Ciao and Happy New Year to one and all. Now is the time for the post Christmas blues to kick in and Seasonal Affective Disorder to come into full effect. But not to worry, as yet again your trusty resident Sicilian (No, not Mike Siciliano) is here to steer you clear of a head in the oven or a shotgun in the mouth. For 15 minutes or so at least.
So with a new year comes a wealth of new possibilities. Already within four days of the new decade we?ve got the Monday Night Wars Mk II on our hands. Albeit a one sided war, but a war all the same.
So what does 2010 hold in store? Is Bret Hart to be the first in a long line of legends to make their triumphant returns this year? The Rock’s name has been tossed around for Wrestlemania, as has been the custom for every Wrestlemania for the last four years. Will the Hulkster grow tired of raping and pillaging TNA for all it’s worth and finally set up that promotion he’s been talking about for so long? Who cares? Because the only predictions worth giving a shiny shit about are coming right up.
Strap yourselves in, it’s about to get cosmic.
Baia’s List of Things That Will Definetely Happen in The World of Wrestling This Year
1) Upon discovering that he has and never did have any talent, even in his days as K Kwik, the WWE powers that be will finally see sense and release R Truth.
2) The WWE will sign even more second and third generation superstars and the IWC will promptly piss their pants in excitement, heralding each one of them as a future World Champion. None of them probably ever will be.
3) Kurt Angle will have a halfway decent match with someone and it?ll be hailed as, and I quote an ?OMG EPICZZZ MATCH OF DA YEAR BOIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!111? Even though it will more than likely just revolve around the usual routine of counter chain wrestling and ankle lock attempts.
4) TNA will still be in the same position at the end of the year as they are in now.
5) Prediction 4 will be true because after six months or less of being involved with TNA, both Hogan and Bischoff will have had their fun and will have loaded their pockets with enough dollar to start up their own promotion that will more than likely be twice as successful as TNA within two years.
6) Oh yeah, and Dixie Carter still won?t figure out how the fuck to run a wrestling promotion any time in 2010.
7) Rey Mysterio, Edge and Batista will all suffer injury lay offs of at least three months this year (that’s excluding Edge’s current layoff).
8) Mike Knox’s beard will continue to grow and thus continue to become even more awesome. He won?t however, experience any success in the ring.
9) Jeff Hardy will be caught by Federales at the Mexican border with a belly full of crack filled condoms. TNA will still employ him though.
10) The Hart Dynasty will probably remain rubbish.
11) Chris Jericho will publish and release his own dictionary of insults. ?Troglodyte? being a particular highlight.
12) Carlito will SOMEHOW remain in a job. No, I don?t know how either.
13) Zach Ryder will win the ECW Title and officially rename it the ?Broski World Championship?. He?ll celebrate with Heineken’s and Jaegerbombs.
14) Maryse will be granted her own talk show segment entitled ?The Erection Section?.
15) Chris Masters will pec dance his way to an Intercontinental Title reign.
16) Santino will finally realise his life long dream and become WWE Diva’s Champion.
17) Christian will win Money In The Bank at Wrestlemania.
18) Owen Hart will be inducted into the Hall of Fame.
19) Kane will have a love interest storyline (it’s been a while and they?re always gold).
20) And finally?.. Randy Orton will punt Hornswaggle.
Whaddya think? I?ve got a good feeling about all 20. Should make for an interesting 2010 folks. If you?ve got any predictions of your own feel free to email them me at the usual address firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next time, arrivederci.