QUOTE (or song) OF THE WEEK (for students and teachers of ALL ages!!)
Well we got no choice
All the girls and boys
Maken’ all that noise
‘Cause they found new toys
Well we cant salute ya
Can’t find a flag
If that don’t suit ya
That’s a drag
School’s out for summer,
School’s out forever
School’s been blown to pieces
No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher’s dirty looks (except Mr. V’s to those in detention)
Well we got no class
And we got no principles
We ain’t got no innocence
We can’t even think of a word that rhymes (shame on YOU, Mr. Cooper)
School’s out for summer
School’s out forever
My school’s been blown to pieces
No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher’s dirty looks
Out for summer
Out ’til fall
We might not come back at all
School’s out forever
School’s out for summer
School’s out with fever
School’s out completely
– Alice Cooper
Ok, I don?t have the sound effects of crickets chirping, my loyal students. So, just pretend that you are in my classroom now and hearing these sounds. Well, the reason for this was in my actual teaching job for this school year, yesterday was my final day and summer vacation begins for the school in Western Pennsylvania today. So, Mr. V is here by himself, taking down his classroom rules and setting up the final report cards. Also gone are the smiles on the kids faces everytime I enter the classrooms with the mafia-looking hairstyle, the ?vintage? teacher’s clothing (I NEVER teach without a tie on, poor etiquette), and good bye to the 2008-2009 school year. I look forward to teaching again (whether it be full, part, or substitute positions) next year. Wrestlers love the wrestling business. Well, I love the teaching business. So class, though school ?may? be out according to Alice Cooper’s greatest hit, Mr. V’s WrestleView classroom will be here EVERY WEEK (either I will or a substitute will come in, but don?t expect that to happen). So, only during the course of the summer I will, what Mick Foley calls, ?tweak? my column a bit, just tweak it. Here are the changes for just a short period of time:
1) No classroom rules by Mr. V – Since the school year is over, run wild my students! Stay out of trouble or the Boogeyman will come get you (since he needs work after being released a few months ago).
2) If my students catch something that requires a classroom rule, please e-mail me the rule at firstname.lastname@example.org. Though I will not address any rules, I am sure my students will have a couple.
3) I will respond to all of my e-mails this week and it will be fun to do. Since I am on a little vacation, time is NOT going to be an issue. Sorry I have not e-mailed some of you, but I will get to the bottom of it. As always, I thank each and everyone of you that give me compliments and, for some, critiquing my column.
So, let’s begin this week’s edition of ?From the Desk of Mr. V?, part 18!!
CLASSROOM RULES (by the students of WrestleView.com, not Mr. V)
51) Never take a picture of you naked as it will always come back to bite u on the butt, right Matt? (By TNA Epics Recapper Chris Kelly)
Student Explanation: Less said the better haha
Mr. V’s Take: This rumor (turned fact) saddens me. I won?t defend something like this, even if it was a wrestler in my top 5 category. Matt Striker was young and stupid. Good thing he was not a teacher when he did this, or you would see his mug shot plastered on the Brooklyn TV Stations. Class, take notice of this rule. Don?t be an Idiot (as Matt Striker would say..ironic, huh?) and take those kinds of pictures. It WILL bite you in years to come. End of discussion.
52) If your tag team titles are truly unified, only have one set of belts. (By Luke, or Bond7)
Student Explanation (in brief): If those belts truly are unified, why the heck (I have to keep it clean since we are in a classroom) are they still walking around with two sets of belts?! Everytime they come to the ring now they look like Mr. T at a fashion show.
Mr. V’s Take: Luke’s e-mail was a bit long, and it was very funny and informative. He does have a point. We know that the Tag Team Division is ranked #3 among the big 3 promotions now (TNA #1 and ROH #2), and having a decent, but not great, tag team in the Colons wrapped around gold belts is quite cumbersome. I like the one set of belts rule. I think it is weird to see two sets of gold for one tag team. If that is ok, than why didn?t Jericho have two belts around his neck like Mr. T back in the day? Because it would look awful! I know I am ranting a bit on this on this. Conclusion: I like the rule and the WWE should have ONE set of tag team titles, since in my opinion there are no other tag teams in the WWE that deserve a tag team championship (other than Haas and Shelton).
HEADLINES THAT CAUGHT MR. V?S EYE
This will be a summer vacation theme here, since I will not be in the real classrooms. So, I have been reading a lot of wrestling stories and I came up with two that I want to comment on.
We all know that story and I read the other columnists? take on the firing of Mr. Kennedy. So let’s me say this. As with many other writers and insiders, I don?t like this call by the WWE. I think they jumped the gun too early. However, I have mixed feelings about this.
WHY I MAY AGREE: On one hand releasing him may be a good thing, since he was out with various injuries over the course of two years. He was also known to run his mouth a lot (on and off screen). His return to RAW last week was lackluster. Also, remember he was supposed to be Vince McMahon’s son? Well, he ruined a good story line and Vince had to deal the comedy card and make that Hornswoggle (who actually resides in Wisconsin, just like Kennedy). I really enjoyed the work of Kennedy, but in-ring was few and far between. In a way, I understand the decision, which leads me to
WHY I ACTUALLY DISAGREED: Wrestlers botch moves all the time. Some of the best matches in recent memory had a couple botches every now and then (example: Undertaker almost broke his neck at WM 25). There are at least a bit of wrestlers that have no potential, yet still have a job working for Vince. Batista botches moves, and he is headlining the next WWE PPV. I would have had Kennedy wrestle his way back in shape, have him wrestle a jobber or two until he was ready to face the top tier talents on Monday Night Raw. To just judge him on one match (a 10-man tag at that) is pretty ridiculous. As for Orton tipping Kennedy off and wanting him out? I say if that is true, Orton should have just been cool about it. In a way, he was and did not cause a backstage fight. However, mistakes happen and Kennedy did not intend on dropping him on his once-injured collarbone. There had to be some other motive for his release, but I still thought it was wrong to release a guy after just one match. Heck, they gave Braden Walker more opportunities.
FUTURE FOR KENNEDY: If the WWE does not re-hire him, I see him being a HUGE player in TNA. He will be more to TNA than standing at the entrance and pointing at someone. If he stays healthy, he may have a good seven years left on the body. Until then, I see him signing somewhere else once his No-Compete Clause expires. Once it does, TNA would be fools not to sign him. He is under 40 years old, has decent in-ring ability, and his voice is golden. He could be a champion for TNA that already has name recognition and will not be a joke (example: Mick Foley). TNA, make it happen!!
PETA vs. Dragon Gate, this time it is personal!
I have not followed up a whole lot on this, but according to a few radio shows I listen to, a wrestler or wrestlers would assault a monkey in their residence. What made matters worse is that they posted video clips and blogs about how they did it. I may not have my facts straight on this, but the inhumane things they did to this monkey were choking it until it passed out, beaten with a stick, and throwing boiling water on this animal. Dragon Gate is quickly trying to cover this up, but not before some wrestling fans saved the clips of the assault and sent it to PETA. Well, PETA now sent letters to the President of Dragon Gate to punish the wrestler mainly involved and to the Police to futher investigate.
MR. V’s Rant: I am in no way affiliated with PETA (I eat meat..always have..always will). However, as a man that has had pets in his life I find this story sick. How can one torture an animal and laugh about it? I seen a couple of these clips, and I just could not take it. In my opinion, anyone that purposely intends on hurting an animal should be locked up and destroyed by living creatures. I hear that Dragon Gate wants to start wrestling in the States. If this story goes on TV networks (believe me it will because the media does not like professional wrestling) pick up this story, it is over before it starts. Though some fans will come out and support it, I for one can?t do it. Even though the wrestling is decent, I just can?t find it in my heart to watch their organization and think of the torture. I almost gave up watching the WWE in the summer of 2007 after the C.B. incident (I won?t even state the name, you know who it is). Anyways class, please don?t torture the animals or you will find yourselves in ETERNAL DETENTION!!
Beth Phoenix’s sudden burial by WWE
Nation of Violence
The Quest on ?Who is Suicide??
WWE Programming (see TV Wars)
Michael Cole’s giggles
The following wrestlers and other things that received a DETENTION
Samoa Joe – To go along with your terrible gimmick (not your fault) and your weight gain (might be your fault), now you injured yourself and might be out for a bit. Here’s hoping for a full recovery and maybe a thirty pound weight loss.
Michael Clark Duncan – Only this week for being all decked out in John Cena merchandise. I thought you were better than that.
That Guy #1 – For screaming ?Take Your Shirt Off? to Tiffany, GM of ECW. I thought fans had more class than that.
Mike Tenay – For plugging Spike TV programming while there was a main event in the ring!
That Guy #2 – To that guy on Smackdown for using a Lakers mini-megaphone chanting ?Let’s Go Hardy!? Embarrassing?.
Matt Striker – It hurts me to place you in detention, but Mr. V can not tolerate just off-camera actions.
Batista’s Stretch-marked arms – Did you see those scary things when he hugged Ric Flair last Monday?
Ryo-Ma – The Dragon Gate wrestler accused of assaulting a monkey. If the allegations are accurate, expect eternal detention.
WWE – I think you deserve it for releasing Kennedy and not other so-called talents.
Randy Orton – for using political powers to fire someone and for whiffing on Ric Flair’s skull.
The worst detention of all?ETERNAL DETENTION
Linda and Brooke Hogan – Sorry, your 15 minutes of fame are over.
Enos Stanley Kronke – For rejecting and screwing the WWE fans in you town in order to see your Denver Nuggets eliminated in six games. Double Whammy, huh?
Reid Flair – If you read my column, I don?t need to explain this anymore.
Hulk Hogan – See above.
Vickie Guerrero – Just because I want to.
Advertising department for Burger King and Quizno’s – Your food must be terrible or overpriced if your campaigns are focusing on a fake king and a talking oven that for some reason loves this Scott guy.
ETS and Praxis Series – Only because I think they are a cash-making scheme and screwing potential teachers hundreds of dollars a month. Shame, SHAME on you.
MISTER V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF MAY 23 – MAY 29, 2009
I am going to try and keep this portion short and to the point. I know this column can get wordy, and I am going to try and cut it down a bit. While I tallied up the grades on each match, I realized that I had a tough time picking a top three yet again. No matches were really jaw-dropping, but I still had eight matches that received a B, and only one with a B+. The wrestling was there for most of the shows and here is my top three for this past week.
Distinguished Honors – Kenny Omega vs. Jay Briscoe vs. Kenny King, ROH on HDNet, May 23
This match was top-notch throughout. In a wrestling show, you want to have a solid opening match to catch the viewers? attention. This match was the best opener I have seen in the past couple months. Briscoe showed great presence in the ring, being able to hit his spots well despite being busted open towards the end of the match. Kenny King continues to prove the WWE wrong in not making him a winner in Tough Enough by his improving in-ring skills. His spots during the contest, and his taunting made this real entertaining. Kenny Omega really stole this one for me and I was happy to see the guy win the match. I was not too familiar with him before David Stephens (cheap plug) added him to his fantasy wrestling game, but now I try to catch any match that he participated. He was clearly the one that I enjoyed the most and overall, he took the bumps and delivered the spots better than the other three on that night. Kudos to the three of you!
High Honors – Hart Legacy/Jack Swagger vs. Tommy Dreamer and Christian, ECW, May 26
This was one of the best handicap matches of the year. I am so happy to see DH Smith in the ring, as it seemed like he was improving greatly after his disappointing debut over a year ago. He is the spitting image of his father and keep in mind, he is only in his early-20s. He has room to improve a bit, but on May 26 he was pretty good in the ring. Tyson Kidd did not really get much work in, and that worried me a bit. Here is a man that is being compared to Bret Hart (I agree with that) and he was only in the ring for a couple minutes? That knocked this match down just a bit. Swagger needed to look strong and he did. Since he is the only ECW heel to be in the main event, he had to be put over to make the fans think that he has a shot at becoming a 2-time ECW Champion. With his accurate suplexes and his amazing finisher, he put on a good show and the title match at Extreme Rules will be fun to watch. Christian stole the show with his ability to take bumps and deliver the goods as well. What worries me about Captain Charisma is that his moves are starting to be repetitive. I know there are more moves that he can use and he must use them soon or his matches are going to be predictable. If this is one of Tommy Dreamer’s last matches in ECW, it was a good one. He used his same offensive tactics throughout the match, but he still made sure that each one had impact. That was a good thing to see. Overall, it was a good, back and forth fight that worked well as the main event for ECW.
Honors – John Cena vs. Ted DiBiase, Jr., WWE Superstars, May 28
This was a very tough pick here, as there was a tag match in ROH and the main event in TNA to consider. I usually give the nod to singles? matches because they have to perform the entire contest, not just part of the time. John Cena did his usual work and took his usual falls. He did not dominate the match, however he was able to score the victory via STFU (I am still calling it that, no matter what) after a quick final attack. I am going on record as saying Ted DiBiase is going to break out of Legacy sooner than later. The way he was able to handle a top superstar was amazing. While his tag partner Cody Rhodes still needs a couple years to be a household name, Ted DiBiase has destroyed the learning curve, he is better than any first or second-year superstar today. If Ted keeps up this momentum (barring other interests and injuries), he will be a household name in the WWE sooner rather than later. When Cena was asked which wrestler he thinks he will wrestle at WrestleMania 30, he said Ted DiBiase. I am listening, because it may happen in three years, not five.
Honorable Mention goes to: Delirious/Necro Butcher vs. Jimmy Jacobs/Brodie Lee on 5/23, Matt Hardy vs. Regal vs. Kofi on 5/25, Cena/Batista/Lawler/Kennedy/MVP vs. Orton/Cody/Ted Jr./Miz/Big Show on 5/25, Mark Henry vs. Evan Bourne on 5/26, Haas/Benjamin vs. Primo/Carlito on 5/28, AJ Styles vs. Daniels on 5/28, Umaga vs. John Morrison on 5/29, Cryme Tyme vs. Haas/Benjamin on 5/29, and Edge/Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy on 5/29
WORST MATCH OF THE WEEK – Layla vs. Eve Torres, Friday Night Smackdown, May 29
For the most part, I enjoyed Smackdown. However, after a dance-off, an arm wrestling match, and a make-up room cat fight, we get this debacle. The match was overall sloppy and really slow. The only thing that was entertaining in this match was Todd and JR’s commentary and Todd mentioning he was a Slammy Award Winner. JR is sarcastically jealous of that comment. See? I just changed the subject. That explains why no one was real into this match, and both divas need to really worry about their futures in the company, especially Layla.
Dishonorable Mention goes to: Dark City Fight Club vs. Irish Airborne on 5/23, Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse on 5/25, Santino/Mickie vs. Chavo/Beth on 5/25, Goldust/Hornswoggle vs. Kendrick/Festus on 5/25, Angelina Love vs. Sojo Bolt on 5/28, Eric Young vs. Jeff Jarrett on 5/28, and R-Truth/Khali vs. Ziggler/Knox on 5/29
WEEKLY TV WARS
It was an interesting week of wrestling. WWE was building up for Extreme Rules and ripping on the Denver Nuggets at times. TNA is starting their work for Slammiversary. Ring of Honor is still trying to get a good blend of segments and wrestling. Though I think all three promotions did a nice job, WWE was missing something. Maybe I am selfish, maybe I am stupid. But I was expecting WWE to get a point, and for the first time since I started the TV Wars, it was tough to give them even one.
Let’s start with ECW. They had a good segment with the title contenders, but their wrestling was alright. They did have their moments, but at times it lacked a little bit. If not for the main event, then the show would not have been too good overall. WWE SUPERSTARS had no storyline segments, but they did have some pretty good wrestling matches, particularly the Cena/DiBiase match. That show did not get a point because there were no segments other than Adelius Way’s promo for the theme song, which was actually good. MONDAY NIGHT RAW seemed really strong in the segments. The opening segment was pretty good and the storyline are hitting their strides. However, the wrestling in the majority of the card were horrendous and not entertaining. I took off points for that. The WrestleView students saved one show in the WWE, and that was FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN. I enjoyed most of the wrestling card, but the Layla/Eve match really hurt the overall grade. The segments were very strong and enjoyable. However, since I weigh more on wrestling content, Smackdown just missed being in the top two shows for the week.
With that said, it was a tough call for top show this week; TNA IMPACT was a really good show. It had a great segment in which Sting fired a few people out of the faction and also had some good minor feuds, particularly EY/Jeff. The main event was great, but too short. The debut of Victoria was nice to watch. As a big Victoria fan for years, I am happy that there is someone like her to possibly eliminate the Beautiful People. Raven and Shane Douglas also returned this past week. Raven’s was strong and I liked the promo he cut after destroying Abyss. Shane Douglas will always be my favorite wrestlers for bringing some shows around my area (ECW and Hardcore Homecoming) and you would think I would mark out his return. Well, I did! But, I will admit I was just slightly disappointed. I wonder what his health is like now and I wish him well. If TNA emphasized a bit more on the wrestling, they would have been the top show.
For the first time, ROH ON HDNET is the winner of this week’s TV wars. I know they only get a very, VERY small audience. Students, please go to ROHBrazil’s account on YouTube and check out the 5/23 edition of ROH. As a matter of fact, I checked out the 5/30 edition just before I started this column and it is better! Other than the squash on 5/23’s card, the show was great! I thought the tag team feud involving Steen, El Generico, and the American Wolves was the best promo so far for ROH, and I am including those sad Ric Flair appearances (Flair showed no emotion and admitted to never watching the product before he signed on, so DON?T debate me over Flair’s lack of interest). The show had a nice feel to it, a nice combination of quality wrestling with a good segment or two for storylines. A great showing for Ring of Honor, and I have a feeling that they will score more points in the future.
First Place: ROH on HDnet (2 points)
Runner-Up: TNA Impact! (1 point)
Students? Choice: Friday Night Smackdown (1 point)
**Once again students, this is your column as well! E-mail me your pick for show of the week by e-mailing me at email@example.com. Thank you**
OVERALL STANDINGS (As of 5/29/2009)
1) Friday Night Smackdown…..31 Points
2) Monday Night RAW……25 Points
3) ECW…..11 Points
4) TNA Impact…..8 Points
5) ROH on HDNet…..4 Points
6) WWE Superstars…..0 Points
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD
**Overall 2009 Grade are in Parentheses**
Michael Cole – C (C)
Now he got ?vintage? mostly out of his vocabulary, he now has a new word. The word is ?viper?. Other than that, he was good, but not great again. His highlight was calling the main event and he needs to improve on his delivery involving lesser known talents.
Jerry Lawler – Inc. (B-)
I know he called one match on WWE Superstar. But since that was the only match he called, I decided not to give him a grade this week. He was involved in the 10-man tag team main event, so that was his focal point this week.
Josh Mathews – D (B)
Man, he tanked this week. It was only the first time that I seen him not give us his best, and that is a sad thing. Matt Striker really had to carry him in calling the match, as it seemed like he was lost throughout the night. Let’s hope he ends the bad spell next week.
Matt Striker – B- (A)
This may be his worst grade as well since he started doing commentary. He was hilarious and entertaining, but there was a lot missing in his delivery and overall quality that you expect from Striker. I think he was mostly worried about plugging all the wrestler than call the action at times, hence the B- grade.
Todd Grisham – C+ (B)
Grisham was very good at times, but he was terrible at times too. It just seemed like he was trying too hard to impress Jim Ross than the audience. He has a tough time calling the Divas matches, but was decent in the matches not involving Divas this week.
Jim Ross – A (B)
I am going to give JR the benefit of the doubt here. He had to do commentary for both two hour shows AND a match on WWE Superstars! This guy did not have a break and he also did not call or analyze a bad match. He was clear, concise, and had a great knowledge dealing with each superstar. So far, I would say this was the best week for Good Ol? JR!
Mike Tenay – C+ (C)
Tenay has a trend, and I don?t think it is his fault. Students, I want you do listen very carefully to him as he does commentary. He is terrible in the beginning of the contest (plugging storylines and Spike programming) and is excellent towards the final few minutes (calls everything and how fast their heart is beating). He is a great commentator, but I think TNA should quit shoving scripts down his throat and let him commentate.
Don West – C- (F)
Don West did a good job at keeping the viewer entertained, but he rarely called what was seen in the ring. Plus, how many times has he used the following phrases:
– You gotta give him credit..
– I gotta tell ya.
I should have failed him this week for the 28 times he used them, but since I see that he is improving, I opted to be the better man and give him the C-.
Mike Hogewood – C (D+)
A very good performance for Hogewood this past week. He provided us with better commentary as of late and his improvement is paying off. He, again, needs to keep his emotions and humor in check. He gives us one funny line, then the next thing you just want to slap him. Also, get a new catchphrase. I am sure my students can help you on that (Homework assignment in the future?)
Dave Prazak – A (B+)
He is good, plain and simple. He was able to provide us with knowledge of each wrestler and was collected and calm. He picked his sides well and did not come off as arrogant or a know-it-all. If any of my ROH fans meet him, tell him that Mr. V is giving him high marks on him commentary. Then he will probably say ?Who is Mr. V??.
MISTER V?S GOLD STAR SEGMENT! (Sponsored by: A1 Steak Sauce, Yeah! It’s That Good!)
Speaking of good, gold stars go out to the following:
WrestleView columnists – I really thank you for keeping me entertained with your thought-provoking columns. I hope you all can do Predictions from the Faculty this weekend.
To all the e-mailing readers – My thanks go out to all of you. Now that I can have some R&R, expect the e-mails to flow rapidly. Thanks to all who have not cursed me out (haha).
Detroit Red Wings – What? You don?t think I give teams outside of Pittsburgh props? The series is not over yet, so a gold star goes to?
Pittsburgh Penguins – Way to fight back and make it a series. Now let’s do it again!
To the wrestlers that made the Honor Roll – A round of applause to all of you!
TNA – for doing everything right last week.
ROH – for the best show of the week for the first time.
To all those who completed Mr. V’s homework assignment – Much thanks, but I am going to save it now for another date. There was not enough interest.
Joe Baiamonte – Our leader on Predictions From the Faculty! How long with your 2nd reign by, Dean Baia?
To a couple of the schools I was a sub at – This goes out to St. Titus in Aliquippa, PA and Mount Gallitzin in Baden, PA. These two school are closing due to financial issues. Combined, the provided a solid education to students for over 200 years! (Mt. Gallitzin for 140 years and St. Titus for 86 years). To the students, best of luck in all you do and I pray that you have an amazing future. To the faculties of the school, thank you for treating me with the respect that I hope I deserved. I will miss both schools greatly.
Mrs. Deelo – Have a great retirement and thank you for your kindness since I worked at Sts. Peter and Paul. I am sure that everyone will miss you and good luck in your new chapter in life.
(Those last two shoutouts I know that they read it, they read it sometimes during in-school recess, even though they are not wrestling fans)
Last week’s assignment did not garner as much votes as I wanted it to be, so I will use that questions at another time. But, since I had a few students ask for more homework (funny, eh?), I come up with a new assignment that I think everyone will enjoy.
MISTER KENNEDY?..KENNEDY’s release from the WWE was shocking and, for most readers, disappointing. Some say that it was Randy Orton who talked about his botch and it may had led to Kennedy’s termination. That led me to think that this will be a perfect time to assign this particular homework assignment, so here it is:
1) Pretend that you are a champion in WWE, TNA, or ROH. If there are four wrestlers you would like to release, who would they be and why would you want to release them?
Students, Columnists, and even Hunter Golden is allowed to work on this (if he has time, I know he has a busy schedule now). Students who complete this homework will receive a gold star in next week’s column and the results will be posted either June 10th or June 17th. Due by: June 10, 2009 Assigned by: AJV
I hope you enjoy this week’s assignment. Since most of us have a little more free time, I think this week will go real well.
Also, keep in mind that Extreme Rules is coming up this weekend on PPV. We will be doing another Predictions From the Faculty article and will be posted on WrestleView this weekend. If you want to provide the picks early, you may do so by e-mail. Thank You.
So, that wraps us another column from my desk. Students, have a great summer and stay out of harm’s way. Also, spend some time reading or solving puzzle, you don?t want your brains to be mush and devoured by the Hulu aliens. Anyways, if you liked the column or hated the column. If you want a rule to be addressed, have an idea for the column, or have a simple educational question you can e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. E-mails will be responded to much quicker, so fire away!! So, until Sunday have a good week. You are DISMISSED!
As my old saying goes without the students, there would be not Mr. V. Thank you very much for reading this week.