Ousta! Welcome back to the only WrestleView column covering topics both nowhere yet everywhere at once. If you are new to the column you are probably going to hate us for the first couple weeks, but then you are going to hit a point where you say ?oh wait a minute, I think he gets it?. Don?t worry, that’s exactly how it is designed to be. This column is all about gut reactions and traveling thoughts. As the great Andy Kaufman once said: ?I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh f rom the gut, be sad f rom the gut, or get angry f rom the gut?.
Dealing with Hecklers
Generally in my columns I include a section on the news of the previous week with my commentary, however this week things are not going to be that simple. I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head and I know that the best way to get them out is to put my rant hat on, leave the pleasantries at the door, and do some straight shooting.
I am sick and tired of people walking into the room while I am watching wrestling and belittling it in one way or another. Most common themes include conjectures about intelligence, suggesting it is a reflection of sexuality, or being ‘spoiled? by the news that it is all ?fake?. I know that wrestling is not real, we all do, and they all do, so why do non-fans feel the need to point this fact out to us? What is it that makes them think it is reasonable and ok?
I know that I am going to accomplish relatively little by this train of thought because none of the people who would say such malignant statements are reading this column. Sure it’s a no win situation, but that doesn?t make it any less frustrating. The list seems endless of the different experiences in life that you simply cannot avoid or that seem to haunt you.
Believe it or not I am not one to seek out confrontations. As such my general response to being told that wrestling is ?fake? is to turn off the TV and put my head in my hands, acting depressed to learn such knowledge. If it comes up in conversation I?ll pull back and respond flabbergasted at the revelation. Because what else can the wrestling fan do?
Being a columnist and recapper for one of the top wrestling news sites on the internet has its perks. It gives me a further sense of vindication for my interest. If I share that I?m a wrestling fan I?ll try and justfy it by explaining my ?work?. I can take relief in the comfort that an incredibly large amount of people read my thoughts and recaps each and every week. [I was actually shocked when I was told of my fanbase and the breadth of WrestleView’s enormous count of visitors]
For those who do not know, I am a juggler. I share this information because just like with wrestling there are comments and heckling you can?t seem to avoid. I honestly cannot count the number of ?ball jokes? I have heard in my years of training and performing. There is just no way to avoid these things in life. As a juggler I have found comfort in the fact that I am professionally sponsored, so again I feel a sense of ?vindication?.
I am mindful of the fact that I am incredibly lucky to be an established writer for a top of the line site, and very fortunate to have my juggling sponsored. For all I know I could lose either of those things at any moment, God forbid. I?m definitely aware of the fact that my situation is rare and blessed.
Let’s throw all of my personal accomplishments out the window for a moment and figure out what the individual fan can, and should do in the situation. I am prepared to throw up a hypothesis. I believe that more people than would ever admit it out loud are ?closet professional wrestling fans? or have the potential to be one.
I have taken the time to help you out with my brief how to guide for dealing with and introducing your former hecklers to the world of professional wrestling:
Keep Things Simple: When someone asks you a question about wrestling it is counterproductive to launch into the history of a particular feud, the past storylines that have led to the current encounter, or explain the historical feuds that are being referenced and rehashed
Timing is Everything: If your heckler is drunk, high, or busy do not expect them to give a flying hoot about anything you want to share
Keep the Conversation Moving: You can?t let your target spend too much time deciphering exactly what it is that they are watching. Mistakes include allowing them to question the legitimacy of a leg hook’s ability to make a difference in the pin, inconsistencies in perceived rules, or examining the effectiveness of any given move
Pretend it’s Logical: We all know of the absurdity of pro-wrestling. It is nothing more than a glorified and violent soap opera. The storylines often are nonsensical and contradictory. Ignore this and hope your smiling and nodding is enough to rope and prod them on
Omit Carny Origins: It is not advised to share the fact that wrestling was designed to specifically target ?marks?. Especially not while trying to indoctrinate your target into a process that vastly starts in the mark phase
Avoid Excessive Wrestle-speak: Limit the number of times you throw out the terms such as: face, heel, mark, blade, push, etc. You will only lose your audience
While you keep these factors in mind, I have compiled a list of different groups of people and the most successful ways to hook their attention:
The Girlfriend: Allow the eye candy of scantily dressed men to garner her attention and interest
The Sadist: Whip out an old ECW Tape or some Indy hardcore wrestling and allow the crimson masks to speak for themselves
The Comedian: You Tube a compilation video of funny moments by The Rock, Chris Jericho, etc.
The Pimp: Godfather anyone?
The Middle Aged Woman: Vaguely put over the most absurd storyline in your recent memory and hope it relates to a current storyline on the soap opera of her choice
The Candy Man: If you feel compelled to introduce your local candy man to pro wrestling then you probably need some serious psychiatric help, why even suggest it?
Teacher: Put over Michelle McCool’s awesomeness, ring work optional. WrestleView staff member and teacher Anthony Valvo’s reaction to Michelle has vilified this point
The Jock: A wrestler’s pure physical endurance and prowess goes a long way in wowing them
The Stoner: Rob Van Dam et al
The Racial/Ethnical Stereotype: Pro-Wrestling practically wrote the book on exploiting stereotypes so it is possible to find a match for any background
Once you?ve followed my tips and isolated your target by interest it is time to bring it home. If you have them hooked this far then take the ultimate step and venture forth to a wrestling show with your former nemesis. The environment and spectacle of a live show is enough to pump their veins full of the addictive drug that is Pro-Wrestling.
There is an alternate, albeit controversial, method that the ?That’s a Wrap? team is including with a warning. Baptism by fire IS possible. You can take a friend to a show without any build up and hope that the excitement and action is enough to soften their minds and cultivate a desire. This is especially true for Indy events where the action is smack in your face. HOWEVER, the reader is cautioned to be careful of the show picked to attend. Fringe or niche promotions such as hardcore or all women’s are great subsidies, however they have the potential to create a love it or hate it opinion that may last a lifetime.
If all else fails, none of my suggestions help, and they continue to heckle you for your interest in professional wrestling here is what I want you to do:
1. Raise both of your arms above your head forming a V
2. Bring your arms down below your waste while performing a crossing motion
3. Thrust your pelvic region forward when your arms are near the final position
4. Look at the heckler squarely in the face
5. Exclaim ?I?ve Got 2 Words for you??
Close the exchange out with swagger and take pride in the fact that you are comfortable enough with your own enjoyments to not conform to what others think is ?cool?.
Thoughts of Fantasy
Last Week I picked the UK Wrestler ?PAC?. This week’s pick comes f rom my own North America, though no technically my country. He is Canada’s own Kenny Omega!
I was once accused by a reader of being biased in my opinions and reactions. I would like to openly respond to anyone that agrees and think I favor certain wrestlers, brands, or moves. To these accusations I offer this response ? of course I am! Can you imagine how dull my columns would be if I didn?t have a passion and drive?
It is because of the presence of opinion and bias that I offer up Kenny Omega for the second draft pick for my fantasy promotion. This past summer my best friend and I began traveling around our area (Southern New Jersey) to visit and take in Indy Wrestling shows. I have experienced CZW, ROH, JAPW and WSU amongst others. Kenny Omega was wrestling under the JAPW banner when I first met him.
I say that he is f rom JAPW at an awkward time because he is currently making the transition into Japan and ROH shows. JAPW has made a very unpopular decision to stop booking him because of scheduling conflicts.
Every promotion needs someone of ?Champion? caliber which is precisely why I have made this selection. I?ve seen him wrestle great matches against Low Ki, Danny Demanto, and others. I actually was going to throw in a picture of myself with Kenny but to my shock I apparently don?t have one. You can however visit the ?That’s A Wrap? Fan Page on Facebook to see my other Wrestling pictures as well as get some inside information about my columns and thoughts. The button is at the bottom of the column, just click on it to get taken over.
Well without further plugging of myself or sharing of mundane details, here are your ?vital statistics? on Kenny Omega.
Real Name: Tyson Smith
Hometown: Winnipeg, Canada
Height: 5 ft. 11 in.
Weight: 206 lbs.
Finisher: Aoi Shoudou (Cross Legged Brain Buster)
Signature Moves: Dragon Rush Suplex, Hadouken, Kotaro Krusher (Modified Face Crusher), Top Rope Stampede Dropkick
Canadian Wrestling Federation
CWF Heavyweight Championship (1 time)
Dramatic Dream Team
DDT KO-D Tag Team Championship (1 time, current) ? with Kota Ibushi
Jersey All Pro Wrestling
JAPW Heavyweight Championship (1 time)
Main Stream Wrestling
MSW Canadian Unified Junior Heavyweight Championship (3 times)
National Wrestling Alliance
NWA Canadian X Championship (1 time)
Premier Championship Wrestling
PCW Heavyweight Championship (4 times, current)
PCW Tag Team Championship (1 time) ? with Rawskillz
Match of the Year (2002) vs. Mentallo
Premier Cup Tournament (2005, 2007)
Search on YouTube for videos such as ?Top 10 Moves of Kenny Omega? and ?Kenny Omega v. Danny Demanto MV? (I was there for this one, great match!) I?d link you, but I?m trying my best to not get WrestleView into any legal troubles for copyright issues. Be sure to send me some thoughts on who you think would make great potential ?draftees?.
WWE RAW ? 3.62
ECW on Sci-Fi ? 1.35
TNA Impact ? 1.34
WWE Smackdown ? 2.1
WWE Stock Update
Week Ending March 20th 2009
Open ? 10.33
Close ? 10.72
Low ? 10.33
High ? 11.19
-Shawn Michaels & Undertaker def. Intercontinental Champion JBL & Vladimir Kozlov
-Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James & Kelly Kelly def. Beth Phoenix, Layla & Jillian
-WWE Champion Triple H def. Cody Rhodes in an impromtu Steel Cage Match
-Rey Mysterio def. Dolph Ziggler
-CM Punk, Kofi Kingston & MVP def. Kane, Mark Henry & United States Champion Shelton Benjamin
-World Heavyweight Champion Edge def. John Cena w. special guest referee Vickie Guerrero
-United States Champion Shelton Benjamin & Mark Henry def. Christian & MVP
-Evan Bourne def. Jamie Noble
-Finlay def. Paul Burchill
-No Limit (Yujiro & Tetsuya Naito) w/Kiyoshi def. Motor City Machine Guns
-ODB & Taylor Wilde def. Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed
-Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. ?Samoan Submission Machine? Samoa Joe ? No Contest
-?Governor? Daffney def. Madison Rayne w/The Beautiful People
-Mick Foley & Jeff Jarrett def. Kurt Angle & Sting
-WWE Champion Triple H def. Vladimir Kozlov (Non-title)
-Montel Vontavious Porter def. United States Champion Shelton Benjamin (United States Championship Match)
-Shawn Michaels def. Kane
-Jeff Hardy def. The Brian Kendrick (Extreme Rules Match)
-Undertaker def. Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield (Non-title)
Must Read WrestleView Column of the Week
Baiamonte’s Casa #6 by: Joe Baiamonte
Look I?m just going to be honest here and throw my hat into his corner this week because Joe is insane, he truly is. He said that his columns make our editor Hunter Golden ?take copious amounts of LSD?. Read this week’s column on the importance of montages in wrestling and you?ll understand why.
-ROH Debuted this past weekend with their first show on HDNet. They have without a doubt one of the worst commentary duos I have ever heard. Before you say I am exaggerating I dare you to go back to the Adamle/Tazz era on ECW and attempt to recap it. I thoroughly enjoyed them for their comedy and entertainment value, but they were a recapper’s nightmare. I honestly think I could count on one hand the number of times they called a move by name during a show. It was hell.
-I?m presenting a Gold Star, with respect to Mr. V’s gimmick, to Chris Kelly [Crelly] for covering the first 20 minutes of my ECW Recap this week as my TV feed was messed up
-I?m hiring a stylist to help with my hair and makeup for these columns to ensure that I remain on the cutting edge of fashion
-Have Bloodlust? Take in a CZW show; it will quench your thirst
-I?m not hiring a stylist because I just realized that you can?t actually see me when you read my columns, so scratch that. I?ll wait instead for when I start helping out with radio and podcast features
– I called in to Wrestling News Live for the first time this week. I felt the need to complain about the Jericho/Flair segment on RAW. Clearly the watch no sold the boot f rom Jericho ?cause I mean come on, a Timex could have pulled that off with more believability
-I?ve been informed that you can?t see me on Radio either, so just forget the whole stylist deal
So ?that’s a wrap??. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I?m always up for reading your thoughts so send them ?em on over.