Welcome back, class!! I do hope that your Easter vacation was everything you hoped it was and that you all spent quality time with your families. I trust you were able to free up some time to watch some excellent wrestling starting with the Monday after Wrestlemania 25. Yes, it was a very excited week both from the teacher’s desk and it was truly a great Easter holiday. However, class is back in session and I am going to have to ask all of you to stop eating those Reese’s Peanut Butter eggs and Marshmallow Peeps. Have a seat and keep you eyes on the computer screent. Class is once again in session and I am presiding this week, giving you the very best information in the world of professional wrestling starting on April 6, 2009 and ending at April 11, 2009. But first, let me lay down a few new rules that I think need to be in order immediately.
30) Don?t be ?That Guy?!
Now you are probably thinking ?what guy?? Am I right class? Well, the student body understands that I am not a big fan over this ?Santina? gimmick and I wish it was put to an end really soon. I am sure it is a funny sight to see a male wrestler dress in drag and wiggle his bum everywhere around the squared circle. I will admit, it is ok to laugh at Santina. But class, do me a favor. Please, PLEASE do not be ?That Guy?! I am talking about the guy in Houston that was caught on camera laughing like he saw a piece of poop in a urinal (yes, I have seen it a couple of occasions. Sadly, in college did I witness it and I did laugh). This guy, who I don?t know, was dressed in a flannel vest, sleeveless, looked like he was missing a couple teeth, and was sitting in the front row of Monday Night Raw. The whole entire skit with Santina was funny to some, but this guy thought it was supposedly the greatest thing that happened. He was caught on TV laughing, and I am not talking the ?holding my mouth and giggling type?. I am talking about the ?laugh so loud you can see half my teeth missing? type of person. Class no matter how funny a skit can be in the WWE, TNA, or even ROH (though I credit them for not ever doing this), I ask you this. If you do go to a live show, show some class. Show some respect and please, please don?t get caught showing too much emotion (laughing, crying, etc.) when you see a superstar acting like a total goofball. ?That Guy? will be in detention until I dang well feel like taking him off of it.
There is a difference between charismatic and annoying.
I gave this whole Don West heel gimmick what, six weeks to really blossom? What did I get? A heaping bowl of mud shoved right at my face for even considering this a right move for him. He went from ?ok, this has a chance at being something good? to ?Gosh, what an annoying man that does nothing but scream and have no real thought at what he says?. When I want a charismatic heel broadcaster, you think of the like of Jesse Ventura (at times), Bobby the Brain Heenan (the best ever), and JBL (good luck with your businesses), but Don West does not fit into this ?charismatic? category. It may work in the ?baseball card selling? world, but not in the professional wrestling world. Believe me, I thought TNA was going somewhere with him, and I am not sure where it is. I don?t wish anyone get fired, perhaps he can be on TNA selling the new Jeff Jarrett DVD (which a fellow columnist is trying to purchase but is not able to). But after seven years of listening to this guy banter, scream, pierce my ears, and among other negatives that will be in commentator report card, this guy should not be a broadcaster. I have a problem when it affects other people’s performances (obviously Mike Tenay comes to mind). Now, if just seems like TNA (who is getting a tad bit better in the wrestling/segment part) can?t get this good/bad commentator thing going. My opinion? Just drop it, and find a decent color commentator for Don West and keep him backstage. I am sure ratings for the company will go through the roof again.
NEVER do a column on an empty stomach.
My students, this also goes along with a test, a solo act, or anything in life. If you don?t eat anything before you work on a big assignment, interview, or even a column on WrestleView.com, eat something first. I did not last week. I was in a cranky mood, my week was not going well because I had to work in a classroom in which was a very rowdy group. What was my result? I put on a very lackluster column. It was so bad that Mr. V’s class clown Ricky Langston (thanks for letting me know, my friend) placed the whoopee cushion on my seat and I fell for the trick. I laid an egg and I thank you all for reading last week’s installment. However, after a nice plate of Grilled Chicken and Steamed Broccoli Pasta at Vesuvio’s in Center Township, PA (anyone that reads this from Pittsburgh has to try it out), I feel fresh and more excited than ever before to do a column. So to the chef who made my delicious meal, a gold star for you. To my students, expect better things from the ?Persistent? Professor of Wrestleview.com (I can?t say only, because Ryan Droste is a teacher as well). I give myself a demerit for my actions recently and here is hoping I never get one again.
DEMERITS AND DETENTIONS
Demerits must go to the following and should be on this list for one week exactly:
TNA creative department
Taco Bell (even though you pulled that commercial this week, you still are on the list for now)
Joe Baiamonte Readers (please show some love and e-mail him already!!!!)
Detentions go to the following this week (a one to three week penalty):
Dutch Mantel, Jeff Jarrett, and Vince Russo – please get rid of Don West
Michael Cole – (WHY WASN?T HE MOVED?????)
Larry Sweeney – for consistently getting in trouble, and also getting suspended from Ring of Honor a while ago.
12 Rounds – the official ?worst? movie of 2009.
Suicide – for keeping Christopher Daniels under a mask (I hope he returns soon, perhaps tonight haha)
?That Guy? – wow I am embarrassed for Houston because I had to see this guy bust a gut.
Talking Oven and Scott from Quizno’s – Does anyone else find this commercial annoying.
Burger King – for giving Sir Mix-a-Lot another minute into his one-hit wonder (gosh, I do feel sorry for him)
Cody Deaner – for reminding me that there is a real-life ?Yosemite Sam?.
ODB – for going on a date with this guy.
WWE creative – for disbanding team MizMo, even though I think it is best for Morrison at least. Also, for the whole ?taking out the Unified Tag Titles from us on WrestleMania?
Samoa Joe – please get into shape and come back as the ?Samoan Submission Machine?. That is where you are at your best, not this whole Nation of Violence stuff.
Coca-Cola Company – for still not responding to our letters to bring back ?Ecto Cooler?.
WWE crowd for the 4/14 episode of ECW – Don?t give Matt Striker heat, he is the best commentator in the business right now. Save the heat for Michael Cole.
ETS and the Praxis Series – Because this weekend they scammed another group of quality teachers with their version of a ?test?.
The three fans that attacked Jericho a few months ago in Canada – one more week on this list, I just had to do it.
Philadelphia Flyers – I am so happy my Pens beat you both on the scoreboard and the grit department. Here is hoping the Pens win against the Evil Empire that is the Flyers.
That is it for the ?Detentions? segment and I will need your help. If you want to nominate anyone in the wrestling world a detention, you may do so at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please also state your reason as well, for it too will be on a later version of my column. You help is needed students. I thank you for your time.
MISTER V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF APRIL 6 – APRIL 11, 2009
All I can say was, wow, what an amazing week of professional wrestling we all saw this past week. The WWE put on three very solid programs and I was impressed with at least once match in each brand before this week’s draft. TNA is building up really well for Lockdown (predictions f rom the faculty soon on this one), and ROH gave us their usual best. There were eight matches that could have made it to the honor roll (unlike probably two from the previous week). So excuse me for this new found enthusiasm as I share with you the three best matches from this past week.
Distinguished Honor Roll – Jeff Hardy, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, and Ricky ?The Dragon? Steamboat vs. Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Edge, and Matt Hardy on Monday Night Raw, 4/6.
I really enjoyed this match, as a present and a past wrestling fan. The past was in regards to Ricky Steamboat. I got to watch him quite a few times during the 80s and let me tell you, he was the most underrated wrestler in history. I said it and I will not take this back. This man should have won a main title in the WWF, or even WCW (I am blaming the 80s to Hulk Hogan on this; he refused to drop it for anyone, kind of like HHH this year). He is a great guy outside the ring and seeing him perform on RAW was amazing. I even had goose bumps when I heard the crowd chant ?You Still Got It?. He was the one that impressed me the most out of the ten wrestlers in this match. It was great back and forth action. No one wrestler really dominated the TV time over the course of this match (something I would like to see more of), a well paced match throughout, and not one bad spot in this match. If I were to give stars watching this match, it would have definitely been a 4-star match. Not a five, but definitely a four. If I had to pick the three best moves in this match, it would be CM Punk’s springboard clothesline on Jericho, a well-executed sidewalk slam by Kane, and the double splash by both Steamboat and Mysterio. What a great ending to the best tag match of the year. There have been many great ones, and this match took them all down a notch. And the respect that the wrestlers gave Steamboat, it was truly a touching moment that we at time rarely see in the world of professional wrestling.
High Honor Roll – Primo/Carlito/Evan Bourne vs. Miz/Morrison/Tyson Kidd on ECW, 4/7
The chemistry of MizMo will be sorely missed, as the WWE disbanded yet another great tag team. The Colon family has been deserving of the Tag Titles, and both are improving by the week. Add another feud in Evan Bourne and Tyson Kidd and you are adding a whole new element in this match. The Miz put on a good show, hitting his normal moves well and Morrison was able to take offense and take a ton of bumps (still the best at taking bumps). Primo continues to execute his high-flying offense well and Carlito did a nice job just a day after winning a dark match tag team match. But Tyson Kidd really helped himself out here. I really think that he can be a top heel in ECW and see where it takes off. You can seriously feel the kicks he dished out on Evan Bourne (think snap mare/kick to the back combo, which looked painful). He is also able to establish a good submission style to his arsenal of moves. Evan Bourne obviously stole the show, from his hurricanranna to his trademark Shooting Star Press. I would love to see a nice ECW program with Bourne and Kidd; it would seriously be must-see TV. Who wouldn?t want to see this match and possible feud happening, since both wrestlers did not get moved in the draft. These guys have the potential of being superstars and need their stars to shine early. Overall, a great performance by these six men. Although the Colons vs. MizMo match on RAW was amazing, this one was better because I think we got to see two other wrestlers have their moment to shine.
Honor Roll – Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy on Friday Night Smackdown, 4/10
I could not believe this was the first ‘stretcher match? in Smackdown history. What we saw was the continuation of a great family feud. This was a great back and forth match, as you can see the intensity on both their faces, particularly Matt. You can feel the hatred in this feud, and it actually was not a bad thing. But what impressed me was how Jeff Hardy was able to surf on the stretcher and clothesline Matt, ram Matt into the steel steps twice, and doing a swanton bomb right on the stretcher. Matt Hardy’s recent heel turn is the best heel he has ever been. He hits his spots sound and very effective. The ending was solid, as Matt really took it to Jeff and nailed him with the chair in the last portion of the match. He continues to show that he could be a little better than a secondary champion, but I still think he will never reach that main event status on a consistent basis. I think the worst move (and I am not sure if it was meant to do it) was when Jeff suplexed Matt and stretcher moved and Matt landed really badly on the floor. You could see and feel the pain and hate these two had for each other, and at the end it was a terrific stretcher match that I am sure the fans enjoyed. Also, bonus points for the post-match when Matt just tapped the stretcher and Jeff crashed onto the apron of the ring. Wow, that is me was a strike in bowling, a very nice strike and great attitude by both guys. Since Matt got drafted to RAW, I wonder if this feud will last. If not, what a great little feud they did have over the course of the past few months.
Honorable Mention goes to: The Diva’s Tag Match on 4/6, MizMo vs. Colons on 4/6, 4-Way chase for the Title on 4/7, Motor City Machine Guns vs. Foley on 4/9, Gail Kim vs. Michelle McCool on 4/10, Kenny Omega vs. Austin Aries on 4/11, Jerry Lynn vs. Brodie Lee on 4/11, Matt Hardy’s segments, and the Edge/Cena ?Cutting Edge? on 4/11.
Worst Match of the Week
Santino Marella vs. The Great Khali on Friday Night Smackdown, 4/10
Even the best week in wrestling can have its bad moments. This match was just a comedy skit, but there was still no real wrestling involved and Khali won this match I think quicker than Rey won the IC championship against JBL. No real wrestling, just a kick and a Punjabi Plunge. That was it! Just a whole terrible storyline overall here, my students. I wonder if the WWE now regretted giving Santino the IC title (twice) and Khali the World Title (once).
Dishonorable Mention goes to: Vince vs. Orton on 4/6, Kong vs. Beautiful People on 4/9, Booker vs. Joe on 4/9, Santina vs. Beth Phoenix on 4/6, the whole ?Santina? story, and the consistently bad 12 Rounds promos.
**WWE DRAFT SEGMENT**
I am not going to do a Draft piece in this edition. You will either see it later this week or during my next column, I just ran out of time and want to actually go into depth on this draft. I thought it was great, but a few wrestlers really got robbed this year, more to follow later on this week.
WEEKLY TV WARS
It was a three dog race here with the WWE programs. My students? choice this week was Monday Night Raw, in which I thought was a very strong show this week. So with that in mind, I have to agree and say that with the excellent storylines to go along with some great wrestling thoughout most of their show, MONDAY NIGHT RAW is the best show of the week by way of Mr. V’s decision. So this week, I do agree with my students. ECW does though get my runner up pick because they had a solid segment with Tiffany doing a great job as Interim GM for ECW and establishing a chase to the ECW Title at Backlash. The two matches on the card were very good; as we got to see ten wrestlers do their best for the one hour program. Also, bonus points for the re-debuting Josh Mathews (boy, did he improve leaps and bounds from his days on Velocity). I am taking SMACKDOWN as my third show because although the storylines were well-spoken and the segments were good, the wrestling quality was not all that great, outside the Hardys match. ROH ON HDNET may not have the promos and the storylines, but what they do give you is consistently solid wrestling that even the casual wrestling fan can enjoy. On a down week in wrestling, they would have gotten a point in the standings. However since the WWE was almost perfect this past week, ROH does unfortunately get the short end of the stick this week. TNA IMPACT had the storylines right for once. The Beautiful People segment was great and the emotions on Jeff Jarrett were great, but the wrestling was not good. I was not into the whole 20 minutes combined of wrestling on a TWO HOUR program. So for that, TNA is the worst show of the week, for now. Since the 4/16 edition of Impact is the go-home show for Lockdown, it should be a good show.
** Remember class, if you want to pick the best show of the week for the week of April 13, 2009, e-mail me at email@example.com. The most votes will receive one point into the standing of the ?Weekly TV Wars?. Your picks are most helpful. Thank You. **
Best Show: Monday Night Raw (2 points)
Runner-Up: ECW (1 point)
Students? Choice: Monday Night Raw (1 point)
Monday Night Raw…..22 points
Friday Night Smackdown…..17 points
TNA Impact…..2 points
ROH on HDNet…..1 point
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD
This week I am not going into depth too much, as my deadline fast approaches :). I think what you saw last week with these guys is what you mostly got. So with this, I am going to mention only two positives and two negatives for each commentator (I know it is tough, but I must do it to keep this column at a nice pace).
Monday Night Raw
Michael Cole: F (2009 Grade: D-)
Positives: He only said ?Vintage? once this week. Occasionally was Cole consistent with his commentary.
Negatives: Gave me the dumbest quote of the year, which was ?Chris Jericho’s a Vulture?. (I am sorry, that quote reminds me of a first grade student tattling on someone). He called Natalya a dude on live TV (pulled an Adamle there) and laughed like a school girl every time he saw Santina (perhaps he has a little ?crush? on the new diva on the WWE, I don?t know).
Jerry Lawler: C- (2009 Grade: C+)
Positives: He established great commentary for the Vince/Orton match, as well as the ten-man tag match. He showed great emotion at times for a few of the wrestlers, which is a good thing for a color commentator.
Negatives: He was at time ?too? excited, which made him squeal like a little girl. Also, he needs to tone it down with the divas now. He is an older man and since it is a PG show now, he really needs to quit with the decades old pick up lines and asking for girls if they need help.
Josh Mathews: B (2009 Grade: B)
Positives: What a great debut for Josh Mathews! He displayed effective and clear play by play with legitimate accuracy. He was also able to share quips with Matt Striker, something that Todd Grisham at times lacked. He showed true excitement in called the first match on the card.
Negatives: The first few minutes, I though we were going to have another Michael Cole on our hand with the constant repeating of things. But he calmed down on that, which was good. He did lack accuracy in calling the last match, but still was able to call about 50% of the moves in that match.
Matt Striker: B+ (2009 Grade: A)
Positives: He constantly keeps the viewer informed and entertained by going into detail on each submission move, kind of like Tazz when it comes to a suplex. He was very good with the replays of each match and was able to work well with his new commentating partner, Josh Mathews.
Negatives: Yes class, Matt is guilty on a couple things this week. Please take politics out of the wrestling world (calling Santina ?Hilary Clinton? for some reason). Also, he has to tone down picking on his commentators a bit. It was great to see someone like Mathews to be able to dish it out and still look good.
Friday Night Smackdown
Jim Ross: B- (2009 Grade: B)
Positives: He did a great job on play-by-play involving two matches (Kofi/Show and Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy). He was also able to call wrestling maneuvers over the course of the show. He worked very well with Todd Grisham this week, but still room for improvement.
Negatives: I was a little bit puzzled as to who was doing play-by-play here and who the color commentator was. However, I think that it will mold better next week. He needs to watch out when he says ?offensive maneuvers?. I think he had to have said that ten times during the show, which can be as bad as saying ?Vintage? Michael Cole.
Todd Grisham: C+ (2009 Grade: B)
Positives: He gave a great overview on the rules of the stretcher match, because I know the casual wrestling student does not know the rules to that particular match. He showed great emotion and did nice commentary throughout the show.
Negatives: Again, a bit confused on who was doing play-by-play and color with Todd and JR this week. He fumbled on his words occasionally, and I am sure it was tough to be put into a show with a different broadcaster. If JR can teach Todd the ways of good commentary, I think Todd Grisham has a GREAT future doing this in the long haul for the WWE.
Mike Tenay: D+ (2009 Grade: C-)
Positives: He did call moves?but only during the second half of each match. If just seems obvious that he is reading off a paper frequently, especially when he sees a nice match in front of him only for him to read what the Lockdown PPV is going to be like. He, at times, was able to be clear in his play-by-play, but it is tough to have a tie-wearing mammoth seated next to you sometimes.
Negatives: Very unemotional, only when he was arguing with Don West did he show any emotion with his voice. Also, he skips through one subject to another without a smooth transition. Here is hoping he gets better next week, students. He is really falling on the grading scale fast here.
Don West: D- (2009 Grade: F)
Positives: Again, when the Main Event Mafia and the Beautiful People are out, he has good emotion. But that is it. He did show some emotion on his hatred of Mick Foley.
Negatives: I can?t stand a guy who can?t follow up what one starts. He is notorious for this, class. Also, when a heel wrestler is getting pounded, don?t go completely ape-crap and say ?DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING THIS IS NOT RIGHT BUY TNA PRODUCTS!!!!! MAIN EVENT MAFIA VELVET SKY!!!!!!!! LOCKDOWN LOCKDOWN, STING IS CRAZY AND MICK IS A CRAZY SOB!!!! (sorry class, I think if Don West ever sits down at an office and reads this, I needed to translate this for him). Hey, at least he did not fail, but he did come very close to it. Wonder what we will see next week with Don West, I hope better.
RING OF HONOR ON HDNET
Once again, I am sorry I can not post a grade the ROH team yet. The reason is because I do not have HDNet and the YouTube guy who posts the videos can only post them on Wednesday, which is the deadline for my column. When I am teaching on Wednesdays, you will not see a commentator report card for them. If I do not work on a Wednesday (at least until the school year ends), then expect me to give my 2 cents on the commentary, but if you do want to know without explanation, I will give an impromptu grade for the guys.
Mike Hogewood: D (Humrous at times, but sounds a lot like a play-by-play version of Don West at times)
Dave Prazak: C- (good commentary at times, but is he a face commentator or a heel commentator, can someone help me out on this?)
MR V?S GOLD STARS (Presented by: The Pittsburgh Penguins **the beard grows another day** and the Pittsburgh Pirates: On a quest for sports immortality: 17 straight losing seasons)
Gold Stars this week go to:
The Pittsburgh Police Department: Keep on praying for them, students. Also, my brother thanks all of you who shared your thoughts with the police department. Let’s just hope that something like this never happens again ANYWHERE in the world.
Ricky Langston: For being real with the teacher, and for giving me advice on the column. Thank You.
Ricky Steamboat: For reminding us of the glory days, even though it was only for two days.
MizMo: For giving us two great matches this past week (their last week as a tag team)
Hunter Golden: He is the current leader in fantasy baseball for WrestleView (Record: 13-0-1) By the Way, Mr. V is 5-9, got beat bad by his best friend
Travis Thomas: For defeating your friend in fantasy baseball. But he did own you in hockey :p.
Josh Mathews – for being able to still be a solid commentator through a nosebleed. As fellow colleague David Stephens once said ?He’s Hardcore?!
Joe Baiamonte – for giving us another perspective in the world of wrestling.
To all my Facebook friends – Thanks for your continued support and spread the word, I do appreciate everything you guys have done for me.
To all that e-mail me – thank you all for your continued support. Through the tough times I went through the past couple weeks, they all were uplifting and encouraging. Looking forward to your TNA Lockdown picks this coming weekend :).
Pittsburgh Penguins: 4-1 over the Flyers in Game 1, so happy for them.
Tyler Kennedy: He is quickly becoming my favorite hockey play on the Pens (and I AM including Crosby and Malkin in this one). By the way when he scores a goal during home games, Mr. Kennedy announces his goals in his trademark Kennedy form.
Well, once again I thank you for reading another exciting edition of ?From the Desk of Mr. V?. Please push in your chairs, clean up your desk, and spread the word on my column. Enjoy your weekend and if you do have time over the weekend and you are all wondering:
?Gosh, what can I do, I am sooooooo bored?? Well, you can e-mail WrestleView’s only certified teacher in the eastern part of the United States by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will reply to all my e-mails within 48 hours, as there are times in which my brain needs a rest and since the weather is getting better in Pennsylvania, it is time to take my wonderful daughter out to the park and enjoy the fruits of life. It’s a pleasure as always to type this columns and it is an honor that you read it. Until next time (either the WWE Draft analysis or another Predictions F rom the Faculty Lockdown Edition), I say enjoy your week, it is going to be a nice one. You are all…DISMISSED!
As always students, thanks for reading the column.