Hello once again, my students. Have a seat and make sure your pencils are sharp and pay close attention! After what I seen on the internet on Feb. 16th – Feb 22nd, I have TWO rules in order after what I read and what I listened to over the wrestling internet waves. I was going to wait until next week to approach these rules, but after reading some signs in the crowd and listening to probably on of the worst announce jobs I have EVER listened to, these rules must be enforced, and now. Also, you will get a surprise (ok, maybe not) as to which match received the highest honors, the infamous detention list (it’s growing, but names will be off f rom last week), a tough call on best TV show of the week, and a shocking commentator report card. So sit straight, take the gum out, make sure all SIX legs (four for the chair and the two on your body) are on the floor?.and we will begin. Once again, there will be no homework this evening, but next week, there may be an assignment if one dares to accept it.
Classroom Rules (effective NOW)
Just so new readers know, I number the rules as they appeared on my past columns. I am going to start with #8 this week. Also, forgive me for only placing two rules this week, I do have family that is sick and I do take care of them every now and then. If you want to see past rules, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will send you the archive links. Heck, if you think there should be a new rule, e-mail me that as well. Thank You
8) Don?t build up a main event twenty five times, only to have a five minute match.
If you watched TNA on February 19, you were actually lucky. Outside the large pile of dung that is TNA recently, they put on a decent show. But this main event, I am telling you Don West said they are going to kill each other in an empty arena multiple times. It just got so annoying to listen to, while a good match was going on between Beer Money and Petey/Eric, the main event, no remorse, nobody in the Impact Zone, it is going to be a fight to the death, etc. Seriously, how many people called up their friends to say ?This is going to be HUGE, they announced it on a two hour show twenty five times!!!? I was interested in this match, because I just wanted to see Kurt Angle get pounded to the ground. Keep in mind I was a big Kurt Angle fan during his run in the WWE. The TNA version of Angle, don?t care. Well, the main event happens and I though it was decent. But the way they built this up, this would have made Hunter Golden’s job easier for Match of the Year 2009. What we got after all the build-up, all the hype was a decent, albeit four-minute match. This was nothing compared to Halftime Heat when Mankind took on The Rock. Yet, TNA made this match sound like it was the best of the best. I did give this match a ?B?, but for what it was hyped to be, it was extremely disappointed. Give Alex Shelley and Jay Lethal an empty arena for the X division title, the possibilities are endless. Put Paul London in a match with Matt Sydal in a ladder match to see who has the best shooting star press (I say London by the way, gotta agree with David Stephens on that), that should be hyped a lot. But not an empty arena match invoving two guys that are close to getting their AARP card. Again, don?t get me wrong, the match was decent, but it should have been hyped up the way it should had been.
9) Don?t fly 6,000 miles to see an Impact taping.
Seriously classroom, did you see that sign on TNA Impact recently? If not, I do suggest you watch it on YouTube. I felt bad for the guy to an extent. Then I realized, flying 6,000 to Orlando must cost an estimated hundreds of dollars. I got better ways to use my money. I would used that money to watch all the WWE PPVs with that amount of money. Also, the poor guy that flew 6,000 miles to see TNA was only able to see one main event (the other one was the empty arena), sloppy TNA knockout matches, Billy Gunn’s buns, and sadly the last match for Petey Williams. So this guy not only got robbed by TNA, but should have sued TNA for amount on the ticket. Listen students, I am sure that TNA puts on exciting house shows, but people who watch Impact live, free ticket or not, have wasted hours of their life. And to the guy who flew 6,000 miles to see those tapings, I am not sorry for you. You should have known better than to waste your money on a promotion that is one ?fingerpoke of doom? away of shutting down their business for good. I still wonder how Dixie Carter can say that they got a lot of revenue this past year, how their ratings are better than they have ever before. In the words of a wise man: you know your company needs help when Jack Swagger and DJ Gabriel are beating Kurt Angle and the M.E.M week after week in the ratings game.
So class, this week I am going to issue out demerits to Dixie Carter for being completely oblivious, Jeff Jarrett, Mick Foley for going to TNA, Vince McMahon for not thinking Christian is the real deal publicly, and anyone who dares fly 1,000 just to see a TNA show.
DETENTION GOES TO:
Kizarny: Because I can
The guy that flew 6,000 miles to see TNA: You deserve it
Brutus Magnus: All this hype for nothing?.
Hulk Hogan: Make an appearance with the WWE for free once in a while, remember they made you who you are, my friend
Vince Russo and Dutch Mantel: Because they are two people that should not be working for any wrestling business
Sean Penn: You may be a good actor, but seriously Mickey Rourke deserved that award, not you.
Comcast: No HDnet, no customer soon?..
Mr. V (yes, Mr. V): I was a ?little? bias on the commentator grades last week, more to follow later.
ETERNAL DETENTION GOES TO:
Manu – seriously I would love to see him in TNA and form a tag team with Samoa Joe. They can feud with Roode and Storm. The team of Joe and Manu’s name: Lunch Money, Inc. Slogan: We will throw down punches and steal your lunches. That aside, good riddance he is gone.
Three Wrestling Fans who attacked Jericho in B.C. – I got nothing this week on them, but they are still the dung on the bottom of my shoe.
Don West – Seriously, I think WWE and TNA read my column (they probably don?t, but I can dream). First I find out Manu got released, then Don West turns on Mike Tenay and leaves the announce table on a future episode of Impact? Let’s hope the next move for Mr. West is to ?wish him well in his future endeavors.?
Mr. V’s Honor Roll for the Week of February 16 – February 20, 2009
This list praises the three matches broadcasted on the USA Network, Sci Fi Channel, Spike TV, and My Network TV. NO PAY PER VIEW MATCHES are in this honor roll. Gosh, how many times do I have to explain that one?
Ok, sorry for that complaint recently. I will say that it was another tough call this week. There were some great quality matches and three really stood out. Problem was which one had the best finish? Which one had some seriously nice bumps, nice technique? Among percentage points, these three matches were the highest in this past week’s gradebook.
So, the top three matches??
Distinguished Honors – Motor City Machine Guns vs. Lethal Consequences in a No Holds Barred Match on TNA Impact!, 2/19
I know, I know, I can?t believe it either. An Impact match that scored the highest this past week. I can say if I only watched the first half hour of Impact, I would have made it the best show as well. What an opening match! The only match this week to get a solid ?A? in my gradebook. I don?t weigh main events and all, all matches are equal in my opinion. It is refreshing to see a match of this caliber on cable. It was the first time in a long time I was actually impressed with Consequences Creed. I enjoyed the move where he jumped over the top robe to nail one of the ?Guns?. There was great interaction with each wrestler, the chairs were used effectively, and this match had excellent athleticism. Also, the one bump that Lethal took when he hit the ladder flush, brilliant!! Sabin and Shelley worked really well and showed a wide array of moves and tactics all around. Between you and me, I think they will find a way to re-sign with TNA. I think TNA needs the X Division to stay alive, and these two were originals. I just hope they don?t phase that aspect out of their promotion. If they continue with this feud for another couple weeks, expect them to be on this list again.
High Honors – Edge vs. Jeff Hardy in a singles match, non-title on Friday Night Smackdown, 2/20
Just when you though Jeff had the upper hand, Edge takes him out. Same thing happened to Edge, as well. What that means is that there was some awesome chemistry between these two talents. Jeff Hardy and Edge took this match on Smackdown and hit it out of the park. Tazz said it best when he called it fundamental wrestling. Edge was known as a high flyer in his early days, but his mat skills were perfect last Friday. Jeff Hardy did his moves to perfection, he was engaging to watch. The fans really got into this match, I loved it. When Edge had the upper hand, the crowd gave Edge so much heat. As much heat as they gave his on-screen lover (eww?). When Jeff had the advantage, the crowd popped for him. I had nothing bad to say about this and considered this match to be the match of the month, until?..Matt Hardy. Yes, Matt Hardy. Being jealous of his little brother’s fame, he takes out his poor little brother after Jeff wrestled for twenty minutes. The one thing that put a match slightly down in my book is a match that ends in a??…disqualification. Great moves, Great promo to build up the match, Great scene of events, Bad ending. I know this is part of Matt’s shtick right now, but as a viewer, I wish it did not happen.
Honors – Mark Henry & Jack Swagger vs. Finlay & Christian on ECW, 2/17
At first, I was not expecting a lot in this match. That was mainly because Mark Henry was in this match. Speaking of him, I think he was most over back when he did the ?Sexual Chocolate? gimmick, which I thought was hilarious. Anyway, Mark Henry botched a move in this match, but I though he did well. Same goes with Finlay, the best wrestler over the age of 50. He continues to be as impressive as he was when it was Fit Finlay in WCW in the 90s. Jack Swagger gets better each week on ECW. I think ECW was the perfect start for Swagger, as he is booked to be in a match where he can last over ten minutes. His natural amateur wrestling skills were spot on, and he was able to execute other moves as well. If he improves, who knows, maybe in a couple years he may win the ?main belt?. Christian continues to be a welcoming addition to ECW. Why does Vince think he is not a big deal?? Ever since Captain Charisma came back, he has been a force. I am certain he loves to be back in the WWE, his in-ring work and his mic skills show it. If he puts a headlock on Swagger, the crowd goes crazy. If Henry bodyslams say, Tommy Dreamer, the crowd is dead. I know Vince like his superstars to be 6?4 250-270 pounds (which fits Swagger well), but sometimes the more agile and smaller wrestlers can do the job too. Think of wrestlers who were Christian’s size and became a champion. I can think of two right away, Bret Hart and HBK. I thought this was a nice, fun match, with a lot of changes in momentum. Add the final couple minutes of the show, and it went f rom being an honorable mention match to an honor roll match. This however, was the only strong showing by ECW that week, other than Tyson Kidd squashing a jobber with his incredible skills.
Honorable Mention: Cryme Tyme/CM Punk vs. Priceless/Regal on 2/16, Shane vs. Orton on 2/16, Morrison vs. Dreamer on 2/17, Beer Money vs. Petey Williams/Eric Young on 2/19, and Shelton/Chavo vs. MVP on 2/20, Sting Promo, HHH/Orton segment, MizMo/Colons comedy segment, and The Funks and Steamboat in the WWE Hall of Fame
Worst Match of the Week: Jamie Noble vs. Kane on Monday Night Raw, 2/16
Students, I feel bad for Jamie Noble. Keep him in your thoughts, as he only suffered a stinger in his match against Mike Knox this past Monday. I can?t believe they just bury the poor guy. Noble, with this much talent should fight in a low to mid card. What happened to a feud with Tyson Kidd? Who knows, but he (and Kane) deserve better than just a 15-second match.
Dishonorable Mention: Boogeyman vs. Birchill on 2/17, Taylor Wilde vs. Angelina Love on 2/19, the ending to Sting vs. Angle on 2/19, Vickie/Edge segments, Hornswoggle eating pie, Kozlov push, and the Sarah Palin gimmick
WEEKLY TV WARS
After asking the classroom to pick what show they enjoyed the best this past week, it was a runaway that Smackdown was their choice. As with most teachers, I am going to go another route and go with Monday Night Raw. I know readers of this great column, I do know that Raw did not have an ?honor roll-worthy? match, but all their matches were solid. The segments with Edge/Cena and McMahons/Legacy were excellent. I have to agree with the fine folks at Wrestling News Live, Steph took the RKO like a champ. It was perfect. HBK’s promo with JBL was even good. In all, I gave the slightest edge to Raw over Smackdown this week. In case you want to know, I did grade TNA over ECW this past week, as ECW had no effective segments (including Ricky Ortiz rallying up Dreamer).
Best Show: Monday Night Raw (2 points)
Runner-Up: Friday Night Smackdown (1 point)
Classroom pick: Friday Night Smackdown (1 point)
Friday Night Smackdown???11 points
Monday Night Raw??????7 points
TNA Impact!……………………………..0 points
Again class, your votes may be needed for TNA. As of now, who knows when Impact will get a point. Perhaps when I don?t have to listen to Don West (haha). Pick your favorite show and the reason why by e-mailing me at email@example.com. TNA fans, they need you right now because honestly, I think TNA will get a point when my Pittsburgh Pirates get a five game winning streak.
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD
I gave myself a detention because of something that an e-mailer sent me. After I e-mailed my last column, the individual called be ?biased? and called one announcer that I have a high grade for a ?piece of garbage?. Well, I got to say, I only watched these shows for the announcing once. This week, I did a double take and I have to admit one thing. Here it goes????
I was WRONG.
?.There, I said it. I was wrong to rip Cole and Grisham in my last column. Don West still deserved it, but I was wrong on the others. If you students were offended at the most recent grades, I am sorry. I did a double take this week, which meant that I listened to each show, without watching the match and just listening to the eight commentators that we are accustomed to. I wanted to see if these guys were actually calling the action. I was hard on a few, but some deserved the failure. After doing this double take, the grades changed. Starting with this column, I will do this a whole different way. For you the student who read these columns each week, I will do my very best to keep you informed with them. My apologies for being so ?biased? with the guys.
Anyways, here are the grades that the commentators received this past week. I hope you enjoy.
Monday Night Raw 2/16
Michael Cole – B (2009 Grade: C)
Jerry Lawler – B+ (2009 Grade: C)
No my scholars, this is not a typo. I gave Cole the B because he had good timing when asking questions to the King. He called the basic moves at times in the matches, and called the finishers, a trait that some forget how to do. I do get annoyed that he always has to say these 2 things, and they are not wrestling oriented. He was says a couple times each week that Raw is 1) Cable TVs highest rated show and 2) Longest continuing show on cable. I don?t care about that stuff, just tell the people shouting on your headset that you need to do play-by-play. He was light on plugging the web casts and pay per views as well. His interactions with Lawler were good, but not great. He was clear, concise, and showed more emotions in his play calling than he has in all of this year. I think this was the first time in months that Cole was very good. I hope this continues.
Lawler improved immensely this time around. I had a friend actually remind me that King did say ?Cole, won?t you shut up and watch the match!? Although I think it was f rom the Diva’s match, still which is Cole’s job to do. When it was time for him to speak, he did a nice job. When JBL had the black eye, he laughed. To be honest, I laughed. Since Kelly Kelly was not in the ring, he did the color job nicely. He called the moves as well and he kept the viewers very interested. The only knock I had on him was he was very interested in Satino’s new makeover (which by the way made him look like a man in drag). I think in a way, both Cole and Lawler helped make Raw the best pro wrestling show of the week, f rom this teacher’s opinion.
Todd Grisham – C (2009 Grade: B-)
Matt Striker – A (2009 Grade: A)
A solid showing by these two announcers this past week. I will start with ?The Todd? (a little Scrubs humor). He was better than the previous week, but he still botched a few of his lines. He botched the Mike Tyson joke (which was not remotely funny) as an example. He compared Tyson Kidd to HBK, which I think is way too soon to compare that. He showed good interaction with Striker, but I think he is at times annoyed of his brilliance. I don?t know if it was real or not, but it seemed like it. He questioned Striker about where the term ?DDT? came f rom, but I looked it up and Striker was right on about the term. I read about DDTs a lot (the pesticide) in my Environmental Science class at Edinboro University. He was not as entertaining as Cole was this week, but at least he was clearer, more concise, and more entertaining than he was than his last showing.
Striker was great. He calls the matches, gives you a nice background on the wrestlers (even Tommy Dreamer, which is cool), and gives you a few mini lessons along the way. Who know that worms were sacred in ancient times, or that the term DDT came f rom a pesticide. However, I do have to say there is a time for entertainment and reality. Though I chuckled a bit on his little Republican rant when mentioning Teddy Long (I will show you the quote in a bit), I think it was a bit wrong. However, Striker did a nice job by calling the match alongside The Todd and was very entertaining to the average viewer. A great job f rom one certified teacher to another certified teacher.
TNA Impact! 2/19
Mike Tenay – B
Don West – F
Wow, imagine if Mike Tenay did not work with Don West, he would be amazing doing announcing. I guess we will find out for at least half of this coming week’s Impact (spoiler alert, sorry). Here is thing with Tenay right now, he calls a luminous match. I mentioned this at least six times when I graded his performance. For the amount of time Tenay gets, he is actually entertaining. I think he called Don West ?Artie Lange?, which is a fair comparison. Except Mr. Lange has more entertainment value in his left eyeball than Don West in his entire body. Ok, back to Tenay. I did not like how he promoted the main event dozens of times, which was bad. I did not like the clich? phrase ?History is about to be made? phrase he said about the main event. However, I did like the background story on Brutus Magnus (who knew he was a UK Gladiator other than the UK crowd). He did a tremendous job calling the Guns/Lethal and Creed match. He showed the emotion that helped him become the TV Announcer of the Year in the early 2000s, and this a terrific. I just hope more will come in the upcoming weeks, now that the distractions are gone.
Speaking of distractions, I am not going to discuss Don West, I am tired of typing the same thing. All I will say about Mr. West is this: Sports card selling buffoons should NEVER??.EEEEEEEEVER announce a wrestling match. After the Smackdown quotes, I will present the best of Don West. When Don West gets a C in my gradebook, then he will merit something longer than a Don West weekly bashing party.
Friday Night Smackdown
Jim Ross – C
Tazz – C-
This is a reason why RAW was the better show. JR and Tazz lost that good interaction they had in the previous weeks. This week, they were dare I say, average. Jim Ross is usually decent on his play-by-play, but he did not call the moves in at least a couple matches. Boy was he right on about Scotty Goldman though. He called that match well, albeit a squash match. The main event was great, but his play-by-play was bad. I mean, by the way he pushed the resiliency of Jeff Hardy, you would think he had the title belt the whole time. The one thing I recalled was when he was watching some suplexes, and after a comment by Tazz, he mentioned that Tazz was the Human Suplex Machine. I am telling you if you are new to the wrestling world. Check out some of Tazz’s old school ECW matches, maybe one against Tajiri. It just came to mind because Tazz threw him around like a rag doll. Overall, JR was average, but not abysmal like some. Too much Jeff Hardy promotions and missed a few calls. I think he will rebound next week, I hope.
Tazz was ok, but too many of these will lower any grade. It seemed like when a wrestler did a power move, he always said ?OOOOOOO?, or grunts. I can?t stand that. He lacked emotion this week. He lacked the entertainment value. It seemed like he only called the suplexes and clotheslines in this match, but nothing else. Also, if you don?t know how to speak French, don?t speak it. His jokes were not funny and he struggled a bit when it was his turn to talk. Not a good week for the Smackdown crew this week. Here will always be next week though, and I hope for a big improvement f rom these guys. They are way better than this.
This will be (not weekly) a new little segment about the ridiculous quotes of the week. These were actual word-by-word sayings f rom a few commentators, take a look and scratch you head if need be, I know I did.
?Not saying that Randy Orton is not good, but he is not AS good as Rhodes and DiBiase? – Jerry Lawler
(I thought Orton won the main belt on a few occasions, what did Priceless ever accomplish?)
?You have to give props to GM?Teddy Long procured not only Tyson Kidd, but Christian as well. In a time when everyone clammers about change, Teddy Long was engineering change long before people had to have their hand held and told
?Yes, You Can!? – Matt Striker
(Adam Martin was right on this one. According to his blog, this is WWE, not CNN, keep the politics to yourself, no one, including me, wants to talk politics)
?That did not go well? – Tazz after the Colons? plan backfired on MizMo
(It did not Tazz, well said)
?He used another maneuver? – Jim Ross
(What was the maneuver called???)
WHAT A SHOW WE GOT FOR IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT MIKE! AS?AS NOT ONLY WE HAVE THIS NO HOLDS BARRED STREET FIGHT BETWEEN THESE FOUR, then promotes main event – Dunce Cap Don West
(Quit yelling everytime you are promoting something, this is a TNA match, not but the baseball card Shop at Home show where you conned so many people to buy TEN MARK MCGWIRE ROOKIE CARDS)
GOLD STAR TIME!!!!
Today, Gold Stars go to the following
Team MizMo and The Colons – one for each of you for your ?Ab-Solutely? wonderful performance on Friday Night Smackdown. It was much better than the Ron Simmons/Maria date last year.
Terry Funk and Dory Funk Jr. – stars for making it to the Hall of Fame, you two deserve this. Students, watch a couple of their matches and see for yourself why they were the best at what they did.
Ricky Steamboat – One of the nicest guys in professional wrestling. I think this was a long time coming. One star for your wrestling skills, and another for being one of the best role models in the business.
Hunter Golden – for suggesting that I put the idea of Fantasy Baseball in the forums. I will do that later this week.
Mike Tedesco – Hope I spelled the last name right, for rightfully bashing Kizarny everytime he is on Smackdown. Hope he is the next one out of the WWE.
Adam Martin – For your radio show being #1 on Youcastr. Perhaps Hunter deserves another one, as well as one for the Trey Dawg.
Stephanie McMahon – for taking a nice RKO f rom Orton, well done.
Jamie Noble – for having to deal with being squashed by Mike Knox, hope you feel better soon.
Petey Williams – Thank you for your years at TNA. The future is still bright for you, and you will FINALLY be able to use your finisher. Question to the classroom: When was the last time Petey used the Canadian Destroyer?
All the fans who spend their valuable time e-mailing the ?WrestleView Teacher? – I appreciate the feedback (good and bad) f rom all of you, keep them coming.
Well, the bell has rung. It is time to finish my coffee and watch my other escape, ESPNEWS (featuring the great Jonathon Coachman). Wow! The Tampa Bay Bucs cut everybody today. Speaking of the ownership for Tampa, I would watch out Manchester United if I were you, don?t those guys own your team as well? I am not sure. Take Care and thank you all very much for reading my forth installment of ?F rom the Desk of Mr. V?.
Like it, hate it, have a wrestling question or just want to e-mail Mr. V? Well, you can send me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. Ask anyone that e-mailed me in the past and they will tell you that I do respond to all my e-mail. It is a pleasure to have you e-mail me, and I think I should spend the time to e-mail back. Unlike some columnists on different web sites, we here at WrestleView do care about our viewers, so also send some out to them if you enjoy their columns. Thanks for attending my classroom, my wrestling scholars. Until next week, you are…DISMISSED!