Reality From Ringside #58
March 29, 2010
By: Doug Lackey of

Wrestlemania 26: Real-Time Reality

It is a tradition unlike any other. At least twice a month, you sit behind your computer monitor to behold the splendors that are my pay-per-view hangovers.

Unfortunately there is another tradition unlike any other but this one only happens once a year. It is 'Wrestlemania in Real-Time'. I sit down with my father and the collective friendship inside 'Casa Del Lackey' to take in Wrestlemania 26 while bringing in my thoughts and opinions as they happen.

Want to know the REAL hangover from Wrestlemania 26? Tune in to 'Reality from Ringside Radio: 3R' Tuesday night!

Aside from that… let's jump into my living room where Wrestlemania 26 has yet to begin…

6:44 pm - Ordered WM26 about a half-hour ago. There's a big dilemma right now. 8:10 left in the Duke/Baylor game and tied up. They had better damn well end this game or someone breaks away by the time 7 strikes or else I'm gonna' look really un-American forgoing the national anthem.

6:50 pm - Duke is shooting 24% for the half. 6:38 to go. Still tied. Dammit…

6:56 pm - Alright, I caved in. Screw the ball game. Watching the 'countdown' show.

6:59 pm - Weird… the promo they give us to end 'countdown' and start the show… was Hart-McMahon? Hmmm… ok…

7:01 pm - Fantasia is singing… I think.

7:04 pm - Opening montage before the pyro. I really like the emphasis on 'Their Wrestlemania Moment'.

7:06 pm - Pyros just ended. Interesting looking stage they have set up. Will look REALLY cool when the sun sets. Unified Tag Title match slated. I predicted this to be the ultimate push of The Miz. JoMo/R-Truth takes the straps, Show and Miz have a spat, and Miz actually takes out Show.

7:10 pm - After introducing the Spanish announcers… Lawler: "Those guys are very excitable." LOL It has begun…

7:14 pm - Ding ding… ShoMiz in less than 2 minutes! Damn… almost had our one-minute squash like the past 2 Wrestlemanias. Will need to check the times on the replay. Starting out 0-1, eh… I'm sure I'm not the only one.

7:16 pm - Montage of week leading to Wrestlemania. Time for food and beer…

7:18 pm - Triple threat announced. Ted DiBiase walking down the ramp by himself. He wasn't the member of Legacy I picked to win this one. I see Cody Rhodes picking up the pieces… especially after hearing his own theme music hit!

7:29 pm - Ding ding… Orton RKOs DiBiase after punting Rhodes. Nice end… even though it makes me 0-2. Nice photo op with the classic Orton pose and the retractable screen! Pretty good back and forth showing the implosion of Rhodes and DiBiase.

7:32 pm - Matthews after talking epic glory: "… of course I am talking about Vickie Guerrero." LOL A Jillian cameo?! LOL X 2! A Santino cameo?! LOL X 3! A Mae Young cameo?! LOL X 4! A Gene Okerlund cameo?! INFINITE LOL!!! Melina… eh… buzzkill…

7:35 pm - Money in the Bank match slated. Prepare for 15 minutes of entrances… Christian's the final one down the ramp. Everyone and their household pet is picking him… so am I just because I don't wanna' fall further behind in the prediction standings then I am already. Though I would love to see McIntyre grab the suitcase and make my appearances on Wrestleview Radio that more appealing…

7:47 pm - Ladder sandwiches… Shooting Star off-balance… hip toss off the ladder… we knew this was gonna' be a spot-fest, but every MITB is like that. You can't tell me that there's actually mat-work and striking in this kind of match.

7:50 pm - Ladder stilts? Mmmmmmkay… McIntyre with the ladder… the crowd shows its hatred while I reflect my approval!

7:54 pm - After 3 years and 15 days of trying to figure out the hook… Jack Swagger grabbed the case! Well… still going for the 0-fer! Nice little spot-fest there… no one expected Swagger though.

7:58 pm - F$%K!!! Power outage due to the damned thunderstorm outside! Well… it came back on for me to see the montage of the Hall of Fame ceremonies last night.

8:02 pm - Montage of Sheamus vs. HHH airing. Well… since I picked Sheamus to win this one that must mean that HHH is gonna' grab it.

8:10 pm - The bell finally sounds for the start of the match… remember the over/under for the amount of action inside the ring is 2 hours. At this rate, I would take the under.

8:17 pm - Nothing technical… nothing fancy… nice tough strikes from both. All Sheamus needs to do is do his trademark cheer with arms up high and listen to the boos rain down.

8:21 pm - Great exchanges back and forth. "Ya' know, this is a really good match. I mean, Triple H typically does a good job with younger guys, but that other guy is doing a great job at selling and 'giving and taking'," So says the elder Lackey.

8:22 pm - Ding, ding… Dammit HHH! Too fast! He just annihilated all of that turmoil with a quick pedigree… and put me in the 0-fer still.

8:25 pm - Montage of Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk airing. I took Rey in this one… so again, that means CM will be grabbing this and causing all of the 7-year-olds to cry through their massive masks.

8:28 pm - Preach on, Punk!!!

8:31 pm - Um… ok… There's Rey. Um… I'm very sure Vince is punching out someone in the production truck or has sacked someone on the production crew for severely screwing up that entrance…

8:33 pm - Cole tells me that Rey is dressed like someone from 'Avatar'… mmmmmkay… last year it was 'The Dark Knight'. What will it be next year? The remake of the children's classic 'Harold and the Purple Crayon?'

8:40 pm - Ding, ding… after the quickest 3-count known to mankind, Rey gets it and pulls me out of the 0-fer chasm. Nice end with the straight edge society butting in and failing. Really great amount of counters and flying everywhere… are those still considered spots if they aren't accomplished by TNA performers?

8:42 pm - Montage of Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon airing. Not sure how enthused my father or I are for this match. He's grabbed the laptop and started looking up highlights from the basketball game we ended up missing and I'm getting up to grab another beer and more food.

8:50 pm - Uh oh… Mr. McMahon with microphone in hand. Now my father is paying attention.

8:56 pm - Thunderstorms rolling in… knocked out the satellite signal. Well… who knows what's going on but I left at The Harts' double-cross.

9:00 pm - Came back on a couple of minutes ago. Now that The Hart Dynasty is out at ringside, does this mean that after this match there's no use for them?

9:06 pm - Ding, ding… Bret gets it after XX chair shots… 2-3… one step closer to a mediocre .500. Was this the grand design that Vince had in mind? Really? Really? Really…

9:09 pm - Attendance announced at 72,219… not a bad number but still not a sell-out. Football seats are 63,400… stadium can be expanded to 73,400. Chris Jericho vs. Edge montage cued up.

9:13 pm - Here come the entrances. Well, I'm 2-4 now and I predicted Edge in this one along with a lot of other wrestling nerds just for the sake of keeping on pace with everyone else. Do we really think that Jack Swagger is gonna' cash in on the winner of this match? How would THAT look?!

9:20 pm - A 'Sexton Hardcastle' reference? Seriously? I'm so praying for Jim Ross to come strutting down the aisle for Undertaker-Michaels II and slug Striker in the jaw.

9:22 pm - Striker needs to understand something… you need to make your descriptions quick enough so they are still considered relevant. Talking about the plight of Edge's cardiovascular system due to an Achilles' Tendon injury and how Jericho should quicken the pace sounds all well and good… until Jericho gets knocked off the apron and into the announcers' table.

9:27 pm - I really need to watch the replay and count the number of Achilles' references throughout this match. I feel like I'm at 634 and we're probably 13 minutes deep.

9:33 pm - Ding, ding… WHOA! No one saw this one! Jericho retaining?! Well, I may be 2-5 but it's a respectable 2-5… take that back, the Cody Rhodes pick was pretty horrible. Jericho still going after Edge… spear through the barricade… mmmmmkay. Was this really necessary?

9:37 pm - A 26-man battle royal?! Yoshi Tatsu won?! How dare they not show this on the 'countdown' show! Chimel announces the 10-Diva Tag match… I picked the good girls… that's all… off to the bathroom.

9:42 pm - Mickie James with Vickie Guerrero in the corner… surprised Mickie didn't Vickie to comply in trying a counter from her kick in the gut to a small package… wait… cue up the finishers everywhere, Botchamania 26!

9:44 pm - LMAO Vickie even screwed up the pin! 2-6… Wow… Cena vs. Batista is next? So Undertaker-Michaels II is the main event. Kind of weird though… the main event is a match that does not involve hoisting a title of some sort in the air. I have no problem with the decision of the card… but there's something odd about the final image you see from Wrestlemania being of someone who is not hoisting a title in the air for their victory…

9:48 pm - By the way… I and everyone else picked Cena in this match…

9:53 pm - Why anyone is booing this demonstration by the Marine color guard is beyond me. Sure, you hate that it's Cena's entrance… but don't jeer the Marines. I don't know what the Marines have to do with him except for his incredibly horrible movies…

10:03 pm - This match is pretty good… I guess… I don't know. What I wish WWE would do from now on whenever they use a tremendously large venue for their Wrestlemanias… is invest more effort in microphone placement throughout the stadium. There have been some points of this show where the silence of over 70,000 was disappointing and disturbing.

10:07 pm - Great look of shock from Batista! Looks like he was told his puppy was run over by a monster truck…

10:10 pm - Ding, ding… Cena wins… who'd a thunk it. 3-6. Good end though. My god, how many times did they pick each other up deadweight in that one exchange? That is downright scary…

10:12 pm - Cena posing at front row with the fans… wearing the Anti-Cena shirts. LOL Tremendous… you see, these are the kind of images and moments that I enjoy. I don't care about transitions or tempos… I don't know what constitutes or defines a good 'wrestling' match. But I sure as hell know what entertains… and many need to understand that it is for that sole reason you watch professional wrestling… entertainment.

10:17 pm - Justin Roberts announcing the stipulations… no Jim Ross. Sad face. Entrances commencing. I took Undertaker in this one… it's really tough to kill off 17 years of a reason to purchase Wrestlemania. It's easy to bring back a surefire Hall-of-Famer to perform in an occasional annual match.

10:24 pm - Half an hour to go. Could this rematch go over a half an hour like it did last year? Maybe that's the reason why they had this be the main event… many believed the reason last year's HHH/Orton main event was because of time constraints and the absurd length of Undertaker-Michaels I.

10:27 pm - This is an amazing way to start the match and keep the pace… 'Taker tweaks his knee and becomes so vocal with each strike at it, showing vulnerability. He tries to go for the home run moves to end it early showing the urgency. Michaels staring and drooling at 'Takers' injury. This has the makings for something truly awesome…

10:38 pm - 'Taker has Michaels in 'Hell's Gate'. "I've been in this maneuver…" I don't give a damn about the move… I don't give a damn about what Matt Striker has gone through in his unfortunate and forgotten career… I paid $55 to watch this match! STFU…

10:43 pm - Michaels' moonsault on the announcers' table. Complain about how long the spot took to assemble all you want… but the selling makes the more worthwhile. I've never heard 'Taker so vocal… yelling after every hit.

10:48 pm - Tombstone #3… Ka-Chunk! Ding, ding! 18-0! Sounds a lot better than my feeble 4-6.

10:55 pm - Michaels making his 'final' walk up the ramp… I have no problem eating crow if he doesn't end up returning.

Well… that does it for the 'Real-Time' rambunctiousness. Want to know the questions we are left with from Wrestlemania 26? Tune in to 'Reality from Ringside Radio: 3R' and find out! It is not your typical pay-per-view review…

Until next time, mouth-breathers!

Annoy me with your assumptions and affronts… adore me with your adulations and acknowledgements: Reality from Ringside

Don't forget to check out "Reality from Ringside Radio: 3R" this Tuesday on Wrestleview! It's only available to Wrestleview VIPs though… so sacrifice a Big Mac value meal! Become a VIP! I need as much feedback as possible about how incredible/horrible I am!