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Courtesy www.owie.ca

Saturday, May 23 2009

GREAT CANADIAN WRESTLING
“Super Hardcore Anime Wrestling”
Toronto, Ontario
ANIME NORTH – Toronto Congress Center
Matinee Show- 12:25pm start
Results credit: “Ultimo” Gordo for www.owie.ca

This annual event is held in conjunction with the ANIME NORTH convention. It’s not uncommon for 35-40 thousand people to attend the convention – many dressed as their favorite anime characters. The GCW stars transform for the anime shows into various superheroes & villians. This year was no exception and on this day a steady crowd of 350-400 (which oft times swelled to double that) enjoyed 17 matches featuring ‘anime stars’ like ‘L’, King Muscle, Evilman and more. Also featured were TNA stars Sharkboy, Kiyoshi and Awesome Kong as well as Quebec stars Sexxy Eddy and LuFisto. It was an amazing mix of wrestling and cartoon action presented as only GCW can.

GCW promoter David “The Hutt” Wyldstar opened the show and introduced “GCW’s Most Hated Man” Jamie Virtue as the days Ring Announcer and Sean Cassidy as the events sole referee. This was a matinee show and kicked off with an in-ring Q&A session hosted by a Dr Lee. Participating stars were Sexxy Eddy, LuFisto, Awesome Kong and Kiyoshi (with a translator). Many fans had questions ranging from the insightful to the absurd. Sexxy Eddy & Sharkboy stole this segment with Eddy’s infamous ‘5 pounds’ front and center and “Stone Cold” Sharkboy supplying many hilarious observations. Awesome Kong scared the crap out of one fan who asked which of them was the craziest by suddenly charging across the ring toward them and it was LuFisto who finally said let’s get this wrestling show started. [20 min]

-Note- There’s a good chance I’ll get some of the performers names wrong as I’m not up to speed on the various anime characters and Jaime Virtue talks like he has a phallus in his mouth. My apologies for any mistakes
-Additional Note- Thanks to Dr Mask I attended the event as “Ultimo” Gordo because he had a wicked-cool blue Ultimo Dragon Mask that I just had to have. Dr Mask always has tons of great stuff. Check out his website at http://www.doctor-mask.com/

1) Intergender Match:
Arkhani Asylum def Harley Quinn by submission [8 min]
I think these characters come from the world of Batman comics. Harley Quinn came out first and she was greeted with mostly cheers. Her opponent Arkhani Asylum looked like a cross between the joker from a deck of cards and a medieval court jester. He was pure physical comedy and had great facial expressions as well as ear-piercing shrieks. He seems fond of ‘patty-cake’ and got both his opponent and Ref Cassidy to play a round during the match. Quinn was the villian in this one as she raised the ire of the crowd with cheats and cheap shots. There was some good solid action between the comedy stuff. Quinn dominated the early going and tortured Arkhani in a Camel Clutch while smearing lipstick across his already painted face. The clown/joker took over when Harley took a hard spill through the ropes and the fans rallied him on by aping his shrieks. Quinn was forced to tap out to a Figure 4 variation. Fun Stuff

2) S.W.O.O.S.H. def Evil Man w/ Lex Luthor [4 min]
Evil Man is perhaps the most uncoordinated villian of all time. He must have tripped have a dozen times before the match even started. S.W.O.O.S.H. made his entrance dressed in his new purple, blue & silver costume and was instantly embraced by the anime fans who popped huge when he told them S.W.O.O.S.H. stood for “Super Wonderful Omnipitent Oval-Shaped Hero”. S.W.O.O.S.H. dominated the early going until Lex Luther interfered and Evil Man was able to enjoy a brief advantage. He blew it by trying an eye-poke and hurting his fingers on S.W.O.O.S.H.’s goggles. The oval-shaped hero then used the dreaded “Finger Poke of Doom” to floor Evil Man and score the pin.

3) Mr Atlantis & Daemon Reznor def Trevista & Achilles [9 min]
PWX stars Atlantis & Reznor had a definite size advantage against their younger opponents. Trevista & Achilles were pretty much dressed like skater dudes and combined they barely had the muscle mass of ONE of Mr Atlantis’s legs. They were game though and did enjoy some moments of control using speed to counter the strength of Atlantis and generally nasty behavior of Reznor. Eventually however, the bad guys dumped one of the good guys from the ring and squashed the other for the win. Fans were not happy. (By the way, Mr Atlantis is now sporting the weirdest haircut EVER!)

4) TNA Star Kiyoshi def Joey Kings [9 min]
The face-painted Japanese TNA star was cheered just as much as Joey Kings (apparently a Pokemon character or something.) Kiyoshi cheated and broke the rules throughout the match, even pinning Kings to the floor outside the ring with a chair across his throat. The TNA star dominated the bout and scored the pinfall in convincing fashion. Fans were totally into this match and gave both competitors lots of applause.

5) TNA Star Sharkboy & ANIME NORTH Champion Elmo def Shredder & Hunn [9 min]
“Stone Cold” Sharkboy came out to the ring and began talking in his eerily bang-on Steve Austin voice and the fans responded with thunderous shouts of “WHAT?” at every pause. Eventually Sharkboy got aroud to saying that he’d found “the toughest S-O-B” to be his partner… ANIME NORTH Champion Elmo! The place erupted in cheers as the furry Sesame Street character came to the ring. Their opponents are two well known anime badguys…. Shredder hails from the Technodrome and has a dislike for ninja turtles. I didn’t catch where Hunn was from but he was big, doughy & ugly and the fans hated him on sight so obviously he’s not a ‘hero’.

The match actually started with Shredder and Sharkboy shilling for the most cheers and naturally Sharkboy won that little contest. When he kicked Shredder in the nuts he got even more cheers. In fact, the crowd was insane throughout this match which had far more athleticism and great wrestling than one might expect from a bout featuring a giant Muppet (Even if he is the Champion.) Elmo missed a move from the top rope and the villains isolated him on their side of the ring for an extended beatdown. Even when Shredder missed a top-rope split-legged moonsault he and Hunn were able to keep Elmo from making the tag. It wasn’t until Hunn missed a splash from the second rope that Elmo was able to finally tag Sharkboy into the match. The TNA star quickly got some revenge on both bad guys and had them so rattled that Hunn twice squashed his own partner with running splahes to the corner buckles. Elmo rejoined the action to drop the “Muppet’s Elbow” on Hunn as Sharkboy planted Shredder with a DDT. Elmo then hit the Sesame Street Destroyer on Shredder for the pinfall. VERY entertaining stuff and insanely over with anime fans.

*After this match, Elmo vacated the ANIME NORTH Championship but fans wouldn’t find this out until later in the show.

6) “The Super Hardcore Anime” LuFisto won a Fairy Tale Fantasy Battle Royal [5 min]
Other participants: TNA Star Awesome Kong, Harley Quinn, Mercy (dressed as Snow White), Jodi D’Milo and Helena Handbasket.
Eliminations occurred when a competitor’s feet hit the floor by whatever method they left the ring – over, under or through the ropes.
Order of elimination:
-Helena Handbasket by Awesome Kong
-Awesome Kong by LuFisto, Mercy, Harley Quinn & Jodi D’Milo
-Mercy by Harley Quinn
-Jodi D’Milo by LuFisto
-Harley Quinn by LuFisto

7) 6-Man Tag Match:
Street Fighter (Guile, Ryu & Zangrief) def The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants ( Toad, Sabretooth & Blob) [4 min]
Umm… yea. Although all known to me by different names, the wrestlers in this match were accepted as whatever characters they were supposed to be by the anime fans. I don’t have a clue which guy matched up with which anime character name so I can’t really say who pinned who. One of the Street Fighters pinned either Toad or Sabretooth. I know it wasn’t Blob. (Not any of the Ontario Blobs by the way. This Blob had elephatitus of the genitals.)

8) World of Warcraft Match:
“The Hacker” Scotty O’Shea def Rip Impact [9 min]
O’Shea was introduced as “saying his prayers, eating his vitamins and surfing the internet” while ‘Real American’ played which I found hilarious. He attacked Impact before the bell and as you might expect, they gave the ANIME NORTH crowd as taste of the new local indy wrestling style. (As opposed to ‘traditional’ pro wrestling that no one really does anymore.) The fans enjoyed it and like previous matches gave the villain (O’Shea) as many cheers as they did the hero (Impact)
I have no idea why this was a ‘World of Warcraft Match’ or even if it was. It might have been where “The Hacker” came from. Jamie Virtue’s delivery remained garbled. (Maybe it was the mask I was wearing but I doubt it. I wasn’t the only one going “what the heck did he just say?”)

9) Caeser w/ Alana Titus def Prince Akanon by submission [8 min]
Akanon was a chubby tattooed ‘arab’ who was one of the few villains on the show that was loudly jeered. Caeser’s a well built guy with some decent skills and interacted well with the fans. I have to admit though that I spent about 7 minutes of this match watching Alana Titus play cheerleader at ringside so I don’t really know what happened other than the Prince submitted.

10) Mortal Kombat (Sub Zero & Scorpion) def Team Luthor (Lex Luthor & Nuclear Man) [7 min]
Another anime match that had convention fans going nuts. Luthor really looked the part and did a great job with his vocals except for when he said the show’s only cuss word – “shit” – on the mic. He did that during his post-match rant expressing his displeasure about losing and the ineptitude of his creation Nuclear Man. That pissed off Nuclear Man and he smacked Luthor to the mat and left the ring to the cheers of the fans. For a supposed ‘genius’, Lex Luthor isn’t very smart mouthing off to a guy almost twice his size and so muscular even his ‘nuclear suit’ was too tight to zip all the way up. (And I think he goes to the same barber as Mr Atlantis.)

11) Prey Bird def Johnny Wave [4 min]
A couple young guys giving their all in front of a large (and easy) crowd. They did okay and the fans treated them as well as they had everyone else. I heard a few people call Johnny Wave a Larry Sweeney wannabe because of his trunks & hair. Prey Bird kinda looks like a cross between Pat Tanaka and Kobra Kai. He took the pin after two 2nd rope springboard moonsaults. I think it was Prey Bird that won but honestly I’m not 100% sure because I never indicated the winner in my notes – just that the pin came at aproximately the 4 minute mark after the two moonsaults. (The Sweeney wannabe discussion was going on at the time)

12) Chris Cutthroat w/ Mike Hart def “The Real Deal” Neil Page [8 min]
This was another ‘non-anime’ wrestling match between the large and brutish Chris Cutthroat and the basic boots & tights wrestler Neil Page. Cutthroat wrestled in Jeans and a t-shirt and employed a clubbering power offensive. Page tried to honorably wrestle his way to victory but couldn’t overcome the size and strength advantage of his opponent falling victim to a spinning Full Nelson Slam that ended the match. After the match Mike Hart, who looked ridiculously pipe-cleanerish in his pajamas or whatever his ‘gimmicks’ are, raised the winner’s hand and declared him “Cold Blooded” Chris Cutthroat.

13) PP Smallz def Steve Brown w/ Joey Kings [5 min]
Brown was introduced as “representing Team Shake & Bake”. I have no idea what that means. Joey Kings accompanied Brown to give the match an anime flavour and to interfere on Brown’s behalf. I haven’t seen or heard of Smallz wrestling anywhere in a long time so it wasn’t surprising to see him take the brunt of the punishment during the match. He won by pulling a surprise roll-up on Brown as the big man argued with Ref Cassidy.

14) Death Note on a Pole Match:
‘L’ def Kira [7 min]
The Death Note book was placed on a pole prior to the bell and both men were chained together at the wrist. I have no idea who ‘L’ or Kira are in the anime world nor do I know what the ‘Death Note’ thing is about. Apparently, if someone writes what they want to have happen in the Death Note book it will happen and the person affected by the spell will die 40 seconds later or something like that. The anime fans were totally into this bout and the ‘L’ potrayal must have been pretty close to the actual anime character because people were screaming “we love you ‘L'” and completely swooning and cheering for him. The guy playing Kira was also given huge props for his potrayal. The match itself was a short but wild brawl that spilled out into the fans after ‘L’ hit a rana on Kira from the apron to the floor. When the action returned to the ring Kira was in control and climbed the pole to retrieve the Death Note but had no pen to write in the book. None of the fans would give him one and ‘L’ was able to rally and get his hands on the book. He wrote something and was announced the winner as the fans began loudly counting to 40 while Kira fled into the convention center crowd where presumably he died.

15) Johnny Wave def “The King of Canada” Jessy Jones [5 min]
Jones riled fans up with a pre-match promo and introduced Lex Luthor as his manager. Despite Jone’s 200 pound weight advantage and Luthor’s interference Wave was able to get the win with a roll-up.
After the match Steve Brown, Joey Kings and Logan Savage ran out and began beating on Wave. Rip Impact, PP Smallz, Trevista and Achilles ran out to make the save. Impact challenged the bad guys to a Survivor Series Tag Match and so…

16) Survivor Series Tag Match:
PP Smallz & Rip Impact were the sole survivors [13 min]
-Trevista was eliminated by Steve Brown
-Lex Luthor was eliminated by Rip Impact
-Jessy Jones was eliminated by Rip Impact
-Johnny Wave was taken to the back by Jones & Luthor – whether this was a forced countout elimination or because the kid got hurt I don’t know but in any case, Wave was out of the match.
-Joey Kings was eliminated by Achilles
-Achilles was eliminated by Steve Brown
-Steve Brown and Logan Savage were pinned simultaneously by Rip Impact and PP Smallz to end the match.

*Fans were informed of Elmo vacating the ANIME NORTH Championship and told the winner of the following main event would be the new champ.

17) Battle Royal:
King Muscle became the new ANIME NORTH Champion. [6 min]
Other participants: Jessy Jones, Prey Bird, Phun Fer, Daemon Reznor, Trevista, Neil Page, Logan Savage, PP Smallz, Johnny Wave, Prince Akanon, Mr Atlantis, Mike Hart, Joey Kings, Rip Impact.