Bob Magee
Pro Wrestling: Between the Sheets

CZW returned to Delaware for what was one of the most unique experiences I’ve ever had as a wrestling fan…Tournament of Death VIII at the Markland family farm (aka heel wrestler DJ Hyde) in Townsend, DE. We’re talking a rural area, folks…rural enough that this came into play in a very scary way at the show’s end…rural enough that the property had a tree stand for hunting (no deer were used as weapons at TOD…maybe next year).

This event was one of the best organized events with plenty on the farm grounds, port-o-potties, well-organized concessions, and the usual BYOB adult beverages, which (as always) some fans handled better than others. The “Deathstock” jokes actually seemed to fit as there were at least three pre-show barbecues going on pre-show (not counting the concession stand).

Tournament of Death VIII had a good strong crowd (higher than Observer crowd estimates), that hung in there through a long afternoon into evening, although got impatient with the non-tournament matches that prececded the main event, as you’ll see in later results.

First round

  • Nick Gage defeated Deranged (with Billy Graham) in a no rope barbed wire fire match. There wrre some problems keeping the fire lit on the ropes, as for the only timeof the day, there was a breeze…during the fire match. Key sick spots were Deranged going through a flaming section of the no rope barbed wire with the wire snapped. Gage won with a flaming chair shot that was one of the sickest visuals of the day.
  • WHACKS defeated Toby Klein in a Barbed Wire and Tube Bundles match via a senton on Klein who had barbed wire boards laying on him. Earlier in the match, Klein did some funny heeling on WHACKS, saying (alluding to WHACKS’s past work as a photographer) “asking where WHACKS’s camera is”, saying that he doesn’t deserve to be in the ring with him and should be taking his picture, smashes WHACKS, grabs a fan’s camera and takes WHACKS’s picture.
  • Scotty Vortekz defeated xOMGx and late addition Drake Younger in a Thumbtack Kickpads Match. This left some bloody bodies just from ordinarily simple kicks to the back and side. The finish saw a pane of glass set up on 4 chairs (with Drake Younger under the glass) and Scotty Vortekz nailing a spanish fly off the top onto glass for the pinfall
  • In the “Pane in the glass” match, Danny Havoc defeated Dysfunction with a dragon suplex through a pane of glass wrapped in barbed wire which was being held up by chairs, this after a twisting corkscrew moonsault on Dysfunction (under a pane of glass)
  • Jon Moxley defeated Brain Damage defeated in the Tables, Chairs and SIlverware match (a kitchen/dinner table was literally set up in the ring with place settings, food…and a grandfather clock). Brain Damage enterred the ring with a samurai sword. Well, Billy Graham made out like a waiter, served Damage and Moxley food. Brain Damage ate some cake, then started things by punching Jon Moxley in the face. Oh, and Brain Damage brought out a drill saw against Jon Moxley’s head, and a baseball bat with a saw blade in it and proceeded to use it on Moxley’s face. The “Chainsaw” character who has been part of the Switchblade Conspiracy group of Moxley and Sami Callahan, Damage goes after him only to be rolled up by Moxley. Brain Damage responds by dragging Chainsaw into the ring, slamming him through the grandfather clock and carves his head with the drill saw.
  • In the “Jack in the box” death match, Thumbtack Jack defeated. DJ Hyde in what was easily the match of the show, a nominee for US hardcore match of the year, and one of the single sickest matches I’ve seen in year in all my years as a wrestling fan. That says something.

    Cinderblocks were stacked up with light tubes stuck through them, panes of glass, and light tube bundles around the ring. Thumbtack Jack puts a dildo in DJ Hyde’s mouth. A predictable “you suck dick” chant gets started Thumbtack Jack gets slammed through the cinderblock contraption. Here’s where it gets really sick. DJ Hyde gets a (presumably gimmicked) cinderblock and breaks it over Thumbtack Jack’s head. Later, Thumbtack Jackjust INJECTS DJ HYDE WITH A SYRINGE, If you think it was gimmicked, the syringe was hanging from DJ Hyde’s arm at one point. Later, Hyde responded by putting twor syringes through Thumbtack Jack’s cheek. Jack later answeed him by driving Hyde through a pane of glass set up on two stacked cinderblocks and setting the glass on fire. If that wasn’t enough, after Hyde was stuck in the ropes putting acupuncture needles into Hyde’s head. After the melee, Thumbtack Jack advanced by pinfall.

    Second round

  • In “fans bring the weapons” semi-final match one, Nick Gage defeated Scotty Vortekz and Jon Moxley with Gage pinning Moxley after a spike piledriver on light tubes
  • In “fans bring the weapons” semi-final match one, Thumbtack Jack defeated WHACKS and Danny Havoc with a gourdbusterr on Danny Havoc

    Non-tournament matches

    Wrestlers need time to heel up a litle bit. So CZW puts non-tournament matches in usually at this point in TOD. Fans, however, also crap on these matches each and every year, usually for no good reason.

    In those matches:

  • Tyler Veritas defeated Alex Colon by pinfall
  • Greg Excellent defeated Devon Moore with a Tiger Driver
  • In a #1 Heavyweight Title contenders match, Trent Acid defeated Sami Callahan aftre a Yakuza Kick in a match that was the right match at the wrong time. The day had gone on a long while and the crowd was ready to see the Tournament final. A small inebriated group of fans were chanting “worst match ever” (hint: it wasn’t remotely close to that…but alcohol, impatience, and time will do that to a brain). Sami Callahan confronted a fan who then threw water on him, Callahan the fan’sir hat, spit in it, then threw it into the crowd and broke his sunglasses. The fan ran around to the locker room area and tried to go after Callahan. The staff and the locker room ran in from the back part of the field to drag out the fan.

    Final round/200 light tubes and panes of glass deathmatch

    In the main event, Thumbtack defeated Nick Gage by forfeit…well, sort of.

    Here’s where the rural location of this match caused a bigtime problem. Nick Gage went through one section of the light tubes woven through the ropes, and suffered a BAD cut under his ribs, bad enough that he got out of the ring immediately. Given all the sick spots of the day, it’s oddly ironic that a fairly “routine” deathmatch spot caused this kind of bigtime injury.

    Here’s where booking on the fly came in… Given that CZW had absolutely no choice, an impromptu battle royal started, with Jon Moxley jumpting Thumbtack Jack, follwoed by Sami Callahan, joined by DJ Hyde, followed by Drake Younger, Scotty Vortekz, Zandig, Dysfunction, Brain Damage. Zandig seems to have won the battle royal and is first declared champion, then tells the crowd “I don’t put myself over at my own shows”, more or less declares the main event a forfeit and declares Thumbtack Jack the 2009 winner.

    An ambulance seemed to take forever to get to the venue (one story was that it sat at the end of the property and refused to come in until police got there). After the ambulance finally decided to come in. Local officials wound up having to bring in a chopper (yes, the farm was large enough that a chopper could land) to take Gage to a local hospital. Gage was reported as of this morning to be OK, although having lost a lot of blood. The story is that Gage wanted to somehow try to work the main event match, and CZW was smart enough to prevent him from doing so.

    To close, more this week on wrestling doing good…

    Wolverine Pro Wrestling returns to Skateland West (37550 Cherry Hill) in Westland, MI. Sunday, June 28th for A Mid-Summer’s NightMARE!

    Not only will this be a night of pro wrestling but it will also be to support autism research. 40% of all ticket sales goes to the Autism Society of Michigan. Belltime is 6:00 p.m. WPW will once again have a stacked line-up with plenty of new additions including former WWE and ECW Star Kevin Thorn! WWF Legend and one of the longest reigning Tag Team champions in the history of WWE/F, Demolition Ax (a.k.a. The Masked Superstar) will also be in action June 28th.

    Combined the pairing of Kevin Thorn and Demolition Ax will be holding a professional wrestling Seminar/Fan Axxess which is open to the public! The cost will be just $30 and you will get the opertunity to step in the ring with both stars, get basic or advanced in-ring training, get advice on the mic, plus learn more about the wrestling business in general! Also scheduled for a Mid-Summer’s NightMARE include (but not limited to):

  • WPW Champion and Internationally Known Superstar- Sterling James Keenan (SJK)
  • T-D puts his WPW undefeated streak on the line as he battles MTV/WSX Star Josh Raymond
  • The female team of Hailey Hatred and Jessicka Havok (with Minka Murder) will return to Skateland to try and eliminate the competition
  • WWE, TNA and Japan Star “One Legged Wonder” Zach Gowen will return to the WPW ring
  • Rumor has it “Old Timer” Jeff King has some words for Demolition Ax (a.k.a. The Masked Superstar)
  • CJ Otis will return to WPW Competition
    “All Nite” Adam Renolds
    Sam Farmer makes his WPW debut
  • The Scarboni Brothers will be in Tag Team action
    Ashton Amhurst will make is Michigan Wrestling debut
  • The Kosher Klub will be in attendence

    Tickets: VIP (Exclusive Meet and Greet and priority seating) $25/Gneral Admission $20/CEP Students with School I.D. (14-18)-$10/Kids 13& Under$5. For more information please go to Wolverine Pro Wrestling or e-mail

    To conclude, a note from CZW’s Sabine Kernaghan on their efforts to raise funds at the 2009 Walk Now for Autism Research. Sabine works professionally in special education and has worked on behalf of autistic children for some time.

    On June 13 (yes, just before Best of The Best) Shawn, Kylie, the rest of Noah’s Ark and I will be walking in South Jersey for Autism. If you can’t make it to the show and wish to donate I will paste the Noah’s Ark team page team website here for online donations.

    As always, I need to leave you with some facts about autism:

  • 1 in 150 children is diagnosed with autism
  • 1 in 94 boys is on the autism spectrum
  • 67 children are diagnosed per day
  • A new case is diagnosed almost every 20 minutes
  • More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with AIDS, diabetes & cancer combined
  • Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the U.S.
  • Autism costs the nation over $35 billion per year, a figure expected to significantly increase in the next decade
  • Autism receives less than 5% of the research funding of many less prevalent childhood diseases
  • Boys are four times more likely than girls to have autism
  • There is no medical detection or cure for autism.

    Until next time…

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