Impact Wrestling Review
April 6, 2017
Orlando, FL (Impact Zone)
Commentary: Josh Mathews, Da Pope, Jeremy Borash
Results by: Gerald Bocook of Wrestleview.com
We open to in-ring action!
Eli Drake vs. Caleb Konley
Eli shoves Caleb to the ropes and poses, but Konley slaps him and shoves him outside. Konley dives, Drake slides in, and Konley lands on his feet. Drake feigns an ankle injury to distract the ref so that Tyrus can wreck Konley. Drake pulls Konley up on the ropes and slams him down. Vertical suplex, pin; one, two—kickout.
Drake continues to assault Konley but Konley with an inside package; one, two—kickout.
Konley gets the knees up as Drake tries for a senton, but before long Drake is back on offense. Hard Irish whip into the corner from Drake, and Drake with a neckbreaker in the corner, covers; one, tw- kickout.
Drake misses a knee drop. Drake charges, Konley stops him with an elbow. Trading blows, Drake to the ropes, Konley with a rolling palm strike! Drake is sent outside and Konley with a suicide dive! Drake back in, Konley with a cross body! Koley with a rolling chop, back suplex, pin; one, two—kickout!
Konley back on the turnbuckle, but Drake gets him with a superplex as Konley is distracted by Tyrus! Drake scoops Konley up with an air raid siren! Drake pins; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Eli Drake (Air Raid Siren)
We cut to the announce table where the human channel changer insults the man with a face for standard definition. It goes on too long, and Mathews insults the audience some more. They both end up with microphones and Borash threatens to knock Mathews out. Eventually, Bruce Pritchard comes out with a mic and tells them both to get into the ring.
Borash says that Mathews can’t compare to Bob Ross, let along Jim Ross. Pritchard says they’re sick of it. Borash and Mathews agree. Mathews insults Borash for not wearing a suit and tie, in front of Pritchard who is wearing a suit jacket over a t-shirt. Pritchard says they’re gonna settle this tonight. Borash picks a team and Mathews picks a team, and next week, the two teams will face off. Borash insults Mathews for not having four friends to field a team. Mathews says he and his wife’ll beat Borash’s ass. Pritchard makes them shake hands. They then pull each other back in from the handshake like toughies.
— Commercial break —
Earlier today, Davey Richards and Angelina Love arrived in the Impact Zone.
The Knockouts Gauntlet #1 Contender will be next. As Madison Rayne comes out, Borash insults Storie for looking like Bella Swan from “Twilight”.
Knockouts No. 1 Contenders Gauntlet
Rayne insults Storie and Storie isn’t having it. Tie-up and Rayne is pushing Storie into the corner. Storie with an arm drag sends Rayne across the ring. Rayne charges and Storie ducks the lariat before elbows driven into Rayne. Rayne stomped in the corner.
Rebel is out next.
Rebel attacks Storie and throws her across the ring. Rebel picks her up and tosses into the corner. Rayne and Rebel work together to whip Storie and kick her in the gut. Rebel and Rayne argue over who gets to toss Storie over the ropes. Stories takes both down with lariats.
Amanda Rodriguez is next in. She ariats Rayne down, and then Storie, and then Rebel. Storie and Amanda brawl, with Storie getting the advantage until Rebel attacks her from behind. Rodrguez attacks Rebel and slams her head into the top turnbuckle. They reverse, and Storie attacks Rebel, kicking at her head.
MJ Jenkins is out next.
Jenkins with a springboard dropkick to Amanda Rodriguez. She takes Storie out, and then Rebel. Rodriguez and MJ Jenkins in the corner
Diamante is in next. Storie is thrown into her and she lariats her down. She takes down Rebel, then Jenkins, then Rodriguez. Rayne is hiding from the action. Diamante knocks Rodriguez into the corner and dropkicks her from a run. Rayne finally reappears and stomps at Rodriguez. Rebel tries to eliminate Rodriguez, and finally gets her out!
Amanda Rodriguez has been eliminated.
ODB is out next.
ODB takes out Rebel and Jenkins. Storie gets lariated down. Diamante gets thrown into the corner. Jenkins is thrown in with her. Next is Rayne, then Rebel, and finally Storie. ODB charges and splashes the lot in toe corner!! ODB tosses Storie out.
Ava Storie has been eliminated.
Brandi Rhodes is out next.
Rhodes goes after ODB, and lariats down Jenkins and Rebel. Diamante gets knocked out and tossed over the top!
Diamante has been eliminated.
Rebel and MJ Jenkins are in the corner fighting it out, but Rebel is sent over the top!
Rebel has been eliminated.
Jenkins knocks ODB down, a spinning back kick to Brandi in the corner, and double lariats take down both women. Brandi and ODB work together to knock Jenkins out and then throw her over the top!
MJ Jenkins has been eliminated.
Madison Rayne runs in and tosses Brandi over the top.
Brandi Rhodes has been eliminated.
Rayne tries to beg off ODB and ODb responds by chopping Rayne. Rayne goes for the eyes and drives ODB into the corner with shoulder blocks before slapping ODB’s chest. Rayne charges, ODB moves, ODB with a big splash! ODB with a TKO! ODB cover; one, two, three!
Winner and new No. 1 Contender to the Knockouts Championship: ODB
Still to come, Eddie Edwards has arrived at the Impact Zone.
— Commercial break —
James Storm is heading out to the ring with his old theme music. Sorry ’bout your damn luck. He’s also wearing old gear; the suit and tie and mask are gone, but the beer has returned.
Storm says the Cowboy is back. Storm says it feels good being back out in the cowboy boots and having a good time. Storm says his son came in wearing one of his cowboy hats and Storm said it made him realize that he’s damn proud of being the Cowboy. Look back at the highest ratings this show over had and it was when James Storm became World Champion. Storm said he’s going to get back to the top of the mountain, and if you have a problem with that, sorry ’bout your–
The DCC interrupts and we see Kingston and Bram, complete with suits and masks, and Bram with a chair. Kingston calls Storm a liar. Kingston says he didn’t believe it. Kingston thought he had their backs. Wear this stupid mask, wear this stupid jacket, but Kingston is done. He doesn’t care about the fans, the boys, Storm, or his bastard son. Storm’s nothing more than a carny liar.
Storm says he paid their way. He bought their stupid suits, their stupid masks. The plan was Kingston and Bram’d get the tag belts and he’d get the World Championship. Somewhere along the line, they got lost.
Kingston says he didn’t get lost; Bram didn’t get lost. Kingston says that Storm got selfish. Storm says he wanted men in this group. If he wanted a bitch, he could’ve used Tinder. Kingston spits in Storms’ face. Storm with a lAst Call! Bram goes to hit Storm with the chair but Storm faces him. Storm offers his hand, but Bram goes for the chair! Storm ducks and the Last Call into the chair! Storm says he’s got one thing to say to them; “Sorry ’bout your damn luck!”
— Commercial break —
Backstage, McKenzie Mitchell is with Andrew Everett. She says that last week, he beat DJZ, but Gregory Helms says that’s not enough. Everett says that he knows Trevor Lee, and Trevor Lee isn’t the problem; Gregory Shane Helms is. Helms pops up and says that tonight, all Everett has to do is win his match and he’ll maybe be one step closer to facing the Technical Savage, Trevor Lee.
Video package of Trevor Lee and the formation and implosion of the Helms Dynasty. We also get a recap of last week’s match between Everett and DJZ.
Back in the Impact Zone, Andrew Everett is heading to the ring for his triple threat.
Andrew Everett vs. Marche Rockett vs. Suicide
Bell rings and Everett goes after Rockett. Tie-up and Rockett shoves Everett into the corner. Same with Suicide. Rockett eggs them both on, and the two start chopping and punching him. Everett with a low dropkick and Suicide with a running kick to Rockett’s head. Everett and Suicide tie-up, go-behind from Everett but Suicide reverses. Suicide starts laying elbows in, Everett ducks a lariat and a handspring headscissors sends him flying. Suicide ducks a lariat and Everett with an enuzigiri to Rockett on the apron! Suicide with a springboard to the apron and he leaps down to take out Everett and Rockett!
Rockett lariats Suicide down and slides in after Everett. Big elbow drop from Rockett but Everett is fighting up. Rockett throws Everett into the corner but Everett gets an elbow up. Everett springboards but Rockett catches him with a powerslam! Suicide with a springboard dropkick takes Rockett into the corner! Everett goes after Suicide but Everett gets an elbow up, Suicide stumbles out, Rockett with a spinebuster on Suicide; one, two—kickout!
Everett drops down and Rockett is sent outside! Suicide charges and Everett back body drops him into Rockett! Everett hits the far side ropes and a twisting plancha over the ropes takes both opponents out! Suicide back in, Everett follows, goes for a kick but Suicide ducks. Suicide with the Suicide Solution; covers; one, two—broken by Rockett!
Rockett goes after Suicide, smashing him into the corner. Suicide fights out and gets an octopus stretch before falling into a cover; one, two—kickout!
Rockett kicks and knees Suicide before a vertical suplex facebuster before covering; one, two—kickout.
Suicide reverses a whip into the corner and he splashes Rockett and gets onto the apron. Everett with an enzuigiri takes Suicide off the apron. Everett up, shooting star press! One, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Andrew Everett (Shooting Star Press)
Everett celebrates, pointing to the camera and motioning around his waist.
Up next, Eddie Edwards vs Davey Richards in last man standing.
— Commercial break —
In the Impact Zone, the Lone Wolf is heading to the ring with Angelina Love. Which, um… makes him not lone? Eddie charges and takes Richards out from behind! Eddie continues the attack outside!
Last Man Standing
Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards
Eddie chases Richards around the ring and Richards kicks Edwards in the gut before kicking him into the barricade. Shot of Caffeine connects, sending Richards into the guard rail!
Brawling through the crowd, and Richards kicking Edwards into the stairs. Richards moves a garbage can and chases Edwards through the fans. Richards charges, Eddie gets an elbow up and Eddie with a back suplex sends Richards’ split upright on the guard rail! Richards gets to his feet and tries to suplex Eddie off the riser, but Eddie punches him off and knocks him to the ground. Eddie dives off and DAvey moves, sending Eddie into the trash can! Eddie kicks at Eddie, then picks him up and tosses him over the guard rail and then into the ring. Davey grabs a chair from under the ring and Eddie begs him off. Davey shoves the chair across his throat. Richards calls for another chair, and Love tosses a couple in. Davey sets the chairs up side-by-side, and the two kiss. Richards heads towards Eddie, Eddie with a kick to the gut, standing scissors– powerbomb into both chairs!!
Ref starts the count, but Eddie slides out of the ring and grabs another steel chair and bashes Richards in the back with it! Eddie leaves and grabs another chair, waiting for Richards to get to his knees before blasting him in the head! Eddie goes out and grabs another chair before bashing Richards in the back with a third chair! Eddie tosses the chairs in a stack before rolling Davey onto the chairs and heading to the turnbuckle. Love grabs Eddie and Richards tosses a chair into Eddie’s head! Richards on the middle rope and headbutts Edwards repeatedly before a front facelock, Eddie trying to escape—superplex into the chairs, and both men collide with the pile of metal!
The ref is at 4 before the instant reply ends. Richards is to 6 before getting back up. The ref continues the count but Davey stops him. Richards calls to Love—no, that’s Eddie’s wife! She’s arguing with Love, calling them pathetic. Angelina Love has a chain wrapped in her hands, but tosses it in to Edwards.
— Commercial break —
Back in the Impact Zone and Richards is standing tall. He argues with Eddie’s wife as Eddie gets up, and Richards punches him down. Davey wraps the chain around his hand again as Love argues with Alisha Edwards. Richards punches Eddie down again with the steel chain-covered hand. Eddie gets to his feet and chops at Davey, but Richards goes for the eyes before wrapping the chain around Eddie’s neck! Davey relents and goes to Love in the corner as the referee counts. The count is at 7 before Eddie starts stirring. Davey cuts the count and starts kicking at Eddie’s chest. Richards hits the ropes, goes for a kick, but Eddie grabs the kick and starts attacking with tons of chops in the corner!! Eddie whips Richards, reversed, Davey charges and Eddie with an overhead belly-to-belly sends Davey into the turnbuckle! Eddie grabs a chair and charges Davey in the corner, splashing Davey with the chair! Eddie across the ring, charges again, and another chair splash to Davey Richards! Eddie picks Davey up, gets him in the tree of woe, pulls him up and punches him before putting chairs and chairs and chairs on chairs in his face! Eddie across the ring, charges, big leaping dropkick connects! Richards tumbles out of the corner into a heap of chairs! Eddie grabs Richards and puts his head into a chair. Eddie heads to the apron, then to the top rope, DOUBLE STOMP! DOUBLE STOMP ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR, DRIVING DAVEY RICHARDS’ NECK INTO THE CHAIR!
Eddie stops the count from the ref! He grabs another chair, and Angelina Love gets involved, juimping on Eddie’s back! Alisha gets in the ring and pulls her off! The ladies tumble to the outside, and Alisha is whipping Love with her belt! Love grabs the belt and tosses Alisha into the guard rail!
Back in the ring, Eddie and Davey are back up! They each charge, chair-in-hand, and Richards gets the better of it! Richards wraps the steel chain around his ankle. Angelina Love grabs Eddie and sits him up for Davey, shouting at him to “kill him!” Davey looks hesitant. Love throws Eddie down, and gets in Richards’ face. Love tells Davey to do it for her. Richards spins around and kicks Eddie straight in the head! The referee is counting, and Richards stalks Eddie as the count reaches 10.
Winner by referee count: Davey Richards
We get a recap of the match as Love and Richards celebrate in their own creepy way.
— Commercial break —
We get a vingette of George W Bush talking about the beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and an introduction of a team named “Veterans of War”. We don’t see them, through.
Another #MakeImpactGreat interview with Jeremy Borash.
Last week, the LAX became World Tag Team Champions after a huge fatal four-way tag match. We then cut to a huge club to see their celebration. A club with a wrestling ring in the middle of the floor. Orlando is weird.
Later tonight, Josh and JB pick their teams. Woo. Alberto el Patron will also be in action.
We get a video package of James Storm working with Dale Oliver to make his entrance music.
— Commercial break —
El Patron is coming to the ring. His opponent is already in the ring.
Alberto El Patron vs. Some Dude
El Patron charges the guy in magenta trunks and is just brutally attacking him. Kicks and punches before a back suplex. Dude gets a punch in and then a super-rotating power slam. He gets up and poses at the ropes, but Patron punishes the guy for turning his back on him and bashes his head in before slamming him into the turnbuckle. He grabs the dude and puts him in the tree of woe, and then the double stomp! Patron covers; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Alberto El Patron
Patron grabs a mic and says he’s talking to Lashley. He tells Lashley to come out because he wants to kick Lashley’s ass.
In the back, McKenzie is in the back with Allie and Braxton. Allie is happy for standing up to Karen but Sienna and her cousin interrupt. Sutter and KM are about to get into a fight when Karen Jarrett breaks it up. She says they’ll settle it next week in a tag match.
— Commercial break —
Another creepy video of whoever Sienna has stalking Allie and Braxton. Some big guy in face paint. “Revenge is reality”. Next week.
Prichard joins Borash and Mathews in the ring. After some bickering, Prichard says that next week, a 4 vs. 4 team match will take place. Prichard asks who his first pick is.
Team Josh pick #1 is Lashley.
Borash looks worried. Mathews has a “G.O.A.T. Announcer” shirt for Lashley. Who is Borash’s first pick?
Team Borash pick #1 is Alberto El Patron.
El Patron rushes down to the ring and gets into Lashley’s face. They have to be separated. Lashley taunts El Patron.
Team Josh pick #2 is Bram. Bram still comes down to the DCC music.
Borash says he’s gone off-roster to keep Mathews on his toes.
Team Borash pick #2 is Chris Adonis.
Chris Masters is back in the Impact Zone! Josh says his next pick is the Namer of Dummies!
Team Josh pick #3 is Eli Drake. Tyrus comes out afterwards as Josh smiles.
Adonis and El Patron talk with Borash. Prichard says that he didn’t hear Tyrus’ name called. Tyrus says he goes where Drake goes. Tyrus is Josh’s fourth! Josh tells his team to get ’em! Drake, Tyrus, Lashley, and Bram go after Adonis and Patron! Suddenly, Matt Morgan rushes the ring and takes out Tyrus with a boot! Drake and Bram are down with double clotheslines! He tosses Bram out and then slams Eli Drake down hard! Lashley is in the ring and he stares Morgan down. We cut to a car outside showing a man in a suit walking to the arena! They say they’re out of time, but they’re going to keep the cameras rolling, and… to go to the website to see who it is? Ah, c’mon!
1) Eli Drake def. Caleb Konley
2) ODB wins a Gauntlet to become Knockouts Championship #1 Contender
3) Andrew Everett def Marche Rockett and Suicide
4) Davey Richards def Eddie Edwards in a Last Man Standing Match
5) Alberto El Patron def Some Dude
– Braxton and Allie take on Sienna and KM
– Sienna’s stalker will debut
– Josh and Jeremy’s teams will fight it out
And that was Impact! Don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments below, or find me on Twitter @TheGREATMoto and let me know how you felt about that crap tease ending! I’ll see you all next week.