack Swagger. The only problem was Sheamus’s selling. I noticed it last week and now it’s all I see when I watch his matches. I’m not sure why I find it so egregious, but I do. I’ve never been a selling snob; I guess I’m just looking for a little more depth from Sheamus’s character that, by the way, seems to be a complete clunker in the main event thus far.
I love Damien Sandow. That is all.
Good lord – are the Big Show’s reasons for turning heel stupid or what? You’re telling me that he had no money in the bank to support his family? Big Show has managed to save zero dollars? I’m also not sure what the people could do to save his job. Big Show is trying hard, I’ll give him that, but this storyline is garbage.
The main event wasn’t a bad match at all. I figured they’d just go with Daniel Bryan and CM Punk again, but it looks like Kane will be Bryan’s next opponent. Bryan got a tremendous reaction when he came out and beat Kane up. Sheamus vs. Del Rio was supposed to be the match we got last month, but they made that into a fatal four way. I wonder if they’ll add Orton into this because of Jericho’s suspension.
Final Rating: **
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