?A rumor is not a rumor that doesn?t die.?
– Dave Kujan
The Usual Suspects
By now many of you have heard the big news that CM Punk lost the World Championship to the Undertaker at the Hell in a Cell pay per view due to his blatant disrespect for the WWE dress code. As we all know, anytime you are lucky enough to see a professional wrestler out in public they are larger than life, and they dress like it too. You will be hard pressed to find a single WWE employee out and about wearing something as sloppy as a polo. No, they always wear the best clothes money can buy and what does CM Punk do? He shows up for an overseas tour wearing dirty sweatpants and an old t-shirt with pizza sauce stains on it. Undertaker tried to talk some sense into the champ, reminding him that he represents the company now and can?t just be showing up dressed like the fans. Punk blew it off and said he was bigger than the company, that WWE needs him and not the other way around. This attitude is no way for a champion to carry himself, which is why Punk’s planned eleven month reign was booked to end at the pay per view last Sunday. Writers were hesitant to do so as Punk’s very presence strikes fear into the hearts of those who dare look at him. But with Vince McMahon’s backing, Creative took a stance and booked Punk to lose. As expected, Punk did not take the news well. More on this as it develops.
Vince had put a lot of stock in his new champion but was really hurt when Punk would not deliver on something as simple as a dress code. Even though WWE employees follow and defend the code against the offenders, they do not quite understand it considering the kinds of things the wrestlers go out to the ring wearing. Talking behind poor Vince’s back about how lame the code is really gets the boss down, especially when it has ruined the career of one of his rising stars. Sunday night, at Hell in a Cell, Vince hung his head and wondered to his office, wanting to be alone. He knew the boys were talking, even though they would support him. As he sat with his hands folded at his desk, thinking about his unwinding empire, a pleasant and polite knock sounded from the door. It was Randy Orton. Randy was scheduled to lode to John Cena at Hell in a Cell and just wanted to drop by Vince’s office to thank him for the opportunity he had been given. For Orton, it was just an honor to be wrestling tonight. When Orton noticed something was wrong with Vince, he quickly asked what was wrong. Hesitant at first to show weakness in front of another man, Vince blew it off, but Orton knew something was up. So, Vince let it all out. He explained how disappointed he was in Punk and how he knew the boys hated the dress code. As Vince let out his feelings, he began to notice that Orton was doing something not even Stephanie or Triple H had ever don; he was listening. He didn?t offer advice or cut him off, he listened. When tears began to stream down the boss’s face, Orton offered the end of his tie for Vince to wipe his tears. Vince looked up and Randy with a glowing smile. He admired Orton for his true concern for the company. McMahon quickly collected himself and marched to the booking committee and made it clear that Cena would be dropping the title that night, for Vince had found a more worthy champion. If you were curious as to how WWE came to the decision to take the strap away from Cena so quickly, you need look no further than this display of true friendship and a man’s ability to put use the dress coed to full capacity.
There are so many of these rumors, all of which are completely true, otherwise they wouldn?t make the rounds. For those of you that are curious, there is a lot more to the story of Kofi Kingston’s new home town billing than you may think. For his entire WWE stint, Kingston has been announced as hailing from Jamaica, but within the last week or so, he has been announced as hailing from Ghana, West Africa. Some see this as a minor change, but it really has a lot more to it. You see, WWE officials recently found out that Kingston was black. ?I know,? said one anonymous source ?who would have thought? We had billed him as being Jamaican because he has crazy hair, and well, he looks like he smokes a lot of weed. Strange part of it is, he doesn?t even smoke weed! What amazing character embodiment! I have to say I?m a bit let down we can?t use the character anymore. I really wish we would have thought about it when we had Rob Van Dam on the roster? Rumor had been building within WWE for a few days. Finding this out, Vince quickly got to the bottom of it. He quickly dispatched his most trusted assistant, Bull S. Hitt, to a TNA Impact taping to ensure they hadn?t accidentally hired Booker T back by mistake. Once Hitt saw Booker in a TNA ring, he quickly texted McMahon to let him know that indeed Booker and Kingston were NOT the same person. Quickly WWE Creative decided to rectify their situation. They didn?t want to come across as racist by taking the belt off of Kofi right away. So instead they waited a few days so that it wouldn?t be suspicious. WWE may think they are off the hook, but thanks to internet rumors, they will never get away with it.
We?re onto you WWE, we?re onto you.
Thanks for reading.