Well class, as I type this I feel like I am on a deadline today. Not because I have to get this column done by midnight tonight (as of now it is almost noon), but the Penguins play the Capitals tonight. It’s Game Seven!! The most important game of them all! And if Barry Melrose has predicted the Penguins to win, then I am going to worry, because he is never right. Anyways?I do hope you are enjoying your week and that your enjoyed this week’s RAW and ECW (2 shows down, 4 to go). This article should please the majority of you, as we will go over some classroom rules by the WrestleView resident teacher as well as the student body. I am also going to throw in the Honor Roll, Detentions, and the weekly commentator report card. I go over the Homework from last week and administer the gold stars. Finally, I will give you one homework assignment (will be only one question, so no worries). So, pull a chair a have a seat, a whole new lesson is in order From the Desk of Mr. V.
We begin today’s class with a motivational quote. Recently I have posted a quote in my column and you, the students, seem to enjoy them. So, let’s get another quote out of the bag in onto your computer screen. This week’s quote will be:
?I don?t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.?
– Bill Cosby
While he is not on TV doing the Cosby Show or selling Jell-O pudding, Bill Cosby was (and still is) a legend in the field of comedy. I still think his ?Chocolate Cake? comedy skit on the DVD Bill Cosby, Himself was a fascinating skit of comedy. If you have yet to watch it, do so over the summer. I would rate it in my top five when it comes to stand up comedy. This quote hits home to those who think you have to do it all to please everyone. This goes to my college graduate readers out there. Your goal is to succeed in what you do best. If you want to be an engineer, your goal is to be the best one there is. If you want to be a writer for literature, then your goal is obviously an award, such as the Newberry Award for example. But here is the hard fact: You won?t impress everyone. It is impossible. I have my share of hate mail (especially from column #3 regarding Ashley Massaro), so in some cases I did not please everybody. Though that is my goal each week I type this lengthy article, I know that I drop the ball at times. For that, my goal is to be better, but it is and will never to make everyone happy. Keep that in mind when you are out in the real world, college graduates. If you accept the fact that you won?t please everyone, then you are going to be successful in whatever you do. If you try to please everyone, then you are doomed right to the start. Ok, back to the column.
There will only be two rules this week (near the end of the school year and no need to add too many rules now). One rule comes from me and the other rule comes from a reader named Mark T. Please pay attention to these rules. Violators will be sent to detention next week if I notice this on TV.
44) If you are over the age of 12, saying ?What’s Up!!? in a mic when R-Truth comes down to the ring does NOT make you cool.
Since Smackdown last Friday was in Pittsburgh (**SARCASM ALERT!** which amazingly at the same place the Pens played the Caps in Game 5 at the same time), I expected all the fans that attended the event to be professional and full of class. Now, I enjoy R-Truth’s ring entrance as much as the next, but one fan that appeared to be over the age of twelve took it to a whole new level. I am watching the intro and I notice a man that looks to be either in HS or in college raising his hands frantically towards R-Truth. The superstar notices this and holds the mic to his mouth and the man screams enthusiastically ?WHAT?S UP!!? in the mic. I shook my head at this. But what made matters worse is the guy then high fives everyone around him thinking that he accomplished something. For that, kudos to you, fellow Pittsburger! You just embarrassed yourself in front of everyone and to the city of Pittsburgh!! That is not a reputation I will tolerate in my hometown, no siree! I think the millions whom watched Smackdown were laughing at you because of your stupidity, and that I think is punishment enough. If I catch you doing that again on Cyber Sunday, then I might as well tattoo an ?L? on your forehead.
45) No-one, regardless of age, should ever wear those ridiculous arm-sock things that Jeff Hardy wears. Children shouldn’t wear them, adults wearing them should never be allowed to watch a wrestling show again and Jeff Hardy should realise he looks like a clown. Just my opinion! (From Mark T., Student of Mr. V)
I agree with you on this one Mark. Please take a prize out of the jar. What makes matters worse is that I am watching clips of WWE programming to determine my commentator report card when I notice that they are selling these in packs of four. If anyone my age comes out in this and I catch you, you will be placed in detention and I will have fellow students Ricky L, Travis T. T.J. P., Greg M. and David S. throw hockey pucks at your direction. The reason I picked them is because they all show great pride in the Pittsburgh Penguins. And for good measure, Joe Baiamonte can kick soccer balls at your direction as well. Who knows, maybe I can invite Roy Keane to Lay the Smackdown on these people who spend dozens of dollars to get these armbands. If you want to buy them for kids, I think it is ok. However a 20 year old should never go out in public like this. I can?t believe the WWE is making money off of that apparel, it is like panty hose dipped in green dye and you cut holes in them. A terrible two year old can do that, in my opinion, and it would save a lot of money in your wallet. Ok, I am done ranting, but I just can?t stand it when these WWE fans come out to the arenas wanting to look like Jeff Hardy with the spray on tattoos and the arm-socko things. The only time I ever want to see fans in costume is when one dresses up like one of those ?Right To Censor? guys from the Attitude Era (unless you are a fellow columnist and dress up like Umaga, that is ok as well). Also, if I catch someone wearing a Doink the Clown outfit, well I will applaud your effort, as you would more credibility than wearing arm-socks to a pro wrestling event.
Demerits this week go to the following:
– People telling Mr. V to ?go green?.
– To males over 13 that wear a SpongeBob T-Shirt.
– To people that hold signs up at ringside and disrupt others who paid to see wrestling, not for some crazy female fans asking Batista to ?Bomb Her?.
– Mike Hogewood
– WWE Creative
– TNA Creative
Detention this week has to go to the following:
Alexander Ovechkin – We all know that the Gonchar hit was cheap. And that may give the Caps the series. Here’s hoping next season Orpik send him a message.
Santina Marella – We all know you are Santino, get rid of the wig and start jobbing to guys like Jamie Noble and divas like Beth Phoenix like you are paid to do. The angle is no longer funny.
RAW commentary – Not bad last Monday, but detention for giggling like school girls when Santina said she/he was a ?lesbiano?.
?That Guy? – The one that said ?What’s Up?, shame on you my friend.
Quizno’s Oven and Scott – I thought you guys broke up, apparently you did not and I hate those commercials.
Kevin Nash – You need to retire soon and replace Don West in commentary. The fans will thank you for this.
The Impact Card – I want to see more X Division, less segments. Seriously cut your segments by 10 minutes and add an X Division match, it will help.
Mike Knox – Because he is the next one I want gone from the company, before he hurts a decent talent like R-Truth.
Eternal Detention MUST go to:
Ricky’s ex-girlfriend – seriously?.WHAT?S UP WITH THAT!!
Burger King – at the request of my fellow students, BK and the King will be on here until those stupid commercials are off the air. Besides, Arby’s Roastburgers are way better.
Coca-Cola Company – I hear Ghostbuster rumors flying around?It is the PERFECT time to give us all the nectar that the Greek gods once sipped on, and that is Ecto Cooler!!
Reid Flair – Because I just want to place you on here for your stupidity this past year.
Hulk Hogan – See above.
Praxis Exams and ETS – You have broken the record for most weeks on this list!! Congrats!!
Arlen Specter – Don?t believe in the polls, the democrats whom I spoke to (I have a lot of liberal family members) don?t even like him.
MISTER V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF MAY 2 – MAY 8, 2009
Correct me if I am wrong, but there were only three really solid matches this past week on TV?
**Checking gradebook?.ok, there was more or less than five of the matches**. But still, it was not as good as previous weeks. It was not a tough decision this week to pick which matches I deemed ?Honor Roll? worthy for this week. I just hope that most of you agree with me on these three.
Distinguished Honors – Roderick Strong vs. Austin Aries, ROH on HDNet, May 2.
Students, every week when I watch ROH on YouTube (since I don?t have HDNet), I expect a few good matches and a terrific main event. While the mid-card and low-card was rather predictable, the main even had it really going on this past week. I have been a fan of Aries for quite some time and his battle with Roderick Strong was one of the best back and forth matches I have seen in quite some time. Sometimes, the best stories are told inside the ring. No storyline can really match what I saw in the ring between two men that one should know had wrestled each other dozens of times in their careers. It starts off great with reversals galore, and some Greco-Roman style mixed in. The middle of the match solid, and both sold those whips to the security wall really well. Throw in also some submissions and some solid technical work and finally the devastating brainbuster by Aries for the win. I really enjoyed this match and I am expecting ROH to top next week’s honor roll as well, with Danielson taking on Tyler Black for a 2nd time. We all know how much I loved their first match on HDNet.
High Honors – Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho, Friday Night Smackdown, May 8.
This match had a lot of stuff going on. The Pittsburgh crowd was hot for this match and it showed with the work of these two superstars. First off, we had Edge providing us with some great commentary as to why he is the face of Smackdown and why he is the Champion and such. Rey comes in as well to support Jeff, which is a nice gesture and adds an X-factor to the mix. I look at my notes in this one and I see a lot off back and forth action (I.E. Jericho hits clotheslines, Jeff counter with strikes, etc.). I am glad that Jericho finally hit the Lionsault on someone, I hope that my students took notice on that one. Both hits their moves very well, as I detected no botches in their performance. The ending of the match helps continue this feud with Jericho, Hardy, Rey, and Edge. Jericho wants it all and demands respect. However, the three that he is battling with do not respect him on Smackdown. That helps develop the Jericho character on Smackdown. My favorite parts of this match, you ask? Obviously, the first would be when Jericho threw Hardy right at Edge. That was effective, yet funny at the same time. Hardy hitting his trademark moves was nice, but I am very much happy about the connected Lionsault by Jericho. This was one of the best Smackdown matches of 2009, though I would not say it was the best yet.
Honors – Tyson Kidd vs. Evan Bourne, ECW, May 5.
I dreamed of this match since Kidd was introduced a few months ago on ECW. I looked at his style and thought ?I want to see a match with him and Evan Bourne one on one?. What the Pittsburgh crowd got was an exhibition of the future of ECW. This match told a great story. It had a mix of high flying tactics, strikes (the kicks sounded painful by both men), and I think Tyson Kidd is tremendous with his submission holds. The ending to this match is what brought this down. I know that Finlay and Kidd have a feud going on, but I just don?t like at times when a wrestler has to interfere in what was already a solid match between two equally matched opponents. Well, the ending is what killed it for me. But regardless, I was real impressed with how well the two worked together and I hope for a longer program between the two in the near future. Also, don?t e-mail me about the New Hart Foundation, I know it happened. I am thrilled about this, but I wonder who Finlay’s back up will be. Perhaps?S.O.S (people who follow FCW will know who I am talking about)?
Honorable Mention goes to: Matt Hardy vs. Kofi Kingston, 5/4; Legacy vs. Shane McMahon, 5/4; Christian/Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger/Mark Henry, 5/5; Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison, 5/7; Consequences Creed vs. Suicide, 5/7; Beer Money vs. Eric Young/Jethro Holliday, 5/7; Awesome Kong vs. Velvet Sky 5/7*; 10-man Tag Team Match on 5/7; Michelle McCool vs. Gail Kim, 5/8; John Morrison vs. Charlie Hass, 5/8; and CM Punk vs. Edge, 5/8
* – I am sorry, but I graded Kong/Sky very well though it was a squash. But Sky took those bumps hard and Kong did a great job showing the emotions that make her violent. That is why it was worth mentioning
WORST MATCH OF THE WEEK – The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler, Friday Night Smackdown!, May 8.
Look, I am a fan of Dolph Ziggler’s work and I like Khali’s gimmick, but this match had a great lack of chemistry. It was sloppy and ended abruptly. Plus, I remember when the Great Khali would not sell chair shots to guys twice as bit as Ziggler. But when Dolph laid down the lumber, Khali went down in almost a heap. Why? Who knows, but I hope these two find other wrestlers to go against. This won?t work
Dishonorable Mention goes to: Erick Stevens vs. Sal Rinauro, 5/2; Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon, 5/4; Mickie James vs. Maryse, 5/4; The Brian Kendrick vs. Carlito, 5/4; Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jesse Guillmete, 5/5; Santina/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Rosa Mendez, 5/7; MEM Security vs. Matt Morgan, 5/7; and R-Truth vs. Mike Knox, 5/8.
WEEKLY TV WARS
This week was a very difficult week for me to pick the #2 show of the week. The students and I did agree on the #1 show of the week. First off, allow me to rundown the overall performances of each show this past week. First off, we had WWE SUPERSTARS, which I though had one real impressive match on the card. The Cutting Edge was a great segment and made Jeff Hardy look a little bit strong heading into the PPV this Sunday. However, the first two matches were a little on the boring side, and Zach Ryder is already looking like a guy that could be released before year’s end. On MONDAY NIGHT RAW, the segments were average, but did we really need to waste time with the Miz and a dance singing contest? I think the crowd in Buffalo got robbed on this one. There was only a couple decent matches and a few really bad ones. Here is hoping they picked it up once next week’s ranking come up. I was just into the show at all last Monday Night, I just expect better things from the flagship show of the WWE. ECW was a fun one hour show last week, but how many time do we have to hear Swagger say ?That’s not fair!!?? However, the overall wrestling was impressive; they just needed that one extra segment to take it to the next level, in my opinion. ROH ON HDNET was a good show this week, segment wise this was by far their best. When you have Ric Flair on your TV set, you can?t help but to watch. The opening segment and the main event really make the show stand out this week, but the mid-card was not that great.
My second choice surprisingly went to TNA IMPACT. The segments were alright, I really like the Jay Lethal/Daniels spat. The stories are finally getting into place and we will see how far they all will go. I hope for the better for TNA’s sake, but I have to admit: They are getting better when it matters the most. The wrestling half of the show was pretty good. We had a good X Division match, solid tag team work, a brutal squash that made you want more, and a fine main event. Overall, the show was good and it stood out among the ones I mentioned. But the students and I picked FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN for yet another week. The in-ring work was fantastic outside of the opening match and the Dolph open challenge. The main event was the best match this week for the WWE and it made you want even more of this story. Overall, a good but not great week of professional wrestling. I hope the WWE really turns it up this week, because of the PPV coming up and as for TNA and ROH, I hope they keep this momentum because it is seriously making for some good TV.
Best Show: Friday Night Smackdown! (2 points)
Runner-Up: TNA Impact! (1 point)
Students? Choice: Friday Night Smackdown (1 point)
**Once again students, this is your column as well! E-mail me your pick for show of the week by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you**
Overall Standings as of May 8, 2009:
1) Friday Night Smackdown…..25 Points
2) Monday Night Raw…..24 Points
3) ECW…..10 Points
4) TNA Impact…..7 Points
5) ROH on HDNet…..1 Point
6) WWE Superstars…..0 Points
WEEKLY COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD
Michael Cole – C- (Overall: C-)
He was not bad this past week, but inconsistency really hurt his grade this week. Also, enough with the WWE.com and merchandise plugs. I know the WWE needs money, but come on?
Jerry Lawler – B (Overall: C+)
He was very good on RAW. He showed great emotion and was able to call the match without getting too excited. He would have received an A if not for the Divas match.
Josh Mathews – B+ (Overall: B)
Josh was real good and mixing up his play-by-play and his emotions well. He truly is enjoying calling the matches and it shows it in his character.
Matt Striker – A- (Overall: A)
This past week was another solid showing by the former New York school teacher, Matt Striker. He continues to impress and I loved how he mentioned the steel industry during the match involving Kozlov.
Jim Ross – B (Overall: B)
JR is BACK!! He did a good job calling the match and also offered some pretty good color commentary this past week.
Todd Grisham – B+ (Overall: B)
Todd is fitting in to Smackdown nicely. He called the matches excellent and only had a handful of bad moments. A solid effort by Todd this time.
Mike Tenay – C+ (Overall: C)
Tenay was able to call the matches good and showed at times good emotion. He needs to be more concise with his commentary though, as at times he drags some thing to the point where it become irrelevant to what is happening in the ring.
Don West – D+ (Overall: F)
The only thing that prevented him from failing was when he called the Velvet Sky/Kong match. I actually laughed when he felt sympathy towards Sky. Other than that, nothing worth mentioning, as he was not all that great this past week.
Mike Hogewood – D+ (Overall: D)
I think for the first time since ROH debuted on TV, Mike Hogewood has improved on this play-by-play calling. He still needs to be like Mike Adamle-like in order to show more progress.
Dave Prazak – B (Overall: B-)
Note to Don West: I know you are trying to be the heel announcer. Do me a favor, listen to this guy. Dave never goes overboard, calls the maneuvers nicely, and does not come over as someone that is loud. I would actually like to see this guy be the color commentator for TNA.
Last week, I asked the students who they believed the best commentators were so far this year. I also asked if you could replace any with any commentator, who would it be and why?
Well, the last question I asked was a bit unclear and I am not going into future depth in regards to this question. I did reply to those that completed the assignment and I hope that my feedback to all of you was well worth the wait. Here are the most common answers to those who were curious to find out:
1st Place: Kevin Nash would be IN, Don West would be OUT
2nd Place: JBL would be IN, Jerry Lawler would be OUT
3rd Place (Tie): Tazz would be IN, Don West would be OUT
3rd Place (Tie): Mr. Kennedy would be IN, Michael Cole would be OUT
Alright, now to the meat and potatoes of the assignment, who the students picked as the best play-by-play commentator and the best color commentator. I think my students have made some great points and I will show you the results to this question right now.
Best Play-By-Play Commentator (out of 25 votes, wow, almost got 30)
1) Jim Ross (16 votes)
2) Todd Grisham (6 votes)
3) Mike Tenay (2 votes)
4) Josh Mathews (1 vote)
Mr. V’s Take: My students are pretty bright this week. I do agree with Jim Ross being a great play-by-play man. Out of my era, his voice is the most recognizable in the business, along with Joey Styles. However, I think that his age and at times his passion is leaving him. Jim Ross can call a match well and I would pick him #2. Mr. V would actually choose his broadcasting partner, TODD GRISHAM, as the best play-by-play commentator of 2009. It breaks my heart to not pick Jim Ross, but I am basing this out of the year 2009, and Todd has been better in being clear with the types of moves the wrestler’s are accomplishing. Also, he is catching on better this year than he has in the past. I think that the added work he did on ECW really helped his stock. Keep in mind that I think JR is great at what he does and is arguably the best of all time, but I think it is Todd’s time unless JR blows me away these next few months.
Mr. V’s Rankings: 1) Todd Grisham 2) Jim Ross 3) Josh Mathews 4) Mike Tenay 5) Michael Cole 6) Mike Hogewood
**I guess you don?t want to name your kid Michael if you dream of your son being a commentator, huh?**
Best Color Commentator (out of 25 votes)
1) Matt Striker (19 votes)
2) Jerry Lawler (5 votes)
3) Tazz (1 vote)
Mr. V.’s Take: This does not come as a surprise, as the 2008 Wrestling Observer’s Best Commentator blew away the competition. How can you argue with this? MATT STRIKER informs us of the various hold and moves, give us a history lesson, and occasionally has some tongue-in-cheek humor to go along with the other things that make him a potential commentary legend. Yes, I said it, LEGEND. If he shows the same passion for the business ten or fifteen years down the road, then he will be a legend, which is something he could not say about his wrestling career. I think my students have overlooked Dave Prazak a bit, as I think he is doing a nice job at ROH. As for Lawler and Tazz, they can be entertaining at times, but it is inconsistent at best.
Mr. V’s Rankings: 1) Matt Striker 2) Dave Prazak 3) Jerry Lawler 4) Taz(z) 5) Don West
MISTER V?S GOLD STAR SEGMENT (Brought you by?Snickers! My gold stars always satisfy one’s hunger and they all crave for more!)
I present the gold stars to the following students and wrestlers (with a little bit of pop culture perhaps).
To ALL my students who turned in their homework – So a gold star goes to the following: Superstarzz, Anon, Burke, MadMex, Jay, Deth2PPL, Ricky L, Travis T., TJ P., Jake R, Kevin C., Mike K., Greg M., Crelly, Rick J., Gary P., Kevin K., Patrick L, Antonio G., Jamel W., Halfsized Russ, Ben P., TNAGURU, and Fernando P. (If I forgot anyone, I am sorry)
Mark Toland – for not only providing me with homework, but for providing a rule as well.
Luke – For the rules from last week (aka Bond 7).
RJ Norris – This gold star is yours due to your bravery. You see class, this man read my column while at work and his boss caught him reading this. This man here deserves to be my first student of the week if I ever create this. RJ, thank you but I don?t want you to get fired for reading my column each week. Stay Safe out there.
Pastor Jeff – Congrats on your degree! I know it was worth all your hard work to achieve. God Bless, my friend!
To the real teachers and students who read this column – I am so happy that you are supporting me in this column, thank you so much.
Noggin – for keeping my daughter occupied while I spend a couple hours working on this column.
To all the wrestlers that made my honor roll – Austin Aries, Roderick Strong, Tyson Kidd, Evan Bourne, Jeff Hardy, and Chris Jericho have earned this. I thank you for keeping all of us interested in wrestling this week.
Jim Ross and Matt Striker – for winning the students? vote in best commentators.
Kevin Kups – I hope that your AP test went well, best of luck
Josh Piedra – Electronic Arts must hire you. If they are not, they lose 150 points and my respect.
RC Cola – It appears that I am not alone when I say that this is the best cola in the world.
WWE – For bringing Cyber Sunday to Pittsburgh. I plan on attending the festivities. And I won?t be wearing a Rey mask, Jeff’s armbands, or going WHAT?S UP!
To those that will send in their Judgment Day picks – I will say in advance if you do not win the students? contest, I won?t send a reply more than likely. Unless I have a slow week? But the winner will be a response back and a gold star next week.
Joe Baiamonte and David Stephens – Only one game separates you two, so may the best man become the ?Dean?.
Pittsburgh Penguins – No matter the outcome of the season (I will be sending this before the final score of the Pens/Caps game), thank you for a great season.
Before I leave you for this evening, let me assign some homework?.
HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT (DUE MAY 20, 2009)
This needs to be addressed by friends and students alike. In the WWE, Stephanie McMahon wants to produce younger superstars and it appears that she wants to give everyone a chance to reach their highest level. So, this question will be as clear as I can make it. Here it is:
Who do you believe will be the next breakout stars will be for the WWE?
Who do you believe will be the next breakout stars for TNA?
Who do you believe will be the next breakout stars for ROH?
You do not have to answer all the questions, because I know the fanbase for ROH is pretty small. You may choose up to three wrestlers for each company, but one or two will be fine if you can?t think up of anything. Good Luck, class. Results will be in Column #16 and the assignment will be due May 20, 2009. Signed by: AJV
Well, the bell rang and it is time to leave the classroom. And remember if you have any questions, comments, or just want to e-mail me about schoolwork or something in that nature, you can e-mail me at email@example.com. It may take a while for me to reply since next week will be busy in the teaching front. But I promise you will get a reply by the next column. Thank You everyone for reading this week. Please push your chair and exit through the door. Until SUNDAY (remember, we are going to do a Predictions piece this weekend), you are…DISMISSED!
Again class, I thank you all for reading this column. Remember, if it was not for the WrestleView fans, there would be no Mr. V. Thank You!