“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…” The WWE video leads us into the show.
The NXT video plays and we’ve got a new song for the show. Thank god. That’s one good thing so far. How long will it go? We’re sent into the arena and treated to a pyro display. The stage lights are purple for the divas. Michael Cole and Josh Mathews welcome us to the show. They promote this as “history” because it’s an all-divas show.
Matt Striker, the host of NXT, is in the ring. He welcomes the WWE Pros to the ring. Kelly Kelly is out first and she introduces her diva Naomi. The Bella Twins are out next and they welcome their rookie diva Jamie. Primo is out next and he introduces us to AJ. Alicia Fox, Dave Stephens’ favorite, introduces her rookie, the meanest of mean, Maxine. Goldust is out and introduces his diva Aksana. I want Goldust to be a ring announcer when his career wraps up.
EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero comes out and says she fired her rookie diva Aloisia. Aloisia had to learn the hard way that she may be taller than her but she’ll never be bigger than her. Now that she’s gone she can introduce her brand new rookie diva who is almost as pretty as she is. Her rookie is Kaitlyn.
All the pros and rookies are in the ring. Matt Striker welcomes everyone and says the rookies have a long, three month journey ahead of them. I’d like to offer my resignation now… There will be a happy ending for only one of them. Being a WWE Diva is one of the greatest achievements one can earn in entertainment. Each one of them will be tested on being smart, sexy, and powerful. Right now they’ll have an opportunity to introduce themselves to the WWE Universe. They’re 50% of the vote.
Kaitlyn is up first. She says Matt Striker is handsome. She says she’s not just the girl next door. She used to live two houses down. Remember every Fourth of July when your mailbox would explode? That was her. She gave you first kiss and then a wedgie. That really sucked. EXCUSE ME! Vickie says she’s disappointed. If she’s going to represent her then she’ll do it well. Vickie says she has to do it again. Kaitlyn is up again. Kaitlyn exaggerates that she’s excited to have Vickie Guerrero as her pro. She will give everyone wedgies.
Aksana has a thick accent. She’s from Lithuania. It’s a little over exaggerated. She follows her dream and her heart. She says some more things I can’t understand and then says she loves her dogs. Aksana says “Let me entertainment you”. Lame!
Maxine asks what Aksana just said. She says she has three senses: business, street, and common. The average person is lucky to have any of those qualities. She is not average so that makes her a triple threat in a skirt. The only position for her in WWE is at the top. Ugh…
AJ is up. AJ says someone needs to hug Aksana. She talks like she’s a valley girl. She says she worked her butt off to get her. She wants to win NXT and there’s not a damn thing that will stop her.
Jamie is up now. She has experience from being the ring announcer for season two. She says she’s ready to be a part of the greatest entertainment in the whole world. She cut a cookie cutter face promo. She says she puts 110% into everything she does. She will be the next NXT breakout diva. She’s ready to earn that. It wasn’t bad but the announcers buried her immediately.
Naomi is up. She says the WWE Universe has been missing something for a long time: her. She’s a fighter and she doesn’t back down. She says talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. When it’s all said and done her actions will prove why she’s the next breakout star. That was solid.
The first rookie competition is next.
We’ve got a rookie dance challenge on our hands. They’ll dance and the audience will cheer. The first elimination is coming up in four weeks. The rookie with the most challenge wins will be immune from elimination.
I’m simply not recapping this. They had to dance with Michael Cole, Tony Chimel, and Josh Mathews. Each made an ass of himself. Naomi won the challenge and Cole took all the credit because she was the one he danced with.
Kelly Kelly and Naomi will take on Alicia Fox and Maxine in our first match.
Alicia Fox & Maxine vs. Kelly Kelly & Naomi
Fox kicks Kelly and sends her to the ropes. Kelly ducks a clothesline and hits a head-scissors takeover. Kelly gets a hurricanrana for a one count. Naomi is tagged in and she hits a nice springboard roll up for a one count. Fox sends her to the ropes but Naomi slides through and hits a dropkick. Naomi hits a butt bump for a one count. Naomi gets sent into the ropes and takes a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
Maxine is in and she shoulders her in the corner. Maxine then does something that looks totally stupid and falls to the mat. She is not good. She hits an amateur looking suplex for a two count. Fox is tagged in and she hits a snapmare. Fox applies a chin lock so Naomi hits a jawbreaker. Fox knocks Kelly off the apron and gets Maxine back in. Maxine hits a snapmare and gets rolled up. Fox comes in, looks to break it up but Kelly breaks it up.
No one knows what just happened. The announcers are at a loss for words and the divas all look pissed off. The rookies make it worse because Naomi hit a move and covers her despite the referee not being in the ring. The ref then comes in and says it’s over. That was absolutely BRUTAL!
Winners by Pinfall: Kelly Kelly & Naomi
Match Rating: No stars
Holy god… a capture the flag challenge is next.
The divas are lined up on the stage. There are five stations throughout the arena with flags on them. They get off to a false start and then scramble to get the flags. Jamie is eliminated first. AJ is the next to go. Aksana is the third out. Kaitlyn is fourth out. Naomi wins the competition. She’s won two competitions now so immunity is looking good for her so far.
Naomi is supposed to cut a promo but she blanks and can’t say anything except that she’s so excited. She then says that her athleticism is her advantage but there’s a long way to go. Yes, oh yes there is…
A long video plays for “Legendary”. The announcers then run down the Night of Champions card. They then put over Undertaker taking on CM Punk on Smackdown this Friday.
A video plays for Jamie. She talks about her background in fitness and sports. She was in nursing school but didn’t have a passion for it. Could you imagine having a nurse who isn’t passionate about what she does? She says her diverse background will be her advantage.
Goldust and Aksana come out to the ring. They’ll take on Primo and AJ next.
Goldust & Aksana vs. Primo & AJ
Primo starts this match out against Goldust. They lock up and Goldust gets a quick arm drag. Goldust does his taunt and Primo pushes him. Goldust punches and school boys him for a two count. Primo punches and sends him to the ropes but Goldust drops down and uppercuts him. Primo quickly tags in AJ so Aksana has to come in as well.
Aksana ducks a clothesline and hits some shoulder blocks. Aksana hits a questionable body slam and leg drop for a near fall. AJ sends her to the ropes but gets caught with a backbreaker for a near fall. Aksana sends her to the ropes and they botch a move. The crowd is booing them. They redo the spot and AJ almost lands on her head DELIVERING a wheelbarrow bulldog. How the **** do you do that? AJ gets the win.
Winners by Pinfall: Primo & AJ
Match Rating: 1/2 *
EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero is bringing her diva Kaitlyn down to ringside. Vickie says she wants this opportunity to let her diva give an introduction to the WWE Universe one more time. Primo says this is AJ’s moment and she needs to let her shine. Vickie doesn’t care and says while he may be used to living with failure, she’s used to success. AJ tells her to go away. Vickie asks if she knows who she’s talking to. Vickie “sicks” Kaitlyn on her. AJ counters and sends Kaitlyn into Vickie. Vickie screams in anger and walks off on her diva.
Quick Match Results
Kelly Kelly & Naomi (1-0)* def. Alicia Fox & Maxine (0-1)*
Primo & AJ (1-0)* def. Goldust & Aksana (0-1)*
Bump of the Night: AJ’s dangerous bulldog
Match of the Night: Primo & AJ vs. Goldust & Aksana 1/2 *
A dancing contest, a capture the flag contest, and two way-the-hell-below standard matches. Yes, reader, the next revolution in television history is here. What an absolute joke. The best part about this show is Vickie Guerrero. Three months of this? Hopefully it can’t get any worse than tonight.
Listen, I’m not out to bury these women. A part of me wanted this competition to get out on the right foot and be successful. But it started with the announcers making fun of them and then we see that it’s going to be three months of them just being treated like pieces of meat like the rest of the divas are. WWE doesn’t give a crap at all so why should I?
Final Rating: *
E-Mail – MikeyT817@hotmail.com
Be sure to check out Friday’s Smackdown recap.
Thanks for reading!